The Smoking Jacket

Larry · Unknown speaker:You wished that Louis Lewis would die, so you don't have to give up your own kidney to Richard.

Larry:You think I would wish for somebody who's in a coma, who's practically a vegetable, to die, just so I wouldn't have to give up my own kidney?

Larry · Jeff:It's good to have a big friend, you can really smack him around. You know, look at that! Doesn't hurt him, doesn't feel anything.

Larry · Gift giver:What? It's my present. Let go. Let go with the package.

Unknown:I have to confirm something before I give it to you.

Larry:Well, at least it's not his hip. Because once it's in the hip, then you're gone. They all... they say you're gone.

Jeff:Come on. We'll be 'going to a movie' or something.

Larry:Did your parents ever mention anything to you about me being... adopted?

Larry:I hired a private investigator.

Larry:So... how long do you think he has?

Larry:If you had to pick one. Take a shot.

Larry:What happens to the moustache in a coma?

Larry:Seems a pity though, that... these people like they... languish like this when the soul is crying to...

Wilson:You pull that plug and I'll tell.

Larry:No, it fell. It fell on the floor. I'm picking it up.

Wilson:I want to see a naked woman.

Larry:Hey, I almost did.

Wilson:Take me to your place.

Larry:This is probably a birthday gift for me. I'll tell you why. 'Cause when we were younger, whenever it was my birthday my father would always send a gift to him so he wouldn't feel left out.

Larry:I had a phone number. A very important number written on it.

Cheryl:Because he took it in the bathroom and contaminated it.

Larry:You fucking moron! Give me that jacket.

Larry:It's a big bowl of wrong.

Jeff:You're already in the doghouse, you can't get in any more trouble, you might as well get your money's worth.

Jeff:It's a 'double transgression' theory.

Larry:You want to go to the Playboy mansion? Give me the jacket.

Larry:I'm taking it to the drycleaner. Take it off.

Hugh Hefner:Well, it's an original. I have them imported from Italy. It's a Roselli. One of a kind.

Wilson:You ruined my wish. It could have been a coincidence. They ran away from you, Larry.

Hugh Hefner:Well, it's not a Roselli but it's a great knock-off.

Larry:I don't think you want to go bowling with me. Let's pretend to be ventriloquists, okay?

Larry:There's no nude women. They covered all up when they saw me.

Cheryl:I have arranged for you to have lunch and play a round of golf with Gary Player.

Larry:So I figured, I might as well go to the mansion, so one apology would cover both of them.

Larry:It's like the dog who pees on the rug. He knows he's getting sent to the doghouse, so on the way, he grabs some food off the kitchen table.

Nat:My jacket is a Roselli jacket. Take a look at this thing. It's a shmata, man. It's not my... this is a knock-off of my jacket.

Nat:Hugh Hefner has your jacket? Hugh Hefner took my jacket?

Larry:Who's waiting for you upstairs?

Larry:If he sits here like a lox for a couple of weeks the organs aren't going to be worth it.

Wilson:My wish is for Hugh Hefner's smoking jacket. The red one with the black trim. The Roselli.

Wilson · Larry:Wilson discovering Larry's house and Larry's panicked reaction

Gary Player:That's exactly like the jacket they award you when you win the masters. Now there's a 1961 masters jacket.