Cheryl David

Larry · Cheryl:It's just material. -Yeah, I know. -But really, look at these pants. -I've seen pants bunch up-- I have never seen a bunch-up like this in my life. -This is like a five-inch bunch-up I got here.

Larry · Cheryl:Is it a bad thing? Maybe it's not such a bad thing. 'Cause you want people to think you constantly have an erection?

Larry · Cheryl:I got a tent. -It's a big one.

Larry · Cheryl:What do I do on Monday nights? I don't know, what? You take a bath? -Yoga.

Cheryl · Larry:You don't ask somebody to go to the movies when you have a date. -He's going to the same movie at the same time. -He has a date! -So what?

Larry · Cheryl:Like it was awkward. -There was a little twinkle.

Cheryl:She was rubbing your arm? Why were you rubbing his arm? Why didn't you tell me that she was rubbing your arm?

Larry · Cheryl:Why couldn't you be friends with her? Because she's a woman.

Cheryl · Larry:That's bizarre, don't you think? Why? I've never been able to get you to go shopping before.

Cheryl:I can't believe you're even acting like you don't know why we're not invited.

Cheryl:I can't believe you're even acting like you don't know why we're not invited.

Cheryl · Larry:He might have to have bypass surgery. - Really? Can you believe that? - No.

Larry · Cheryl:He used to be a porno actor like 15 years ago. No, I don't wanna go to a porn party.

Cheryl · Larry:Then why did you get it? I don't know. I wanted to get everything. I wanted to have all the loaded things.

Cheryl · Larry:When were you gonna learn? I don't know. I thought somebody would teach me.

Cheryl · Larry:Did he tell you this was a dinner party, Larry? No, he said 'party.' I wouldn't go to a dinner party.

Larry · Cheryl:What's the level of anger here? What am I dealing with? I'd say... at least an 8.7.

Cheryl · Larry:Then you broke that lamp... and that crazy woman screamed at you, and it got you some pity points. Pity points? Fabulous! I love pity points.

Cheryl · Larry:Is that a barn? Think it was too small for a barn. It looked more like a stable.

Larry · Cheryl:The prostitutes don't mind it. / They give you a discount? / They do, they get off on it.

Larry · Cheryl:How's your cousin, Griffin? / Griffin is my nephew.

Cheryl:And you know what? l passed by that jewelry store on 23rd... and l think, l really do want that bracelet.

Cheryl · Larry:So, l don't want the bracelet because we made up? / That doesn't make sense. / l know it doesn't, it was stupid.

Larry · Jeff · Cheryl:I sponsored a kid from the inner city to go to summer camp. You sponsored an inner-city kid? An underprivileged kid. You're kidding. No. I'm completely nonplussed. Is that the right word?

Cheryl:You do one nice thing. I assume it's the first nice thing you've ever done.

Cheryl:One phone call, one small favor to make this house completely perfect.

Larry · Cheryl:10:00 is the cut-off time. You don't call people after 10:00. No, the cut-off time is 10:30. They have kids. You don't call after 10:00. No, 10:30.

Cheryl:How'd that work out for you?

Cheryl · Larry:I guess Julia will have to come back over. You'll have to arrange another meeting. Are you out of your mind now? Get Julia back over there? You think I'm gonna ask her again to do this?

Larry · Cheryl:Johnny Carson used to say that. Fun stuff! He's really good at impersonations. What, do you have to be sarcastic? I could barely tell who you were doing!

Larry · Cheryl:What is this compulsion to have people over your house and serve them food and talk to them? It's fun, it's a gathering, a party. What a strange thing.

Cheryl:People from Brooklyn don't walk around like that. We are in California now. You've gotta try a different way.

Larry · Cheryl:Blow job in the car. A blow job in the car. How about a side bet? Depends on where we're going.

Larry · Cheryl:The next time you do one of these things, I want some Jews in the house. Okay, I'll make a note of that. I want some Cohens, some Bernsteins, some Goldsteins, a Schwartz, okay?

Larry · Cheryl:What about the guy who took my seat? What was that about? Yeah, why didn't you say something? He pushed me away because you said, 'Sit anywhere you want.'

Larry · Cheryl:How do you do that, again? 'The Father, Son, Holy Spirit.' What are you touching here? Your belly button? Some people go farther down, but most go to the chest.

Larry · Cheryl:And guess what? What? Somebody lost a little bet tonight. Somebody owes somebody...

Larry · Cheryl:Can we please go back to Colgate? Why? I just don't like... There's no taste to that Indian thing.

Larry · Cheryl:Where's all the food from last night? Where are the leftovers? I don't know. Did you tell the caterer to take things home?

