The Bare Midriff

Larry · Jerry:What, do you got seabiscuit in there with you? That was crazy. I never heard a... A stream like that.

Larry:Yeah, I'm taking this new pill. That is, like, not human, that sound. It's got some backsplash too. I gotta be careful.

Larry · Jerry:You think nixon could have been nixon in 'frost/nixon'? Nixon's not an actor. Neither is cheryl.

Maureen:It smells like a rattlesnake is in there.

Larry · Jerry:I can't take it anymore. How can she walk around like that? Every day. Every day, every day.

Jerry:This is not a call for eloquence. This is a call for charm, for, you know, lightness and breeziness. That's you.

Jerry:I'm white glove. White gloves, larry. I don't do those things.

Jerry:The mayonnaise is as personal to the chef as her flabby stomach is to her.

Larry · Jeff:Odds even. One takes. I got evens. Okay. One two three... Shoot! I win. Do it.

Larry · Maureen:Even if it was a man, I wouldn't want to see that. 'That'? What is 'that,' larry? Well, that. You know.

Larry:Not a burka, but something in-between this and a burka.

Larry:You can flaunt 2/3 of the day outside of the office. And then you got 1/3 non-flaunt. Do you have to flaunt 24 hours? Why not take a break in the flaunt?

Maureen · Larry:I'm not gonna go buy your socks for you anymore. Yeah, I'll buy my own socks. That's fucking ridiculous.

Jerry:I thought, 'this bulvan will walk in there and in two minutes she'll be out in a huff.' That's what I thought.

Angry Driver:You got something you want to say to me, cuntface?

Larry · Richard:Honking's very dangerous. Yeah. I try never to honk. Only in dire emergencies.

Richard · Larry:The gentle honk. Yeah. The throat clear. The most I could do is a gentle honk. Exactly. 'Hello, excuse me.' Do you have that technique?

Richard:You should bring a bath towel to eat. That's what you should bring.

Larry:I know him longer so he should sit over there, because I'm actually gonna be talking to him more than you so I should have eye contact with him as opposed to turning around and straining my neck.

Larry · Jerry:Of course I want the luxury suite. You want the luxury suite too. Yes, I do. But you...

Jerry · Larry · Richard:Hey, where'd he go? Oh my god. What the hell? I'm fucking angry at you.

Larry:It's like winning an election but waiting to get sworn in. So the audition is the swearing in. It's nothing.

Cheryl · Larry:It is sexist! It's completely sexist. We would have said that to a man if... If there was man flab.

Larry · Jerry:Yeah, what about the guy we didn't like because he was veiny? Yeah, there was the veiny guy.

Larry · Jerry:That first a.d. From 'evening shade' had foamy mouth. We didn't hire him. He was bubbly. I can't work with somebody who's bubbly.

Larry:You know, the protuberance and the whole... All of it.

Larry:Perfect world? Maybe an inch further down, cover up the belly button. That's all. Perfect world, perfect world!

Maureen's mother:You are the spitting image of my deceased husband tom. Oh my god. Oh, I'm having a hot flash.

Maureen's Mother · Larry:Oh, it happened so fast. You know, he was murdered, and... Murdered?! Yes! It was 1962. It was our wedding day.

Larry as Tom · Maureen · Road rage driver:What a schmohawk. You bastard! Go ahead, pull over. Just keep going. Please, don't get in a fight.

Larry:and all he did was honk! He honked! That's unbelievable. You can't honk anymore! You cannot honk.

Larry · Richard:I'll tell you what else you can't do... You can't shush. No honking, no shushing. That sound... Shh-shh, you know. It is offensive. It's startling.

Maureen:All bald people do not look alike.

Richard:Larry, it's the invisible jew. Richard lewis, remember me?

Maureen · Mother:Mom! You've got to see this. Come here, come here! Oh oh! Oh my god. Look at jesus! I know!

Larry:I think every erection is a miracle.

Larry:I think every erection is a miracle.

Larry · Jerry:You got it! Don't even think about it. That's nothing. Larry 'how can I help' david.

Jerry · Larry:You splashed him, didn't you? I splashed him.

Enzo:Only two. I put two in the bag. That's plenty. I had a handicapped kid in here yesterday... Know how many napkins he got? Two!

Witness:I just can't tell. Don't know which one it is? I'm confused. I just see bald.

Police lineup witness:I just can't tell. Don't know which one it is? I'm confused. I just see bald. I... I don't know.

Maureen's Mother:Tom! Ohhh!

Jeff · Larry:Maybe tomorrow we'll dress up like kaufman and hart... Put on coats and ties, tweed jackets. Yeah, that's a good idea. Smoke some cigarettes. Maybe we'll have a good writing day. Yeah, then maybe wrestle naked like oliver reed and alan bates.

Maureen · Larry:Larry! You sprayed on jesus! What can I do? I'm taking this medication and it's getting all over the place! I can't control it!

Maureen · Larry:Larry, you sprayed on jesus! What can I do? I'm taking this medication and it's getting all over the place! I can't control it!

Larry · Maureen:Oh, christ. Let's go... Go get her. Oh no! Please... Larry. Oh, larry! Hang on, larry. Hang on! Larry. Hold on. Ahhhh.