The Divorce

Larry · Unknown Host:Larry putting his drink down and leaving a ring stain on someone's nice table

Host:Do you respect wood?

Larry · Cheryl:Larry immediately calling Julia despite Cheryl explicitly saying no multiple times

Larry · Berg:The Dutch apple pie divorce analogy where Larry prefers the crumbly topping to the filling

Berg:It'd be a good desk to get blowjobs under. That's not why I bought it, but let's call it a happy accident.

Larry:You hired a bald man, huh? You should've recused yourself. We can't go up against each other. It's a code. It's in the bald code.

Larry:And I can call you bald. It's like black people calling each other nigga.

Larry:Larry practicing a fake tic for dating to see if women will point it out

Jeff · Larry:Jeff's friendly divorce proposal vs Larry's vicious response

Susie:I'm taking your balls and I'm thumbtacking them to the wall. You're gonna get nothing out of it.

Larry:I'll be slamming the door in her face. I hope that doesn't bother you.

Larry · Jeff · Marty · Waitress · Hiriam Katz:The buffet sharing dispute and Hiriam Katz's legal intervention

Larry · Jeff:There's no plus one here. You've never gotten a hookup!

Larry:I find them abhorrent. But come in.

Larry:Oh, thank you berry munch, ooooh. Th-th-th-thank you berry munch.

Kyra:I think I just had my first period.

Kyra:I, uh, think I just had my first period.

Larry:Larry's reaction beat to the period announcement

Larry · Kyra:The entire tampon instruction sequence

Larry:What is a Jew doing on a motorcycle? I never recall ever seeing a Jew on a motorcycle.

Larry · Jeff:It's 'fro Larry. 'Fro Larry on the motor scooter.

Larry:If her nose is running and she needed a tissue, I would have given her a tissue. Same thing.

Marty:I'm too lazy [to get divorced].

Larry · Housekeeper:The housekeeper refusing Larry entry with detailed explanations about interest vs. tickets

Housekeeper · Larry:Mr. O'Donnell say you did bad thing to miss Kyra. A bad thing? Yes. Oh no no no no no. I didn't do anything bad to miss Kyra.

Larry:To me, it's kind of like public school. You went to school, you got through it and now you move on.

Larry:Do you think there's any chance we could have sex? What's the difference? When there are women in this bedroom, it seems crazy if I don't at least offer.

Larry · Cheryl:Do you think there's any chance we could have sex? Um, no. Come on. What's the difference? Honestly, think about it, what's the difference? Let's just do it. Come on.

Larry:When there are women in this bedroom, it seems crazy if I don't at least offer.

Larry:First of all, I commend you on the demographics.

Larry:Larry complimenting girl scouts' demographics

Berg:Oh, well, they don't. I mean, why would they? I'm not Jewish.

Berg:Berg revealing he's not Jewish

Berg:Well, you're Jewish. It's only respectful.

Berg · Larry:Well, you're Jewish. It's only respectful. On the high holy days, I said, 'hey, you going to temple, Berg?' And you went, 'no.' Right, 'cause I'm not Jewish so why would I go to temple? Right, like, 'I'm a Jew, but not a practicing Jew.'

Larry:I got a Swede lawyer? She's gonna get everything!

Larry:I got sweded.

Leon:You know what you do when you get a fucking divorce? Ride around and bump the horn and shit like motherfuckers getting married.

Funkhouser · Larry:Guess who's getting a divorce. What? Martin Norton Funkhouser. Really? And it's because of you!

Leon:You ran that ass in the ground like a rent-a-car.

Larry · Hiriam Katz:You sure you're really Jewish? I'm the real deal.

Security Guard:O'Donnell lost the team in the divorce, so his wife owns it now

Larry:Oh my God! He's meeting with Cheryl's lawyers right now! They're gonna finalize the papers. I've got to get over there.

Larry:Don't worry. I think I've got something that will stop the bleeding. I think it's working. It's doing the job.

Larry:Larry using tampon to stop nosebleed

Larry:Larry using a tampon to stop his nosebleed

Cheryl:You got the house so you have 24 hours to vacate the premises.

Leon · Larry:Fucking two bitches in your bed. What? Fucking two bitches in your bed. You had sex with two women in my bedroom? Fucking right I did! How you gonna fuck bitches in a twin bed.

Leon:Fucking two bitches in your bed. How you gonna fuck bitches in a twin bed?

Larry:I don't even like girl scout cookies.