The Special Section

Larry · Director:Let me take out Gino's balls in a plastic bag... The balls will never read. They're not gonna read as well. Balls will read. Why won't balls read?

Larry:You know, 'Seinfeld,' we did two takes and we were done.

Cheryl · Larry:It's hard to take anything you say seriously right now. You just look crazy.

Larry · Father:Is she dead? Er, yeah. Dead, dead, she's dead.

Larry's Father:Let's see, the funeral was on Monday... so she had to die on...

Father:The last words she said to me, 'If anything happens to me, you don't bother Larry. Don't spoil his trip in New York.'

Father:Your mother didn't say not to call Andy. She said not to call you, that's all she ever said.

Andy:Abe Lincoln, he's Jewish. He got 'shot in the temple.'

Larry:That bat mitzvah, oh, God. Is there anything worse? Can you think of anything worse?

Cheryl:Larry's mother just passed away. And we're going to take some time with that.

Larry:My mom died. Yeah. So I'm just not gonna be doing much for a while.

Larry:Well... my mother died. Tell Julie good luck, sorry I can't be there. And mazeltov.

Larry:He saw me at the Improv screaming at the audience one night in New York... he thought I could play this tough Jew

Jeff · Larry:Lonely, lonely... Lonely... Just keep repeating it.

Jeff:Who's gonna stop us? Nobody. It's totally applicable.

Larry · Ed:I kind of need to be alone with my own thoughts. Oh, absolutely. Jeez, bless your heart.

Larry · Cemetery Manager:My mother had a tattoo on her ass? On her right buttock, yes, sir.

Father:She saw a tattoo parlor. She said, 'Hey, let's do it.' Your parents had tattoos. With our names.

Larry:I can't imagine my parents making love. I can't imagine you making love

Larry:There's no good Chinese food in LA. A country of one billion people couldn't send one good chef to Los Angeles.

Larry:A country of one billion people couldn't send one good chef to Los Angeles

Larry:You can't be an East Indian-giver

Larry:Splitting it? What is this, a timeshare in the Hamptons? You don't split a mantra.

Larry:It strikes me as being a tad... homosexual.

Larry:You know, it was just that I've been going through a rough time, what with my mother and all. I didn't even have a chance to say good-bye.

Gravedigger · Larry:I only got four shovels. Asshole.

Larry:Ji ya, ji ya, ji ya, I made it out of clay. And when it's dry and ready, oh, ji ya I will play

Richard Lewis · Larry:You know what it means? 'Fuck me.' Fuck me! Fuck you!

Larry:Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it would be like... not to be able to hear them. It's not so bad.

Larry:I was in this movie, and they gave me this counterfeit money... My mother died...

Larry:Ji ya!