The Mini Bar

Executive:tachles, real talk

Executive:I'm not non-binary. I'm only a they when I'm with a group of people.

Executive:I'm just a Jew from the Valley.

Larry · Executive:You can't ask that. - No, it's okay in this office.

Executive:Or as we call it in this office, Jew-lu.

Executive · Colleague:It's my office. - Only you do that.

Larry:He really leans into that Jew stuff, doesn't he? Like a bad comic, every other word is Jew this, Jew that.

Larry:It's hard to gauge a door you aren't familiar with.

Larry:What the hell we gonna do about this tape? I mean, she stinks to high heaven.

Larry:I could've, but then I would've missed that look of disappointment wash over your face when you open the door, and that was priceless.

Larry:That would be fun to date a woman hot dog eater. Take her out to dinner. I'll have a salmon. She'll have 32 hot dogs.

Larry · Cheryl:Please, spare me the bullshit. - Thank you. - It's not bullshit.

Harry:She was so gorgeous, way outside my coverage.

Harry:I scared the rabbit away. I ran at it.

Larry:Actually, I can't have dinner on Thursday. Because I'm in a hot dog eating contest the next day, and I don't want to ruin my appetite.

Funkhauser:I'm kidding. It's all nerds and Nazis.

Larry:Suppose I, Larry David, went shopping for your mini bar and picked out your mini bar?

Funkhauser:They told me not to open up a mattress shop in Temecula. They said it's all credit card junkies and supercross. I did it. And guess what? I'm slaughtering it.

Cheryl:Really? You don't hear that as a slamming of the door?

Cheryl:Okay, well then you must be door deaf.

Larry:'You're a fucking asshole.' I hear that like from 50 yards away. 'I hate fuckin' guy.' You know, stuff like that.

Larry:What is this, a séance? We're raising people from the dead? Come on, give me a break.

Andy:And I'm looking for a book about Eleanor Roosevelt, okay? And I'm looking, and I'm looking under R, nothing. I go to the Es, a book on Eleanor Roosevelt.

Cassie:Is it resin or rah-sin?

Jeff · Cheryl:It's a fuckin' nightmare. - Yeah. This is a disaster.

Larry:You can't handle the middle. You're not a middler. Andy, not everybody has the personality for the middle.

Funkhauser:Freddy, not everybody wants to sit. But everybody's got to sleep.

Cheryl:Don't ever sign a prenup.

Larry:You couldn't pay me to listen to advice from a stage 3.

Harry:But you know what happened was you gave me a lie so fucking crazy that she's like, well, why would he lie about this? This has to be true.

Larry · Harry:Goebbels. - Yeah, you gave me a Goebbels level lie.

Harry:'Cause Goebbels is the GOAT.

Harry:I had to go to Eagle Rock to a little trophy store, have a trophy made up for a hot dog eating contest that I won in 1998 that I was never in.

Larry:I wouldn't be so fast to drop the hot dog eating. Clearly, this is the best thing you've got going for ya.

Leon:Do you love adventure? Do you want to travel to Asia for free? Is your name Mary Ferguson? If the answer to all three of these questions is yes, then contact Leon Black.

Leon · Larry:The nicest people in the world are people who will return a fuckin' dog to you. - Who's not gonna return a dog? What kind of asshole? - I kept a dog for six years one time I found.

Leon:You know how many times I walked by the sign on the fuckin' tree that said, 'lost dog', and it was this motherfucker right here?

Leon · Larry:Tap Water. - Based on tapping that ass.

Larry:The walk has to be the secondary activity, not the primary activity. For example, you walk on a golf course, it's a secondary activity. The primary activity is the golf.

Larry · Susie:I don't really like a purposeless walk. But thank you. - What does that mean, a purposeless walk? The walk is the purpose.

Larry:Because I'm in a hot dog eating contest the next day.

Susie:Larry, shut up. No, you're not.

Cheryl · Maria Sofia:In real life, do you ever talk to your mother like that? - No, I don't seduce my mom. What is wrong with you? God.

Maria Sofia · Cheryl:Like what kind of dance? - No, not... You want a little bit of salsa?

Leon:Fuckin' mushroom jerky. They jerked a fuckin' mushroom.

Leon:She liked the flowers and shit, so maybe she doesn't want to actually look for it.

Larry:The coup de grâce, peppermint patty.

Funkhauser:We're liking this, but not loving it.

Funkhauser:So the bottom line here is, we need a four-quadrant mini bar.

Funkhauser:You're gonna sue me for the peppermint patty?

Maria Sofia:So listen, I've been doing a lot of studying, reading up on the Jews. They use their hands a lot.

Maria Sofia:Eat them latkesi!

Leon:Oy vey, motherfuckers!

Jeff:Don't do it. Don't allow your child to be an actress.

Cheryl · Maria Sofia · Larry:What are you doing? Let her go! - Get off me, Uncle Moe. - What is wrong with you?

Susie · Harry:Wait. Is it the same one you're in, Harry? - It's... I'm doing a hot dog eating contest with Larry tomorrow.

Maria Sofia · Executive:And I know you stole my jacket! - That is acting.

Executive · Larry:I swear, I actually believe she got her jacket stolen. - She did, yeah. No, she really did.

Harry:'Cause they got excited because of a text you told me to fuckin' send.

Crowd:Eat it! Come on!