Mary Joseph And Larry

Larry · Doctor:My wife dragged me there. She had these tickets... It's a little embarrassing to me.

Larry:I don't like the idea that everything I do people are finding out about through my housekeeper, that's all.

Larry:I got a pubic hair.

Doctor:That's not that unusual. I got people in here all the time with stuff stuck in their throat.

Larry:Generally, between you and me, it's not something I do that often...

Doctor:Whatever happened, stay away from that for a couple of days.

Doctor:Rock on.

Larry:I'm a Jew. To have a tree in the house, it's bad luck. My guy might not... may think I'm switching or something.

Larry:What should I give... ah, you don't know...

Larry · Dora:Could you please just not tell them where I am? Even the doctor's office called up, and you told them I went to a U2 concert, you know?

Dora:Mr. Larry not home. Okay, okay.

Larry · Carlos:You can use the 'tú' form with me. 'Usted's' a little formal for us.

Carlos:Feliz navidad... a tú.

Larry:Hey, asshole, I know his name.

Larry:I don't know if it's 'Sonny Bo-no,' or Bon-no.

Jeff:Because you spelled it, it's a draw. I don't owe you anything.

Jeff:Nothing worse than Jews with trees.

Jeff · Larry:They can't let them have their holiday. We have to horn in on their holiday.

Jeff:Hey, 10 p.m. is the cut-off for platonic friends. After 10 p.m., it gets weird.

Larry:I was calling my housekeeper Dora... She was gonna quit, it was a whole huge thing.

Susie:You're lying, or you're lying. One of you two assholes is lying, I just don't know which one.

Larry:I tipped him twice.

Larry:'Cause he makes twice as much money. What do you mean, why?

Larry:Do you want your first tip back?

Larry:You know what? I think I'm gonna give her my grandfather's tallis.

Larry:Grape stem.

Larry:He's lying, like the waiter.

Larry:There's a little kind of thing you do at the end... you flip them over, the arms, they get, like, flipped over like a little penguin.

Larry:I am never in that bathroom looking at cardboard. As soon as it runs out, you've got the new roll.

Larry:I'm never running out of there with my pants at my ankles screaming, 'More toilet paper!'

Larry:Your sponge replacement's not so hot... if I can speak frankly.

Dora:Christmas.

Jeff:All right. I made a mistake, I'm sorry, I apologize. You sure did. I apologize profusely to both of you.

Jeff:I don't know why Cheryl doesn't like you. I'm sure it has nothing to do with your work.

Cheryl:What happened to the cookies? The cookies from last night?

Cheryl:You ate the baby Jesus and his mother Mary.

Larry:I thought he was a monkey.

Becky:The Son of God was a monkey?

Larry:I thought that was all part of the zoo.

Cheryl:Why would we have a zoo on Christmas Day?!

Becky:You swallowed our Lord and Savior.

Susie:You lying piece of shit! Out of my house! And wait till I get my hands on that goddamn Larry David, the four-eyed fuck. I'll kill him!

Larry:We had one, but I ate it.

Joseph:$500.

Joseph:It's not junk, but we do put it in the trailer.

Joseph:And around 4th of July we do hobo revolutionaries... And sometimes in November we'll do an equinox.

Larry:I got a pubic hair stuck in my throat.

Larry:That Mary, by the way, has quite the bod.

Mary:Kill him, Joseph, kill him!

Larry:The pubic hair. It's out!