The Ugly Section

Larry · Carl · Jeff:"You bought a Bentley?" / "People... They'll follow you home and, and kill you." / "Yeah. Much safer in a Subaru Outback."

Carl · Larry · Jeff:"she's got this magical vagina" / "Huh? What the hell are you talking about?"

Larry:Really? Cheryl and I had sex four times a week.

Carl:"It's like this little hummingbird nest. It's got this mind of its own. It's just alive."

Carl · Jeff · Richard:Carl's violent Jets rant interrupting the vagina discussion

Carl:The three of you, just eat your food and shut up. Leave me alone.

Larry:"or is everyone in that section way better looking than the people in this section"

Jeff:"You look like Einstein's gardener, for Christ's sake."

Larry · Jeff · Carl · Richard:"somebody at this table prevented us from sitting over there and I think you know who it is"

Larry · Manager:You have a good-looking section and you have an ugly section. Why would we do that?

Larry · Harold:Larry asking bathroom attendant to leave so he can defecate in privacy

Larry:This is not a job for human beings, to be here when other people are going to the bathroom. Nobody wants you here!

Larry:"When an animal goes to die, it leaves the pack. That's what needs to happen here. I need to be alone. I'm a dying animal."

Larry:I'm opening up a coffee shop, okay? Latte Larry's. I'll give you a free cup of coffee and a scone for a week.

Larry:"Most of the people who come in here are gonna be, you know, just disgusting human beings. Vile. Vulgar. The dregs of society."

Larry · Sam:Sam diagnosing Larry's rash, Larry saying he'll see his father instead "'Cause he's a doctor"

Larry · Sam:With all due respect, I think I'll go see your dad. Why? 'Cause he's a doctor.

Harold · Larry:Harold getting fired because Larry asked him to leave his post

Leon · Larry:Leon's magical vagina theories: "could pull a rabbit out of that motherfucker" and "put this fuckin' Pop-Tart in that fuckin' vagina and toast that shit"

Leon:That fuckin' vagina could pull a rabbit out of that motherfucker. Or put this fuckin' Pop-Tart in that fuckin' vagina and toast that shit.

Larry:"How do you kill yourself when you're playing so well?"

Jeff:He said, 'I can't take any more disappointment.' That's what he used to say when we would watch the Jet games together.

Larry:"The Jets killed Carl."

Leon · Larry:Leon's condolence text suggestions about the magical vagina

Larry:"I don't want to listen to Louis Armstrong's son play the trumpet."

Larry · Jimmy:Discovery that Richard's putter is illegal and he never leaves clubs at the club

Club employee · Larry:He's probably the only one in the club who does that. You don't say. Isn't that interesting?

Larry · Hostess:Restaurant immediately seating Larry alone in the ugly section

Larry:"Look where I wound up in my life. In the ugly section. I'm in the ugly section... This is the proof."

Larry · Jeff:"magical vagina is, is now available" / "Normal vagina, I'd wait a year. But magical vagina, six months."

Veronica · Larry:"One night, he just woke up and yelled, 'Watson!'" explained as reference to Jets draft pick

Larry · Veronica:Larry asking widow about coffin handles for his coffee shop at the funeral

Larry:I really like the handles on the coffin. Do you know where you got those, by any chance?

Veronica · Larry:Let me bury my husband first, and then I'll find out the contact info. No, of course. You bury, you mourn, and then you ask.

Larry · Veronica:"If you need to talk, I'd be happy to get together for coffee, or any meal of your choosing." / "It's a date."

Larry:"If it's fifty-fifty... One good-looking and one ugly, both go to the ugly... Here, a tie goes to the ugly."

Larry:In baseball, a tie goes to the runner. Here, a tie goes to the ugly.

Larry:What a horror show. This is a fucking horror show. How the fuck can you do this? It's not fair.

Larry · Veronica:Larry's turtle death story paralleling Veronica's grieving process

Larry · Susie · Ted:Susie being seated in the good-looking section, Larry's outrage

Susie:"And I'm not a meeskite, you bald fuck!"

Larry · Harold:Larry making deal with bathroom attendant for good-looking section seating

Larry · Carjacker:Carjacker being a Jets fan and bonding with Larry over team's awfulness

Larry · Veronica:Larry asking widow to pay back Carl's golf winnings from the estate

Veronica · Larry:Veronica's Jets rant and kicking Larry out for mentioning the team

Larry · Attractive patrons:Larry finally seated in attractive section, celebrating with the beautiful people

Sam:"The only word that comes to mind is, uh... magical."

Larry:Larry having a seizure/heart attack upon hearing magical vagina confirmation

Bystander:"Help! Uh, someone's having a seizure in the ugly section."