An acquaintance from the club asks too much of Larry. Jeff and Freddy both use Larry's tactics to get out of unwanted obligations of their own.
WAR
106
Wins Above Replacement
“The Dream Scheme” ranks #10 of 120 Curb Your Enthusiasm episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 88.2 — Elite. The episode packs 76 scored jokes at 1.5 per minute, averaging 7.5 on craft and 7.3 on impact, with Larry landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Larry: You're using the dream scheme on the wrong guy. I invented it.
Larry Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Larry: You know, it's like a gentleman holds the door open for women, a gentleman puts the toilet seat down, and a gentleman, eh...
Larry Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Leon: Put that motherfucker on... on the Mount Rushmore of... of pussy eaters. They all got their tongue out and shit. You know what I mean?
Leon Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Larry: She pulled the string on my sweatshirt, and it was all I could do to restrain myself from yelling, 'You fuck!' That's what I wanted to say to your daughter.
Larry Escalation Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Callback Leon: Downtown is fucking dangerous, you understand? You more of an uptown person.
Leon Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 76 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Larry: Why the fuck'd she call me?
Larry Observational Character Comedy Larry · Jeff: What am I doing on that list of middle-of-the-night calls? I don't understand it. Better you than me. That's insane.
Larry · Jeff: Now I'm on a text chain with his wife and the family... Those chains. I've been on 'em. They're the worst thing ever.
Larry: You gotta heart that. Just heart it.
Larry Observational Character Comedy Larry: Martha's beef stew is absolute perfection and really heals all wounds... It's really, honestly, like, the lowest form of human communication.
Larry Observational Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Larry: She's painting me as part of a series of old Jewish comedians called Wisenheimers.
Larry Observational Character Comedy Larry · Jeff: Maybe he should've gone to Atlanta and given some water to someone in the voting line, maybe. Huh? Perhaps he should've given some water.
Larry Jeff Callback Observational ★ Rewatch Callback Larry: Because it's last minute, middle fucking seats.
Larry Character Comedy Escalation Unknown golfer: Just a little swing juice... I go with iced tea and a little bit of just vodka.
Larry · Unknown golfer: You look like a derelict with that thing. You mean a gentleman. Here's looking up your address.
Larry: You have this dream, okay? And it's like a nightmare about the plane... It's a dream scheme.
Larry Setup/Punchline Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Larry: Middle seat! Can't breathe. Oh, they're squeezing me! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!
Larry Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy Renee · Larry: It's Picasso-esque. You know, a little asymmetrical... Asymmetrical?
Larry: The grimace looked like we were enjoying it?
Larry Observational Setup/Punchline Manager: It's halfway gone. You guys ate a lot of pie... went past the threshold of return ability.
Larry: You have to take a large bite. How else do you confirm? You can't confirm on a small bite. You don't get enough taste.
Larry Observational Absurdist ★ Rewatch Larry: She's an artist. She's a libertine. We're going back to my house. We're gonna have sex. We're gonna forget about this horrible experience.
Larry Escalation Character Comedy Larry: Yeah, go get Chef. You think I'm afraid of Chef?... Oh. Oh, I'm so scared of Chef.
Larry Escalation Setup/Punchline Manager · Larry: You're gonna regret this choice. I'm the nice one of the two of us... Let's get the fuck out of here.
Larry · Renee: What the hell? Larry, who the fuck is that? It's the housekeeper! Why didn't she knock? She's not supposed to be here! It's her day off!
Larry: It's not like you don't have one of your own. It's...
Larry Observational Cringe/Discomfort Larry: I know what you saw, and, uh... You know, I don't know the nature of your experiences, but, uh, a lot of women seem to find pleasure in that.
Larry Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Larry: I didn't wanna do it. I... She asked me. Oh, she practically begged me... What am I supposed to do? I didn't wanna be rude. You know, I'm a gentleman. It's a chivalrous thing to do.
Larry Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Larry: You know, it's like a gentleman holds the door open for women, a gentleman puts the toilet seat down, and a gentleman, eh...
Larry Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Larry · Leon: Dahlia walked in on us when I was downtown... Downtown is fucking dangerous, you understand? You more of an uptown person.
Larry Leon Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Leon: Downtown is fucking dangerous, you understand? You more of an uptown person.
Leon Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Leon: I can fuck around and do a TED Talk to that shit. I'll have a pussy TED Talk. Get all the guys in one room, get a little microphone, get a little laser pointer and shit. Like, 'This is a pussy. See?'
Leon Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Leon · Larry: All the eromenous zones... Erogenous. Eronenous zones. Erogenous. Erotenous. Erogenous zones.
Jeff: Claustrophobic. The middle seat. No room. No room! Ah! I can't breathe. Middle seat! Can't breathe!
Jeff Callback Physical/Slapstick ★ Rewatch Callback Susie: If you're so worked up about this that you're having nightmares, it's a sign you should not come.
Susie Callback Irony/Sarcasm Callback Larry · Gina: She brought it over just so you'd eat it and get fat? Here's the thing. Stu ate the entire tub himself.
Larry: Everybody has an Achilles' heel. An entire tub sounds like an Achilles' foot.
Larry Wordplay/Pun Observational Larry: Me, keep an eye on your 11-year-old daughter? You gotta be kidding. I don't know anything about children.
Larry Character Comedy Reaction Beat Larry: Anybody in the world. Go out in the stre... A homeless person would do a better job than me.