Larry · Cheryl:This is stealing. I know it is. I mean, this is ridiculous. She didn't even ask anybody? I'm calling... This is very unprofessional, if you ask me. It's completely unprofessional.

Cheryl:We will cancel the check if we don't get the food back.

Cheryl:Well... somebody lost a bet.

Mother · Cheryl · Mother:It's not gonna be funny, is it? / Mom, please. / That's what he does.

Cheryl · Larry:He broke up with her last night and.... Isn't that awful, Larry? -What kind of timing.... It's unbelievable.

Cheryl · Larry:If your aunt died, I would be right by your side to support you. / If my aunt killed herself, I'd encourage you to leave the house.

Cheryl:Why would you even make a joke about that? Why even joke about it?

Larry · Cheryl:Men do this, right? I've seen men do it. Haven't we seen this? I've seen men do it in movies.

Larry · Cheryl:The prescription/money mix-up revelation

Larry · Cheryl:Dumpster diving for the prescription

Larry · Cheryl:You could scratch yourself to death! I feel like I could scratch myself to death... if it goes untreated.

Larry · Cheryl:You know what l was gargling there? Was it Yankee Doodle Dandy? Yes. That was a good one.

Larry · Cheryl:Long awkward silence after Cheryl asks why she always initiates sex

Cheryl:Cheryl's extended speechlessness at the opportunity

Larry · Cheryl:Johnny Goldberg. Johnny Walker?

Cheryl:Cheryl's surprise at Larry's gambling problem

Larry · Cheryl:Larry and Cheryl realizing Jeff was in the accident

Cheryl · Larry:Have you even moved since I left this morning? Yes, of course, what are you talking about? I got up to tip room service.

Larry · Cheryl:Come on, that's funny. No, it's not funny. It might have been funny a week ago, but enough is enough.

Cheryl:Every time I walk in, you're just sitting here... with your chips and your cookies and watching... Maury.

Cheryl · Larry:When do you use the wake-up calls? You never leave. Naps.

Larry · Cheryl:What's a house sound? You know, noises that a house makes? Houses make noises?

Larry · Cheryl:I got fired. You did? I got the boot! Why'd you get fired? I got 86ed.

Cheryl:Are you thinking about sex?

Cheryl:Whenever you're quiet, you're usually thinking about sex.

Cheryl:Why did you tell Wanda she has a big ass?

Larry · Cheryl:I like big asses, there's no problem... You like big asses?

Cheryl:Oh, my God.

Larry · Cheryl:The discovery of only three shrimp in the kung pao container

Larry · Cheryl:'Did he take the shrimp?' 'I'll bet he took the shrimp.'

Larry · Cheryl:'I can't believe that guy called me a misogynist.' 'Nobody ever called me that before.' 'Maybe you are.'

Larry · Cheryl:Larry playfully hitting Cheryl in the car

Larry · Cheryl:The dinner-to-dessert venue argument recreating the opening scene

Larry · Cheryl:A radio? Is there a ballgame I can listen to or anything? Then you're defeating the purpose, aren't you?

Larry · Cheryl:Why didn't you wear it? You got yours on? Of course. I thought I'd be uncomfortable. You're going to the beach. I didn't want to drive an hour and a half with a bathing suit on.

Larry · Cheryl:Holy shit. What? I think I just saw my therapist. You see a guy in a striped bathing suit? Skimpy, skimpy suit, you see that? Yeah, I see him. Yeah, that's my therapist.

Larry · Cheryl:I can't talk to him in that bathing suit. It is pretty small.

Larry · Cheryl:I've got to stay like this now, for the rest of the day? I guess that's up to you. Kiss that therapist goodbye.

Larry · Cheryl:Like Richard Simmons? Richard Simmons has a thong up his ass? Did you ever see him do that shit? No. Holy shit.

Larry · Cheryl:So? He's on to us. He knows about the whole thong thing. He knows about the thong thing. He's on to us? He's on to me.

Cheryl · Larry:Are those from your mistress and you haven't told me? Yeah, I wish.

Cheryl:Did you give him a $5,000 tip?

Larry · Cheryl:They're not jeans, they're corduroy pants. That's the same thing.

Cheryl:Larry had to change his outfit and it was just a tremendous amount of time. He had to eat, you know, have a big dinner for two hours.

C.D. Weiner · Cheryl:I don't know how that schlep ever married you. Me neither.

Larry · Cheryl:My neck. Let go of him!

Larry · Cheryl:I think we might be due for some sex tonight. You think? I do, yeah. Did you pencil that in and didn't tell me?

Larry David · Cheryl:She's talking to Anne Michaelson, Lane Michaelson's wife. -That's who she's talking to. -That's Lane Michaelson's wife?

Larry · Cheryl:Cold! Chest freeze! Put your tongue to the top of your.... No, your tongue to the roof of your mouth.

