The Gang Hits the Slopes

The mountain is a majestical place

Charlie:What do I do with my hands? How do I ski?

Unknown:Well, you're supposed to have poles. Uh... You know what, hold on to these guys for balance.

Charlie:These are glass.

Unknown:Yeah.

Unknown:And don't break 'em, bitch.

Wonder how Charlie's doing.

Charlie:(Charlie screaming)

Oh, here he comes.

That's 'cause it's mountain rules, man.

Charlie:I don't get that, though. I just feel like I got lucky.

While you're back there, could you slap a sticker on the side of mine that says 'pussy'?

Part of what makes skiing so fun is that your brains could get bashed in, in any moment.

Mac:Eat this, bitch!

Dee:(laughing) Oh, shit. What'd you do that for?

Mac:Oh, sorry, Frank. We thought you were some jerk-off who bought the mountain.

Frank:I am the jerk-off who bought the mountain.

Frank:I'm turning it into a members-only resort for millionaires to plow their trophy whores in private.

Dennis:Whoa! That sounds amazing, Frank. I'm in. I'm in.

Charlie:I-I'm, like, so lost. So, uh, who do I go with in this situation?

That's my roommate, Turkey. We call him Turkey, 'cause his favorite drink is Wild Turkey.

No, I was in court all day. I was trying to win back custody of my daughter.

Mac:Oh.

Dee:Mm.

Mac:That's a bit of a downer.

Yeah. Yeah, pretty much.

Roach:Who stole my goddamn burrito?

No, it's there, Roach. I just moved it to make room for my coleslaw. Look.

Roach:Did you mess with it? Did you come in it? Did you come in my burrito?!

I didn't come in your burrito! I wouldn't do that to you!

He's a little squirrelly from the concussions. Like I said, no helmets back in the day.

Mac:When was the last time you even had a babe in here?

Unknown:Oh, uh... my daughter stopped by about six weeks ago. Served me a court summons.

Mac:I say count it.

Rent money!

No, no. No, no, no, no, no. Whoa, no, no. Drink 'em. Drink 'em.

Charlie:Yeah, I thought this was made out of candy.

Dennis:It's a plastic tree, Charlie. It's not made out of candy.

Charlie:You said that this was a candy model.

Dennis:I never said it was a candy model.

Charlie:I believe I heard you mention it was a model made out of candy.

Charlie:It'd be a good idea to get a model of the banquet. We could make that candy. I'd like to get a visual on that banquet. And we may as well make it candy. It should be candy.

Dennis:Tatiana, I want you to clean yourself, for I will enter you hard and deep, and it will last for as long or as short as I please. But you will be clean. Only when you are clean will you know my power.

Everybody get your tits out!

Hell yes!

Mac:He just said, 'Take your tits out,' and they all just took their tits out.

Dee:Yeah, I'm gonna keep mine in, just for now.

Drisko:Uh, I lost one of 'em. Prostate thing. You know.

Frank:Yeah, yeah, me, too. It's still bouncing around in there, but it don't do nothing.

Charlie:Where'd these guys come from? Switzerland? Yeah, but they came here and they're racing with us? I don't... I don't understand that at all.

Dennis:You showed me some real stuff out there, guy. I was falling. You were falling, but you were fast. But I crashed into some tables.

PA Announcer:Looks like Charlie Kelly's walking off the mountain and out of the big race, ladies and gentlemen.

Charlie:He knows my name!

PA Announcer:Looks like Charlie Kelly's walking off the mountain and out of the big race, ladies and gentlemen.

Charlie:He knows my name!

Mac:We're drilling a hole in the women's shower so we can look at 'em naked.

Dee:Yeah. Why? What-what does that have to do with Frank and Dennis?

Mac:I don't know. I don't know.

Charlie:Well, nothing, really. It's just a warm-up prank to get the juices flowing.

Well, the real prank is when I jam my dick through that hole and yell, 'Special delivery!'

Charlie:Look, where I come from, you know, jamming your dick through a hole in the wall, that-that's assault, that's a felony, and, uh, it's just plain wrong.

Police:Freeze! Police! David Drisko, you're under arrest. This man has committed a litany of sexual assaults. His semen was recovered from crime scenes all over the mountain.

Mac:This guy might not be as cool as we thought he was. Even his awesome hair is bullshit.

Charlie:So you gonna race for them? No, Dennis, I'm gonna race for everyone. I want to race for the people. You see, last night Tatiana taught me all about Communism.

Charlie:Cold, hard winters, gross soups. She also taught me a lot about sex. Sweet sex, amazing sex, a lot of sex, Jacuzzi sex, Dennis!

Dennis:My ankles are broken!

Dennis:My ankles are broken for sure!

Crowd:His ankles are broken!

Crowd:He has broken his ankles!

Crowd:Oh, they're surely broken!

Frank:Uh... actually, uh... the whole Snow Palace thing was, uh, all for show. I needed to distract the local environmentalist groups while I fracked the mountain.

Frank:I hired the hookers, so you could rip their tops off.

Mac:That makes sense.

Dee:Oh... That makes a lot of sense.

Frank:I hired the hookers, so you could rip their tops off

Dennis:So, did you even hire that guy?

Frank:You know, Charlie, I have no idea who that guy is.

Charlie:I guess some things really are different on the mountain.

Frank:Yeah.

Charlie:I guess some things really are different on the mountain