Going Home

Only on your brain.

Well, I've been in the bathroom.

Yeah. You know... it was the '60s

Ikswotangi. Uh-oh. That's not even close to 'Star Child,' is it?

It's written in some strange language unknown on this planet.

That's okay. I didn't even hear it.

Jim, that's Bonanza. Oh, yeah.

You know, once a month like clockwork, I call him on the phone and hang up just so I can hear his voice say 'For the last time, who is this?'

Okay. Now, now, now let's not fight over this.

Boy, what are the odds of that happening?

Ignatowski's got a father? There goes my spore theory.

I think he's a butler. I don't care what he does for a living. He's my father.

Tom Caldwell, the son that lived.

Lila, I'd like you to meet my brother, Tom-Jim.

Want a bite?

Promise me you won't leave me alone with them.

But she never took off those white gloves.

For some reason, she used to call me Miss Scarlett. Jim, that's Gone With the Wind. Yeah... no use looking back on it now.

Jim, that's Gone With the Wind. Yeah... no use looking back on it now.

This could be my dad... or your dad.

You're bald.

Thought about a toup?

Well, what about the fat part?

Oh, yes! Now I remember. Everybody here was fat.

My God, I-I've been estranged from the wrong family.

You finished all of that.

I don't love my brother, Alex. That's all right, Jim. I don't know why. He's almost as fat as my dad.

Everything but string beans, sir.

Lila, don't be cheap in front of the company.

A typewriter seemed so impersonal.

Well, don't make it sound so terrible. How do you make that sound good? Well, drifting... You know, living on handouts. And getting stoned.

What do you feel? Full.

Okeydoke.

Like, I wonder about if you call an orange an orange why don't you call a banana a yellow? Or an apple a red? Well, you see, the point is, Mr. Caldwell... Now, blueberries make sense, but somebody explain gooseberries to me.

Give it all away to what's his name... The big guy with the curly hair. Your brother. Or him.

Good-bye, Dad.

And get his right phone number!