WAR
82.2
Wins Above Replacement
“House Sitting” ranks #35 of 50 Broad City episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 85.8 — Elite. The episode packs 81 scored jokes at 3.7 per minute, averaging 7.0 on craft and 7.0 on impact, with Ilana landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Jaimé: Jaimé's farewell to Richard: 'That image will forever harden my soul but soften my peepee. Namaste, you sick, sick man.'
Jaimé Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Ilana: Ilana: 'Once students have flowered, teachers are either fucking them or jerking off to them.'
Ilana Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Heidi: Heidi reassures Oliver: 'Standardized testing does not define you. Nothing can happen in the global economy that will ever make you need to work.'
Heidi Irony/Sarcasm Dark/Subversive Ilana: Ilana: 'If Lincoln and I ever have children — and believe me, we're not talking about that for a couple of years — I hope their teachers are jerking off to them.'
Ilana Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Ilana: Ilana on the bidet: 'I feel like a wine glass fresh out of the dishwasher.'
Ilana Absurdist Character Comedy All Jokes — 81 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Abbi · Ilana: BTS wordplay escalation: 'I love a good BTS' / 'I love a hot BTS' / 'BTS to the BTS, baby!'
Heidi: Heidi announces she's taking Oliver for detox in the Hamptons because 'standardized testing has really stressed him out'
Heidi Absurdist Character Comedy Oliver: Oliver stress-chants 'Times tables! Topic sentences! Five paragraph essay! Five paragraph essay!'
Oliver Character Comedy Escalation Heidi: Heidi reassures Oliver: 'Standardized testing does not define you. Nothing can happen in the global economy that will ever make you need to work.'
Heidi Irony/Sarcasm Dark/Subversive Abbi · Heidi: Heidi spots a helicopter and says 'Whoa! A helicopter? I thought Uber just had cars.' / 'Uber has cars?'
Abbi · Ilana: Visual gag: Abbi and Ilana clearly climb through a window or fence to get inside rather than using the obvious gate nearby
Abbi Ilana Visual Gag Physical/Slapstick ★ Rewatch Ilana: Ilana introduces the washer-dryer with game-show flourish: 'Double jumbo capacity washer-dryer, cleaning 25 pounds of your dirtiest dog shit at lightning speed.'
Ilana Character Comedy Absurdist Ilana: Ilana narrates the bathroom tour in fake French: 'Enter ze master bath.' / 'Now, mademoiselle, to the tour.'
Ilana Character Comedy Absurdist Ilana: 'Italian marble, Asian marble, Puerto Rican marble, every ethnicity of marble.'
Ilana Absurdist Character Comedy Ilana: 'And the coochie de gras...' (referring to the bidet)
Ilana Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Abbi · Ilana: 'Is that a bidet?' / 'You bidet believe it is.'
Ilana: Ilana on the bidet: 'the water is perfectly warmed to accommodate my anus.'
Ilana Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Abbi: Abbi discovers her high school English teacher Mr. Miller on Bumble while sitting on a bidet
Abbi Absurdist Cringe/Discomfort Ilana: Ilana: 'Oh, also your Bumble thing is hot. I don't know, I feel like it's a little creepy.' / 'Hell yeah, sometimes in life you need creepy, freaky fucks.'
Ilana Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Ilana: 'You must swipe yas, you cannot swipe nas.'
Ilana Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Ilana: Ilana's suggested opening message: 'I need help studying for my ACTs and I'm trying to get a 69.'
Ilana Wordplay/Pun Setup/Punchline Abbi: Abbi responds with 'Hey. Long time.' — to Ilana's elaborate suggestion
Abbi Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat Abbi: I'm gonna write, 'Hey. Long time.' / Okay, sent.
Abbi Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Ilana · Abbi: Mr. Miller replies almost instantly with 'I'm in town, do you want to meet up tonight?' — Abbi reacts with a scream/gasp, and Ilana asks: 'Is that about the message or the bidet?'
Ilana Abbi Setup/Punchline Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Abbi: 'Honestly, both.' / 'He should come here. This place is so adult.'
Abbi Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Callback Ilana: Ilana on the bidet: 'I feel like a wine glass fresh out of the dishwasher.'
Ilana Absurdist Character Comedy Ilana: Ilana's philosophical stance on Lincoln: 'it is an essential part of my character that I'm just not into labels. So we're just enjoying the ride.'
Ilana Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Jaimé: Jaimé arrives and announces he had an adult circumcision and 'cannot get hard for two more weeks'
Jaimé Setup/Punchline Cringe/Discomfort Abbi · Ilana: Abbi asks 'Why can't you get hard?' / Ilana explains 'Cause his stitches will tear. My penis.' — then Abbi says 'Duh. Oh, obviously.'
Jaimé: Jaimé: 'I cannot be around vibrations in my current state.'
