The Acupuncturist

Larry:If you can fix my neck, I'll give you $5,000. And if you can't, then I don't pay for any of the treatments.

Acupuncturist:Well, it would be like taking candy from a baby, but...

Larry:It's not in my family, but I'm trying to break the mold.

Larry:No, I mean, I'm just shocked to see you here working.

Larry:Try and put that on the swiss if you can. I covered my mouth.

Larry:Boy, he's got seven total bases there, yeah.

Barry:It's amazing that you came in here today. It could really help me out. I need to borrow $5,000.

Larry:Of course you do. Yeah, of course.

Larry:He's not an asshole, he's just shy. No, he doesn't, he's just shy. It's just that you got shy-asshole confusion, my friend.

Jeff · Larry:You know why? 'Cause you're a pussy. I'm just being frank. Maybe I'm nice. You have nice-pussy confusion.

Cheryl · Larry:Are those from your mistress and you haven't told me? Yeah, I wish.

Cheryl:Did you give him a $5,000 tip?

Jeff:I think it's some sort of Japanese gay thing.

Larry · Jeff:I knew you'd open up a can of worms just by starting to ask him. He's been weird all lunch. What the hell? I don't know what that was. That guy's a freak.

Larry:You're encroaching in my territory. I want you people to be uncomfortable all the time.

Barry:If you don't like this, you should come by on Naked Tuesdays.

Larry:I'm telling you, soon it's going to be Casual Monday. Five to 10 years. That's the direction we're heading. It's gonna be a sad state of affairs.

Larry:People like you walking around like people like me. It's no good.

Larry · Jeff:Oh, my God. Jesus!

Larry · Cheryl:They're not jeans, they're corduroy pants. That's the same thing.

Larry:Since when is blue and black no good?

Larry · Jeff:Maybe I have a lime-green T-shirt like yours to put on, asshole. What's wrong with a lime-green T-shirt?

Larry:That's why we got you a birthday gift. 'Cause he told me it was your birthday. So, I knew I would stop by for the sunglasses and I....

Carol:You are so selfish.

Cheryl:Larry had to change his outfit and it was just a tremendous amount of time. He had to eat, you know, have a big dinner for two hours.

Barry:Sit down, have a big fucking meal in the hotel.

Larry:I mean, 600,000 people. 600,000 people died in the Civil War. And for what, to save the Union? Why did we want to save the Union? Who cares?

C.D. Weiner:I mean, I wish my worthless son could get into something like that, but no, there's no chance of that.

Larry:Do you get that? Outfit approval? They got to approve your outfit. I listened to her. I actually went up to change.

C.D. Weiner:Let's see. It might stand for 'certified deposit'. For the NRDC.

C.D. Weiner · Cheryl:I don't know how that schlep ever married you. Me neither.

C.D. Weiner:They might take it up the ass for all I know in Japan. What are you asking me for? It's a stupid question.

Larry:And I'll tell you something. I'm lucky that I had a father who was so supportive of me, because without him it never would have happened.

Larry:Next thing I knew, he said to me, 'Listen, I got a lot of money. I'm gonna give you this money anyway, after I die. Let me give you some now.'

C.D. Weiner:Listen, put a sock in it. I got to move fast. Do you know of an estate lawyer?

Barry:Your little conspiracy with Cheryl worked. He cut me out of the will, Larry.

C.D. Weiner · Joel Reynolds:What's this outfit? Is it a Halloween party, or what? I know, it's Casual Friday. Casual Friday? What does that mean?

C.D. Weiner:You look like a fucking cowboy. You're J.R., Joel Reynolds, right? Look, we-- You belong in Dallas, not LA.

C.D. Weiner:Why, you shit....

Barry · Larry:Larry was the last person to see him alive. Technically, it was the waiter.

Larry:My best friend had a baby 15 years ago, and I was the godfather. I was in the delivery room, he asked me to cut the umbilical cord and I don't know, I kind of botched it somehow and mangled the whole bellybutton and now the kid won't even talk to me.

Barry:I told you you'd get it as soon as he died, and you made it happen. You kind of did.

Doug:You're a bounty hunter. You murdered my uncle for $5,000.

Doug:You took $5,000. You're a bounty hunter. You murdered my uncle for $5,000.

Larry · Cheryl:My neck. Let go of him!

Larry:Yeah, she asked me how I was feeling. I said, 'Better.' Better than before, not 100% better, not all better, but better.

Larry:In English, 'better' doesn't mean better, completely better. I don't need a.... There's a confusion here, a language confusion.

Acupuncturist:Listen, Larry-San, this will cause me some great shame with my family. Everyone knows about this agreement. My employees, my business.

Larry:I have a check made out to me for $5,000. I can endorse it over to you. Don't cash it for a week.

Acupuncturist:Ancient Japanese custom.