The Wire

Larry · Jeff · Cheryl:I sponsored a kid from the inner city to go to summer camp. You sponsored an inner-city kid? An underprivileged kid. You're kidding. No. I'm completely nonplussed. Is that the right word?

Larry:He set fire to the canteen and his cabin.

Cheryl:You do one nice thing. I assume it's the first nice thing you've ever done.

Larry:I tried to stop a woman who was about to get hit by a car, I screamed, 'Watch out!' And she said, 'Don't you tell me what to do!'

Larry:I'm out of the nice now, after a fire.

Larry · Jeff:If you're gonna be a maniac, pyro is a bad maniac. Not a good maniac. That's not a good maniac.

Dean:I'm finally in the house that Jerry Seinfeld built. With his own hands, and some hammers. He actually worked on it, like Jimmy Carter.

Dean · Larry:Is that Swiss coffee or vanilla bean? I think it's Chocolate Cho-Cho.

Larry:I'm gonna get a divorce, I'm telling you. I can't take her anymore!

Dean:Kismet. Isn't that what it's called?

Larry:A lot of people sue me. I'm very vulgar and... You might wind up suing me.

Dean:She's not just beautiful, and she's not just talented. She's sublime.

Larry:Like you want to get something buried, you don't know if it's guaranteed. You don't even know if that... There's a lot of papers to be signed.

Larry:Fuck him!

Larry:They'll talk on the phone, go out to dinner, go to the movies? Start e-mailing each other? Summer vacations? Is he out of his fucking mind?

Cheryl:One phone call, one small favor to make this house completely perfect.

Larry · Cheryl:10:00 is the cut-off time. You don't call people after 10:00. No, the cut-off time is 10:30. They have kids. You don't call after 10:00. No, 10:30.

Cheryl:How'd that work out for you?

Jeff:You've got me some expensive idiot lawyer, so you can have your wire dropped down. I know your games.

Larry:You want a prick, and this guy's a prick. Look at you. You're a prick, you're doing a good job. Are you a prick or not?

Jeff:He burned down the canteen, and the cabin, but they were both accidents.

Larry:Get the kid to burn my house, so I don't have to worry about the wire.

Phyllis:My cat died.

Phyllis:And its tail had been trapped when the gardener came over... It had been trapped in the lawnmower...

Phyllis:I don't wanna talk about Mittens. I've got a better idea. Hey, brainstorm. Phyllis has just had a complete... I don't know why I didn't think of this. Camcorder.

Julia:Give me another 10 minutes with this lunatic. She's a lunatic. She's a total lunatic.

Larry:He's a eunuch. Yes. His testicles were cut off when he was about 13 because he was in the Beth Shalom choir. And that's what he wanted to be, he was a choirboy.

Julia:You know, I've got to tell you, I don't have any fucking idea.

Larry · Jeff:What the hell are you doing over there? He's supposed to be here! I can't kick him out, we've got business to do. What do you mean? I've got Julia Louis-Dreyfus in his house waiting for him!

Phyllis:I was gonna get this. I've never turned a piece of jewelry around this fast.

Cheryl · Larry:I guess Julia will have to come back over. You'll have to arrange another meeting. Are you out of your mind now? Get Julia back over there? You think I'm gonna ask her again to do this?

Larry:I'm not pushing, 2 minutes is pushing. 10 minutes is not pushing. That's not a push. That is right in the wheelhouse. I have 10 minutes before the cut-off time.

Larry:I got to tell you, I never heard of a 9:30 cut-off.

Larry · Brad:Most people have a 10:00 or 10:30 cut-off. I think 9:30 with kids is great. Seems like an early cut-off to me. And for visitors, it's more like 9:00.

Larry · Brad:Most people have a 10:00 or 10:30 cut-off. I think 9:30 with kids is great. Seems like an early cut-off to me. It's pretty standard. And for visitors, it's more like 9:00.

Larry · Brad:Most people have a 10:00 or 10:30 cut-off. I think 9:30 with kids is great. Seems like an early cut-off to me.

Brad:And for visitors, it's more like 9:00.

Julia:We'll look carefully tomorrow, Larry. And those are place mats.

Larry:Did you find a little brown pad, it has a little black trimming on the side?

Susie:I just can't believe that I have to deal with this! He has ransacked our entire house! Do you know what he took, Jeffrey? Do you wanna know what this little shit took?

Susie:Everything's gone! My wedding video is gone because your fat-fuck manager over here let an asshole kid into our house, okay?

Susie · Larry:What the fuck was that about, calling at 10:20 at night the other day? I thought the cut-off was 10:30. You know I have trouble sleeping?

Susie · Larry:Who is this schmuck, fuck-face lawyer you set us up with? I could see how one could interpret that as a serious error in judgment.

Susie:She brought it over from Russia, from a pogrom. She was in steerage. If that's gone, I'm gonna be hysterical. She worked hard all her life to give that to me!

Susie:It's gone, you fucking, motherfucking... I'll kill you, Jeff! You're a cocksucker, motherfucker! My grandmother's brooch is missing. I could not replace this item.

Susie · Larry:What if something you cared about was missing? You don't give a shit about anything! My baseball cards. All right. See? Now, it's not so funny anymore. Mickey Mantle might not be there.

Susie:Like the fucking 3-year-old that you are. 'I don't care about the money.' Will you shut up? Fuck you!

Susie:Like the fucking 3-year-old that you are. 'I don't care about the money.'

Larry · Julia:Jesus Christ. This looks bad, I know it does. This is my bracelet. Cheryl bought the same bracelet that you-- Julia, I swear to you, I didn't--

Julia:You were supposed to come the other day, and you didn't show up? Okay, can I tell you something, my friend? When you make appointments, keep it! Because now I'm busy, and I can't talk to you anymore. Keep your appointments.

Dean · Larry:That was maybe an encounter, but that's not a meeting. I don't know why you're quibbling about semantics here. You met her. It was an unpleasant meeting, it wasn't a long meeting, but it was, nevertheless, a meeting.

Dean:There's a reward involved in that. Look right in the front part. It says, '$500 to the person who returns this to L. David.' I put two and two together and thought the 'L' stood for Larry.

Larry · Dean:Maybe you can get yourself a new sweater. It's 'E-I.' Weinstock.

Larry · Dean:I'll get a check, Sherlock. Perfect, check is fine. Maybe you can get yourself a new sweater.