Jaimé Cringe/Discomfort Running Gag Callback Ilana: Ilana gives Jaimé the bathroom tour: 'Italian marble, Asian marble, Puerto Rican marble... the coochie de gras.' — cut to: 'A bidet is synonymous with sex in rich Guatemala.'
Ilana Callback Absurdist ★ Rewatch Callback Jaimé: Jaimé: 'A boner is inevitable, I cannot be in here.'
Jaimé Running Gag Cringe/Discomfort Callback Abbi: Abbi's fumbling introduction: 'And this is Lincoln, he is a... a man, as well. Friend from way back when. Pal and a confidant. Former teacher. He's not my teacher anymore. We're on a date now.'
Abbi Cringe/Discomfort Escalation Lincoln: Lincoln's reaction: 'That's great. Wow, that took a long time... to say.'
Lincoln Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Callback Jaimé: Jaimé wanders into 'the taxidermy room' and says 'Oh. Nothing. Hi.' as if he's been caught doing something
Jaimé Visual Gag Reaction Beat ★ Rewatch Jaimé: Jaimé: 'He used to be your teacher? And now you're on a date?' / 'Yes.' / Jaimé stubs his penis somehow and exits.
Jaimé Cringe/Discomfort Running Gag Callback Jaimé: Jaimé accidentally touches something, exclaims 'Ow! Can't... touch. I'm so sorry.' and retreats
Jaimé Physical/Slapstick Cringe/Discomfort Callback Abbi · Richard: Abbi and Richard in the library: 'Yeah, you're right. I am an adult now. Supposably.' / 'Supposedly. With a D.' / 'Sorry. English teacher mode.'
Abbi · Richard: Abbi's revenge-fantasy about Tina Palmer, who wouldn't let her sit at the lunch table 'because like, I wasn't hot enough'
Jaimé · Ilana: Jaimé appears, announcing: 'I have to go piss... hard.' then asks Ilana to zip him up.
Ilana: Ilana zips Lincoln's pants: 'Your fingers are for two things. Filling cavities, and filling cavities.'
Ilana Wordplay/Pun Setup/Punchline Abbi · Ilana: He said he thought about me like that. Like, when I was his student, though. / Yeah. / Really? / Bitch, durr.
Ilana: Ilana: 'Once students have flowered, teachers are either fucking them or jerking off to them.'
Ilana Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Ilana: If it keeps their disgusting hands off my hot-ass, bl-ewish kids, then yeah.
Ilana Character Comedy Absurdist Ilana: Ilana: 'If Lincoln and I ever have children — and believe me, we're not talking about that for a couple of years — I hope their teachers are jerking off to them.'
Ilana Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Abbi: Abbi confesses she's been masturbating to Jonathan Taylor Thomas 'as he was on Home Improvement' — not as a 31-year-old
Abbi Dark/Subversive Misdirection Ilana: Ilana: 'We're all jerking off to teenagers. And I'll tell you what, they're jerking off to us too. That's the circle of life.'
Ilana Absurdist Dark/Subversive Ilana · Abbi: Ilana: 'Jerking off is all we got. It literally saves the world.' / Abbi: 'Thank you.'
Lincoln · Ilana: Lincoln farts in front of Ilana and apologizes; Ilana responds: 'Farts are part of the total relationship package.'
Ilana · Lincoln: Ilana farts competitively back at Lincoln — framed as a 'breakdance battle, but not at all'
Lincoln: 'That was different from the others.' — Lincoln on a notably different-sounding fart
Lincoln Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Lincoln: Lincoln tells Ilana: 'You shat yourself at a party five weeks ago.' — as perspective on the fart situation
Lincoln Callback Deadpan/Understatement Abbi · Richard: Richard on the wine: 'sort of a full body with a tannic grip.' / Abbi: 'Yeah, I love full bodies with tannic grips... I love those things with my wine.'
Abbi · Richard/Mr. Miller: Sorry about those last few things I said. That sort of came out weird. / If we met right now, you'd just be, like, a hot dude who happens to teach.
Ilana · Lincoln: Lincoln and Ilana discover 'his and hers casket sheets'
Ilana · Lincoln: Ilana announces they have brunch with Abbi and Jaimé on Saturday; Lincoln says he already has 'golf with Dr. Tims.'
Ilana: 'Sounds like a great idea. I love Google Calendar.' — delivered with the enthusiasm of someone discovering this is a relationship milestone
Ilana Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Jaimé: Jaimé studying in a children's room full of books; his penis is apparently knocked by books falling
Jaimé Physical/Slapstick Running Gag ★ Rewatch Callback Jaimé: A children's book / toy attacking Jaimé in the groin area: 'Ay, Dios mío.' / 'Ay, stop it! My stitches! My stitches! Please! Please!'
