Wandering Bear

Unknown:What does it take to be a 'Girls Gone Wild' girl? You have to show your...!

Larry · Jeff:I can't have it sent to my house. Susie'll kill me. I don't want it sent here.

Cheryl · Larry:Oh, have you seen my Palm Pilot?

Larry · Cheryl:Cheryl walks in right as Larry is ordering the Girls Gone Wild video

Cheryl · Larry:What are you watching? Just flipping around.

Larry:Jeff's got this Indian guy. They're immune to it. Wandering Bear, yeah.

Cheryl · Larry:Have you noticed that we have not had sex in a very long time? I'm watching this thing about hippos.

Larry:I can't use condoms. First of all, I'm embarrassed to buy 'em, and I'm not good at it.

Cheryl:I'll call and make an appointment for you to have a vasectomy

Larry:They're going wild or something. Somebody told me about going wild.

Antoinette · Larry:How can things be going so well one day and you're planning a trip, and then the next day it's over? What are those, Mentos?

Larry:Boy, that's really good. That is a hell of a candy, you know that? How do they get the essence of orange like that?

Larry:Fill up my car with mints and gum and good fresh-breath stuff. A lot of fresh, freshness. So I'll just reach into the well and I'll just have an unlimited good breath supply.

Larry · Antoinette:Cancel lunch with Jason Small for me. I don't know. Tell him it's my mother's unveiling or something.

Antoinette:Okay, so lie and then get some treats for the car?

Antoinette · Larry:'Girls Gone Wild,' Larry? Hey, what are you doing opening my mail?

Larry:'College Girls Gone Wild'? Better... they're younger.

Jeff:Everlast condoms, my friend. The best in the business. With those babies you're never gonna stop.

Larry:I want one called 'Get It Over With.' How long you think I'd want to do that for? It gets boring, come on.

Larry · Jeff:Fucking's boring? It's a bore. What is it? It's enough, in and out.

Larry · Jeff:'I can't get them on!' 'Who's timing you?'

Jeff:I don't say you got it from me. He's pissed off at me 'cause Susie doesn't want me to pay him because he went $200 over the estimate. But it's an estimate!

Larry:Because she knows everything about me. She knows my dietary habits. She knows about all my web of lies and bullshit and deceit.

Jeff:You're trapped! Oh, dear God, you're trapped!

Jeff · Larry:We can go to my house and watch it. Oh, yeah, we'll have an 'Auto Focus' party.

Jeff:I'm not gonna pause it. I don't like pausing. I'm not a pauser.

Jeff · Larry:Did you leave the door open? Yeah, when I... God damn it.

Larry:I waved to a guy in a Prius and he didn't wave back. We're Prius drivers... we're a special breed.

Jeff · Larry:What are you gonna do after you catch him? Nothin'.

Larry · Jeff:Do not tell anyone about this. Well, he knows about it. Good thing he can't talk.

Larry:See, it pays to lay off that sex for a while. It kind of reminds me of when Mantle was injured in '63.

Cheryl · Larry:I am completely numb. Down there? Yeah. I can't feel anything.

Larry · Cheryl:'Everlast... lasts all night. Contains the numbing agent... lidocaine.' I must have put it on inside out.

Cheryl · Larry:15-year-old boys do it every day. It's not hard! I don't use it often. I slipped it on.

Larry:Hey, that condom you gave me, Everlast? I put it on inside out by mistake. Now Cheryl's all numb in her vagina.

Jeff:Oscar is not good. He's just lethargic as can be and his bark is like... emasculated.

Jeff · Susie:You listen and you listen good. You keep that trap shut. What did you do to this dog?! Something's wrong with Oscar!

Cheryl:It feels like it's been shot with novocaine. There's nothing.

Wandering Bear · Larry:There's an old Indian saying, 'What goes around comes around.' You sure that's Indian? I thought that was English.

Larry:I put a condom on inside out. And my wife's vagina is completely numb.

Larry · Wandering Bear:Larry's argument with Wandering Bear about pen vs pencil specificity

Larry · Wandering Bear:Well, I have a pen. Same thing. Well... yeah, but you said pencil, so I just thought I'd mention that I had a pen.

Larry:Pencil has an eraser. You make a mistake, you can erase. So there's a slight difference. Some people are very specific about it.

Larry:Wandering Bear cured her vagina. He wrote down this thing... it's a root or something.

Jeff:Wandering Bear cures vaginas? That guy is some kind of magician or something. I wish I had special powers over the vagina.

Jeff:My doctor told me not to. He says it's no good for me to keep going and going. It's not good for my heart. It's a rubber for a young man.

Susie:The dog bit your penis so you're trying to fucking kill him? Is that what it is?

Cheryl:Wandering Bear just asked me how my vagina is.

Wandering Bear · Cheryl:'How is your vagina?' - Wandering Bear casually greeting Cheryl

Larry:The Jew generally doesn't ask other men's wives about their vagina. It's a custom thing.

Antoinette:'College Girls Gone Wild,' Cheryl, it's hot! Everybody's gonna know every lie, every deceit, every half-truth you have ever told, mister!

Marvin:When the race begins, I'm at the finish line just like that... Quick quick, I finish quick.

Larry:Your problems are over. All night, my friend... all night. I've just got one little word of advice for you. Don't wear it inside out.

Susie · Jeff:Wandering Elk, whatever the fuck your name is, you were paid already. No, she's not. You don't get out of my house, I'll get my dog.

Oscar:Ahhh!