Fatwa

Cast ensemble:Opening song 'I Do Not Like This Man' - elaborate musical number about fatwa with clever lyrics like 'His death sentence is the worst friggin' book review'

Murray · Larry:Murray correcting Larry's ayatollah gesture: 'he denunciates with his index finger... like a sledgehammer'

Lin:Lin's excitement comparison: 'I've only been excited twice in my life. Unsnapping my first bra. And this! This is like my second bra!'

Lin-Manuel Miranda · Larry:The old opening number lyrics: '♪ There's a fatwa, there's a fatwa, gotta run, I think I oughta ♪'

Larry:Larry's logic about bonus tracks: 'Give them the bonus now. Why have a bonus then? It's not a bonus if it's already here.'

Cody:Cody's lukewarm response: 'I would attend a workshop of it' when asked about Larry's song idea

Larry · Miranda:Larry calling out Miranda's insufficient thank you: 'that thank you was... it was like I passed you the ketchup... It was not commensurate with the gesture'

Hostess · Larry:Restaurant policy absurdity: 'We don't seat incomplete parties... The chef really likes everyone to sit together'

Larry:Larry's optimal dining philosophy: 'you know what the optimal dining experience is? To eat when you're hungry, okay? That's the optimal dining experience.'

Larry · Marie:Larry's pickup disclaimer: 'Please do not misconstrue this. This is not a pickup in any way, shape, or form. I don't pick up; I put down.'

Marie:Marie's confidence about comedy: 'I've never done comedy, but it doesn't seem that hard.'

Larry:Larry's brutal honesty: 'I'll put your card in my pocket. I will never call you, but I'll put it in my pocket.'

Marie:Marie's fatwa theory about Japanese soldiers not knowing war is over

Larry:Larry dismissing Marie: 'You stood in. Now it's time to stand up. But first team has arrived, so...'

Larry:Larry's apology standards: 'If you're more than ten minutes late, it's gotta be a profuse apology. That was an apology like you were one minute late.'

Larry:Larry's apology hyperbole: 'If I was 20 minutes late, I'd be apologizing like I accidentally killed your family.'

Funkhouser:Funkhouser's revelation: 'You did accidentally kill my family. My nephew... was killed by the bulls, and it was your fault!'

Larry:Larry's inadequate response to death revelation: 'Sorry.'

Funkhouser:Funkhouser's colonoscopy report: 'I had a colonoscopy. Clean as a whistle.'

Larry · Cody:Larry paying Cody to skip work: 'I'm gonna take care of that for you. I'll give you the 1,200. Tell them you can't make it.'

Cody:Cody's perfect gratitude: 'Oh, my God, Larry! Thank you! We couldn't do it without you, Cody Gutcher. You gotta be there. Thank you so much. You are a prince.'

Larry:Larry's satisfaction: 'that is a fantastic thank you. That was a thank you commensurate with the gesture. And it's worth it for that thank you.'

Murray · Larry:Murray outfit tracking Larry: 'Oh, same pants as yesterday.' Larry's response: 'What, are you tracking my outfits?'

Larry:Larry's 1984 reference: 'I just feel like I'm living in some kind of clothing police state, like it's 1984. Big Murray's watching me.'

Larry · Miranda:Larry's segregation accusation: 'You want to segregate the deaf?' 'Special, but equal.'

Valentina · Ernst · Larry:Valentina and Ernst's tepid thank you after Larry offers to host them

Larry · Miranda:Larry's family analysis: 'I see where you got your tepid thank yous from. That was worse than your thank you... What is it with you Mirandas? You're missing some kind of thank you gene or something.'

Cast:Salman musical number with lyrics 'You walk around in a robe with no underwear' and 'Close your legs'

Larry:Larry's tits distraction theory: 'everybody's looking at her tits... men will look at tits over anything. You could be in the last inning of the World Series... somebody changes the channel and there's tits on, they will not go back to the World Series.'

Larry · Miranda:Argument escalation: 'It's not gonna work anyway' 'Why not?' 'Because men will look at tits over anything' 'We're on the verge of making a great musical, and you're scapegoating tits?' 'It's the scene!' 'No, it's the tits!' 'Scene! Scene! Scene!' 'Tits! Tits! Tits!'

Larry:Larry's World Series analogy: 'You could be in the last inning of the World Series, a 3-2 score, bases loaded, somebody changes the channel and there's tits on, they will not go back to the World Series.'

Leon · Larry:Leon's realization about Larry's payment: 'You heard me... 1,200. 1,200 fuckin' dollars to skip a day on his real job... but he wasn't gonna make 1,200. That's his gross... The guy just made $500 off me.'

Leon · Larry:Leon's tax advice: 'See, when you give somebody money, you gotta add that shit up in your brain. You FICA. You take the fuckin' difference out!' 'You FICA!' 'I'm not FICA!' 'You FIC'd up.'

Leon:Leon's inappropriate questions to the married couple: 'So you got on one knee and asked her to marry you?' 'Did you get on top of her on the honeymoon night?'