Larry · Cheryl:Like, imagine the worst moment a person can walk in on somebody. I got it. You think you're alone, and you're in the bathroom.

Larry · Cheryl:Divorce? Is it a divorce? Yeah, it's a divorce. So start packing up 'cause you're moving out.

Cheryl:I wish you wouldn't talk anymore tonight. I wish you wouldn't say one more thing to me.

Larry · Cheryl:It's an olfactory nightmare in that men's room. Is anybody in here? Coast is clear. Great, 2 minutes.

Cheryl · Larry:What was all that goodbye business? That was really embarrassing. I wanted to remind you to say goodbye.

Larry · Cheryl:I just kept putting money down. Why didn't they stop me? Because they didn't stop me.

Cheryl · Larry:Honey, please don't yell at my parents like that. I wasn't yelling, I was helping.

Cheryl · Larry:They said you tripped Shaquille O'Neal, now he'll be out for two months. You mean I tripped him? They said Larry David?

Cheryl:Don't you say goodbye?

Cheryl · Larry:Just too enthusiastic, and I miss the old Larry. Do you? Yeah.

Larry · Cheryl:Larry wearing the exact same outfit as yesterday and justifying it by saying he didn't feel like going through the decision process

Larry · Cheryl:Cheryl suggesting Larry's maroon jacket should go to the homeless guy at the gas station

Larry · Cheryl:The new answering machine message: 'Hi, we're not in. Please leave a message at the tone. Thank you.'

Larry · Cheryl:Larry's baptism ignorance: 'What is a baptism anyway?' 'I have no idea. Something to do with water?'

Larry · Cheryl:Cheryl's logic: 'Why would somebody steal tickets to Monterey?' Larry: 'Why not? Monterey's a beautiful place.'

Cheryl:Cheryl's sarcastic observation: 'Yeah, parking is hard to find at the airport. That's something new, Larry.'

Cheryl · Christian family:Cheryl's final line: 'We don't need you.' and Christian response: 'Everything's a big problem with you people!'

Cheryl · Jeff:No. Really? Surprise, surprise. That shocks me.

Cheryl:Who's gonna pay to hear a bunch of bad shit? Nobody want to hear that.

Cheryl:No means no!

Cheryl:She said that you're having an affair with a woman with long, red hair and a tattoo of a star.

Cheryl:That's true. I don't know, you won't be good at it.

Cheryl:That's his night? That's why he gets paid, he sits there and waits. It's not a bad job.

Cheryl:How many times are we gonna talk about Greg?

Larry · Cheryl:'You ask her about the picture frame? No. How can I?' followed by awkward silence

Larry · Cheryl:'Cause you can't get sweet potatoes anywhere. Have you noticed that? - Everybody's noticed that.

Cheryl:'If you just would've done the Tin Man, none of this would've happened.'

Cheryl:If you just would've done the Tin Man, none of this would've happened.

Larry · Cheryl:Scrabble? / I said it and kind of got in the mood. / Let's get it. / Really? You want to play? / I'm all over it. Let's go.

Cheryl:You can't do that because the brownie will fall apart. It's gotta be in the mix when you make the brownie.

Larry · Cheryl:Larry declaring he'll get a 'heterosexual single woman' to play golf with

Larry · Cheryl:Larry insisting all men want to sleep with their female friends

Melanie · Ed · Larry · Cheryl:Melanie and Ed acting like they don't know Larry and Cheryl

Larry · Cheryl:Larry and Cheryl realizing they never bought a wedding gift after over a year

Larry · Cheryl:Larry complaining about Cheryl's grunting: 'It sounds like pigs fucking'

Larry · Cheryl:Larry's passionate monologue about finding the perfect sock

Cheryl:Cheryl's response about what she'd say if Larry found perfect socks

Cheryl · Larry:Cheryl mentioning Brad is in 'Tony and Tina's Wedding' she wants to see

Larry · Cheryl:Larry's argument about 'assumed we' vs saying 'I' when making plans

Larry · Cheryl:Larry's 'You are so busted' and negotiating sex for forgiveness

Cheryl · Larry:Cheryl spills cranberry juice just as Larry is about to get lucky

Larry · Cheryl:Larry frantically searching for salt while time is 'of the essence'

Cheryl:Cheryl's 'window of opportunity that has slammed closed'

Larry · Cheryl:Larry complaining about not having a personality in the passenger seat

Brad · Cheryl · Larry:Brad giving Cheryl an Al Green tape with 'You oughta be with me'

Cheryl · Brad:'Larry's in the car' - Cheryl announcing Larry's presence on speakerphone

Cheryl · Larry:It's like a freak show... We got a freak show here.

