When Richard enlists Larry's help to buy a vintage car, his careless behavior leads to an unwanted outcome. Jeff secretly schemes to give Larry power of attorney.
WAR
80
Wins Above Replacement
“The Colostomy Bag” ranks #18 of 120 Curb Your Enthusiasm episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 86.2 — Elite. The episode packs 62 scored jokes at 1.5 per minute, averaging 7.4 on craft and 7.2 on impact, with Larry landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Larry: I gotta go sign some papers so I can kill my friend whenever I want to.
Larry Dark/Subversive Misdirection ★ Rewatch Susie · Larry: It was in my refrigerator, and I believe possession is nine-tenths of the law. What's the other tenth? Fucking over your friends and eating their cheese?
DiCarlo: Yeah, well, we all got a lot of baggage.
DiCarlo Wordplay/Pun Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Callback Larry: I read an article about somebody approaching Fatty Arbuckle without clearance, and Fatty Arbuckle just broke a beer bottle over his head.
Larry Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Larry: What can I do for this guy? Can I buy him a new bag? Like a really expensive colostomy... Like a Louis Vuitton colostomy bag? Do they sell those? Do they make those?
Larry Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback All Jokes — 62 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Larry: I'm on trial for the horrible crime of giving a woman who was on line to vote a bottle of water.
Larry Irony/Sarcasm Observational ★ Rewatch Mock juror: Oh! Oh, what a terrible thing. Oh, what a terrible crime. What... What... What... What... What... What... What a terrible crime to give her a bottle of water.
Larry: I was pretty damn cordial. I asked questions to people. 'Oh, does your son take piano lessons?' 'Does he practice? It's hard to get him to practice. They don't like to practice.'
Larry Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Larry: You know, my father fought in World War II, Iwo Jima. He wasn't one of the ones with the flag. That's fine. Thank you. He was encouraging the flag holders. Yelled encouragement. 'Go, guys! Go! Up that hill!'
Larry Character Comedy Misdirection ★ Rewatch Larry: In the garage, he saw me tossing my keys to the valet. I could be perceived as a big shot. Nobody likes a big shot.
Larry Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Jeff · Larry: I got a great text from Abe. Why don't we leave our professional and personal lives separate, you know? It was Zeckelman, wasn't it? Yeah. Yeah, it was Zeckelman.
Jeff Larry Character Comedy Misdirection Callback Larry: And we like to toss. People like to toss and catch.
Larry Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Jeff: Three percent chance something'll happen to me. So... Susie has the power of attorney. She's in charge of all of it. So if something bad happens to me, I don't trust her.
Jeff Character Comedy Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Jeff: She could do it for any reason. Who knows? Uh, maybe on the way there we get into a fight, which is more than likely.
Jeff Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Larry: I might not even come once a week. I could just call up. I'm unconscious. What the fuck do I know?
Larry Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Larry · Jeff: Find out what? Oh. Tell her, tell her, tell her. Find out... Find out that I... Was found guilty. In his mock trial.
Larry · Jeff: I like you eating a salad, Jeff. Thank you. Very nice. It's delicious and I'm enjoying it. Good. Good for you.
Larry: What kind of mutant can't catch a key?
Larry Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Callback Jeff: He lost his sense of smell during COVID, and... sometimes these old cars, they have a musty odor to 'em. He wants your nose.
Jeff Setup/Punchline Observational Larry: My nose isn't so great. Disgusting things I can smell very well. Urine, BO, you know. Urine, I can smell from two blocks away, but you shove a flower up my nose, it does nothing for me.
Larry Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Larry · Lewis: You need clearance. You need clearance before you talk to him. Otherwise, you know, my God. Could you get me clearance? I can get you Conan clearance.
Larry · Lewis: What do you mean it's not any good? A head nod, you're supposed to go like this. Huh. Huh. No, no, you didn't do that. You went like this. Like that.
Larry Lewis Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Lewis · Larry: And you use your eyes too? You use your eyes, yeah. There you go. There you go. How come now you tell me?
Larry: There's a smell. It smells like tobacco. Yeah, like somebody smoked a lot of Chesterfields in this car.
Larry Observational Setup/Punchline Car seller: You know what I smell? I smell a scam. You come here. 'Oh, he can't smell...' 'but I'm gonna tell him, Oh, yeah, smells like cigarettes. Why don't you knock off 3,000?'
Larry: Hey, things could be worse. You could have a colostomy bag.
Larry Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Larry · Lewis: Do you know if DiCarlo has a colostomy bag? What? What are you smoking? What kind of question is that?
Larry Lewis Cringe/Discomfort Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Larry: Yeah, because I made a bad joke, and I think I... I think I struck a nerve.
Larry Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Larry · Victor: I saw you look askance, though, when you saw it. Okay, I thought it was kind of a big shot move.
Larry Victor Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Callback Victor: There are two people in the valet world, sir. Handers and tossers. And you're a tosser.
Victor Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Callback Larry: I gotta go sign some papers so I can kill my friend whenever I want to.
Larry Dark/Subversive Misdirection ★ Rewatch Larry · Jeff: Oh! You're a dead man. Pull that plug! Pull it! Pull that plug, nurse!
Larry Jeff Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Larry · Jeff: Could you believe he didn't give me that pen? I was shocked. He resisted the 'I like it' gambit.
