The Ski Lift

Richard Lewis:never slept with a lot strange women, although I wanted to, they wouldn't... you know...

Richard Lewis:Fuck family. You know, and you know what's pissing me off? I'm so low on that list, that kidney transplant list.

Larry:Well, if you were a little bigger celebrity, you'd be on the top of the list too.

Larry:if you're doing an Andy Williams summer show.

Larry · Lisa:He's kind of a 'slam, bam, thank you, ma'am' kind of guy, right? No, not really at all. No? No. No slamming, no bamming. No thanking the ma'am.

Lisa:He was like that. I mean, it was dark, but honest to god it was... like that. [gesture implying tiny size]

Lisa · Larry:It was like a peanut. That little... All right. This is a very... you know, way too much information here, okay?

Lisa · Larry:I just would think that that's something that friends men would talk about. No, nobody ever talks about that. Really?

Jeff · Larry:Big vagina?! Gigantic vagina! What?! Biggest vagina known to man! Huge!

Larry:These big vagina ladies are getting away with murder.

Doctor:I think you've been waiting for this man to die so you can get one of his organs, preferably his kidney

Larry:That's pretty good... pretty good work. Thank you, thank you. He got me. Good job, doctor.

George Lopez:Well, if you're the bottom of the list, you're fucked.

Larry · Cheryl:Edible undies? Oh, dear.

Larry · Jeff:And at no point, he says to you, 'Hey, what about the fat guy that just threw me off the roof?' That would never come up. I said it's bad version.

Jeff:It's like you didn't even hit it.

Larry:What happened, I was listening to jewish radio and they were talking about Israel and I got so worked up I lost control of my car.

Ben:No no no no no. Uh, thank you... thank you for that invitation, but I cannot go to the baseball game on the Sabbath, I'm sorry. It's impossible.

Ben:My yarmulke almost fell off, I'm so taken aback.

Larry:He said the problem didn't lie with his small penis, but rather... with your big vagina.

Larry:Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

Richard:if she hid a ball in there, it would look like an elephant tumor.

Larry:I submit you took that baseball, stashed it in your unusually large vagina, and walked right on out of here!

Jeff:um, 'gefilte fish blues'... um, 'my freaking back is killing me and it's making it hard to kvell'...

Susie:It was an attraction out of pity 'cause I'm always the one to take in stray animals

Jeff · Larry:What the fuck? What are you doing?! What do you think you're doing? I'm not doing anything. What are you doing in bed with me? My back hurts.

Larry · Cheryl:What, are you nuts? It's not kosher. People... kosher, you know what that is. Well, they don't have to eat it.

Cheryl · Ben:You're gonna do what? You have to bury the plate. Why would you bury a plate?

Ben · Larry:Do I smell bacon? Bacon? Well... No. Oh, I was a little gassy. I lit a match.

Larry:Get off my skis.

Ben · Larry:I think I can move him up on the list. I'm fainting. I'm gonna faint. Well, don't do that. I'm going to faint.

Rachel:Shkiyas hachama. Sundown. I can't be here alone with you after sundown.

Rachel · Larry:Because you're a man and I'm a single woman. So? So it's not allowed. Who says so? The law, the Torah says so. Hashem says so.

Larry:Hey! Edible underwear! I must... the private investigator... when I went... Unreal!

Larry · Rachel:What, are you fucking nuts? What? What are you doing? No, no! Hold my phone. Are you crazy? Are you insane?

Larry · Richard:Listen, what I told you earlier about the kidney? Yeah, yeah. It's not gonna happen. You're shitting me. Why not?!