The Lawn Jockey

Larry · Cellmate:Larry gives unsolicited medical advice about dairy intolerance to his cellmate based on sleep problems

Larry · Cellmate:Larry recommends Camembert cheese, cellmate responds 'What the fuck is that?'

Larry · Cellmate:Larry mentions giving up Marcona almonds, cellmate asks 'Is that like a nut?'

Larry · Cellmate:Cellmate says 'I don't know what the fuck you're talking about' to Larry's truffle oil description

Larry · Jeff · Cellmate:Larry asks Jeff to take down his cellmate's phone number because he doesn't have a phone

Larry · Joe D'Angelo:Larry says 'I didn't know it was against the law to give someone a glass of water'

Larry · Jeff:Jeff says lawyer looks just like Mocha Joe, Larry has natural antipathy because of resemblance

Larry · Jeff:Still the hair dye, still going with it, huh? Oh, come on. I like it. I do. I don't think you do.

Larry · Jeff:Discovery of lawn jockey statue on rental property

Larry · Jeff:Larry says he can't stay in house with lawn jockey, Jeff worried about security deposit

News Reporter:News quotes 'I was thirsty and you gave me water' comparing Larry to Jesus

TV Commentator:You know, maybe it's not Rosa Parks on the bus, but you know, this is pretty important.

Larry · Jeff:Larry says 'This Larry David they're talking about seems like quite a fellow' and 'But we know better'

Larry · Jeff:Tomorrow you have a Zoom call? I don't think so, Jeff. You're gonna have to change that. It's your birthday. No Zooming on my birthday.

Larry · Jeff:Larry claims if he wasn't born the world would be shit, Jeff responds nobody would care in It's a Wonderful Life scenario

Larry · Jeff:Larry's two-gift strategy - buy two gifts, give one, see reaction, give second if disappointed or return if satisfied

Jeff:Jeff's amazed reaction: 'How did I not think of that? So simple.'

Jeff:How did I not think of that? So simple.

Leon:Leon's reaction to lawn jockey: 'You fist bumped this motherfucker?'

Leon · Larry:This is heavy, man. What the fuck? Are you guys doing anything? Yeah, I'm holding it.

Leon · Larry:This is heavy, man. What the fuck? Are you guys doing anything? Yeah, I'm holding it.

Susie · Larry · Jeff · Leon:Susie threatens they'll eat the security deposit and demands exact replacement immediately

Larry · Stranger:Stranger recognizes Larry as water hero but comments on his sweater tied around neck

Leon:What do you buy a person who already has bullshit like this bullshit?

Leon:Leon needs to 'drop kids off at the pool' - bathroom euphemism

Store Clerk · Larry:Store clerk asks how much Larry would have paid for restroom in his condition - 'Five hundred?'

Larry · Store clerk:See? I'm a customer. No, he's a customer. You're just his friend who pooped in our toilet.

Store Clerk:Store clerk says 'it's like 400 years long. Starts in Nigeria' about the 'long story'

Store Clerk:Store clerk lists what they don't have: 'no black paint, no shoe polish, no tar, nothing like that'

Larry · Jeff · Leon:Larry uses hair dye to darken the white lawn jockey

Larry:So, for thousands of years, humans have been putting on their shoes using their index finger as a shoehorn...

Susie · Larry:Susie loves the sunglasses gift, calls them 'to die for' in Long Island accent reference

Larry:Check it out. You can see it. You see the shape of it? Look. Flat.

Jeff:You were right. Thank you. Let's go return it.

Susie:Oh! Another fucking gift? You two sneaky cocksuckers.

Larry · Store clerk:After what you did? What... what did I do? I didn't do anything. Oh, I used the bathroom. What a crime I committed!

Store clerk:That'll be 650.

Woman · Larry · Leon:Larry is here to help us fight for our cause. Well, yeah. I am gonna fight. You know, I'll fight it in my own way. So what you mean is you're gonna do it no way.

Leon:Leon makes spaghetti with ketchup because they ran out of sauce

Joe D'Angelo:Lawyer obsessively talks about coffee beans, repeating 'You don't have the beans, you don't have the coffee'

Larry · Joe:I can't do this anymore. What's wrong? You remind me of someone I detest. Sorry.

Larry · Joe D'Angelo:Larry fires lawyer because 'You remind me of someone I detest'

Susie:Hair dye. All right, you two. You have really gone too far this time.

Susie:Susie recognizes lawyer looks like Giuliani: 'It's Giuliani! No wonder I thought he looked like an asshole.'

Leon:Leon suggests Black lawn doctor with stethoscope or Black lawyer with briefcase instead of jockey

Larry · Homeowner:My sister's an avowed racist, and she's very sick. I thought this might cheer her up. That sounds familiar.

Larry · Emmett:Larry gives Emmett (cellmate) expensive hat as thank you for lawn jockey, Emmett says Larry 'do a solid, that's what you get'

Pastor Sherman:Or should I call you Larry Daniel? Because just like Daniel, he walked into the lion's den without fear.

Church crowd · Larry:Motherfucker's got a lawn jockey! What is wrong with you, man? It makes me sick! Oh, no, no, no! Get out of here, man. Hey, hey! It's not mine! Bye, Larry!