Jaimé Physical/Slapstick Cringe/Discomfort Callback Abbi · Richard: Richard says he reads 'The New Yorker.' Abbi: 'Wow, like, the whole thing? / That's so hot. That's like, super sexy.' / Richard: 'That I can read?'
Abbi: Abbi's internal monologue/fantasy: 'Pretend like it's day one. Damn, reading is so dope.'
Abbi Character Comedy Absurdist Ilana: Ilana wakes Lincoln: 'Okay, so we have to talk about this whole relationship thing. Think about what we have sacrificed to enter this sexless fart party.'
Ilana Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Callback Ilana · Lincoln: Ilana: 'When was the last time we even had sex?' / Lincoln: 'We had sex an hour ago.' / Ilana: 'And that's good enough for you?'
Lincoln: Lincoln: 'Told you I have a refractory period.'
Lincoln Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Abbi · Richard: Abbi and Richard in the kids' room: 'Looks like somebody didn't do her homework.' / 'But I don't know, is there any extra credit I can do to bring my grade up?' / 'I don't think so. Looks like you're getting a big, fat D this semester.'
Abbi · Richard/Mr. Miller: Chess pieces reveal, followed by: 'Looks like somebody didn't do her homework.'
Abbi · Richard/Mr. Miller: Um, I didn't. But, I don't know, is there any... extra credit I can do to bring my grade up? / I don't think so. / Looks like you're getting a big, fat 'D' this semester.
Jaimé: Jaimé muttering to himself: 'Jaimé, don't get hard.'
Jaimé Running Gag Deadpan/Understatement Callback Ilana: Ilana-Lincoln relationship philosophy argument: 'I like spaghetti, but I don't wanna die with spaghetti. I mean, I might, but I don't know yet.'
Ilana Absurdist Character Comedy Ilana: The Doritos lifetime supply metaphor: 'at first you'd be psyched...then every time you went to grab a bag of Doritos, you're like, oh, I wanna die.'
Ilana Absurdist Character Comedy Ilana · Lincoln: 'Cause lifetime implies death. Think about it like this. Let's say you won a lifetime supply of Doritos. / I'm listening.
Ilana: 'We do it for a year, short-term. And then after that year, we check in with each other. Like a phone contract.'
Ilana Character Comedy Absurdist Lincoln · Ilana: Ilana: 'And thank you for all the food metaphors.' / Lincoln: 'You're welcome. I was eating spaghetti and Doritos yesterday. That's probably why my farts smell so violent.'
Jaimé: Jaimé's pep talk to himself: 'Jaimé, be strong. Penis, be weak. Be weak! Weak!'
Jaimé Running Gag Escalation Callback Abbi · Richard: Richard asks Abbi's age: 'Should we be doing this? You're so young.' / 'I mean, I'm 28.' / 'No, but you're like, 17, right?' / 'Yeah... I am only 17.'
Abbi · Richard: Richard has been pulling Abbi's skin back 'so I looked more like a child' — her realization and his explanation
Abbi Richard Cringe/Discomfort Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Callback Jaimé: Jaimé walks in and condemns both of them: 'That, sir, that was just disgusting. I hope you know that. Disgusting.'
Jaimé Reaction Beat Character Comedy Richard/Mr. Miller · Abbi: We were roleplaying, right? Like you're 17. I was trying to make you look young-ish. / What the fuck?
Abbi: Abbi to Richard: 'For two, I exfoliate, like, almost every other day. And you know what? My skin is radiant.' — defending herself after being age-regressed by skin-pulling
Abbi Character Comedy Misdirection Jaimé: Jaimé's farewell to Richard: 'That image will forever harden my soul but soften my peepee. Namaste, you sick, sick man.'
Jaimé Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Abbi · Richard: Richard, departing: 'Look, Abbi, it takes two to Bumble.' / attempts to leave through what he thinks is a door / 'Uh, single file!' / 'Single file? I'm only one person.' / 'Use the buddy system!'
Richard/Mr. Miller · Abbi: Single file! / Single file? I'm only one person. / Use the buddy system!
Abbi · firefighter/neighbor: The dryer fire reveal: 'It's a Newton Elite. It's built only to dry satins, silk, or gold-infused fabrics.' / 'Looks like you guys are drying cheap cotton and polyester here.' / 'Fire was inevitable.'
Abbi · Heidi: Heidi's phone call: the dryer fire is revealed to Heidi, who doesn't even know there's a laundry room. 'She didn't even know there was a laundry room. Doesn't affect her in any way.'
Abbi · Richard: Abbi asks Richard directly: 'Do you... jerk off to your students?' / Richard: 'All teachers do. You kinda have to.'
Richard · Abbi: Richard's parting wisdom: 'You have to keep reading. Your brain is a muscle. If you don't use it regularly... it goes away.' / Abbi: 'What a righteous dude.'
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