Cheryl:It seems that one of the guests felt the cabana bathroom was beneath him and made his way into the main house.

Cheryl · Larry:I don't want the nanny from hell in my house. Where did you hear that... 'the blank from hell'?

Cheryl · Larry:My dad has been saying that... Richard Lewis coined that, Cheryl.

Cheryl:Larry, you are so rude.

Cheryl:Yeah, it's our third child.

Cheryl:Larry David... apologize? That's very... unusual, yes, highly unusual, yes.

Cheryl:You should think about how much money you just lost for the NRDC.

Cheryl · Larry:It's hard to take anything you say seriously right now. You just look crazy.

Cheryl:Larry's mother just passed away. And we're going to take some time with that.

Cheryl:It's a corpse-sniffing dog. They got it from the fire department.

Cheryl:It's like having a person there who barks.

Larry · Cheryl:He's like an elephant sticking his head in a pond. Why are you watching this? Ugh... this routine. Stop it. Um-um. No, I'm sorry, no.

Cheryl · Larry:Larry only likes him because he's bald. That is so... No, that's true. What makes you say that, Cheryl? He told me. He goes, 'I found this guy, he's great. He's bald.'

Larry · Cheryl:Loving you is my job. I earned the money. It's just a fact.

Cheryl:Why'd you bring the dog back?

Larry · Cheryl:Larry stepping on packing bubbles at a social event instead of mingling

Larry · Cheryl:He's getting allergy shots now... And everything's fine?

Larry · Cheryl:Everybody knows? ... That's not how he presented it to me.

Cheryl:What is up with the bubbles?! ... I'm tired of listening to these things pop all over.

Cheryl · Larry:Cheryl threw away the movie jacket 'because it had a hole in it'

Larry · Cheryl:Larry's elaborate explanation about widow's faces when couples dance

Cheryl · Larry:Yeah, a 'David promise' is worthless. It's really no good? It doesn't mean anything.

Cheryl:What happened to the cookies? The cookies from last night?

Cheryl:You ate the baby Jesus and his mother Mary.

Cheryl:Why would we have a zoo on Christmas Day?!

Cheryl:I don't know about that.

Cheryl:Look at your car. Why is your car always so filthy?

Cheryl:Listen to how low my voice is today. / Oh, hey... down, down, down-nn.

Larry · Cheryl:Car wash entrapment sequence

Cheryl:I got to go. I got to go! I got to go!

Larry · Cheryl:Why is he cursing in English? 'Mutherfuck-erre.' / Where did he get that from? / 'Cocksuck-erre.'

Larry · Cheryl:What's the sauce with the fish? / There was no fish. / Was fish the second thing?

Larry · Cheryl:I'll just have the first thing. / Okay, and I'll have the second thing.

Larry · Cheryl:You got it. / Are you serious? / Nothing big, small.

Cheryl:How about if we get married now... like, right now... for our 10-year anniversary, you can have sex with someone else?

Larry · Cheryl:What?! If that's your hold up here, then let's just do that.

Larry · Cheryl:Oh, right! / Right. / I can't believe you remember that.

Larry · Cheryl:Even if I wanted to, you don't think I'm capable of it. / No, I don't think you're capable of it. I really don't.

Cheryl · Larry:Listen, why don't we go home and I'll... I'll make it worth your while. / I kind of wanna go to karaoke.

Cheryl · Larry:Why didn't you shake his hand? He put his hand out for you. / He sneezed all over his hand. But he just sneezed on it. / How rude is that? / He didn't notice anything.

Cheryl · Larry:Cheryl's reaction to Larry touching Kim's breasts: 'Happy anniversary. Because that was your 10th anniversary gift right there.'

Cheryl · Larry:Cheryl calling the breast touching Larry's '10th anniversary gift'

Larry · Cheryl:Larry's titmouse/mouse confusion leading to Cheryl's 'You are obsessed with tits' accusation

Larry · Cheryl:Larry calling a bird a 'titmouse' and Cheryl's reaction about his tit obsession

Larry · Cheryl:Larry's defense about the telephone game: 'The kid said, "I love tits." That's what he said to me.'

Larry · Cheryl:Larry's telephone game defense escalation

Cheryl · Larry:You know what? Maybe while you're out, you could get it washed. It looks pretty clean, by the way. Do you mind? But it's totally clean.

Cheryl · Larry:You guys are a lot alike. Yeah, except he's not a magician.

Cheryl:And now for the rest of your life, you sick four-eyed pervert fuck, you're gonna be fantasizing about me in this outfit.

Larry · Cheryl:Larry: 'No matter where I sit at these dinner parties, it always seems like every conversation is more interesting than the one I've having.' Cheryl: 'Right. Except when you're sitting next to me.' Larry: 'No, it still feels that way.'

