The Freak Book

Larry · Cheryl:Larry and Cheryl looking at a freak book as Ted's birthday gift

Larry · Cheryl:Cemetery plot discussion - 'now Ted and Mary are gonna be next to us and Jeff and Susie'

Larry:I couldn't be alone with myself for 15 minutes. My brains would melt

Larry:'Well, it's not gonna be me and probably not Ted. We're very healthy'

Larry:'Just 'cause the person's bald doesn't mean I have to like them'

Larry:Pretty, pretty good

Larry · Jamie:Ted Danson specifically requesting bartender wear a bow tie

Larry · Jamie:Jamie begging Larry not to confront Ted while Larry insists he must

Larry · Ted:'Yeah, we don't need to go that far' - Larry avoiding Ted's birthday hug

Larry · Ted:Larry's elaborate bow tie morality lecture: 'He's gotta feel bad so you can feel good?'

Ted · Larry:Final answer? Yeah, no deal

Larry · Ted:Larry's limo driving story: 'The woman was blind and couldn't see... I didn't even wear the uniform'

Larry:'That doesn't affect heterosexuals, right?' about AIDS in Africa

Ted · Others:Visual gag: Freak book showing three penises

Ted:His head tilted!

Driver · Ted's wife · Ted:Drunk driver groping Ted's wife at the party

Ted · Larry:Ted kicking Larry out: 'Take your freaky friend and your freak book and get the hell out'

Driver's girlfriend:This is the shitstorm of my life. It's shit

Father:I don't want that dog shitting in my yard!

Charlie's girlfriend:This is the shitstorm of my life. It's shit.

Larry · Cheryl:Larry not wanting to be buried next to Ted Danson for eternity

Jeff · Larry:Jeff: 'Even your best self, I'm not interested for eternity'

Susie · Jeff:I'm claustrophobic. I can't be anywhere but the end. He hyperventilates

Larry:Larry's dramatic exit: 'You don't wanna be next to me when you're dead, I can assume you don't wanna be next to me when you're alive'

Larry:Nice to meet you, Mr. McEnroe. I'm Charlie. Hey, Mr. McEnroe, hiya

Larry:I think it's a lot harder than tennis, with all due respect. Ever play ping pong? Ping pong's my game

Larry:I have sex once a week. How about you? Is that too personal?

Larry · McEnroe:'Do you believe in God?' ... 'Yeah, I believe in a God, and I'm wondering where he is right now'

McEnroe:McEnroe's explosive road rage: 'That's it! I can't take this anymore!'

McEnroe · Larry:Three legs! It's a pig. It's a human pig! What a freak!

Heather Mills · Larry · McEnroe:Heather Mills confrontation: 'Who you calling a freak, you bald fuck?'

Larry · McEnroe:Larry and McEnroe blame fight: 'You yelled it first. I was just following you!'

Larry:See? Look. Four tits. You see the four tits? That's a freak. That's what I'm talking about

Larry · Charlie's girlfriend:'I think I can help you out' - Larry offering cemetery plot to Charlie's grieving girlfriend