Louie Moves Uptown

Checks? Ever since my dad died and my brother took charge of my estate, I've been getting checks, lots of checks.

When you cash them, what have you got? Money. Money can be lost, stolen or wasted and you feel terrible. This way, if anything happens to them, what have I lost? Checks.

I've heard about business managers running off to Mexico with their clients' money. And if you did that, I'd miss you like crazy.

You'll need your driver's license. Oh, you need two IDs? Yeah. Got it!

I'm going to be a little bit late. I love to touch her all over when she's like this.

The wife of the guy I like most in this garage just said I'm not welcome in their home anymore.

It's cheap, but it's a sewer. I don't know why I stay. Because it's you?

I've always wanted a really great apartment. And, you know, something plush with the pipes inside the walls.

Louie! Ignore it! Ignore it! Ignore it! That was the old Louie saying good-bye.

Look, look, look, it makes those little ice cubes with the hole in it. Whoo!

I read somewhere where this guy in Jersey claims that he got sterilized by one of these, but I figure he must have been cooking in some weird position.

We wanted a place like this all our lives. That long, huh?

Scott doesn't want to have children right away. Go stand by the microwave.

$95,000... I'll take it!

Okay, but if I'm gonna pay that kind of money, I want a cab with a heater.

You called me 'Jim.' This marks a turning point in our relationship. I want to remember this day. The red-letter day when my boss and buddy finally called...

I know they say that money can't buy love. But if you give me these for 48 big ones, it'll be Valentine's Day forever.

Three percent. 12.75. Okeydoke.

When I applied to Harvard, they told me I'd never get past their stodgy admissions board. But I did. All you've got to do is dress nicely, shake hands firmly, and have your dad finance a gymnasium.

I think they should be condemned.

Well, then it's our job to put him at his ease.

When you go to a clothing store, you got one arm in the suit and the salesman runs off to help another guy who looks like a better prospect.

Or when you walk into a bank to open an account and a security guard undoes the flap on his holster.

What do you mean, 'give you a look'? I don't know. Perhaps something like this?

What do you mean, 'give you a look'? I don't know. Perhaps something like this? Iggy, will you cut it out.

♪ Schlemiel, Schlimazel, Hasenpfeffer Incorporated ♪

They pay you all that money to be a chicken? I just don't act like a chicken. It's based on reality.

If I ding like a bell, would you do the chicken? Oh, please, lady. Oh, please, you do want to live in this building, don't you?

We wouldn't allow an actor to live here even if he were English.

Look, I don't know what you do for a living, but if they accept you, please don't let me know.

Well, uh, I'm-I'm a supervisor in the transportation field. Mr. De Palma is a taxi dispatcher.

Oh, and what makes you assume that I'm Jewish? Point well made, sir. We shouldn't jump to conclusions. Perhaps someone in his family was a pelican.

Once a year the British ambassador comes over for a spot of sherry. Is that all right with you?

You're fired. You are no longer my accountant.

I think you've shown us what we need to know. Welcome to the building.

Are you gonna go through with this? So that you can have the privilege of living here with these-these posturing chowderheads?

Cartwheels, all the way home.