Vow Of Silence

Larry:Takes up two spaces, parks over the line. What kind of idiot-- Everybody's gotta move down now because of him.

Larry · Jeff · Susie:You're throwing for yourselves, I might add. I mean, usually somebody else gives you a going-away party... But you've decided to give one for yourselves.

Jeff:We're beloved.

Larry · Susie:They don't take everybody? She auditioned, Larry.

Larry · Susie:Why do you have to criticize my kid, Larry? I'm not criticizing. I don't think she wants to do it. I think you're pushing her into it.

Larry · Susie:What, are you making fun of me now? Yes. Yes, I am.

Susie:You know what the best thing about going to New York is? I'm not gonna see your face for three months.

Larry · Marty:Why did you have to take up two parking spaces? You made me take two parking spaces, okay? Yes, I can understand that you're upset. I too was upset when I saw the red Volvo to my left also taking up two spaces. He created a domino effect.

Marty:There's no Volvo out there.

Larry:There was when I parked, okay?

Larry · Vance:Hey, Vance. What's with you? What, have you got laryngitis?

Susie:Vow of silence. Took a vow of silence.

Larry:You took a vow of silence?

Jeff:I've tried to get Susie to take a vow of silence. I have. I've talked to her about it.

Susie:That's never gonna happen. I have too many important things to say.

Larry · Vance:See, that's funny. Meanwhile, he's trying to communicate it. It's just you're mouthing-- Oh, it's okay to mouth. It's okay to mouth.

Larry:You're still communicating, but in a much less effective way.

Vance:He's an asshole.

Larry · Jeff:What's he doing here? He and his wife came. Oscar's really sick, so Susie felt like it'd be nice to invite him.

Larry · Jeff:She's doing a chat and cut. A chat and cut? Really? She's feigning familiarity with someone she vaguely knows for the sole purpose of cutting in line.

Larry · Krista:Hi, first of all. Congratulations on a great attempt at a chat and cut. Really good. 99 times out of 100, that's gonna work. Unfortunately, I happen to be on the line so--

Krista · Brent:Well, I mean-- I mean, to be fair, we met like eight years ago. I-- He remembers, so-- No, I-- I honestly don't.

Larry · Brent:You think she's doing a chat and cut? I kinda feel like you are. Yeah. You see? He's been manipulated. You manipulated him, that's what it is.

Larry · Krista:And look, you just did it again. What? No, I'm-- I'm-- Oh so, seriously, I'm not even gonna say anything this time. I respect your skills, really. Excellent.

Larry · Brian:Seriously, how much would it take for you to see, 'Eat Pray Love?' $3,000.

Larry · Brian:What if I brought a roach in? Listen, if you brought a roach in and you say you love that roach, I'm gonna do what I can to give it every chance it has.

Larry · Woman:You see a rat in the house, you don't want to kill it? Yes, if I see a rat in the house, I want to kill it. What if you injured it? Would you then bring it into his office for him to save it?

Larry:I don't know why they don't have specialties. 'I'm a donkey vet. I'm a rabbit vet. I'm a turtle vet.' You know what I mean? In humans, there's an ENT, there's a podiatrist.

Woman · Larry:The way you're saying it, it's almost like there should be a doctor who handles just feathers. Yes. How does a vet do? What do they make, a guy like that?

Woman · Larry:Okay, when is the last time you jacked off? Mmm. This morning.

Larry · Tessler:Oh, three-legged race? Yeah yeah yeah. Hard-boiled egg in a spoon. Oh, what's-- Nothing more fun than that. Running with that thing?

Larry · Tessler:Sa-- Oh, you know what? I can't make it. How come? I-- I'm going out of town on Saturday. Oh, that's too bad. Where you going? I'm going to New York.

Larry · Jeff:I'm reading all this mercury stuff. I'm scared to get Sushi. I can't eat Sushi. How about some Italian? Wanna get some pasta? I don't like to have hot food for lunch.

Jeff · Larry:What about a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? I don't want bread. I don't want to have bread. Like a plate with-- Peanut butter and jelly just on a plate with a fork?

Larry · Brian:Let me ask you a question. Did you notice, by any chance, if your wife was upset last night when you got home? No, not that I-- Not that I noticed. Did she mention my name?

Susie:She doesn't care about you! You're not the center of the universe! Right now Oscar is! He's gonna die any minute now, okay?

Larry · Brian:Wouldn't it be nice for him to have a last meal? Oh, absolutely. I encourage it. So the dog could have a big chocolate bar? Dogs have last meals?

Jeff · Susie:But neither of us have eaten since breakfast. I don't really give a shit about you. I care about Oscar right now, okay? He's in pain. He's gonna die soon. He needs his last meal.

Larry · Brian:You drive a red Volvo? Don't drive a red Volvo. You sure? I drive a black Lexus.

Larry · Susie:You make as much as a regular doctor? Get me the fucking Pinkberry! Just curious. Okay. Just go! Hurry up! Time is of the essence! God.

