The Pants Tent

Larry · Cheryl:It's just material. -Yeah, I know. -But really, look at these pants. -I've seen pants bunch up-- I have never seen a bunch-up like this in my life. -This is like a five-inch bunch-up I got here.

Larry · Cheryl:Is it a bad thing? Maybe it's not such a bad thing. 'Cause you want people to think you constantly have an erection?

Larry · Cheryl:I got a tent. -It's a big one.

Larry · Cheryl:What do I do on Monday nights? I don't know, what? You take a bath? -Yoga.

Richard Lewis:You're kidding. Yeah, at the Crest. Yeah, okay, I'll.... Sure, no, I don't care, no, that's fine.

Richard Lewis:All right, I'll see you later, probably. I'm not sure if I'm going.

Larry:He could've invited me to go along with him. What's the big deal?

Cheryl · Larry:You don't ask somebody to go to the movies when you have a date. -He's going to the same movie at the same time. -He has a date! -So what?

Larry:I don't know, I'll have to ask Hitler.

Larry · Jeff:Get me off the speakerphone, please! -Hold on. -Now you're off the speakerphone. -What's wrong with you? I thought this was a private conversation!

Sofia · Larry · Richard Lewis:Are you looking at my breasts? I'm not looking at your breasts, I'm trying to get to my seat. -He's looking at my breasts. -Yeah, your special breasts.

Sofia:Prick!

Larry · Nancy · Richard Lewis:Can you believe that? Did you hear that? -I did. -Jerk. -I hate her. -What a sick fuck.

Sofia · Larry:You're so funny. You know, only on deeply religious holidays.

Larry · Richard Lewis:I'll be up till 5:00 in the morning if I have a cup of coffee now. Did you ever hear the word 'decaf'? Decaf doesn't work that well. That'll keep me up till 2:00.

Larry:I get the distinct feeling that I'm, like, Himmler's ghost.

Larry · Richard Lewis:What does that mean? Leisurely? -Somewhere between 2 and 20 hours.

Larry:but I think your friend, Nancy... thinks she got me aroused in the movie.

Larry:She thought that there was some garbage there.

Larry · Cheryl:Like it was awkward. -There was a little twinkle.

Larry:It's not obvious! Look.

Larry:Because any idiot could tell that was just material. She's your friend.

Larry:So, it was really uncool to just leave that message, 'I'm sorry,' on my machine... 'cause my wife, she asked me, 'What is he sorry about?' And I had no answer.

Jeff · Larry:I'm writing Kathy Griffin a letter of apology. Why? What did you do? We did nothing to each other... but just every week, I end up writing her an apology letter.

Jeff:Just every week, I end up writing her an apology letter.

Larry:What if Kathy called you up... and said that she wanted me to write a pilot for her... and you said, no, I wasn't available, without consulting me.

Larry · Jeff:'He's a big, fat idiot.' -Big, fat idiot? -Come on. Tell her I'm an idiot, don't say I'm a fat idiot.

Jeff:My dad wants me to drop you as a client! He keeps telling me every day, 'Drop him as a client!'

Larry · Jeff:Because of one stupid little joke I made in the car? -One stupid, little thing. -Because of the gay Jew cousin?

Jeff · Larry:Talk about being ostracized. -Yeah. -Gay Jew in Nazi Germany? -Yeah. -He must have had a hard time. -Yep. What a combo.

Larry:First of all, they're not breasts, they're just big chemical balls, okay?

Richard Lewis · Larry:We've already had intercourse. She's loving, she speaks seven languages-- -Congratulations on the intercourse.

Larry:Does she ask you to go over the Neil Simon scripts at night? The actress? Make you do some readings at night with her in bed?

Larry:You know what she should be reading? Emily fucking Post! That's what she should be reading!

Richard Lewis · Larry:You'd better call me later on, by sundown. By sundown? What are you, Gary Cooper?

Larry:And is a posse gonna come get me?

Larry:She's given up her career to work full-time for the environment.

Jeff's father:So, you did what you did, and it wasn't very nice... but I try to be a nice human being. Forget about it.

Larry · Jeff:I'm not gonna go upstairs. -Whatever, you know, it's your business. You wanna, you wanna, you don't, you don't. I can't make you.

Larry:Even before the movie, Larry said, 'Look at these pants.' I pointed out the pants to her before the movie.

Cheryl:She was rubbing your arm? Why were you rubbing his arm? Why didn't you tell me that she was rubbing your arm?

Larry:I can name sources! Sophia Loren was once a source!

Larry:I can name sources! Sophia Loren was once a source! I know my sources! Sometimes they're mysterious sources, I don't know where it comes from! Other times, I can pinpoint it!

Nancy:That was flopping, this was not flopping. There was something hard in there and it was your dick!

Jeff:Who doesn't come up to look at another man's kid?

Jeff · Hostess:He was one of the creators of Seinfeld. -So what, right? Okay, big deal, fine.

Hostess · Larry:I saw it once, it was good. -Did you, really? Which one? -I can't remember.

Jeff's father · Restaurant owner:Are you Mama's Boy? -I am a mama's boy, and I'm proud of it.

Jeff's father · Jeff's mother · Jeff:I love to see a black owner, black entrepreneurship. -What does that mean? -What do you mean?

Jeff's father:Look at the way that girl walks. Look at that, what rhythm she has.