Paula worries about her job when Larry gets angry with her over guests canceling, and really goes all out to convince a reluctant Danny DeVito not to cancel too. Larry and Artie try to decide what to choose as the guest gift.
WAR
86.3
Wins Above Replacement
“The Gift Episode” ranks #52 of 90 The Larry Sanders Show episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 86.4 — Elite. The episode packs 76 scored jokes at 2.8 per minute, averaging 7.2 on craft and 7.0 on impact, with Larry landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Larry: But it's in the shape of a hat?
Paula: No, really, Larry, it's kind of embarrassing, because even the arsenio people gave out bathrobes with his big ol' triangle-shaped head on the back.
Artie: Eddie, go up to my office. Bring down that clock on my desk, will you? The silver one. You know, the one that Larry gave me for Christmas last year.
Artie Dark/Subversive Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Phil: Milk chocolate necktie. He does.
Larry: Well, those are probably meant to be eaten, not worn.
Artie Larry Callback Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Larry · Artie: They can put my face on those, right? / Oh, hell, yes. We could put your cock on it. / As long as it's not the hour hand.
DeVito: Well, your booker, she said that you were going to fire her if... if I didn't, uh, show up. I don't want that on my conscious. She's troubled.
Artie Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 76 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Artie: Jason Alexander? Uh, only if we can't get Michael Richards or Jerry Seinfeld.
Artie Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Paula: Mary Lou retton? Marilu henner. Oh, thank God. The last thing we need is Larry on those uneven bars again.
Artie Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Paula: Oh, my gosh! Good one, Artie. Oh, I liked their first album, but the second one was a disappointment.
Larry: They got the stain completely out. I can't believe it. Well, we'll use them as our regular dry cleaner from now on.
Larry Character Comedy Reaction Beat Hank: Are we ordering lunch?
Paula: No, Hank. We're not.
Hank: Oh, because I heard someone mention potatoes, and I... I can have those on my new diet.
Hank: Please do, because I only have the one shake in the morning.
Paula: His agent said he wouldn't be feeling well tonight.
Larry: Yeah, I've had that.
Paula: Well, perhaps the fact that we pay them scale and send 'em home with a piece of shit t-shirt and hat...
Hank Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Larry: I really appreciate the effort that you put into your job each day.
Larry Paula Deadpan/Understatement Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Paula: Okay, what he said was: 'I really appreciate the effort you put into your job each day.'
Beverly: Ooh, girl, you are fucked.
Paula Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Larry: I don't think she's got the right personality. I think she's too... abrasive? No, it's, uh... brusque? No. Incapable of putting a performer at ease because she's has a basic contempt for the business.
Paula Setup/Punchline Dark/Subversive Paula: And screw you, you glorified 10%-taking butt boy.
Larry: But it's in the shape of a hat?
Paula: No, really, Larry, it's kind of embarrassing, because even the arsenio people gave out bathrobes with his big ol' triangle-shaped head on the back.
Paula: even the arsenio people gave out bathrobes with his big ol' triangle-shaped head on the back
Artie Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Artie: Damn it, if this stage caves in, you won't need bathrobes. You'll need bodybags.
Paula Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Larry: Well, evidently, we already give a bag.
Larry Irony/Sarcasm Deadpan/Understatement Paula: Not if I kill myself before 5:30.
Artie: Or is there just my suit floating in space?
Larry Character Comedy Escalation Phil: Well, you know, those are made to be seen, not to be worn. They're made to hang in your closet so when someone looks in there they say, 'oh, you've been on arsenio.'
Phil: Milk chocolate necktie. He does.
Larry: Well, those are probably meant to be eaten, not worn.
Artie Larry Callback Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback Paula: Is that suzanne pleshette? Phil, get out!
Larry: Although, you know, I'd feel a little awkward knowing that strangers were putting their lips on my head.
Paula: War of the roses is one of Larry's favorite films. Did I mention that?
Danny DeVito: This is getting very sad. Do you have any shame at all?
