Larry decides to buy a surrogate mother a gift, but it backfires. He tries (and fails) to pass a routine physical and uses it as an advantage.
WAR
58.6
Wins Above Replacement
“The Surrogate” ranks #48 of 120 Curb Your Enthusiasm episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 82.1 — Elite. The episode packs 53 scored jokes at 1.6 per minute, averaging 7.1 on craft and 7.1 on impact, with Larry landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Larry · Road Rage Driver: Larry faking a heart attack to escape road rage confrontation
Cheryl: She's gone into labor. She's here at the hospital, and she's not gonna give the baby up... She said she had a talk with you.
Cheryl Callback Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Larry: Oh, hi, Mr. Schwimmer. Uh, this is Larry David. I just want to say... you fucking asshole! What's your fucking problem, you prick?
Larry Misdirection Escalation Larry: Oh, my heart! What are you doing? What is this?
Larry Escalation Character Comedy Man: So what, the black man in a suit parks cars. Black man, no suit, he gonna steal your car.
Man Observational Escalation Callback All Jokes — 53 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Larry: Can you spare a little change for an old buccaneer?
Larry Character Comedy Absurdist Larry · Cheryl: Don't answer it. I don't want to talk to her... I'm not here.
Larry: I can't believe this woman has to call after every single show... Every... I mean, does it ever end with this lady?
Larry Observational Character Comedy Larry: You would entrust me that? A gift for a baby?
Larry Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Larry · Cheryl: Get a doll for Betty. It's her baby shower. Well, what about the surrogate? Get her anything?
Larry: The surrogate's standing there like an idiot and has nothing to open? What's the surrogate etiquette?
Larry Observational Cringe/Discomfort Larry · Charlie: Because the dog bit your penis? Yes.
Receptionist · Larry: That magazine collection, you really need to do something about that... just making an observation.
Larry: What are you doing, stealing your magazines from garbage cans? I have never seen such a collection of shit in my life.
Larry Observational Escalation Larry: 'People' magazine. 'Tom Cruise is 40!' 'Emilio Estevez is 40!' 'Good for them, they're 40!'
Larry Observational Absurdist Nurse: It sounds like you're reading a lot of these magazines you don't like... you got a lot of that stuff memorized.
Nurse Irony/Sarcasm Reaction Beat Dr. Jack: We were going along great, and you kind of spiked a little there.
Dr. Jack Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Dr. Jack: I'm gonna give you a device called a heart halter.
Jeff · Larry: Have you ever made it with an African-American? Yes. Twice. What, the same one twice? Two different ones. Same time? No, same time... two different ones.
Jeff: Big? They could put the Chicago fire out with this. It was... it was a joke. It was like from another planet.
Jeff Observational Escalation Larry: Larry's practical suggestion: 'You need to see a guard. Did you see a guard? You can't tell by a forward. They're too big, out of proportion.'
Larry Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Larry · Jeff: I could see how it could be a concern... maybe I can step in... if you're too intimidated to go through with it, I could try.
Jeff: A good friend doesn't do that... I'd rather go to Tiffany's and get you a bowl.
Jeff Deadpan/Understatement Irony/Sarcasm Man · Larry: Yeah, I'm not the valet. Oh, I'm sor... It is possible for black people to have other jobs.
Man Larry Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Wanda: So you automatically think the black man is the valet, huh?
Wanda Cringe/Discomfort Escalation Wanda: You would have asked him for a stock tip or... where do you golf?
Wanda Observational Irony/Sarcasm Larry · Wanda: You've slept with a lot of white men and black men, I'm sure. Is there any discernible difference?
Wanda · Larry: Why would you ask me something like that, Larry? My friend wants to know.
Wanda · Larry: What is that? What the fuck? What are you doing? It's a bug, a bug. I had a bug on me.
Larry: I need a black man to get my car. Is there a black man in the area who wants to take my valet ticket?
Larry Escalation Character Comedy Larry · Store clerk: What's the race on this doll? It's biracial. Biracial? Really?
Larry · Toy Store Clerk: The toy store clerk's explanation of the biracial doll and Larry's follow-up questions about Asian-white dolls
Larry: If somebody's Asian, and they marry a white person, are they making sort of a half-Asian, half-white doll too?
Larry Observational Escalation Larry · Guest: It's a mulatto. No good? Biracial is what we call it, usually.
Larry: That's actually for the surrogate.
Larry Callback Cringe/Discomfort Callback Larry · Surrogate: Larry's extended metaphor about scripts as babies that writers lose to other writers
Larry: You never see the baby again, and it's your baby. And they give it to another writer. And that writer doesn't let you even look at your baby.
Larry Escalation Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Mel Brooks: After three shuffle-ball chains, he's winded.
Irving: Are those genitals? What is that on that bull?
Irving Visual Gag Cringe/Discomfort Larry: Oh, hi, Mr. Schwimmer. Uh, this is Larry David. I just want to say... you fucking asshole! What's your fucking problem, you prick?
Larry Misdirection Escalation Larry: Oh, my heart! What are you doing? What is this?
Larry Escalation Character Comedy Larry · Road Rage Driver: Larry faking a heart attack to escape road rage confrontation
Larry: Seriously, the guy was... the guy was coming after me with a tire iron. I faked the whole thing.
Masasa · Larry: I've dated both... black men, white men and there really isn't a difference. It's... it's really just kind of a myth. That's a myth? Boy, too bad for the black guys.
Larry · Masasa: I bought a mulatto doll today. Okay, um, we don't really use mulatto anymore...
Masasa · Larry: If we all keep fucking each other, then we're gonna be the same race sooner or later anyways. Let's pray for that.
Cheryl: So you're taking up a hospital bed because you're afraid of some weird guy in traffic?
Cheryl Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Cheryl: She's gone into labor. She's here at the hospital, and she's not gonna give the baby up... She said she had a talk with you.
Cheryl Callback Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Charlie: Those bastards. The fourth time I've been here, and I still can't get this colostomy bag to fit.
Larry: You can't keep that baby! I was talking about a script. I want that panda back!
Larry Escalation Callback Callback Muggsy Bogues: What the fuck?! Why are you looking at my dick?! You looking at me?
Man · Larry: Think I'm gonna steal your car? No no, it's just I forgot to... I forgot to just put the alarm on.
Man Larry Callback Cringe/Discomfort Callback Man: So what, the black man in a suit parks cars. Black man, no suit, he gonna steal your car.
Man Observational Escalation Callback Man: No black man don't want a toy car. Black man want a car with some get up and go.
Man Observational Irony/Sarcasm Wanda · Larry: Well, did you tell him I was black? No. Why didn't you tell him I was black? Larry, you don't know when to play the card.
Wanda: Tell him I'm like a brown-skinned black, not light skinned. Make sure he know I'm real black.
Wanda Escalation Observational Larry: Can I say that this is fantastic, the magazines? What an improvement, unbelievable... It was the best waiting room experience I've ever had.
Larry Callback Irony/Sarcasm Callback Irving: This is Irv Schwimmer. You motherfucking, cocksucking, son-of-a-bitch bastard! Who the fuck do you think you are?!
Irving Callback Escalation Callback Top Episodes — Curb Your Enthusiasm