Larry · Cheryl:Tooth photo reaction: Larry and Cheryl's horrified responses to the dental X-ray photo

Larry · Cheryl:Larry's foot disgust: 'Great, I have to have dinner and look at his disgusting feet all night? They'll be under the table.'

Cheryl · Larry:You're embarrassing me. Stop it, no. - I can't have Pirate's Booty? - No, but you can have a pear.

Larry · Cheryl:Larry examining Health-Glo packages and counting cashews: 'There's only four cashews in here'

Cheryl:'Why did the dog give you an erection?'

Cheryl · Larry:That's pretty high up in the alphabet. I'm just joking around.

Larry · Cheryl:Don't answer it. I don't want to talk to her... I'm not here.

Larry · Cheryl:Get a doll for Betty. It's her baby shower. Well, what about the surrogate? Get her anything?

Cheryl:So you're taking up a hospital bed because you're afraid of some weird guy in traffic?

Cheryl:She's gone into labor. She's here at the hospital, and she's not gonna give the baby up... She said she had a talk with you.

Cheryl · Larry:Oh, have you seen my Palm Pilot?

Larry · Cheryl:Cheryl walks in right as Larry is ordering the Girls Gone Wild video

Cheryl · Larry:What are you watching? Just flipping around.

Cheryl · Larry:Have you noticed that we have not had sex in a very long time? I'm watching this thing about hippos.

Cheryl:I'll call and make an appointment for you to have a vasectomy

Cheryl · Larry:I am completely numb. Down there? Yeah. I can't feel anything.

Larry · Cheryl:'Everlast... lasts all night. Contains the numbing agent... lidocaine.' I must have put it on inside out.

Cheryl · Larry:15-year-old boys do it every day. It's not hard! I don't use it often. I slipped it on.

Cheryl:It feels like it's been shot with novocaine. There's nothing.

Cheryl:Wandering Bear just asked me how my vagina is.

Wandering Bear · Cheryl:'How is your vagina?' - Wandering Bear casually greeting Cheryl

Cheryl:Because of your sponge comment

Cheryl:Reach into Larry's pocket for an unwrapped mint? Sure

Cheryl:'This is how-- it's very obvious why you don't want me to go.' - Cheryl immediately suspicious about Cady Huffman

Larry David · Cheryl:It's over? What's over? The marriage. Why would our marriage be over? You said, 'we need to talk.'

Larry David · Cheryl:Light up? Did I light up? 'Oh, it's over?'

Larry · Cheryl:Why is it that before you have a meal, you do the whole cross thing, but not for snack. I don't think it applies to snacks.

Cheryl:I'm not gonna have that conversation with someone. I would rather just get rid of her.

Cheryl:Oh hi, I thought you were Jesús! Jesús! No kidding. Yeah, his shoes sound like your shoes.

Larry · Cheryl:We're looking for a big penis... With some big balls...

Larry · Cheryl:How do you know? - He sent me a suicide email. - A suicide email?!

Larry · Cheryl:Larry's BlackBerry obsession complaint while Cheryl is on her BlackBerry

Larry · Cheryl:we're losing the sickness and health clause. / I'm out if anything's wrong with you... And look, same for you... I can't be around illness. Freaks me out, okay?

Cheryl · Larry:I know, but your snuggle always leads to sex. So what's wrong with that? Why shouldn't it lead to sex?

Larry · Cheryl:The ass is part of my snuggle... It is! / Okay, then good night. / It's just... it's just a lever. I'm using the ass as a lever to draw you in. That's all. and it gets... the snuggle tighter.

Cheryl · Larry:Maybe this is why you were saved when you were drowning that day. Maybe this is... the reason. / Oh really? / Yeah. / Oh, he saved me so I can give up a kidney? That's why? If he wants to get so involved, why doesn't he just fix his kidney tonight while he's sleeping... instead of going through all this drowning-saving business?

Cheryl · Larry:You're turning consolation into sex? / Well, that's the ultimate form of consolation. / No, it's not. / Yeah, sure it is.

Cheryl:Because he took it in the bathroom and contaminated it.

Cheryl:I have arranged for you to have lunch and play a round of golf with Gary Player.

Cheryl:Oh, boy, look at the jew girl. I am so jewish right now.

Cheryl · Larry:'You people' I dunno if I like that so much. You jews, is that better? That's better, yeah.

Cheryl:You invited a sex offender over for seder? Are you out of your mind?

Cheryl · Larry:What would Jesus do? Cheryl, Cheryl. Cheryl, he's a jew. He's a jew!

Larry · Cheryl:Edible undies? Oh, dear.

Larry · Cheryl:What, are you nuts? It's not kosher. People... kosher, you know what that is. Well, they don't have to eat it.