Larry:Larry's curtain remote demonstration going wrong - showing same function twice

Larry:Larry's baseball players sleeping arrangement defense: 'Pete Rose, Tony Perez, Johnny Bench, uh, George Foster, Dave Concepción... Even the Hit King?'

Ernst · Valentina · Larry:Larry's apology critique: 'I'm sorry, was that an apology?' 'There wasn't really any emotion to it. Your eyes were bouncing around like a cat with strings.'

Larry · Susie:Larry's sentimental speech about Sammi: 'I've known Sammi since she was born. And one of the great joys in my life has been watching her blossom into this beautiful, sophisticated young lady.' 'Are you serious?' 'No.'

Larry · Susie · Jeff:Larry's stupid question acknowledgment: 'Were you fixed up because you're deaf?' 'Ugh, stupid fucking question.' 'No, I'm not asking them that.' 'I think it's a good question.'

Larry:Larry improving sign language with better 'dog' and 'bullshit' signs

Funkhouser:Funkhouser's epic apology: 'Oh, I'm so sorry. I can't begin to apologize enough. I know I'm late, and I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so... sorry! It's horrible! What can I say to make it good? ... I feel like getting down on my knees. I don't know what else to do!'

Larry:Larry's apology appreciation: 'It's a tremendous apology... One of the best apologies I've ever heard! Gave me the chills, that apology... I wish that could be broadcast on national television so people could hear what an apology's supposed to sound like!'

Larry · Murray:Rewritten scene with Larry's outfit tracking paranoia: 'Hey, same pants as yesterday. What's this? What, are you tracking my outfits now?' leading to rotation lecture

Larry:Larry discovering the swinging: 'They're swinging! They're swinging!'

Leon · Larry:Leon's sleepfucking theory: 'I thought maybe you were... were sleepfuckin'... your brain is fuckin', but your conscious mind...' Larry: 'I have a hard enough time wakefuckin'. How am I gonna sleepfuck?'

Larry · Cody:Larry realizing his FICA mistake with Cody: 'if you had taken that commercial, the gross would have been 1,200, but the net would have been, like, 700... I'm actually kind of losing money on this deal... it kind of feels like you owe me... 500.'

Cody:Cody's response: 'Larry, you gave me this gift... I called you a prince. Now you're asking me for a portion of the gift back. You're making a profit off this! I'm gonna call you a prick.'

Larry:Larry's pants problem explanation: 'I couldn't wear the same pants two days in a row because I got an outfit tracker here, so I had to take these pants, and they're too big on me, and I didn't have time to put a belt on!'

Murray · Larry:Murray's tracking complaint: 'I can't get up in the morning anymore without thinking, Oh, gotta be careful. Big Larry's watching you.' 'Big Larry is not tracking Big Murray.'

Larry:Larry's guest etiquette philosophy: 'You know what you do in someone else's house? You tiptoe. You say please, you say thank you, you clean up. May I use your refrigerator? Guests tiptoe! That's what you do!'

Miranda · Larry:Curtain remote dismissal: 'What the fuck's a curtain remote?' 'Who needs a curtain remote? You fuckin' do this! That's how you open a curtain!' 'You've obviously never used a curtain remote.'

Miranda · Larry:Miranda's family insult: 'You've besmirched the honor of my family, and I demand satisfaction.' 'Satisfaction... you shall have.'

Duel Master · Larry · Miranda:Formal duel proceedings with Code Duello Irish version

Larry · Lin:Larry accidentally shooting Lin in the mouth: 'Lin! Oh, my God! It's in his mouth!' 'Come on, Larry.' 'It was... it was an accident! I was gonna fire in the air! Aaron Burr!' 'I'm not Aaron Burr!'

Larry:Larry removing ASL interpreter at wedding: 'Excuse me, miss. Out. You gotta go... And cover up!' causing scene disruption

Larry:Larry's pants-blame defense: 'No, it's Murray's fault, because he was outfit tracking me and I had to put on a different pair of pants, and they were too big for me and they fell.'

Larry · Lin:Larry's Hamilton apology: 'what happened was, I had a pain pill in my pocket that Jeff gave me, because I injured my shoulder wrestling with you. So in a way, you're a little...' 'I'm at fault for you sleeping through my show?'

Marie:Marie the stand-in delivering Larry's wedding speech: 'Hi. I'm Larry David' while reading from paper, completely missing the point of personal speech

Marie reading Larry's speech:Larry's wedding speech content: 'I have known Sammi for her entire life, and frankly, I don't even think she likes me very much. But I'm pretty sure I feel that way about everybody... separate bathrooms.'

Jeff · Larry:Jeff outfit tracking Larry: 'Didn't you wear that sweater yesterday?' followed by Larry's explosion about outfit tracking

Assassin · Larry:Final fatwa attack: 'I know who you are. You're Larry David... The fatwa's... the fatwa's over! They called the fatwa off! I don't believe you! You're a liar! You're a blasphemer!'