The Hot Towel

Larry:Try not to wear shorts. It's not all that attractive to look at for five hours.

Passenger:I'm comfortable in pajamas, but I don't wear pajamas on a plane. I like to sing. I like to whistle. I like to play the bongos on my leg. I like to imitate horses... But I don't do it, okay? Because there's somebody sitting next to me.

Larry:Yeah, they're grotesque.

Flight Attendant:Are you ready for a hot towel?

Larry:She must've put it in the microwave. Don't you think? I mean, have you ever seen anything like this is your life?

Larry:I bet you I could sue 'em. Don't you think? Do I have a case? Tell me. Would you testify for me?

Doctor:Yeah, it would be hard, in good conscience, could recommend a high-value settlement for that burn.

Larry:I'd love to get your home phone number just in case of an emergency or something else with the hand. Who knows? Something comes up, it's nice to have.

Larry:Why does he have the privilege of talking to you and not me? I'm your patient.

Doctor · Larry:I don't want to be in your wallet. I want you in my wallet.

Larry:I just came from the doctor. I've got two months to live. It's terrible.

Larry:Yeah, I'm trying to get women to take pity on me, so they'll sleep with me, you know. That's all. So I just tell everybody that.

Larry:You regret breaking up with me though. You're still... You're still having nightmares about that?

Larry:Christian slater? He's a friend of yours? Yeah, tell him I said hi.

Larry:I've got the number of every woman I've ever gone out with in my life. Believe me.

Larry · Jeff:I don't know why she went out with me. I don't know. That's a good question. A big bowl of out of your league. Way out of my league.

Larry:Maybe she's got the desperation this time. Hopefully. It's a lot easier to work with their desperation than mine.

Larry:I'm a lefty unhooker. I can't unhook righty. It's from the car, I think, when you park. You're making out in the driver's seat, you lean over, it's your left hand that's doing the unhooking.

Ted · Mary:A $300 gift certificate to matteo's restaurant. Have you been there? It's supposed to be great. Are you sure you wanna give that much?

Ted · Mary:What was the last gift? Both: 'The freak book.' 'The freak book.'

Larry · Christian:You're really going to town on that caviar. It's the best caviar they could possibly get. It's unbelievable. What do you think I'm gonna do, pass this up?

Larry:I think you're going over your allotment a little bit. No?

Larry:We have unwritten laws in this society. If I'm talking to somebody and they said their friend has cancer, I go 'oh. Oh. Oh.' Even though I don't know the person, I go 'oh.' You know, it's an unwritten law.

Larry:What you should be doing here is you take a little bit, then you step away for 20 minutes, see what kind of action there is. If nobody's taking any, maybe take a little bit more, step away again. So forth and so on.

Larry:Christian slater was eating gobfuls of it. I couldn't even look at it.

Susie · Larry:as our gift to you, is gonna sing a special song. That's a gift? Are you kidding? How is that a gift?

Larry:All right. Okay. All right. Okay. That's good. That's good. Very good, very good! Okay, that was wonderful. What are you doing?

Susie:You ruined the whole gift! That was our gift for god's sake!

Christian · Larry:Thanks. Thanks a lot. Thank you. What? What did she say? She said that you told her that I helped myself to too much caviar.

Unknown caller:Fat boy!

Larry · Dr. Morrison:No no, I didn't call. How can you say you didn't call?! You did call. I didn't call purposefully. It was an accident. An accident call is still a call.

Dr. Morrison:You know, I don't have an hourglass set up here, but it's the longest wrong number I've ever had in my life.

Dr. Morrison:I'm changing light bulbs and cleaning the cat's litter box. What do you do at home? Does anybody ask you what you do... Don't ask me what I do at home.

Mary Jane · Larry:You don't like food. Every time we've gone out, you're like 'i don't like this food.' No, I didn't like your food. Your food... Come on, you were the worst cook in the world.

Mary Jane:You don't like food. Every time we've gone out, you're like 'i don't like this food.'

Larry · Mary Jane:I'm planning on a big move later and I think I might hurt my chances if I keep criticizing your food. You're right. Yeah. A big big move. Is that what this is? Yeah, exactly. I'm babe ruth calling the shot.

Larry:I find it a little odd, frankly, that I got you this $300 gift certificate to the restaurant and you chose to take them and not me.

Ted:But if we took you, wouldn't that be you giving a gift to yourself?

Larry:At least I got you a gift, okay? I didn't let my daughter go up and sing a song. Is that supposed to be a gift? That is not a gift.

Larry:I can't stand the sound of the human voice. My father used to sing in the house all the time. I couldn't take it. And to this day, any singing around me...

Larry:Hey hey hey. Hey hey. That's okay. We've got it. We've got it. We've got it. We're good. Hey. We're good. We're good. Pipe it down. We're good. We're good.

Larry · Mary Jane:Hey, would you mind switching sides? Switch si... Sides? Uh, okay. I kinda prefer that side.

Mary Jane · Larry:Oh, shit. It's my boyfriend. You've got to be quiet. What are you talking... You didn't tell me you had a boyfriend.

Mary Jane:Oh, god. No no, I'm watching tv. It's like on the discovery channel.

Larry · Dr. Morrison:Well, your restaurant recommendation was so awful, I just don't see how I can trust your medical recommendation. They're different. Not to me.

Mary Jane:I know, I'm sorry. It's crazy, but he just... He just wore me down. It was so horrible, and he's on his way to your house right now.

Larry · Dr. Morrison:You know, you're a doctor. You're sending me out to get hurt. What about the hippocratic oath? When you're hurt, come back and I'll treat you.

Susie:Take your $150... and go buy yourself some fucking pants, will you?

Susie · Larry:You are a selfish motherfucker. I'm selfish? You are. I buy you a fantastic gift, and you take jeff greene? That's $150. So what? That's my $150!

Larry:Jesus. Shut up! What the fuck? Shut the fuck up! Jesus christ!

Susie:You squashed the spirit of a talented young girl! You piece of shit! You heartless piece of shit!

Stranger · Larry:Oh, wait, are you larry david? No. Nuh-uh. No. No. What?

Stranger · Boyfriend:You're not looking for larry david by any chance, are you? Yeah, I am. Thank you. Thanks, man. Hey!