Cheryl · Ben:You're gonna do what? You have to bury the plate. Why would you bury a plate?

Larry · Cheryl:My jacket's not in the car. That's really strange... That's bizarre...

Larry · Cheryl:Larry's elaborate DVD case system explanation

Cheryl:What are you wearing? Is this a sweater vest?

Larry · Cheryl:Larry's sudden desire for children: 'I want to have children. Lots of them.'

Larry · Cheryl:Larry's deathbed request to fool around: 'would it be okay if I fooled around a little... until you got there?'

Larry · Cheryl:I fooled around a little... until you got there? / Sure.

Cheryl:I had no idea you've been-- that you wanted to have sex with cha cha... Obviously, there's a fantasy going down.

Larry · Cheryl · Loretta Black · Family:Meeting the Black family at the airport with all their luggage

Cheryl:This house feels like a hotel to me.

Cheryl:Like when a guy... does his business, and he's alone.

Larry · Cheryl:You know what? He owes me $50 from golf. That's $50 you're never gonna see. Never! Never gonna see that 50. Never ever ever ever. You can't ask a mourner for $50.

Cheryl · Loretta:This woman that he's talking about is the Dean of Admissions at Dryden School. That nice school we was trying to get the kids in? Yeah. Now, there's a problem with their application.

Larry · Cheryl:Come on upstairs. Go upstairs? Come on. Let me put it in some water. Yeah, that can wait just one second.

Larry · Cheryl:How many flowers does she need? Are these from a graveyard? Not a graveyard. It's a roadside memorial. It's not such a-- come on!

Cheryl · Larry:I do like that perfume Belle Fille. Belle Fille. That would make me happy.

Jeff · Cheryl:We shall see.

Cheryl:You liars, you were complaining about the toilet paper.

Larry · Cheryl:Larry and Cheryl looking at a freak book as Ted's birthday gift

Larry · Cheryl:Cemetery plot discussion - 'now Ted and Mary are gonna be next to us and Jeff and Susie'

Larry · Cheryl:Larry not wanting to be buried next to Ted Danson for eternity

Larry · Cheryl:Please tell me you're not coming on to me. No good?

Cheryl · Larry:I didn't want bread. I wanted toast. You can't pause toast.

Larry · Cheryl · TiVo Guy:Larry juggling the panicked phone call from Cheryl while desperately trying to keep the TiVo guy there

Larry · Cheryl · TiVo Guy:Larry asking about warranty cards and installers while Cheryl is trying to tell him she might die

Larry · Cheryl:Larry telling Cheryl to call back in 10 minutes while she's potentially facing death

Cheryl:Cheryl dramatically announcing 'I'm leaving' after the phone debacle

Larry · Cheryl:Larry's defense that he saved all her shows including 'Barefoot Contessa' and 'Project Runway'

Larry · Cheryl:Revelation that Larry talks during sex, specifically about fake crab vs real crab

Cheryl:Cheryl's realization: 'There's no other side. This is it!'

Larry · Cheryl:Larry's immediate concern about the airplane guy's breath quality and mint availability

Cheryl · Larry:The underwear company makes 'No-fly Zone' - underwear without flies

Larry · Cheryl:Larry asking Cheryl to call the restaurant to confirm their breakup story

Larry · Cheryl:Larry's logic: 'Who would go to the lengths of saying their wife split up with them?' / Cheryl: 'You would.'

Cheryl:Honestly, you don't look like that guy anymore.

Cheryl:You look like a real person, not an eighth-grader with silly shoes.

Cheryl:That's the thing you're keeping?

Cheryl:Let me just talk to my therapist and see what she has to say first.

Cheryl:I know, but I feel like usually you would complain or, I don't know, give him a hard time, but...

Cheryl:You're giving me an ultimatum?

Cheryl:You know what, Larry? I thought the new Larry didn't lie.

Cheryl:I'm so stupid. I was actually believing you.

Cheryl:I love you, Larry.

Larry · Cheryl:My underwear? You're in the no-fly zone? I'm going right over the fence. You're over the fence? Over the fence. Did you miss the gate? Not at all. Don't even think about the gate?

Larry · Cheryl:I'd rather have the thieves than the neighbors-- thieves don't impose.

Cheryl · Larry:It's a social convention that people don't ask who's going to be there at the dinner party. It's just not done.

Cheryl:You should be glad that it happens that way, because if I told people you were coming, they might not show up.

Cheryl · Larry:You want to join us? / Are you sure? Really? / Please. Sit down. / I miss you.

Cheryl:It got to this place where you were always at the house and you didn't have anything to do... it was just different. Like when you were working on 'Seinfeld,' You had a job and you'd get up and you'd go, like, do something with other people.

