Opening Night

Larry · Actress:Larry and actress stumble through lines: 'Oh... you... have... huh? Oh, you have, have you?' - complete breakdown of basic dialogue

Cheryl:'This is how-- it's very obvious why you don't want me to go.' - Cheryl immediately suspicious about Cady Huffman

Larry:'What? Come on, she hates my guts. I met her at Ben Stiller's party. She couldn't stand me.'

Jeff:'You better work fast, my friend. If you're gonna cash in on this, uh, 10th anniversary gift-- you have, what, three days left?'

Jeff · Larry:'She has obsessive-compulsive disorder.' 'Really?' 'I-I-I told her that you have it, too.'

Larry · Jeff:'What the-- are you nuts? What's the matter with you?' 'Come on, that's funny.'

Cady · Larry:'123 steps that way.' '123 steps I'll be taking.'

Cady · Larry:'I'd give you five, but I don't want to touch your hand. I'd have to wash it.' 'Yeah, me too.'

Cady:'That whole one bag is devoted to soap.'

David Schwimmer · Larry:'Do you have anything to read?' 'I just sit here.' 'You don't have a magazine or a book, nothing?' 'No, I just sit.'

Flight Attendant · Larry:Flight attendant confrontation over seat position - Larry becomes convinced Schwimmer reported him

David Schwimmer · Larry:Schwimmer claiming his conversation with the flight attendant is 'privileged'

David Schwimmer · Larry:'That's my business.' 'Just give me a snippet.' 'No, the discussion I had is privileged.'

Larry · Tim:Hotel tipping anxiety with bellman Tim - Larry promises to tip later, detects skepticism

Larry · Hotel clerk:'Split it with Tim. You know Tim outside?' 'Split it with Tim?' 'Yeah, give Tim 10.'

Hotel clerk:Hotel room explanation - 'There's a television, here. Just open these. And you have remote control for power on and off... channel up and down'

Larry · Hotel clerk:'And that's a window?' 'Yes.' 'You walk over to it and you can look out.' 'Is that what it's for?' 'Basically, yes.'

Larry:'The floor is for standing.'

Larry:More tipping anxiety with bellman - 'I'm supposed to give you a 20? The guy will wind up with more money than me if everybody gave him a 20.'

Jeff · Larry:Jeff pressuring Larry about the anniversary gift deadline while Larry wants to study lines

Christina · Jeff · Larry:'What kind of business are you in?' 'Grooming. Pet grooming.' 'We have a truck and we shampoo dogs.'

Christina · Larry:'I'm a fellatio teacher.' 'Good, very good. Okay, now, let's be honest here.'

Larry:Larry's tic excuse: 'I have a tic. I'm going on stage with a tic.'

Larry:'I don't know how anybody could do that without a blindfold. That's crazy. It's a grotesque monster, that penis.'

Christina:'Did you know that spicy food makes a man's come taste delicious?'

Larry:Larry chokes on water during explicit conversation - visual gag of his discomfort

Larry:'I'm feeling a little sick, actually.' Larry flees the dinner

Larry:'$53? It's breakfast. Eggs, pancakes, juice, coffee-- $53?'

Andy:'I call it play practice. When I was doing Pippin, we stayed after school for play practice.'

Andy:Open houses hobby - 'You just go, you visit, you know? You just go in, you tour around pretend you're buying, but you don't.'

Larry · Housekeeper:'Did you find that watch on your cart?' 'Yes.' 'I know whose watch that is.'

Larry · Tim:Doorman tip confusion - Larry discovers other doorman kept the shared tip money

Larry · Sanjay:'I'm gonna get some tickets today, I'll give you a ticket.' 'How about that?' 'So we're square?' 'That's good karma.'

Larry · Sanjay:Larry offering Producers tickets instead of cash tip to Sanjay

Larry · Tourist couple:Tourist photo disaster - Larry contradicts tourist's vertical photo preference, couple starts fighting

Angry tourist:'Because you will fail!'

Larry:'What are you, nuts? You didn't even have a watch to begin with, so you're in the same position. There's no change.'

Larry · David Schwimmer:The lost watch crisis: Larry realizes he's lost Schwimmer's watch after finding it

Larry · Cast:Larry washing hands obsessively during rehearsal, cast notices his 'compulsive' behavior

Cady · Larry:'I think I'm gonna bang my head against the wall, maybe 50 times.' 'You don't want to do that.' 'No, I do.'

Larry · Cady:'You've got a picture of Bush in your dressing room?' 'Yeah.' 'You're a Republican?' 'Yes, Larry, I'm a Republican.' 'Ugh.'

Larry · Jeff:'What the fuck were you thinking?!' 'A picture of Bush, who gives a flying fuck? I'd fuck her with a Bush mask on!'

Larry · Angry patron:'I just need one ticket.' 'But there's a line here.' 'I'm in the show, I'm Bialystock.' 'I don't care who you are, go to the back of the line!'

Larry:'One of the maintenance guys from the hotel had it on. Out in the lobby. I had to wrestle him for it.'

Larry:'Just for my own edification... what did you say to that stewardess? Did you tell her about the seat not being upright?'

Larry:Larry's stage debut line delivery: 'Scared, can't talk.'

Larry · Nathan Lane:Larry forgets his lines on stage: 'What was I saying?' 'You were saying that under the right circumstances--' repeated multiple times

Larry:Larry's crowd work during his meltdown: addressing his cousin Andy and the Sikh's turban

Larry:Larry improvises insults about cousin Andy: 'the product of incest... The Primary Reason for Anti-Semitism... subletting his mouth'

Audience members:Audience reaction twist: 'So far this is about the funniest thing I've seen on Broadway.' 'I've never laughed so hard in my life.'