Angel Muffin

Larry:I love theater. Sue me. What am I, crazy?

Larry:It's theater, you know? It's all live. It's happening.

Larry:but the girl playing Juliet, my God, she was sensational.

Jeff:I accidentally erased the tape yesterday. I know, I've been hesitant to tell you.

Larry:Oh my God, Jeff, how did you do that? You fuckin' idiot. You're a fuckin' idiot, you know that?

Jeff:Can I tell you something? I am. I am. I'm a fuckin' idiot.

Larry:Rock concert? Can't stand rock concerts. This is pure torture for me. Honestly, so loud, you know?

Larry · Jeff:It's a nightclub. There's not gonna be places to sit. Exactly. And we're gonna have to go backstage and pretend that we liked it.

Jeff:I got her pregnant. And she got an abortion. And, yeah... One big headache.

Jeff · Larry:She's beautiful, flirted with me. What am I gonna do? What have you got going for you? I don't get it.

Larry · Jeff:Pee before you leave, that's my credo. It's a good credo.

Larry:I was climbing on the rim. Then I was holdin' it up with my foot because that thing can't come down in midstream because I don't have the urethral discipline I had when I was a youth.

Larry:Those pants go right in the incinerator. I swear to you, if those pants touch that floor, I'm going home in my underwear.

Jeff:'I call her Deuce. Number two.' 'Mary Ferguson 2? That's right.'

Larry:By the way, let me give you a little tip, okay? You're gonna be with this guy? Don't walk into any glass doors.

Larry:That dog is sittin' at home anticipating a doggie bag coming home. They're not expecting five slices. Got five slices there. What if you brought home three slices and gave me two?

Mary:But pets should take precedence over someone I just met.

Larry:'I'm gonna give my dog five slices of my steak and not this guy.' 'You should pay for the bill.' That's wow. I got the wow.

Jeff:So when you go there, keep an eye out. When you're at the dentist, you need to find out what's going on.

Larry:What? What'd you say about my towels? Ratty towels? I have ratty towels? It's not a fact. My towels are not ratty.

Larry:Towels are better when they're washed over and over again, like a pair of jeans. They dry you a lot better. They're aged. Because new doesn't dry. You pat dry. I rub dry. That's the difference.

Larry:You wanna keep patting dry for the rest of your life, go pat dry because you don't know the pleasures of a rub dry.

Jeff · Susie:Can we keep a couple aged? You see what you're doing now? You're turning him against my nice new towels.

Cheryl:A little ratty. Like your towels. When I say ratty, I think of your towels.

Cheryl:'A little ratty. Like your towels.' 'What? When I say ratty, I think of your towels.'

Larry:No, I don't agree to disagree. I disagree to disagree.

Larry:My ears are bleeding. This is really one of the worst experiences of my life, I'm not exaggerating.

Larry:I was clapping and swaying and clapping and swaying.

Dylan:You got fuckin' tissue in your ears. To block sound, possibly?

Larry:There was a guy standing behind me. So loud. Screaming in my ear. And he was drowning out the show. And this way, I was able to drown him out and still get the essence.

Larry:I've seen the one where you were in the kitchen cooking. The boat movie.

Larry:You never cooked chicken alfredo with a friend?

Larry · Dylan:In two words, it stunk. Go fuck yourself. I thought you said you could take it?

Dylan:I started a restaurant where you can sit and eat a meal with your dog next to you outside. First of its kind.

Dylan:I took an edible soon as the show ended and it's really starting to kick in, so I need to get in my zone, do some yoga. Do some MDMA.

Network Executive:See that palm? That's where he's gonna be eating out of very soon.

Larry · Jeff:No, no, she's doing Habitat for Humanity. In New Mexico. Well, it's close to Mexico. And she's got family across the border.

Julio:Nobody's talked to me about a toilet that doesn't stay up. If it was broken, they would speak to me 'cause I fix everything in the building.

Larry:If my arrival time was after my appointment time, I think I would lie about the arrival time. I'd feel like I'm not being a good patient.

Larry · Angie:Are they diamonds? Yes, they are. Means they're expensive. I know. I treated myself. I don't wanna feel guilty about it.

Larry:How does it feel to know that nobody wants to see you?

Larry · Dr. Thanapapalous:You want me to turn down the Greek music? Yeah. This is a Greek office. It's the music of my ancestors.

Larry · Dr. Thanapapalous:You're kickin' me out? Yes, I'm kicking you out. Fine, good. But you didn't finish! You gotta put the crown in. My mouth is no good.

Leon:What you should do is this, you send an email before you go to the dentist, let him know what you wanna hear. He plays what the fuck I tell him to play. It's like playlist courtesy.

Leon:One is for takin' off your clothes. And one is for puttin' clothes on.

Larry:Angel Muffin? Angel Muffin? That's her name? His name. Him? Him? You named a male, Angel Muffin?

Mary Ferguson:There's no gender to angels or muffins.

Larry:That's like a five year old would name their dog that. I could never say that name out loud. It's too humiliating.

Mary Ferguson:Look at that. Now this is how your towels should feel.

Jeff:Who doesn't take a day off for an abortion? How do you get an abortion, then clean someone's teeth in the same day?

Larry:You wash, and you wash, you hit 'em against the rock, and then you age your towels until I get it right.

Dylan:I dive into that dumpster. It was disgusting. I had ravioli all over me. I sift through the garbage, I come out with this amazing miracle.

Dylan · Larry:Dumpster? 'Cause... I found him in the dumpster. You shouldn't talk to him like that.

Dylan · Larry:Hey, buddy, what the fuck? Why didn't you call your dog's name? Couldn't say it.

Larry:You know what? Forgot to mention, I spoke to the maintenance guy. And he said that you guys never spoke.

Don Jr. · Larry:Larry, are you calling me a liar? I don't know. Who am I supposed to believe, the maintenance guy or Don Jr.? What is that supposed to mean? You don't know what Don Jr. means?

Leon:Mary Ferguson is gone, Larry. And it's your fault! That's two Mary Fergusons you cost me. Mary Fergusons don't fuckin' grow on trees.

Leon · Larry:'Yeah, fuck that. I'm taking this shit to my fuckin' room. What are you doing? Give me those towels. What are you doing? Fuck you, Larry!'

Larry:Since that visit, I've been listening to Greek music and it turns out, you know what, I really like it.

Dr. Thanapapalous:'This Julio, he promised me, he looked me in the face and he said he was gonna fix the urinal and he didn't. He's a fuckin' liar! Every day, he promising me and he doesn't fix it.'

Dr. Thanapapalous:You never lie to a Greek, especially the Greek mafia. I'm just kidding.

Dr. Thanapapalous:She had an abortion last week. Good. But you know what? She didn't miss one day of work.