Treehouse Of Horror Xi

Marge · Homer:Why don't you read Cathy? She's hilarious. / Eh, too much baggage.

Marge:Taurus: Today you will die. And you may get a compliment from an attractive coworker!

Lenny:That sounds unusually specific for a horoscope.

Marge:Today your husband will die!

Homer:Don't hurt me, horoscope. I'm afraid-

Homer:Ow! Oh! Paper cut! Paper cut!

Homer:Missed me! Stupid horoscope.

Homer:Cloopid blorapope.

Lenny:That is one handsome rattlesnake you got bitin' your arm there.

Homer:Nah, he'll get tired of bitin' in an hour or so. Snakes- nature's quitters.

Homer:Nothing happened except for the pickax in my head, the rattlesnake bite and the testicle thing.

Grim Reaper:Another broccoli-related death.

Grim Reaper:One of the deadliest plants on earth. Why, it tries to warn you itself with its terrible taste.

Grim Reaper:Sure is easy when they're stiff like this. And very sad.

Homer:Got to heaven before you, Flanders!

Saint Peter:I don't see a single good deed next to your name.

Homer:I'm sorry. I didn't get the number of hours or good deeds.

Marge:What the hell was I thinking?

Homer:You were wrong. Dead wrong.

Homer:Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm just trying to get in. I'm not running for Jesus.

Old Lady:People can see up my bustle!

Homer:Uh-oh. I'm pretty sure she was gonna be the next Hitler.

Kids:Your dad is dead / Mine's just in jail

Homer:Stop that crying! Man, you're annoying!

Saint Peter:No. You're thinking of Santa Claus.

John Wayne:I'm already up.

Lisa:But these fairy tales take me away from the harsh reality of peasant life.

Homer:Who's up for a merry jig?

Marge:Why are the oafs always the first to go?

Lisa:Maybe you could be a dunce, Father.

Homer:I was born an oaf and I'll die an oaf.

Homer:Don't worry. No child will ever starve in my home. So long, kids!

Homer:Say 'hi' to your other brother and sister.

Lisa:Face it. They're not great parents.

Troll:Aw, geez. I came on too strong again. Oh, I'm so desperately lonely.

Bart:Well, this doesn't take a genius.

Goldilocks:That bed was just right!

Marge:We could've sold them!

Bart · Lisa:Ah, she seems nice. I'm gonna go with my gut and trust her. You're probably right.

Bart:Eh. What are you gonna do?

Lisa:Well, at least stop basting yourself.

Witch:Uh, George... Cauldron.

Lisa:Maybe he can fix me up with Ed Ladle.

Witch:Oh, that's a load-bearing candy cane, you clumsy oaf!

Homer:Almost. Just give her another 20 minutes.

Homer:Alcohol and night swimming. It's a winning combination.

Homer:You're dolphins- the clowns of the sea.

Chief Wiggum:This looks like the work of rowdy teens. Lou, cancel the prom.

News anchor:Gray, bottlenosed, intelligent Italians.

Homer:Intelligent Italians? Something's wrong.

Mayor Quimby:We're all frightened and horny.

Snorky:Snorky... talk... man.

Snorky:We were trying to get out. It's cold, it's wet. Every morning I wake up phlegmy.

Lisa:Don't forget we invented computers, leg warmers, bendy straws, peel-and-eat shrimp, the glory hole and the pudding cup.

Homer:Well, you gotta hand it to those dolphins. They just wanted it more.

Kang:Can you believe it, Kodos? They left us out of the Halloween show!

Kodos:Do we want to do a commercial for something called 'Old Navy'?