Larry · Cheryl:I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. THIS IS THE SECOND TIME I'VE RUN INTO YOU IN, WHAT, THREE WEEKS?

Cheryl · Larry:MY GOD. YOU HAVE TO WRITE A PART FOR ME. OH HO, YOU'VE GOT IT. OKAY. I'M NOT KIDDING. YEAH. I'M NOT KIDDING. YOU'RE NOT KIDDING. OKAY, FINE. NO, I'M NOT.

Cheryl · Larry:OH, I'M JUST-- I'M DOING PILATES, I'M LEARNING JAPANESE AND I'M INTO THE LAKERS. I AM FINALLY APPRECIATING-- NOW YOU'RE INTO BASKETBALL? AFTER I LEAVE?

Cheryl · Larry:I'M SURE YOU WILL. WHY WOULDN'T YOU? WHY WOULDN'T I? YEAH.

Larry · Cheryl:AND YOU... ARE GONNA PLAY GEORGE'S EX-WIFE. I AM? DO YOU WANT TO? OH MY GOD! HUH? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Cheryl:LARRY, I WANT YOU BACK. LET'S GO HOME AND MAKE LOVE.

Cheryl · Larry:It is sexist! It's completely sexist. We would have said that to a man if... If there was man flab.

Virginia · Cheryl:Why would you have to audition? It's based on you.

Cheryl:Cheryl's entire audition performance as George's panicked ex-wife on the plane

Cheryl · Larry:Oh, you know, virginia went to the bathroom and he asked me if I was interested in a menage a trois.

Larry · Cheryl:If you're gonna have a menage a trois with anybody, it's gonna be with me, not with him. Why would I want to be in a menage a trois with you?

Larry · Cheryl:And I submit she performed it on you in a threesome.

Cheryl · Larry:He doesn't have groat's... Oh, that's great. That's good news.

Cheryl · Larry:Boy, you know a lot about this guy. We spend a lot of time together just talking about nothing between takes.

Cheryl · Larry:What are you doing? you're picking up beans? It's a long story. I'm gonna be like an hour late.

Jason · Cheryl:Wait, is that in there? I know, but I don't say I made it. No, I say I made it. I know, it was so convincing. I'm playing george.

Cheryl · Larry:You said beans and clearly you were busy. You want to think I was busy with beans, go ahead and think that.

Cheryl · Larry:You called his book a pamphlet? It's so thin. It is, it's very thin. It's not a book. I know it's not a book.

Larry · Cheryl:Larry immediately calling Julia despite Cheryl explicitly saying no multiple times

Larry · Cheryl:Do you think there's any chance we could have sex? Um, no. Come on. What's the difference? Honestly, think about it, what's the difference? Let's just do it. Come on.

Cheryl:You got the house so you have 24 hours to vacate the premises.

Miriam · Larry · Cheryl:Is he having an affair? - No! - Oooh, you heard it right? - Yeah. - That high-- - Heard what?

Cheryl:And there are very few charities that actually focus on the clitoris and talk about it.

Cheryl · Larry:Cheryl calls Ted 'T' - Larry's jealousy over nickname

Cheryl · Larry:Cheryl questions Larry's 'two and two' logic - 'I don't see the two and two'

Larry · Cheryl:Larry: 'Yeah, but she's not a prostitute' / 'But you weren't paying her for it' explaining the difference between Cheryl and a prostitute

Larry · Cheryl:Larry brings up the chair disparity with Cheryl, she's never noticed chairs during therapy

Larry · Cheryl:Dr. Templeton connection to truffle season - Larry realizes the coincidence

Larry · Cheryl:By the way, before we get into that, are you aware that you have a wobbly table here? Look at this. Look at this table. It's unbelievable. I, I don't know how you can go to bed at night.

Cheryl · Larry:I think when I'm with you, it makes me feel... ...better about myself? Morally superior. Yes. Yes. I hear that a lot. Yeah.

Larry · Cheryl:If we ever got back together... Yeah. ...and somehow this table appeared on, on our bedside... Yeah? ...It would be fixed immediately. Immediately. Oh, my God.

Larry · Cheryl:So sorry! Oh, my God. You look so much better. Do I? Oh. Are you kidding? I couldn't even look at you before. I mean, it was... really, like, hideous. You looked... disgusting. I could barely glance at you.

Cheryl · Susie:You're such an asshole. You are such... I mean, I'm, I'm fighting for my life, and this is what you're... Susie? What are you guys doing here?

Cheryl · Susie:Because he just flew in from San Francisco and he texted me when he landed. I... Because he's her significant other, and you're her significant nothing! Just keep your fuckin' trap shut! Go!

Cheryl:Well, it's, uh, very intimate. This is too far to talk to somebody. It feels a little close.