Hank: I'm like a dog that way. I just have a very bad feeling.
Beverly: No, that was Hank clearing his throat.
Paula: Because twice today, he said that I was doing a really good job.
Hank: Oh... I didn't know he said it twice.
Beverly: You're digging a mighty deep hole over there.
Paula: Good. Then I can jump in after I shoot myself in the head.
Paula: Just think of whatever you would ask a potato lady. And that's all there is to it? And put question marks at the end so Larry knows that they're questions.
Paula Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Paula: And put question marks at the end so Larry knows that they're questions.
DeVito Deadpan/Understatement Cringe/Discomfort Larry: He's putting my photo on the inner thigh. Oh, God damn it. Maybe you're right. Maybe it should be the outer thigh.
Larry: I don't want to talk to the fucking potato lady.
Paula Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Paula: Um, I think it's just tremendous what you're doing here for juvenile diabetes. And I don't know if you know this, but Larry has low-blood sugar.
DeVito: It's not the same. Is it? It's not the same.
Paula: Are you telling me that you can't walk 200 feet to plug your own movie? It'll be great exposure, and it'll prevent Larry from firing me. Please?
Artie: Iook at this. The name of the horse... Larry's valentine. Jockey... Hank Espinoza. The trainer's name is Bill. Bill, just like the guy who writes for us. Phil. No, it's Bill. See...
Hank Artie Callback Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Artie: The name of the horse... Larry's valentine. Jockey... Hank Espinoza. The trainer's name is Bill.
Artie Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement Callback Jimmie Walker: Guy robs a lady in the subway. The cops come to try to stop this guy. The criminal refuses to stop. They shoot the guy in the back. Paralyze the criminal. The criminal sues the transit system for $4.5 million... and he won the case. Now he's suing nike, 'cause he says if he had had better sneakers, he'd been able to run faster, and they never would have caught him.
Paula: Where is he? He's in make-up.
Paula: One more segment with the potato lady, and then Danny...
Larry: I'm not doing a dumb segment with the potato lady.
Larry: I got to tell you the truth. I'm torn but, uh... madison is who it looks like to me. I would take another guess if I were you.
Hank: I never had the bad feeling worse than I do right now.
Hank Character Comedy Escalation Callback DeVito: Late? I just decided 5 minutes ago to do the show. What do you mean late?
Larry Artie Character Comedy Setup/Punchline ★ Rewatch DeVito: Well, your booker, she said that you were going to fire her if... if I didn't, uh, show up. I don't want that on my conscious. She's troubled.
Artie Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Danny DeVito: your booker, she said that you were going to fire her if... if I didn't, uh, show up. I don't want that on my conscious.
Hank: Now I look like one of those pussies who got under the desk.
Larry Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Artie: Hot to trot. OK, I knew it. Breathe.
DeVito Physical/Slapstick Irony/Sarcasm Callback DeVito: if I'm gonna die, I want to die with my family, not with jimmie walker and the weirdo with the doughnuts. Potatoes? The potato lady? Whatever.
Phil: the jogging suit is just a wrapping, sir, inside, you'll find a lovely silver desk clock from tiffany.
DeVito: Silverplate?
Phil: Solid silver, Mr. D. Swiss movement.
Paula Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Danny DeVito: Potatoes? The potato lady? Whatever.
Phil: Oh, hell, yes. We could put your cock on it. As long as it's not the hour hand.
Paula: You wouldn't believe that lengths I have to go to. The other week, when Tom hanks tried to back out, I had to cry and feign illness.
Paula: muffin mania gifts. It's endless.
Paula: Bob uecker, Shari Lewis, and the seashell man. And sting.
Larry: Oh, have we got sting? You betcha. Great.
Larry · Paula: Is Danny DeVito really on his way? / I have no idea. They kicked me off the set.
Larry Paula Setup/Punchline Cringe/Discomfort Callback Larry · Artie: I could call David Copperfield and ask him to do the show. He owes me one. / I'll bet he does.
