The Grand Opening

Larry:That's the adult equivalent of 'The dog ate my homework.'

Larry · Jeff:Can't you just say yes? / No.

Larry:What does that have to do with a cough? I don't understand that.

Larry:Asshole.

Larry:It's real original, the thumbs down.

Larry:I couldn't get dates. You don't see me taking it out on anybody.

Cheryl:I don't know about that.

Larry:You know how bookstores make you feel stupid? Health food stores make me feel unhealthy.

Larry:It's for my wife. It's for my wife.

Larry · Jeff:That's the chef. / Our chef's bald.

Phil:I just assumed... and I was right... that you were one of those people who find that men who enhance their appearance are wrong and stupid so I took my toupee off.

Larry:You came in bald just to get the job?

Larry · Jeff:For the next five years was he gonna come in every day and leave the toupee at home? / Yeah, right. Or just wear it on weekends? Live a double life.

Jeff:You would've been all over that fat guy. You would've loved that fat guy, don't tell me.

Jeff:You have a bald accountant, a bald urologist, a bald travel agent. You have far more bald professionals than the average person.

Jeff:I knew you'd say 'duly noted,' too.

Larry · Jeff:Poor kid lost his hair, he's getting chemo. / No, he's not going through chemotherapy. Another kid in class is, and a lot of the boys in the senior class as a show of solidarity shaved their heads.

Larry · Jeff:Maybe one day I'll get a chance to do something good for somebody like that. That's really touching. / You've already got kind of a head start, actually.

Andy Portico · Larry:All right, Larry David. I'm coming to your restaurant next week. / Oh, okay. / I'm gonna review it.

Larry · Andy Portico:It hit the ground. / Bullshit! / Hit the ground! / Get out of there! / Hit the ground, Portico. You're out!

Andy Portico:Ow, fuck! What have you done? / What the fuck?

Larry:He's a bald-faced... literally... a bald-faced liar.

Larry · Jeff:What about the muck, are we in any muck? / We are in a big muck. / If we're in mire, I would assume that we're also in muck. Usually one is in muck and mire. He said I was in a mire. I was trying to ascertain whether or not muck was involved as well.

Andy Portico:Like a fucking Muppet.

Andy Portico:Because I can't do 'thumbs up, thumbs down.' That's my whole gimmick.

Larry · Andy Portico:You can't go like this? / I can't go like this.

Andy Portico:How am I supposed to eat that? Suck it up my ass?

Larry · Andy Portico:Larry accidentally spilling food on Portico

Larry · Jeff:Salmon's out. / Plenty of fish in the sea. / Who needs it?

Guy Bernier:Shit, shitface fuck, shit, cocksucker.

Cheryl:Look at your car. Why is your car always so filthy?

Cheryl:Listen to how low my voice is today. / Oh, hey... down, down, down-nn.

Larry · Cheryl:Car wash entrapment sequence

Cheryl:I got to go. I got to go! I got to go!

Guy:A pit plate? Why don't you call it a garbage plate?

Larry:The personality on this guy, huh? He's a piece of work.

Guy:Motherfucking cocksucker asshole!

Larry · Jeff:Portico. / Fucking Portico! That prick, I don't believe it. He's laughing right now. That motherfucker.

Jeff:He's a survivor.

Larry · Cheryl:Why is he cursing in English? 'Mutherfuck-erre.' / Where did he get that from? / 'Cocksuck-erre.'

Larry:Maybe one day, I'll get a chance to do something good for somebody like that.

Guy · Susie:Fuck you, you car wash cunt! / I had a dental appointment!