Cheryl:It's my mailman. His name's Lionel... Something about that guy gives me the creeps.

Cheryl:Can I introduce you to my friend, the elephant?

Cheryl:One date? And you're bringing her on a trip? When you're complaining that divorced couples shouldn't come when you're bringing a virtual stranger?

Cheryl:Your ex-husband, he's fucking... a sex doll, just so you know. He's basically sticking his penis in a balloon.

Cheryl:She calls me Queen Elizabeth. She calls herself Princess Margaret...

Larry · Cheryl · Susie:Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. Ted and Larry, it's just like you and your sister. It's the same thing. It's nowhere close. It is not close. It is close! She slept with my friend, Ted Danson. Okay? Okay. That's fine. But I can't sleep with her sister?

Cheryl · Larry:Oh, and you think you're Prince Philip? Is that what you're saying? Yeah. Oh, my God. Prince Philip would put a fucking gun to his head before he had you representing him.

Cheryl · Larry:You didn't expect an airport drop-off, did you? Nope. Nobody expects an airport drop-off anymore.

Cheryl · Larry:I'll text you when I land. Eh, not necessary. I didn't really want to. Yeah. It's like an extra, unnecessary step.

Jon · Cheryl:So you are Larry's ex-wife. Wow. Yeah. I know. I find that fascinating. Do you? Oh, my gosh. Spending the last few days with him? I gotta know everything.

Cheryl · Jon:Jon Hamm... ...you have turned into Larry. What... I'm done. I can't do this. Cheryl... God. Cheryl! Come on. Nope.

Cheryl:A little ratty. Like your towels. When I say ratty, I think of your towels.

Cheryl:'A little ratty. Like your towels.' 'What? When I say ratty, I think of your towels.'

Larry · Cheryl:Please, spare me the bullshit. - Thank you. - It's not bullshit.

Cheryl:Really? You don't hear that as a slamming of the door?

Cheryl:Okay, well then you must be door deaf.

Jeff · Cheryl:It's a fuckin' nightmare. - Yeah. This is a disaster.

Cheryl:Don't ever sign a prenup.

Cheryl · Maria Sofia:In real life, do you ever talk to your mother like that? - No, I don't seduce my mom. What is wrong with you? God.

Maria Sofia · Cheryl:Like what kind of dance? - No, not... You want a little bit of salsa?

Cheryl · Maria Sofia · Larry:What are you doing? Let her go! - Get off me, Uncle Moe. - What is wrong with you?

Cheryl:It's a banner for our temple football team. We're playing Beth Hillel. And their defense is ridiculous. They sacked our rabbi six times last season.

Cheryl:Cheryl's comeback: 'Oh! No shit, Sherlock! Just get the fucking dress, okay?'

Cheryl · Larry:The Sound and the Fury. / Faulkner. / You two are reading Faulkner? / Yes, we are. What?

Cheryl · Larry:You hate pins 'cause they make holes in your sweater. Well, it's a thin pin. Oh. A thin pin.

Larry · Cheryl:Oh, yeah, you have a great interest in turn-of-the-century Mississippi. I do!

Cheryl:I thought it was lingerie. I got a little disappointed.

Cheryl:I don't like anything unnatural near my lymph.

Cheryl:I know I give off this, like, a sex musk because I am active again.

Larry · Cheryl:Could you just stop with that... Stop with that commercial? I don't wanna hear that. Don't sing that in the house. I wanna stop. I can't stop!

Cheryl · Larry:Oh, Mr. 'I'm never gonna stop drinking almond milk.' Because what did I tell you about almond milk? You know, the water that they use in this state for these almonds and the methophexohexadine, they're killing the bees!

Cheryl:Cheryl's pseudo-scientific explanation about almond milk: 'the methophexohexadine, they're killing the bees!'

Cheryl · Larry:I'm sorry you're unhappy, Larry, but as her sponsor, I'm telling you, she simply cannot handle a breakup. How long are we talking? Well, they say no changes for the first 90 days in the program, but with Irma, I mean, minimum six months.

Larry · Cheryl:Larry's circular conversation about not going to the golf club while being asked to pick up hammer toe medicine 'if' he goes

Cheryl · Larry:'Isn't that something you should be doing in private? I got pants on. What are you talking about?'

Larry · Cheryl:Larry David is disrespectful to women. Come on, Cheryl. I love women. Who loves women more than me? I love having sex with them.

Cheryl · Larry:Don't say it in front of people. I told you that in confidence. It is. Telling people what sexual positions you like, that would be personal.

Cheryl · Larry · Leon:Well, I need it to read. I need-- Why don't you use the overhead light? Just let her keep the shade up. I'm trying to watch a movie, all I see is glare. It's like I'm watching a fucking radio right now.