Thunder Gun 4: Maximum Cool

Dennis:Focus Group isn't the title of the movie.

Mac:We're in a focus group.

Charlie:Huh?

We were walking out of the mall, and they offered us Red Lobster gift cards. Nevertheless, you know, they've chosen wisely.

Dennis:See, I, myself, am a prolific filmmaker. In fact, while you don't thrill me, I might even consider you for one of my roles.

Dennis:I'll get a performance out of you.

Mac:Whatever piece of shit you're gonna show us, you know, so we can tear it apart and get out to Red Lobster?

Mac:Oh!

Dennis:What?!

Charlie:Oh!

Dee:Really?!

Frank:Holy...

Moderator:I, uh... I'm not sure.

Frank:Uh...

Mac:I-I was totally lost. Did they make Thunder Gun bad?

Mac:What's being set up?

Moderator:Um... the entire movie.

Mac:In the old movies, the good guy wore white, the bad guy wore black, or was black. Well, depending on the hero. Right? It's-it's not a racial thing.

Charlie:Mm. I hate people who are different than me.

Mac:Rocky one. Bad guy was black. Rocky II... another black guy. Rocky III... different black guy with a mohawk.

Dennis:No, that's not gonna work.

Mac:'Cause they're white.

Dennis:No, because they're fun. They're a very fun group of people, right? I mean...

Mac:Yeah.

Dennis:Try to hate an Australian.

Charlie:It's impossible.

Mac:A bunch of rapscallions.

Charlie:Little rascals.

Dennis:Yes, yes. You will definitely dislike him, but you won't fear him because he's most likely a pussy.

Mac:Yeah. Look, I feel bad enough about myself as is. I don't need some super hot, funny, smart chick doing, like, roundhouse kicks and cracking computer codes to make me feel worse.

Mac:Bed 'em and dead 'em... first act, he meets a lady. She's super hot, but I'm smarter, right? And then he bangs her, and she gets dead.

Mac:Because all of the women are dead. You know? No competition.

Dee:Women hate women.

Charlie:I mean, he's probably got a thousand kids, all the raw-dog loads he drops.

Moderator:I don't know what 'raw-dog loads' are.

Mac:Okay, so... where's the dong?

Mac:John ThunderGun has hung dong in every chapter of this saga. And, well, I just watched 90 minutes of one, and yet not one hang.

Dennis:Fuck you.

Mac:Bullshit!

Frank:This is exactly the type of Hollywood bullshit that America is sick of.

Frank:Years ago, before the Internet, we would all go out to the movies together... you give the creep-show at the window a couple of bucks, you could spend all day in there popping off.

Frank:And what am I supposed to do? Go home, turn the lights off and pop off in front of Charlie? No, thanks.

Frank:I'm talking about community, honey.

Dennis:They did it! They did. They ruined everything with this PC bullshit. Straight white men can't have anything anymore.

Charlie:I'm mad, but I don't know at what anymore.

Charlie:I'm mad, but I don't know at what anymore.

Mac:Did we leave a guy in there, though? Goddamn right we did, Charlie, and his name is John ThunderGun.

Mac:Save the dong.

Dennis:Save the dong.

Charlie:Save the dong.

Dennis:This is why you don't include women. Are you kidding me?! What?! Don't you see that there was a rhythm? Like a cinematic rhythm.

Mac:This is why you don't include women. Are you kidding me?! What?! Don't you see that there was a rhythm? Like a cinematic rhythm.

Mac:You're goddamn right!

Dennis:Yeah.

Mac:We want to see it. Yes, we want to see the man's dick, but... I guess what I'm saying is that it's no longer just about gratuitous boobs, it's also about gratuitous penis.

Moderator:I'm sorry, is this still about the flaccid penis you'd like to see?

Moderator:I'm sorry, is this still about the flaccid penis you'd like to see?

Dee:It made me wish I had a dong that I could pull out to celebrate my accomplishments. You know? Or maybe just feel the cool breeze gently tickle the shaft on a, on a crisp autumn morn.

Dennis:I say give me dong or give me death.

Mac:No, no, no, pirating is stealing. We didn't steal it, okay? We just downloaded it.

Dennis:Uh, the website is called 'MoviePirate.com.' And the other one is called, uh, 'FreeMovies/Arrrgh.'

Charlie:And the other one is called, uh, 'FreeMovies/Arrrgh.' Ah, I'm starting to see a little bit of a pattern here, because, uh, I also use one called 'StolenMovies.free.'

Mac:You're saying it's our fault that we don't get to see the dong?

Mac:What?

Dennis:What d... What?

Moderator:You guys didn't get that from the final scene?

Frank:Got to side with Charlie on this one. I didn't get it. Now, wh-what was with the fire stick?

Charlie:Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait... He has a son? Fuck, man! What?

Mac:How do you not get that?

Charlie:It wasn't clear.

ThunderGun fell into a volcano. He died. And now his son Max becomes Thunder Son, the face of the franchise moving forward.

Moderator:With your Hollywood liberal bank account!

Frank:Jesus! Who a you people?! I... am ThunderGun.

Mac:With your Hollywood liberal bank account! Jesus! Who are you people?!

Dennis:I am... Thundergun.

Dennis:Goddammit, Dee!

Dee:Dee...

Dennis:How did you not feel that I was next and then you?

Charlie:I recorded that whole thing for nothing. Dong-less!

Mac:With a little help. From some pirates. No hesitation. No surrender. No man left behind!

Mac:You want to watch it on the phone?

Charlie:Oh, good.

Charlie:All right. Five tickets for the price of zero.