At Mario's, while Elaine is complaining about problems with her love life, a handsome man named Kirk approaches. Tony then plays matchmaker for Elaine and soon she and Kirk are dating happily. Kirk later tells Tony in private that he has a problem: he is interested romantically in someone else-- Tony! Tony, who is not gay but does not want to see Elaine hurt over this, tells Alex and although he doesn't really want to get involved, Alex agrees to meet Tony and Kirk at a gay bar to help smooth over the situation. Alex arrives at the bar before Tony and is nervous, but relaxes after Kirk tells him he knows Tony isn't interested and he's already gently broken things off with Elaine. Alex begins to feel more at ease, but soon he is asked to dance by a large man. Alex is then pulled on to the dance floor and is eventually chased on to the bar itself by a chorus of gay dancers and unable to escape, begins dancing on the bar, when Tony arrives..
Love triangle setup stalls at 72.5; character beats outweigh punchline precision here.
Directed by James Burrows · Written by David Lloyd
WAR
18
Wins Above Replacement
“Elaines Strange Triangle” ranks #96 of 114 Taxi episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 72.5 — Solid. The episode packs 33 scored jokes at 1.5 per minute, averaging 6.5 on craft and 6.6 on impact, with Tony landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Tony: What do you know about bisexuals?
Latka: Oh, bicycles! In my country, very popular. Everyone ride bicycles. Is good exercise, very cheap transportation.
Latka: My father, he have three bicycles. My mother, she ride bicycle to market every day.
Latka: Why you ask me about bicycles, Tony?
Latka Wordplay/Pun Absurdist ★ Rewatch Kirk: You know, I've been thinking about this all wrong. Elaine's great and all, but there's someone else I've had my eye on from the start.
Elaine: Who?
Kirk: Tony.
Kirk Setup/Punchline Misdirection ★ Rewatch Tony: My secret is... I'm in love with Captain Kirk.
Louie: Tony, that's not a secret. Everybody knows that.
Tony Setup/Punchline Escalation ★ Rewatch Alex: I don't want to hear about your problems anymore. The only sentences I want to hear are declarative sentences, imperative sentences, and interrogative sentences.
Alex: That's it. No exclamatory sentences, no conditional sentences, no nothing. Just those three.
Alex Character Comedy Escalation Latka: Tony! Tony, you okay? Come on, talk to me!
Latka: What's the matter, Tony? You look terrible!
Latka: You know what your problem is? You don't got no sense of humor!
Latka: Oh yeah? Well maybe if you wasn't so depressed all the time, people would like you better!
Latka: That's it, I'm through talking to you!
All Jokes — 33 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Tony: You should date a stranger.
Elaine: How am I supposed to date a stranger? I don't know any strangers.
Tony: That's the whole idea.
Bobby: No, no, I'm going to buy my own drink.
Bobby: I got the part because of my talent, not because of you guys.
Tony: Small world!
Kirk: Yeah, I'm an investment analyst.
Tony: No, you're a cabdriver.
Tony Kirk Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Tony Banta: This is Kirk, everybody. Kirk, this is everybody.
Tony Banta: You know, I feel like I'm hosting 'The Dating Game' right now.
Elaine: I'm worried about what you're all putting Kirk through. The poor guy probably thinks he's on some kind of game show.
Elaine Cringe/Discomfort Irony/Sarcasm Elaine: It's 555-0147.
Kirk: 555-0147.
Elaine: No wait, it's 555-0174.
Kirk: 0174.
Elaine: Actually, it's 555-0741.
Kirk: 0741.
Elaine: No, I had it right the first time. 555-0147.
Kirk: So which is it?!
Elaine: 555-0147!
Jim: I was not giggling like a schoolgirl!
Unknown character: We were talking about Elaine.
Tony: I don't owe you anything for a towel.
Unknown character: Tony, you used a towel.
Tony: I didn't shower in April.
Unknown character: What does that have to do with it?
Tony: I'm just saying, I didn't shower in April.
Louie: Who are you?
Kirk: I'm Kirk.
Louie: Well, I'm God in my domain.
Louie: So what's the story with you and Elaine? You getting to first base?
Kirk: First base? I haven't even made it to the parking lot.
Louie Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Louie: What do you mean you won't tell me? We're friends, aren't we? I thought we had something special here. I share everything with you!
Kirk: Louie, some things are private.
Louie: Private? PRIVATE?! After all I've done for you? I've listened to your problems, I've given you advice... and this is the thanks I get?
Louie Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Kirk: You know, I've been thinking about this all wrong. Elaine's great and all, but there's someone else I've had my eye on from the start.
Elaine: Who?
Kirk: Tony.
Kirk Setup/Punchline Misdirection ★ Rewatch Tony: Wait... you mean... you were interested in... me?
Tony: Oh my God.
