Officer Krupke

Susie · Jeff:What is this, jeff? Whose panties are these? What the fuck is this? It's your car. What are these doing in there? All right, pull the fuck over.

Larry:But I left my pants in the dressing room. Jesus.

Larry · Officer Krupke:You're officer krupke. Familiar with 'west side story'?

Larry · Officer Krupke:By the way, they wanted to say 'fuck you.' But in the '50s on broadway, sondheim, he couldn't write 'fuck you.' So 'krup you' is a substitute for 'fuck you.'

Officer Krupke:Some guy told me to go fuck my face once. He went to jail.

Larry:Larry singing the entire West Side Story song to the confused officer

Jeff · Larry:I told her they were your panties. What do you mean they're my panties? No no, I told her that they're your panties, that you like wearing women's panties.

Jeff:Odd yet brilliant. Completely and utterly brilliant. My best one ever maybe.

Virginia · Larry:Larry, you have a security tag on your pants.

Larry · Susie · Virginia · Dennis:I really have a hard time with 'how we met' stories, okay? So I'm gonna... Well, I wanna hear it. We don't have to tell it. No, you can hear it. I find it cloying and annoying.

Larry · Kids:Are you kidding me? Oh my god. This is awful. I'm not even joking. Who made that? Us. It's beautiful. You made it? Give me my money back.

Girl:Bald asshole!

Larry · Jeff:What are you, self-conscious? No, you're looking me over. I was not looking you over, paranoid.

Larry · Mother:I think they deserve an adult critique. If they're gonna charge a dollar and give you this much lemonade... I felt a little ripped off.

Mother · Larry:They're in that little kid bubble. They're buds, and you just... You know, just piss all over it. I didn't piss on the buds. No, I helped the buds. I'm helping the buds grow. I'm good for buds.

Virginia · Cheryl:Why would you have to audition? It's based on you.

Larry · Jerry · Mark:Why hold a hat when you could just put it on your head? Wear a hat. Yeah, exactly. But it's not a hat, it's a pair of pants with a security...

Cheryl:Cheryl's entire audition performance as George's panicked ex-wife on the plane

Cheryl as Amanda · Mark as George:I just want you to know... It's just a TiVo guy.

Larry:That was insane, okay? I mean, that was... That was perfect. Perfect. Everything we want.

Jerry:Well, a girl like that, if you can get her, it's like 'let's get on board the virginia sloan, toot toot. Next stop, comedy town.'

Larry · Clerk:There's a difference between lost and gone? Yes. Lost is different than gone. They're lost and gone. If they're lost, they'd be here in the lost and found. They're gone and that's the difference.

Larry · Clerk:Good for you. I got a sign at my house, okay? It says 'if somebody takes your pants, you take theirs.' That's my sign.

Larry:Call me hester.

Cheryl · Larry:Oh, you know, virginia went to the bathroom and he asked me if I was interested in a menage a trois.

Larry · Cheryl:If you're gonna have a menage a trois with anybody, it's gonna be with me, not with him. Why would I want to be in a menage a trois with you?

Larry · Dennis:Curious? Did you say curious?

Dennis · Larry:Just because cheryl is curious doesn't mean you have any right to get mad at me, okay? Curious? Did you say curious?

Larry · Susie:I have a little problem with my underwear. All of a sudden out of nowhere? What, do you have a new brand or something? Yeah, I do.

Larry · Jeff:I'm trying to play like slight transvestite. Slight transvestite? Yes. It's a comfort thing. Don't add a transvestite level to this.

Jeff · Larry:I got a call from virginia. She can't do the part. She's in a neck brace. Oh my god.

Larry:There's only two ways you can injure your neck. One is a car accident. The other's cunnilingus.

Larry · Jeff:Nothing. Cheryl. Cunnilingus.

Larry · Cheryl:And I submit she performed it on you in a threesome.

Larry:You know, I never saw michelangelo in a brace.

Larry:♪ gee, officer krupke, krup you. ♪

Jeff:She was driving dennis's car, asshole know-it-all. His car is all fucked up.

Jeff · Larry:She was driving dennis's car, asshole know-it-all. His car's... His car is all fucked up.

Larry · Officer Krupke · Susie:Okay, fine. You don't have to do this here. I don't care. Okay, here. Oh my god! Jesus christ! Who are you? I'm larry david. I happen to enjoy wearing women's panties.

Larry:Larry forced to remove the stolen pants in front of everyone, revealing women's panties