Larry Escalation Character Comedy Larry: I don't like children. I've never spoken to a child without contempt in my voice in my life!
Larry Character Comedy Escalation Gina: Olivia this week said she's now identifying as a cat, and I'm sure you could really help her with that, Larry.
Gina Setup/Punchline Absurdist Larry: Well... Like what? Buy her a litter box? I mean, what am I supposed to do?
Larry Observational Escalation Larry: Freddy Funkhouser gets to sell a violin, and I get to take care of Catwoman?
Larry Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Larry · Olivia: Yeah, but there's something on the string. Hey! What are you doing? What was that? What'd you do that for? 'Cause cats like string.
Larry: You can't wear a sweatshirt without the string. You ruined my sweatshirt, Mittens.
Larry Character Comedy Escalation Leon: You cut the bottom of that bitch open and put the shit inside then reseal the bottom.
Leon Absurdist Observational Leon: You gotta moisten that motherfucker. Yeah. Like trying to thread a needle. Yeah, yeah, lick that shit good. You gotta get that bitch in that hole.
Larry: I like it from the top. Rolls out a lot easier... it's almost as if you're un-wiping your ass.
Larry Observational Absurdist Leon · Larry: Getting caught eating pussy is not a basis... So, you fucked.
Larry reading text chain: Remember, after the rain comes the rainbow. Be the reason someone smiles today.
Susie: Oy. That farbissina punim.
Susie Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Susie · Larry: She wants you to be fat? Yes, she does. So I retaliated... Because she's jealous that I'm thinner than her and I have more style than her.
Susie: Because he's a fucking pig. It's not my problem.
Susie Character Comedy Escalation Susie: He had a dream last night, Larry. A nightmare about the trip... I believe in respecting the unconscious.
Susie Irony/Sarcasm Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Larry: Look at you. What a man will do for attention, huh?
Larry Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Larry: She invited me to lunch, and, uh, I paid, which is a little odd because she invited me. I'm the invitee. She's the inviter. Usually, the inviter pays.
Larry Observational Escalation Larry: She pulled the string on my sweatshirt, and it was all I could do to restrain myself from yelling, 'You fuck!' That's what I wanted to say to your daughter.
Larry Escalation Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Callback Larry: Freddy Funkhouser, who loves prepubescent girls. And I mean that in a good way. He's very excited to be around them. And, of course, again, I mean that in a good way.
Larry Cringe/Discomfort Escalation ★ Rewatch Larry: Will you look at the tuchus on this one? Hey, you know what? Is she coming in here? She giving you sponge baths, this one? Huh?
Larry Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Stu: Maybe you're right, Larr. Freddy's the right person for Olivia. And you're... you're the right person for the violin. So, yeah, yeah, you wanna flop us?
Stu Callback Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Dahlia: Because I was holding the towels when you and her were... They remind me of the trauma.
Dahlia Callback Escalation Callback Dahlia · Larry: Well, those are my towels... Oh, so it's just my towels?
Larry: I caught my aunt giving my Uncle Moishe a blow job in the back of a Pontiac, but if they asked me to go to the movies, I just hopped in the car. Same back seat!
Larry Callback Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Larry: I did have a crush on my aunt, though, after that.
Larry Escalation Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Larry: Columbus got it from the Indians, brought it back to Spain with grapefruit.
Larry Absurdist Observational ★ Rewatch Leon: Put that motherfucker on... on the Mount Rushmore of... of pussy eaters. They all got their tongue out and shit. You know what I mean?
Leon Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch Freddy: You took something elegant, something classy and sophisticated like my flask, and you shoved it up my ass, and you reamed me with it.
Freddy Escalation Character Comedy Callback Larry: I'd rather have roaches in my bathtub as pets than take care of a kid!
Larry Escalation Character Comedy Freddy · Larry: My humor's way too sophisticated for a child!... Nobody's said a decent word about me my entire life! I don't even say decent words about me!
Freddy: I'm gonna roll over and do some fucking myself. That guy thinks I'm an alcoholic!
Freddy Escalation Callback Callback Freddy: Not in a bad way, but they connect. They sit and laugh, and, you know, it's a little push, a little pull, and... Not in a bad way, but they connect.
Freddy Cringe/Discomfort Escalation Callback Freddy talking in sleep: You don't need to finish high school. You need to pay your dues at the mattress store in Temecula... And take off that skirt, you look like a whore.
Freddy talking in sleep: You shit in the bucket, you clean the bucket. Those are the house rules. Who cares if it's your birthday? We go to cockfights. That's what this family does.
Larry: You're using the dream scheme on the wrong guy. I invented it.
Larry Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Waylan · Larry: You think you're too good for the chain? You know what? Waylan? Is that your name? I do. I think I'm too good for the chain.
Larry: Every two minutes it's, 'Ding!' I'm getting a ding. I'm getting a ding. Too many dings! And what is it? It's just these ridiculous, inspirational sentiments that amount to nothing.
Larry Escalation Observational Callback Larry: There's no nightmares! It's a nightmare con! And I know, 'cause I invented it!
Larry Callback Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Gina: I don't want either one of you taking care of anything!
Gina Escalation Callback Callback Leon · Larry: You would've been a hell of a father... Social workers would've descended on the house within two weeks.
Renee: Hey, listen. About the other day, I know it was really awkward, but it's not even really my thing. You know? It's Larry's thing. He really likes that.
Renee Callback Character Comedy Callback Top Episodes — Curb Your Enthusiasm