The Seder

Larry · Neighbor:You never see people drinking grape juice. It's delicious, you'd love it. I think it's a very underrated juice.

Larry:Yeah, he's a bald guy, too. It's very bad for the bald community.

Larry:I know, as long as he's gonna be a sex offender I wish he had a full head of hair.

Larry · Neighbor:A guy in a suit is taking my paper? A suit's a good cover if a guy's gonna steal a paper.

Larry:Guy in a suit's gotta be able to afford a paper.

Larry:I've got the touch. Watch watch watch watch. I just know how to do it. I know this machine.

Larry:I'm not an artist, you know?

Rick:Probably the biggest 'Seinfeld' fan ever... 'Puffy shirt' is my favorite episode.

Cheryl:Oh, boy, look at the jew girl. I am so jewish right now.

Larry:I wish my mother were alive to hear you say that word out loud.

Cheryl · Larry:'You people' I dunno if I like that so much. You jews, is that better? That's better, yeah.

Larry:I'll bet you Mark is the guy who's taking the paper.

Larry:Yeah, but not if he's upset with somebody who promised him a gift for Christmas and never followed through on it.

Larry:You don't understand because you're not jewish, okay? But it's a jewish thing. Invite the cranky neighbors who... well, if jews don't have any place to go for seder, you're supposed to invite them.

Rick:Yeah, and I eat and I breathe. In that order.

Rick:I'll bring latkes.

Larry:Oh, and I forgot to mention it's that sex offender.

Cheryl:You invited a sex offender over for seder? Are you out of your mind?

Cheryl · Larry:What would Jesus do? Cheryl, Cheryl. Cheryl, he's a jew. He's a jew!

Jake:Washington and then you go 77 years, Lincoln. 77 years there's... what's that guy's name? Theodore Roosevelt? F.D.R. And then another 77 years, you got W.

Larry:You couldn't cut it in your single life there? Couldn't get any dates, so you went back?

Larry:You ever get aroused?

Larry:Have you been stealing my newspaper?

Larry:Okay, so that's two inappropriate questions.

Rick:Somebody order latkes?

Larry:This guy completely changed my life. I'm telling you. I can't believe the way I hit the ball now on account of him.

Rick:Somebody drop a cute bomb in here?

Jeff · Larry:What the hell are you trying to pull, Larry? He had nowhere to go, what do you want me to do? I don't give a shit where he goes.

Jeff:Jeff's horror reaction when he realizes who Rick is

Larry:Take a look around this room here, okay, and just see if there's anybody who you recognize.

Mark:Okay, gently. Gently, guys. Let's put her here on the bed.

Larry · Mark:A couple of hours?! What, are you kidding? Just a... you know, she'll sleep it off, then she'll be fine.

Larry:You know what's in here? Matzah. And I'm gonna hide this, and you've got to go find it and whoever finds the matzah is gonna get a dollar.

Larry:I mean, a really good look. If she ever sees him again, she'll recognize him. She'll know that face. She never forgets a face.

Mark:Excuse me, uh, no. Just some gefilte fish.

Mark:Oh, my foot fell asleep so I was kind of jumping up and down to get the blood circulating again. I hate when that happens, right?

Mark · Larry:I've been paged by the hospital. It must be an emergency. I didn't hear anything, doctor. I keep my pager on vibrate... for medical emergencies, yes.

Larry · Mark:Aren't you a cosmetic surgeon? Yes, we have emergencies in that field as well.

Larry:Emergency boob job, no doubt.

Larry:You're lucky that old lady fainted.

Larry · Mark:You took that paper. I know you did. I'm a doctor, you idiot! Good yontif.

Rick:Well, I saw Mr. Dunkle whisper in his son's ear and then the boy went right over and found the matzah.

Larry:My friend told me, that's how I know! He saw you whisper in your son's ear and then watched as he ran to the bookcase and got the matzah.

Jake:Oh, your friend the convicted sex offender!

Rick:I do.