The Christ Nail

Larry:Boy, they sure make a lot of noise.

Larry:so every anti-semite in the neighborhood will know that we live here in case they wanna burn down the house

Larry · Jesus:"How do you feel, Mr. David?" That's good. That's good, Jesús.

Larry · Jesus:By the way, Jesús... Jesus... either one? Either one, si. It's okay. Same thing. Si.

Larry:Do you want your life changed, Jesus?

Larry:De naaadaaa.

Larry:Well, they're very good for my feet, I could tell you that. My feet feel a lot better.

Larry · Cheryl:Why is it that before you have a meal, you do the whole cross thing, but not for snack. I don't think it applies to snacks.

Larry:There's gotta be a maximum number of times somebody can cross in a day. Uh, I wonder what the record is.

Mel:This is a nail. I bought this on the internet. It's from 'The Passion of the Christ'.

Larry:I can see worshipping Jesus if he were a girl. Like if god had a daughter... Jane. I'll worship a Jane.

Larry:But, you know, to worship a guy... it's like a little kinda, you know, it's a little gay, isn't it?

Larry:Good-looking woman, zaftig, you know? Good sense of humor.

Larry:I was... your bra was kind of... it was about to fall off and I was... I was putting it back on.

Larry:I didn't deliberately set out to look at the size, but I was... I had the bra in my hand, and it's kind of like, you know, if you have a driver's license you check out the date of birth.

Cheryl:I'm not gonna have that conversation with someone. I would rather just get rid of her.

Cheryl:Oh hi, I thought you were Jesús! Jesús! No kidding. Yeah, his shoes sound like your shoes.

Larry:'Cause you know, between you and me, he could be quite a downer this guy, this Jesús.

Larry:you don't wear a, uh... bra.

Larry:Yeah, a lot of flopping going on.

Larry:They're inviting and cozy and cottony. What do you call that cotton? Puma? That's a sneaker. All right... pima! Pima!

Jeff:I got a housekeeper who steals.

Larry · Jeff:You had to tell your housekeeper to wear a bra? I am buying her!

Larry:What, are you kidding? She's like 11 years old... She still believes in the tooth fairy?

Larry:I knew there was no tooth fairy even before my teeth fell out.

Larry:I think she's about the same size as Maria, my housekeeper.

Larry:I just found out, and I gotta tell you something. A little disappointed.

Jeff:You don't tell me Cheryl's, I ain't telling you Susie's.

Susie:I'm gonna kill him! It's you! You're the tooth fairy!

Larry:I know, but it had to happen eventually.

Larry:It might be a blessing in disguise. The kid's 11 years old already. Enough with the tooth fairy!

Susie · Larry:you misanthropic moron! Maybe you shouldn't have propagated this ridiculous myth!

Larry:Not that there's anything wrong with it. But there is something wrong with it. What am I saying? There's a lot wrong with it.

Larry:I'm just saying this kind of foamy, soft material would be nice down there for me. That doesn't make me a pervert just 'cause I want to wear underwear made out of a bra.

Larry:I got a feeling I think I nailed it. I really do!

Susie:You're a sick fuck, you know that?

Larry:I was trying to imagine what it would be like to be the housekeeper and have those breasts you know, working and doing dishes.

Larry:Because there is no fucking tooth fairy! And It's about time she learned that!

Maria:Oh, Jesús was very upset that you were talking about my breasts and wanting to buy a bra for me, so he said, 'Mr. David can go fuck himself'.

Mel:That's blasphemy! He took my nail! He took the nail right off my neck! That's Jesus' nail!

Larry:My god, she makes chicken salad, she wears brassieres, she does it all!

Larry · Jeff:I don't know how I do it. Maybe you can get a job in a carnival somewhere. Yeah, have your own little booth. Step right up. You are... 36c!

Jeff:What fuckin' idiot put bones in a sandwich? I bit into a bone! There's bones in the chicken salad!

Larry:The nail. I must have dropped it! It saved me!