Larry Jeff Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Larry: He's got a bag. He's got the bag. Unbelievable. I... I don't know. What am I gonna do now?
Larry Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Larry: What can I do for this guy? Can I buy him a new bag? Like a really expensive colostomy... Like a Louis Vuitton colostomy bag? Do they sell those? Do they make those?
Larry Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Susie · Larry: You're Frick and Frack, attached at the hip. Frick and Frack, the ice skating team... From the '30s. A lot of people don't know that. Swedish. I think they're Swiss.
Jeff · Susie: What, is there a difference? So, you need him? He doesn't know the difference between Sweden and Switzerland.
Jeff Susie Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Callback Larry · Susie: What are you looking for? I'm looking for the cheese. Oh, it's gone. What? I ate it. You ate the Vonderdonk? Yeah.
Larry Susie Cringe/Discomfort Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch Callback Susie · Larry: It was in my refrigerator, and I believe possession is nine-tenths of the law. What's the other tenth? Fucking over your friends and eating their cheese?
Larry: If I took a nap on your couch, could you go through my pockets and roll me over like a drunk?
Larry Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch Larry: It's nine-tenths of the fucking law!
Larry Escalation Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Larry: I specifically called him up and asked if he could get me clearance. He didn't call me, so technically, this is a uncleared conversation. It's like an ambush.
Larry Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Conan: 'Oh, I assume this boat has plenty of life preservers for everyone. Oh, no, it's the Titanic, it doesn't.'
Conan Observational Misdirection ★ Rewatch Conan · Larry: Sure. Yeah, I'll think about it. Ah. You're not gonna think about it. That's just something people say... When they wanna say no, and they let the person down a little easier.
Conan Larry Observational Meta/Self-Referential ★ Rewatch Larry · Conan: But you won't spend one second thinking about it. Yeah, no. The minute I'm gone, I'll never think about it again.
Larry Conan Observational Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Larry · Conan: Can you stereotype a dog? Yes, you can stereotype a dog. 'Oh, that's a golden. He must be a really friendly dog.' 'Oh, there's a Dalmatian. He must live in a firehouse. He goes to fires.'
Larry: I read an article about somebody approaching Fatty Arbuckle without clearance, and Fatty Arbuckle just broke a beer bottle over his head.
Larry Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Conan: What, did you just come from Margaret Dumont's house?
Conan Observational Callback ★ Rewatch Callback DiCarlo · Larry: You say a lot of stupid things, Larry. Not all jokes work. Not a joke to me.
DiCarlo Larry Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback DiCarlo: Yeah, well, we all got a lot of baggage.
DiCarlo Wordplay/Pun Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Callback Leon: Look at the front. Very presidential. Look at that. Look at that grill. This is a White man car right here, I'll tell you that much. Who'd you get it from, Mr. Peanut? The motherfucker with the monocle and a top hat?
Leon Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Leon: Hey, did Marilyn Monroe fuck JFK in a car like this?
Leon Dark/Subversive Observational ★ Rewatch Larry: The guy actually has a colostomy bag, and I felt terrible. I felt so guilty and awful, I had to buy the car.
Larry Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Callback Larry: Why didn't I get clearance for Conan? Where was my Conan clearance? You left me hanging there like an idiot.
Larry Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Lewis: There's a smell clinic, but it's in Switzerland. I'm not sure if I'm gonna go.
Lewis Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Lewis · Larry: Did you babe me? I babed you. Don't babe me. Do not, under any circumstances, babe me ever, ever.
Victor · Larry: Toss? Yeah, come on. I don't wanna be a big shot. You're not a big shot. Come on, toss it. All right. Awesome. There we go. Fun, right? It's fun! Of course! He's a tosser.
Lawyer: Um, the word 'repugnant' keeps coming up. Here's one that says you're 'surly,' 'petty.'
Lawyer Character Comedy Observational Lawyer: First of all, this isn't 12 Angry Men. There's one angry man. He's sitting across from me.
Lawyer Setup/Punchline Observational ★ Rewatch Callback Jeff · Larry: Hey. Yeah? Catch. Ziggy Zeckelman! Not too late!
Jeff Larry Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Victor: Hey, you tossed, you lost, buddy.
Victor Wordplay/Pun Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Larry · Conan: If I don't get to Jeff's house, she's gonna see those papers, and she's gonna kill us. You don't know what this woman's capable of. All right, I don't know who these people are. I'll get you the keys.
Larry Conan Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Larry · Conan: Can't I get an emergency clearance exemption? There's no such thing! You can... You can make... You gotta go through the levels!
Larry · Conan: You got something on your glasses. Oh. Oh, thank you! That's so nice of you. Thank you. They're in my pocket. Ah! My eye! Why'd you toss? Who told you to toss?
Larry Conan Physical/Slapstick Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Larry: He acted like he had a bag. How does somebody act like they have a colostomy bag? He had this hangdog 'I shit in a bag' look about him, and he took me to the cleaners.
Larry Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Callback Lewis · Larry: What, am I supposed to just give up and crawl under a rock? Yes! Give up. There's no hope.
Lewis Larry Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Lewis's date · Lewis: What? Oh, God! It fucking stinks in here. What are you talking about? Hey, where you going? Oh! Hey, what's wrong? Oh, man! Hey! Come on back!
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