The Anonymous Donor

Cheryl:This house feels like a hotel to me.

Larry:That was a guy? I thought it was a girl.

Larry:That's like sex for platonic friends.

Man:You know, they're naming a wing after me.

Loretta:No, he lives here in L.A.

Larry · Loretta:Was he in the hurricane? - No, he lives here in L.A.

Leon:Loretta put her foot in it, turned it around, and kicked you in your own asshole.

Loretta:I'm gonna think about eating it.

Cheryl:Like when a guy... does his business, and he's alone.

Leon:Hey, everybody in the family have them big ones.

Larry:I don't want some guy staying here masturbating all over the place.

Leon:Ajackalit.

Leon:What kind of cum was it, first of all?

Leon:It couldn't have been mine. Know why? 'cause I gets mine, Larry. I brings the ruckus to the ladies.

Leon:What am I doing, jacking off to 'Andy Griffith'? Jacking off to Clara, huh?

Leon:Nobody wanna jack off to no damn Aunt Bea.

Larry:Larry examining the blanket stain closely

Dry Cleaner Worker:I could give a shit if it was Santa Claus. I'm just trying to get it off.

Dry Cleaner · Larry:You look very cute when you're all blushy. - You think I'm gonna tell? I'm your friend. - I didn't do it.

Larry:That's Joe Pepitone's jersey. I've had that jersey since I was a kid. Number 25.

Dry Cleaner Worker:That's just the unwritten law of dry cleaning. Everyone knows that.

Dry Cleaner Worker:I'll have your semen-covered blanket ready on Wednesday.

Jeff · Larry:Hey hey, I did it. - Come on, no big deal. - You did it? - Yeah, did it, yep, me.

Jeff:It was Passover at your house. I was drinking a little bit, had some manischewitz, you know? Feeling good, and I was away from the table. I got an erection. I took care of it before I came back.

Jeff:I didn't want to come back to the table with an erection at Passover.

Jeff:It's not like Yom Kippur. I would never do it on the High Holidays.

Jeff:They were doing the four questions and I love the four questions.

Larry:Come to my house and do it. What do I give a shit? Come on over and whack off. Have a good time.

Larry:Why are you and Ted always kind of hitting each other all the time? All this playful hitting?

Larry:Now it looks like just looks like I did mine for the credit As opposed to, you know, Mr. Wonderful 'Anonymous.'

Larry:You can't have it halfway. You're either anonymous or you're not.

Larry:It's fake philanthropy, and it's faux anonymity.

Larry:It's fake philanthropy, and it's faux anonymity.

Larry:Well, what happens is sometimes they'll give your item to someone else and then that person owns it and walks around in it, and you have no recourse.

Senator Boxer:Those are somebody else's pants? Well, they're mine now.

Larry:You're part of the problem, senator.

Senator Boxer:You know, too many people don't do things out of the goodness-- they want the credit.

Larry · Ted:You know, you're full of shit. / You're a fucking asshole.

Larry:So you know not one person, not one thanked me for the donation.

Larry:I know who the masturbator was. Jeff.

Loretta:I'd rather have the masturbator in the house than the gossiper.

Larry:Hey, Cheryl, guess who jerked off on our blanket? It was Jeff. Isn't that hilarious?

Jeff:Ted Danson? Yeah, her girlfriend Ted!

Jeff:What a little yenta!

Susie:You have wrought your semen outside our home, Jeff!

Susie:You masturbate in this house and this house alone! Maybe a hotel.

Susie:You are banned from my house. Get the fuck out! If he's banned, you're banned!

Leon:Where I come from, you see somebody in a sheet, Ghost is not the first thing you think about. You think about K.K.K.

Leon:That's some fucked-up shit right there, man.

Leon:Joe Pepitone up in this motherfucker.

Larry:It was a playful tap!

Larry:Oh my God! There's another Joe Pepitone jersey!

Merle:But that's the law of the dry cleaners. You know, you win some, you lose some.

Merle:I'm on the board at the NRDC and your name's coming off that wall.

Susie:You choked it on Sammy's teddy bear as some kind of revenge masturbatory payback!

Larry:Oh, I know who Anonymous is. It's Ted Danson. He told me, but he told me not to tell anybody.

Kathy:People should know you're anonymous.

Larry:I'm Anonymous! Larry David is Anonymous!