Larry · Man:You're way outside the line. You're taking up two spaces. I'm like an inch over the line. No, you're a foot over the line.

Larry · Man:Society can't function like this. What? You have to be in the lines, the way it's supposed to be. Hey, here's an idea. Why don't you mind your own business?

Larry · Man:It's not an open field. It's not a farm, okay? Just-- Just park your car between the lines. Why don't you stay between the lines of your own goddamn business, huh?

Larry:Why don't you stay confined within the lines of not being an asshole? 'Cause you're way over that line.

Larry · Man:The only person who's the asshole here is the pig parker. Pig parker? Yes. So you're calling me a pig?

Larry · Jeff:I know what he's doing. He's about to do a chat and cut. It's a total chat and cut. No no no no no no. No no no. No, I know it looks like a chat--

Larry:I invented the chat and cut. This is amateur hour. If I was gonna do it, you wouldn't even notice.

Tessler · Larry:I thought you were in New York. Just got back... This morning.

Tessler · Larry:Bedbug infestation on the nap mats. Oh my God. Bedbugs? Part of the event is this big, middle of the day nap-- All the kids. It's beautiful. A beautiful thing. A kind of pastoral feel to it.

Larry · Tessler:Jesus, I can't believe it. I gotta go back-- I'm going back to New York. You're going back to New York? I'm going back, yeah, for like-- What-what-- what did you say it was? Six weeks on our end, approximately.

Larry · Tessler:Jerry and I are working on a new-- Oh. Oh, excellent. A new show. Yeah? Oh great. Great. Excellent. You know, don't-- Don't talk about that. With anybody.

Larry · Jeff:Mind if I take a bite of this? I do mind. That's for Oscar. Come on, one bite. No. Let me take one bite. What the-- Come on, I've got low blood sugar.

Larry · Jeff:By the way... Mmm? Your taste was about twice as big as mine. What are you talking about? It was a small taste. No, it was about-- No, it was about as twice as big as mine.

Larry · Jeff:No, my two bites were the same as your one. Oh, right. Okay. I can't even see what you're eating. Look at that! Look at the size of those bites you took!

Larry · Jeff:You just took two bites! Bullshit. What do you mean, bullshit? I'm driving! Stop!

Larry · Vance:Oh, hey, Vance. I-- I don't know what the hell you're trying to say. Will you just talk, please?

Vance:Pinkberry.

Jeff · Susie · Larry:They were closed. They're never closed. They're open till, like, midnight. We go after the movies all the time. They-- I'm telling ya-- Korean holiday. A Korean holiday?

Larry · Susie:I wonder if that'll catch on in prisons, you know, when they're about to be electrocuted. Pinkberry makes no sense. Well, why? The Pinkberry'll melt. It'll never get there in time.

Larry · Susie · Jeff:No, it's gross. It's full of my snot. Suz, just give it. Let me just throw it out. No no, just go-- Put the tissue in my hand. You know what? You've gone through enough today you don't need to be looking at garbage.

Larry · Richard:Where were you? I waited half an hour. You didn't confirm. There's no way I'm gonna go there. I didn't confirm? We had-- We had a plan. The plan is the confirmation.

Larry · Richard:You're like some kind of government bureaucracy. You've got the plan. You've got the confirmation. You've got a subcommittee. I've got to go through all these levels. I'm not the Kremlin!

Larry:I'm just a human being who needs to be assured that if I'm gonna take a shower, get my clothes on and drive to a fucking restaurant, you're gonna show up.

Larry · Richard:A Shiva call for a dog? Have you ever heard of anything like that? I only met him once and he nipped at me. I shouldn't even be here. I didn't even like the dog.

Richard · Larry:What the fuck is that? Is he like a mime or some shit? He's taken a vow of silence, yet he mouths. Like a ventriloquist without a puppet.

Susie:At the vet's I wanted to give him his last meal. He loved Pinkberry and Larry and Jeff went to get it and it was closed. And I feel such a sense of guilt.

Larry · Vance:There's a lot of bad karma attached to tattling. Are you aware of that? I wonder what your spiritual advisor would say about that.

Larry:Nobody likes a tattletale. Nobody. So go ahead and squeal and you'll rot in hell. Okay? So what's it gonna be?

Larry · Tessler:Boy, for a guy that can't talk, he has a pretty big mouth, doesn't he? Yeah, well, he just mentioned you were still here.

Tessler · Larry:Okay, so if you're going tomorrow, if I came back here next week and there's somebody that looks like you sitting in that chair, it's not you. I'm not gonna be in this chair, no.

Larry:The red Volvo? Again. Jesus. What an asshole.

Vance · Susie:Hey, Larry! I got your little note. Vance? Talking? Hey, Susie, guess what? Larry ate Oscar's Pinkberry! And Jeff was driving! Asshole!

Susie · Larry:Oh boy, am I so glad we're going to New York for three months and not gonna see your face! Mmm.