The Gang Goes to a Dog Track

Dennis:You're gonna get hot dog grease on my seersucker suit.

Dennis:You guys are gonna look like a bunch schlubs.

Charlie:Mac and I are doing, like, this raw-dog thing. It's pretty cool.

Frank:That's not what raw-dogging is. It's a sexual thing, Charlie.

Mac:But in this case, it's a completely different kind of raw dog. It's like this whole TikTok trend where people deprive themselves of creature comforts while traveling somewhere.

Dennis:This whole experience is gonna be about glamour, opulence, the majestic excellence of thoroughbreds earthquaking down a track while we sip on mint juleps and eat pimento cheese finger sandwiches amongst the Southern elite. Kentucky Derby, here we come.

Frank:Whoops. Uh-uh.

Dee:Oh, my God. This place is a shithole.

Dennis:In hindsight, I should've realized when we got those bus tickets, the Kentucky Derby is not held in West Virginia.

Mac:I am the raw-dog in this situation. I don't wanna eat dogs, watch dogs or be dogs, okay?

Dee:Yeah, 40% of Pennies From Heaven. God, if I was gonna receive something from heaven, the last thing I'd want is pennies. They're worthless.

Mac:I guess we just pick the rawest one.

Charlie:Yeah, but how do we know which is the rawest dog?

Charlie:You think there's, like, a one-eyed dog or, like, um...

Mac:Uh, I'm pretty sure they're all gonna have both eyes, dude.

Charlie:That guy looks like Dog the Bounty Hunter. Who's rawer than that?

Mac:But, you know, his hair routine, that seems like a lot of effort and that is not raw, man.

Charlie:Yeah, there's a lot of primping involved. It's a lot of conditioner, blow-dryers.

Charlie:I'm getting a Snoop Dogg vibe off this guy, right? Who's rawer than Snoop, man?

Well, ever since he became best friends with Martha Stewart at the Olympics, that took a little... That was weird. Took the dog out of him.

Mac:Well, he's not wearing shoes. Which is fucking disgusting. Look at the ground.

If you're sniffing around for a winner, I'd bet my last bone on Squeaky Wheel. Runs real good after a rain. Loves a wind out of the southeast.

Squeaky Wheel's gonna get the grease if you ask me.

Mac:I think he's gonna eat that hot dog. A raw hot dog from the ground?

Mac:His feet look like hams. He's sick. I think he's very sick.

Frank:This is Dennis and this is Dee. They're my kids, or whatnot.

Frank:I was supposed to film that for the Saudis.

Dennis:I believe they're talking about masturbating a dog.

That jar could have a border collie's jizz in it for all I know.

Dennis:We're not jerking a dog off, Frank. That's not gonna happen. Not something we're doing.

Rock beats scissors. I'm up 300 bucks.

What number am I thinking of between one and ten? A hundred dollars.

Sparky:See, people drop 'em, and they blow onto the track. Single corn nut can turn a dog's ankle, ruin its career.

Sparky:Dog don't wear shoes, so why should I? I like to feel what they feel, know what they know.

Ain't no coincidence that 'god' spelled backwards is 'dog.'

Mac:I jumped off the top of a jungle gym the other day. I went to a nightclub and got really raw with it. Had a bit of a scare.

Mac:'Raw' spelled backwards is 'war,' and you sound like you at war with yourself.

Gambling will make you lower than the lowest dog there is.

Ten bucks you can eat that gum off the floor.

Frank:Twenty dollars you rip Dennis's jacket.

Dennis:Goddamn it! You son of a bitch!

Some folks are just chasing the wrong rabbit. They're the one is really running in circles.

Charlie:Why are you spitting in the bowls?

Sparky:Let's them know I'm the alpha.

Mac:I don't like that he expressed that dog's anal glands with his bare hands.

Charlie:Well, you don't got to 'cause there's gloves right there.

Sparky:Sometimes I'm just off my leash and protecting my pack.

Sparky:No, I wish. No, I live in a trailer out in the parking lot.

Dennis:Before this place makes animals of us all.

Dennis:Trying to stop, but the smell of dog food on your breath-- It's really bad.

Dennis:We're gonna have to do something pretty raw.

Charlie:What kind of breed is Frank?

Mac:Oh, Frank's a man. He's a man, human man. But he's messy like a dog.

Sparky:I did not know that. Think somebody would've told me. Yeah. Oh, well, I guess I'm always just the last to know.

Charlie:Do you think he shot the dog? Why? Why would-- I don't know.

Mac:Maybe that's what he was talking about when he says he takes care of the dogs, like, he shoots them when they can't race anymore?

Charlie:Well, if he didn't shoot the dog, what did he shoot?

Mac:He was feeling a little too raw.

Charlie:This is a crime scene now, right?

Mac:This is a crime scene, yeah.

Charlie:Know what, wipe our prints.

Dennis:Hello, crown princes and other honorable Saudis. With much respect, we present to you, Pennies From Heaven.

Frank:I bet Louis I could get you guys to jerk off a dog, and you did it.

Frank:You are my raw dogs, and you won.

Frank:Dog races? I never bet on a dog race. That's some low-class shit.

Sparky:You guys raw-dogging it home?

Sparky:Anyone like a corn nut?