The Gang Escapes

It's a highly sexual experience for people. You'll get no judgments from us.

Employee:No. No, no, no. I'm sorry, this is not sexual. It's not sexual.

Character1:Then I don't know what this is.

Mac:This sounds very nerdy.

Dennis:Is this a nerd thing?

Charlie:It's definitely a nerd thing.

Mac:I don't do nerd things.

Dennis:You've done one?

Dee:With who? My friends.

Mac:What?!

Dennis:What friends?

Mac:We're your friends.

Dee:All right, I did it alone.

Dennis:She did it alone!

Mac:Oh!

Dennis:Men don't do things just to do them. Okay? We're busy running the world, providing for our families.

Frank:You see, I get out of the room. That means I win the game, the lady here, she takes me out for a steak, and then it becomes sexual.

Mac:Who's that broad?

Frank:It's Amanda from before. She's just doing a bad British accent.

Dennis:Oh, now she's gonna do it. Doth thou... Give me this, 'cause you can't...

Dennis:if you do that accent, then Dee's gonna want to do it, and we hate that.

Amanda:I have cameras all over the room. I can see and hear everything you do.

Dee:Oh, my bad. Okay, I stopped.

Amanda:No, you didn't. Again, I can see you.

Dennis:we're not... we don't like this at all. Um, why don't you just go ahead and start the game?

Charlie:Frank hasn't been locked up since the nitwit school, so he gets a little tight about it.

Dennis:Frank, that gum-chewing is insane. The chewing of the gum. It's happening, right in my ear. It's ludicrous. That is the most irritating sound on Earth.

Dennis:Well, I spoke too soon. That's the most irritating sound on Earth.

Mac:Everybody knows quarterbacks are men. And honestly, like, I don't want to say it out loud, but a female leader? It's just... No. Doesn't sit well, right?

Mac:Thing is, is like, we had a vote in America. We almost had one, and then America was like, 'Mm...' No women. We couldn't have been more clear about it.

Dee:Why do you have a lock on the outside of your door?

Dennis:Uh, well, that's... Don't ask.

Mac:so-so much more relaxed without her in here. That's the move.

Dennis:Both of 'em. I mean, the last thing we need is two women, 'helping us'?

Mac:technically, Frank is the oldest, which makes him the smartest.

Charlie:Yeah, but Dennis is, like, the smartest person I've ever met, and I've met, like, a hundred people.

Dennis:Much more relaxed without her in here.

Mac:Both of 'em. The last thing we need is two women, 'helping us'?

Charlie:Well, I've met, like 105.

Mac:Now, why would you... You have not. Where?

Charlie:Whatever. Supermarket, mall.

Mac:I nominate Dennis.

Charlie:Yes, because he's the smartest.

Dennis:It's a heart-shaped lock.

Mac:Excellent find, buddy.

Charlie:A heart-shaped key.

Dennis:I am very smart, and it's not a bad idea to have me be the leader. Plus, also now that you've said it, I feel like it can't be unsaid.

Oh!

Dee:I've done this exact same escape room before. Yeah, that's why I picked it. I wanted to show them that I'm smart and I can solve stuff.

Dee:Through cooperation we can find a way to emasculate the men whose attention we're seeking.

Dee:Let's see how comfortable you feel in five minutes, when they get frustrated and start smashing all your shit.

Dennis:We've smashed a lot of things here, and I'm not seeing a single key

Dennis:by constantly chewing so loudly, he's sending a very clear message that he is the head cow. And, as we all know, the head cow's always grazing.

Dennis:The head cow's always grazing.

Mac:Aren't all cows female?

Dennis:Well, that was a metaphor. Okay, you know... Mac, sometimes I'm just riffing. Would you allow me to riff?

Mac:Don't sit down! are-are we monkeys or cows?

Dennis:We're whatever the hell I say we are, okay?

Frank:His neck is high. Makes me trust him. Good posture, bro.

Mac:Never trust another man in a negotiation, that's textbook. Art of the Deal.

Frank:He will scratch you silly, Mac.

Dennis:Welcome, sexual conquest. you've pressed the button on the alarm clock, signifying your permission to begin the game.

Dennis:from your Craigslist profile, you probably won't.

Dee:This is insanely disturbing.

Dennis:All right, you do it for a living. Get off your high horse.

Charlie:As your newly elected speaker, I'd like to start by saying I henceforth relinquish any possibility of becoming team leader from myself.

Charlie:Frank, you have offered to award each one of us with our own 20-ounce sirloin steak, provided you bite yours first.

Charlie:I'd like to take a brief moment to recognize our excellent work as men... navigating these difficult waters with ethics, with grace, with minimal violence. But, above all, without compromise to our masculine identity by any admission of guilt, failure or weakness.

Dennis:'And so the game begins.'

Charlie:What?! I-I think this is only the first clue.

There's like a hundred in there. Two minutes. We don't have time to do all those things.

Dennis:Dee's out on the ledge. She got out of your room. Clever girl.

Dennis:Yeah, you figured out the only loophole in my carefully curated and well-researched bondage facility.

Mac:You took a fall for the boys. That's what a quarterback does. Sacrifices his... or her... body for the team. You really were the quarterback.

Dennis:you didn't specify how we get out, just that we get out.

Mac:Yeah, that's on you, really.

Frank:Dee gets to bite first.

Dee:Oh, wow. Thanks, guys.