Larry · Potato Lady: What is it? / Thomas Jefferson. / This is a very exciting development.
Larry/Artie · Potato Lady: Have you ever eaten a raw potato? / You don't... well, you know, I have such a personal relationship with them that...
Artie · Beverly · Artie: What were you thinking about with these potato questions? / I got to go. / What were you thinking of? / You know, Artie, I did eat a raw potato once, and the taste was quite unusual. I thought it was a good question.
Artie · Hank: I never had the bad feeling worse than I do right now. / I'm torn, but... Madison is who it looks like to me. / I would take another guess if I were you.
Larry · staffer: Where's Danny? / You were so great with the potato lady. / Where is he?
DeVito: I just decided 5 minutes ago to do the show. What do you mean late?
DeVito Setup/Punchline Irony/Sarcasm DeVito · Larry: Well, your booker — she said that you were going to fire her if I didn't show up. I don't want that on my conscious. / She's troubled.
Larry · Paula: Did you tell Danny DeVito that I was going to fire you if he didn't do the show? / I didn't use those exact words. / Well, do you realize what inappropriate behavior that is? / Do you realize how badly that reflects on me? / Am I fired now?
Larry: Was that an aftershock? / I believe it was. / OK, well — we live in Southern California, we dress in Southern California, and we do a show in Southern California.
Larry Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Larry · Hank: Hank, sit down. / Let's not overreact... / OK! / That would be... another one? / Why don't we take a break and let Hank collect himself?
Larry Hank Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Hank: Now I look like one of those pussies who got under the desk.
Hank Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Artie: Welcome to Shakeytown. Enjoy the music.
Artie Deadpan/Understatement Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Artie · Larry: Now I want you to breathe. Come on — do that. Good. Now, when you're doing that, do you have any good or bad feelings about any of these names... Daddy's Girl... breathe... Lucky Lindy, Hot to Trot... any feelings at all? / Hot to Trot. / Good. I knew it.
Artie Larry Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Artie · Larry: Stage 2, Stage 9, or Stage 12? / 2. Let's go to Stage 2. / Or 9. 2 or 9. I don't know. / I can't make a decision, but we gotta get out of here.
DeVito · Larry: Look, I'm out of here. I appreciate you inviting me down to do the show, but I'm going. / Wait a minute. We haven't even done your segment yet. You're next. / If I'm gonna die, I want to die with my family, not with Jimmie Walker and the weirdo with the doughnuts. / Potatoes? The potato lady? / Whatever.
DeVito Larry Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Larry/Artie · DeVito: We've got a beautiful gift for you. / I already got a Larry Sanders t-shirt. / But this is a Larry Sanders jogging suit. / I got plenty of jogging suits. Not like this. This is a multi-colored... / The jogging suit is just a wrapping, sir. Inside you'll find a lovely silver desk clock from Tiffany.
DeVito · Artie: Silverplate? / Solid silver, Mr. D. / Swiss movement. / All right, I'll see you out there.
Larry · Artie: They can put my face on those, right? / Oh, hell, yes. We could put your cock on it. / As long as it's not the hour hand.
Artie: Eddie, go up to my office. Bring down that clock on my desk, will you? The silver one. You know, the one that Larry gave me for Christmas last year.
Artie Dark/Subversive Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Paula · Larry: I want to say that I think the segment with Danny DeVito went really, really well, and I think that you were extremely hilarious with the potato lady. / Yeah, well, I think we all know that.
Paula · Larry: I gotta say that about 3 times a week to get guests to do this show. / You do? / You wouldn't believe the lengths I have to go to. The other week, when Tom Hanks tried to back out, I had to cry and feign illness. I mean, muffin mania gifts. It's endless.
Larry · Paula: Who do you have on tap for tomorrow night? / Bob Uecker, Shari Lewis, and the seashell man. / And sting. / Oh, have we got sting? / You betcha.
Larry Paula Setup/Punchline Running Gag ★ Rewatch Callback Top Episodes — The Larry Sanders Show