Tony Reaction Beat Awkward Silence ★ Rewatch Tony: I got a problem. I can't go driving today.
Louie: What do you mean you can't go driving? You've never been able to go driving.
Louie Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Louie: Look, I'm gonna level with you. You got a problem, you come to me. We're family here at the garage. But if you don't tell me what's going on, I'm gonna assume the worst — and you don't want me assuming the worst.
Louie Character Comedy Escalation Louie: Tony, Tony, Tony. We're both Italian guys. We understand each other. We got that special connection, you know? The old country, the family honor, the respect. Now come on, tell me your secret.
Tony: Louie, what are you talking about? You're not Italian.
Louie: What do you mean I'm not Italian? I'm as Italian as they come!
Tony: Louie, you're Jewish.
Louie: I know that! But for the next five minutes, I'm Italian. Now spill it.
Louie Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Tony: My secret is... I'm in love with Captain Kirk.
Louie: Tony, that's not a secret. Everybody knows that.
Tony Setup/Punchline Escalation ★ Rewatch Louie: I got it! I got it! Tony actually fell for it! Wait till the guys hear about this!
Louie: This is gold, baby. Pure gold. Nobody puts one over on Louie De Palma and gets away with it. Well, actually, everybody does, but not this time!
Louie Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Tony: You know, like when you're talking about something that didn't really happen, but you're just saying it like it did happen, but it really didn't.
Bobby: You mean hypothetical?
Tony: Yeah, yeah, that's the word! I was trying to think of it all day.
Tony: Say your girlfriend makes a pass at another guy. What do you do?
Bobby: Wait a minute. Is this about Debbie?
Tony: No, no, it's hypothetical.
Bobby: Well, if it's hypothetical, then it's about Debbie. Debbie, we're through!
Bobby Misdirection Escalation ★ Rewatch Latka: Hello, Latka! How are you today?
Latka: I'm fine, thank you for asking. And how are you?
Latka: Oh, I'm wonderful! Did you have a nice day?
Latka: Yes, very nice. And you?
Latka: Excellent! Isn't it nice to have someone to talk to?
Latka: The best! Much better than talking to Tony.
Latka Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Latka: Tony! Tony, you okay? Come on, talk to me!
Latka: What's the matter, Tony? You look terrible!
Latka: You know what your problem is? You don't got no sense of humor!
Latka: Oh yeah? Well maybe if you wasn't so depressed all the time, people would like you better!
Latka: That's it, I'm through talking to you!
Tony: What do you know about bisexuals?
Latka: Oh, bicycles! In my country, very popular. Everyone ride bicycles. Is good exercise, very cheap transportation.
Latka: My father, he have three bicycles. My mother, she ride bicycle to market every day.
Latka: Why you ask me about bicycles, Tony?
Latka Wordplay/Pun Absurdist ★ Rewatch Alex: I'm not going to solve problems anymore. I'm like a fireman who won't fight fires.
Alex: I'm like a doctor who won't treat patients.
Alex: I'm like a priest who won't hear confessions.
Alex: I'm like a bartender who won't listen to people's troubles.
Alex: Actually, that last one works for me.
Alex Escalation Character Comedy Alex: I don't want to hear about your problems anymore. The only sentences I want to hear are declarative sentences, imperative sentences, and interrogative sentences.
Alex: That's it. No exclamatory sentences, no conditional sentences, no nothing. Just those three.
Alex Character Comedy Escalation Tony: Kirk likes me because I'm simple. He says I'm the only person he knows who thinks in a straight line.
Tony Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Tony: I can't face Kirk alone. He hates me.
Alex: Tony, Kirk doesn't hate you.
Tony: He looks at me like I'm poison.
Alex: That's just his face.
Tony Alex Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Kirk: I told Elaine I'm bisexual.
Alex: Shush!
Alex: Wait... we're in a gay bar.
Unknown patron: Would you like to dance?
Alex: I think they're asking you, Kirk.
Unknown patron: No, I'm asking you.
Alex: Me?
Tony: You care more about Elaine than you care about me!
Alex: That's not true, Tony.
Tony: Yes it is! You're always worried about her, always thinking about her...
Alex: Tony, that's ridiculous.
Tony: She's all you think about!
Alex: You know, for someone who says I don't care about you, you certainly seem to know a lot about what I'm thinking.
Tony Irony/Sarcasm Cringe/Discomfort Louie: I'm not talking to you, Tony. I'm talking to Alex.
Louie: You heartbreaker.
Tony: I didn't dance with him. We were just moving to the music in the same general area.
Unknown: Tony, he's been calling you a heartbreaker all week.
Tony: A heartbreaker? That's ridiculous. I barely know the guy.
Alex: It's a trophy for acting like a jerk.
Jim: Where do I sign up?
Jim Alex Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement