Lenny

Lenny:Yeah, over in sector 12... Third floor, by the candy machines.

Homer · Lenny:-Did you swipe those from work? -Certainly not. What are you implying?

Lenny:It started as an eye tuck, but the stock kept climbing.

Homer · Lenny:Look closer, Lenny. Oh, you're the biggest man in the world now... and you're covered in gold. 14-karat gold.

Carl · Lenny:I wish we were going to Candy Apple Island. Candy Apple Island? What do they got there? Apes, but they're not so big.

Lenny:Hey, Homer, cut it out. Come on, quit eating me.

Lenny:According to your résumé, you invented this machine.

Worker · Lenny:You can't take our doughnuts! Right. Anyone else want to be a hero?

Carl · Lenny:These spurs are killing me. Ey-y-y. Sit on it. Lenny, '50s day is next Wednesday.

Carl · Lenny:Hey, Lenny, can you get this Sugar Daddy off my back? Okay, but it's the last time.

Lenny · Carl:Sorry, Homer. While you were daydreaming, we ate all the doughnuts. Well, there were a few left, but we chucked 'em at an old man for kicks.

Homer · Lenny · Carl:I'm stuck. Help me. He's done for! Let's get outta here!

Lenny:I hate these Worker of the Week Award ceremonies. Who even cares anymore? Everyone that works here has already got one.

Lenny · Homer:Except forrr-- [Footsteps Approaching] Hello. Well, today's the day for Homer J.

Lenny:Hey, Homer, you still here? Boy, you are slow.

Lenny · Carl:It's a secret. Shut up.

Lenny · Carl:It's a secret. Shut up.

Lenny · Carl:It's a secret. Shut up.

Lenny:That was a real nice secret organization we had once.

Lenny · Burns:Hey, 29, get over here! Thank you, sir. May I have another?

Lenny:Patience, Monty. Climb the ladder.

Lenny:This keeps paramedics from stealing your wallet.

Homer · Lenny:Homer. Oh, yeah. Thanks, Lenny.

Lenny · Homer:Hey, the lamp's running away. That's my dog, man.

Lenny:Especially my big fat mouth

Lenny:It's like a lottery that rewards stupidity

Lenny:Oh, no! He's going over the falls!

Lenny:Oh, good. He snagged that tree branch. Oh, no! The branch broke off.

Lenny:Oh, good. Those helpful beavers are swimming out to save him. Oh, no. They're biting him and stealing his pants.

Lenny:Aw, nuts! I mean, um- Aw, nuts!

Carl · Lenny:Like, maybe the cabin is the place inside each of us... created by our goodwill and teamwork. Nah. They said there'd be sandwiches.

Mr. Burns · Lenny:You're fired, Lenny. / Aw, nuts!

Lenny:That old goat can't fire me. I'm gonna give him a piece of my- [Gets hit by falling snow]

Lenny:Work harder. Bye.

Lenny:Work harder. Bye.

Lenny:No, no, no, no! It's worse than that! I don't even have a wife. I just said I did to, you know, be a big shot.

Lenny:I'll stuff him till he don't know what's what.

Carl · Lenny:God, he eats like a pig. I don't know. Pigs tend to chew. I'd say he eats more like a duck.

Lenny:Uh, 316 times, by my count.

Lenny:That's why they put erasers on pencils.

Lenny:Yeah-And Homer beat their brains out.

Lenny:Then while we're gone, you take our snacks. Just like you took our money.

Lenny:Well, I've always wondered what it would feel like to wear something that's been ironed.

Lenny · Homer:You mean like the time you was running moonshine out of your basement? Or that telemarketing scam you pulled? Uh, like those. But involving you.

Lenny · Homer:You mean like the time Barney beat up George Bush? Barney? That was me! And I'd do it again.

Lenny:You know, I don't know Ray Patterson, but he's no Ray Patterson

Carl · Lenny · Barney:Moving the whole town five miles down the road. It's crazy! Yeah, it's something, all right. So we transplant the town. We're just gonna trash the new Springfield too

Reverend Lovejoy · Lenny:Uh, President Lenny, you have anything to say? Nah. All right. Fair enough.

Lenny:So, this broad stands up in the ocean... and this big wave knocks her bathing suit off

Lenny:All I can think of now is Edison. I can't even remember where I work.

Lenny:What about chestnut roasting? People always need chestnuts. Or begging. I know a place that'll saw your legs off.

Lenny:Fifteen years of loyal service, and this is how they tell me? A jester with an invisible proclamation.

Lenny:Is there anything fluffier than a cloud? If there is, I don't wanna know about it

Homer · Lenny:Come on, Lenny. I need four more guys to fill my Super Bowl bus. - What do you say? - Nah. - Come on! - Nah. - Oh, come on! - Ah- Yes!

Homer · Lenny:D'oh! - There goes Albany! - Uh-oh, SpaghettiOs!

Homer · Lenny:Boy, Lenny, you sure look hungry. Have some nuts. - Hey, thanks. - Ow! My eye! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Homer · Lenny:He organized all the lawsuits against me into one class action. That's gonna save all kinds of travel time.

Lenny · Homer:Plutonium? Gee, Homer, isn't that kind of risky? Yeah, I guess you're right. It's not.

Carl · Lenny:Hey, Lenny, sending some outgoing mail? You know it. I'll probably send some tomorrow. I hear that.

Lenny:Hey, spare me your gutter mouth!

Lenny · Carl:Lenny and Carl: 'We're just watching the sun move across the sky. When it gets to here, we can drink again.'

Lenny:Lenny getting robbed: 'Whoa! They're poking every nook and cranny- well, every cranny anyway. So far, the nook is relatively— Oh, no! No, it isn't!'

Carl · Lenny:Moo? Lenny, you were supposed to be 'E.' See what happens when you skip rehearsal.

Carl · Lenny · Barney · Homer:Moe, it's all relative. Is Lenny really that dumb? Huh? Is Barney that drunk? [Moans] Is Homer that lazy, bald and fat? [Sighs] Oh, my God! It's worse than I thought!

Lenny:Eh, it's over. She got a window shade.

Lenny:Eh, it's over. She got a window shade.

Lenny:I felt kinda guilty 'cause I was always tryin' to score with his wife.

Lenny:He paid me and Carl a thousand bucks to kiss each other

Lenny · Carl:He paid me and Carl a thousand bucks to kiss each other. Hey, did we ever get that money?

Lenny:That sounds unusually specific for a horoscope.

Lenny:That is one handsome rattlesnake you got bitin' your arm there.

Lenny · Carl:Don't forget the leaflets they dropped from the space shuttle. And the two weeks we all spent at area code camp.

Homer · Lenny:We should call the guys they used. / [Homer calling Berlin Wall builders gets wrong area code]

Lenny:Ow! My eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it!

Homer · Lenny:What's an e-mail? / It's a computer thing- Like an electric letter. / Or a quiet phone call.

Homer · Lenny:I've compiled a thorough safety report on this plant. I've decided to disintermediate the local authorities... and send it straight to the Nuclear Regulatory Commission.

Lenny · Carl:No bag boys are gonna stop Lenny... from hosting a casual get-together. - Casual? I can taste that get-together now.

Lenny:Can anybody hear me? I think I found a way out. It's not pretty, but it'll do.

Lenny · Carl:Carl, let me die first. I couldn't bear to watch you die. Well, okay. But hurry up.

Lenny · Moe · Homer:This place looks like it's from the not-too-distant future. / Yeah. You like it, homer? / Um... the rabbits are cute. / That one ain't moving.

Lenny:I'm trapped. This is creative design run amok.

Lenny:Yeah. He ruined naptime and quiet time.

Lisa · Lenny · Carl:What about the Dalai Lama? Who? You know, the 14th reincarnation of the Buddha Avalokiteshvara. Who's Buddha?

Lenny · Homer:I carved that one wonderful summer. What did Carl think? You know, we've never discussed it.

Lenny · Carl:If Hamlet touches either of us, he's dead. Booyah!

Moe · Lenny:Now, uh, who's gonna be picking up the tab? Lenny. Anything for Homers.

Lenny:Oh, I share a common wall with a jai alai court.

Lenny:Ha-ha-ha. That's the sound of the pelota hitting the fronton. I find it soothing.

Carl · Lenny:Wow, Homer, this is like a party Dick Clark would throw. Yeah. Fun, but not too fun.

Carl · Lenny:I say Phantom Menace sucked more. I say Attack of the Clones sucked more.

Lenny:For three seconds there, you were legally the mayor

Lenny · Carl · Homer:LENNY & CARL: D-E-R HOMER: His wife is dead [WOMAN SCREAMS]

Lenny:Oh, sure. We were just gonna buy... the same candy inside the store but for less.

Carl · Lenny:I sang at your wedding. Yeah, 'The Best Is Yet to Come.' Real original.

Lenny · Carl:Yeah. We borrowed 'em for the radio.

Lenny:How about some new oldies, geniuses?

Lenny · Homer:I was wondering if I could get a small cost of living raise? Interesting. Please welcome new panelist, Barney Gumble.

Lenny · Homer:Homer, you're the most selfish man I know. Oh, come on. Mister Burns is way more selfish.

Homer · Lenny:A photo cube with pictures of us! And I filed down all the sharp corners. See? Your eye is completely safe! Oh, wow, it just stings a little.

Lenny · Carl:Good? I'm in it. I had a small speaking role. Yeah, I went to visit him and was banned from the set.

Lenny:The director saw my photo in a medical book.

Lenny · Homer:Oh, yeah, there are lots of kids in it. They fall victim to a vicious... well, b-b-but don't ruin it for me!

Lenny:the buttons look like they're sewn to my eyes, but they're really held on with hot wax.

Lenny · Moe:Moe's not really a counselor. His parents dropped him off here, like, two years ago and they never came back for him. I sleep under upside-down canoes.

Lenny:Yeah, well, you know, you got to take the bitter with the sweet.

Lenny:Actually, that stopped after you left, Homer.

Homer · Lenny:Lenny, can I move you from Wednesday at noon to Sunday at 6:00? Homer, you know that's when I play with neighborhood dogs.

Lenny · Carl:Sorry, we're ghosts now. Our spirits live in those two trees. Or, maybe we're alive and we just feel like jerkin' you around. Or maybe we're one of each.

Lenny · Carl · Homer:Angela Dare! Sultry Stevens! Yeah, what is this, a reunion of Fahrenheit 9 on 1?

Lenny · Carl:I've always dreamed of working in an adult film. I'll run the sound board! And I'll perform in the sex scenes!

Lenny · Homer:Hey, Simpsons. That'll be 40 bucks. / Oh, I thought it was 20! / Yeah, that's per axle. Park over there in Carl four. No early outs.

Lenny:Living next to the stamp museum is making me a mint! I bought a diamond for my belly button!

Lenny · Homer · Marge:Living next to the stamp museum is making me a mint! I bought a diamond for my belly button! You guys need water? / No one's gonna pay a buck to drink water from your hose, so... / Pay the man, Homer.

Lenny · Homer:Homer, Burns we only hunting for six hours and you already resorted to cannibalism. / And there are bananas in that tree up there. / Ho, them seem a little green.

Lenny:I'm breaking in a new pair of flip flops, and my thong notch is on fire!

Lenny:Drugs in a bottle. I feel like Elvis Presley.

Lenny:Can't talk now, Homer. I'm too satisfied in every way.

Lenny:I dated the woman in that suit for three months. Then she left me for the guy who cleans the vomit off the roller coasters.

Lenny:Attention, everybody! Please shut up! I know you're all wondering why you're here. The fact is, I'm dying... ...to tell you that I have adopted... ...a new faith... ...in the power of technological advances to make me happy.

Homer · Lenny:Lenny, this tv is amazing. If you're not careful, I might just spend the rest of my life on your couch. / You don't mean that literally, of course. / You're right, Lenny. I...

Lenny · Carl:But it's not an awkward silence. Yeah, it's more like a nothing needs to be said kind of silence.

Lenny:Come on, doc, she's a fine-looking woman. You don't want to work that?

Lenny · Carl:Remember when we used to kiss like that, Carl? With our respective girlfriends.

Lenny · Carl:Everyone's paying attention to Homer. I still like you. Thanks, Invisible Carl.

Lenny · Carl:I don't know where Carl ends and I begin. See, statements like that are why people think we're gay.

Lenny:My cake will be a picture of a dinosaur and all the guests will say, 'Why, Lenny, that's a fine cake!' Then, 'Yes,' I'll say.

Lenny · Declan Desmond:Did you ever try that new shampoo? Nope, never did. Want to watch me pay my cable bill? I got checks with butterflies on them. - I am interesting. - No, you're not.

Lenny · Declan Desmond:I am interesting. No, you're not.

Carl · Lenny:It sure is great not having Homer around to tell us where we can or can't park. Yeah, without the crushing rule of law, society will do a better job of regulating itself.

Lenny · Moe:Aw, I wish I was your son, too... Uh, Moe, Lenny's mom says she loves you.

Lenny:Ponder this, Homer. This ticket would have been yours if your kid hadn't been screwin' around.

Lenny:In the beginning, there was darkness, so God created man. But man was alone. God created the animals and birds. But man was still lonely. So God said, 'Let there be friends!'

Lenny:Homer, this is serious. This Bashir kid is Muslim, and therefore up to something.

Lenny:That's pretty patriotic, but I got a better idea. Invite 'em over. A little dinner, a little dessert, and then you Jack Bauer 'em into giving you all their secrets.

Lenny · Carl:He gave me one of his kidneys. Yeah, me, too.

Lenny:California casual or business attire? California casual. (gulps)

Homer · Lenny:The ballot box?! No, this is the box that tells us where the ballot box is.

Lenny:Look at him struggling with the simplest rhyme. It's A-A-B-B-A, dumb-ass!

Lenny · Moe:The one time I did, I went to jail for three years. / You made some good friends, didn't you? / Just 'cause you're chained to a guy don't make him your friend.

Lenny · Sven:I had trouble finding a four-button cardigan, so I bought a three-button one and sewed the extra button on myself. This baby was a five-buttoner, but I took a button off.

Lenny:At least you get to see my face-- unlike carl.

Lenny:Yeah, like the ceiling furniture.

Lenny:I just go around saying that, in the hope it'll be applicable.

Lenny:That's a regular-sized bottle. I'm drinking Jeroboams.

Lenny:Five out of five. Four out of five. Five out of five. Uh, excuse me, can I go back and change that four out of five to five out of five?

Worker · Lenny:I don't have a thing with my kid tomorrow. You told me you did. I do, but I'm not going to it.

Carl · Lenny:If wishes were horses, I'd be eating wish-meat every night. What does that mean?

Homer · Lenny:The best mac and cheese I've ever had is at a bowling alley in Ogdenville. Breadcrumbs on the top. I'm on my way!

Carl · Lenny:That's funny, 'cause I found this candy bar in my desk.

Lenny · Carl:I love our Valentine's Day tradition of going out with each other's sisters. Is there anything better than my best friend's face on a girl body?

Lenny:You ever notice that pizzas have gotten so small lately? They're like dimes.

Lenny:No, they just sawed off the ends and painted over the nubs.

Bart · Homer · Lenny:No, Dad, don't say 'pained noises.' You make pained noises. Oh, okay. Lenny, hit me with that chair.

Lenny:Why don't you do here what you do at the nuclear plant-- namely, suck?

Lenny:Crazy house. Violent ward.

Lenny:I just adopted a capuchin monkey, and I can't leave it alone during the bonding phase.

Lenny · Carl · Mr. Burns:Yeah, even Homer's not dumb enough to invite... So! This is the famous party. Feh. Guh. Pffoy.

Lenny · Homer:The higher they rise, the further they fall! You know, you're kind of a downer.

Lenny:Because I wanted to get back together with my wife who was sleeping with Carl at the time. Turns out she had switched brains with a monkey on a Japanese game show.

Homer · Lenny:Lenny, do you live here? Yeah, I just moved in. I have a Dippin' Dots for breakfast every morning; at lunch, I get a massage in front of strangers; and then I spend the afternoon browsing cell phone skins.

Homer · Lenny:Ever get tired of those dancing waters? The day I moved in.

Lenny:Give me one doll from every time period, and set me up for a tea party in a private room.

Lenny:Hi, dear, I'm your Uncle Lenny. I'm going to buy you an all-new wardrobe, fix your teeth, send you to the best schools, and you're going to hate and resent me for it 'cause you're an American now.

Homer · Lenny · Mexican Duffman:This is so convenient! I can go straight from doing my civic duty to having a beer with my best friend Carl. And I can toss back a Duff Sangre de los Muertos with my best friend: Mexican Duffman. Ho-la!

Lenny · Carl:See it? We followed the ref home and beat the crap out of him. Yeah, I still think that might've been a kid who worked at Foot Locker.

Homer · Lenny:Oh, Lenny, why would you steal my bear? I just wanted something to cuddle at night. That's my cuddle bear! I loved him, I shot him-- he's mine!

Lenny:Hey, Homer, you know what I'm playing for ya? The world's smallest violin. And now I got to sell it, just to make my rent!

Lenny:Oh, my God! Where's the bow? I can't sell it without the bow!

Lenny:The buyer clearly specified violin and bow!

Character · Lenny:Hey, check it out! Lenny's hit a new low! I don't want my window washed! Too late!

Lenny · Homer:Trouble in paradise? / No, just my marriage.

Lenny · Homer:Left for left, right for right! / Enough of your double-talk!

Lenny · Carl:That thing's hilarious. Not so hilarious for me. I nearly lost a toe.

Carl · Lenny:That's what you get for having a monkey give you a foot massage. My bucket list is my business.

Carl · Lenny:I saw a Sesame Street about it! Kermit was wearing his trench coat and everything. Wait, the frog in the trench coat is Kermit, too? All the frogs on that show are Kermit. Keeps all the other frog actors out of work.

Lenny:So, uh, what are you pullin' the ripcord with?

Lenny · Carl:Russian nesting donut!

Carl · Lenny:Don't worry, Marge, we bought a ton of safety gear from a highly-respected storm chaser's widow. It's not what you're thinking. He died of a heart attack. Yeah, 80 feet up in the air.

Lenny:So freaking far in the ground, baby.

Lenny:See, I bet he flew to Quebec to bring us back authentic French-Canadian sugar pie.

Lenny:I was gonna be one of those guys who's really into hot sauce, you know? Hot sauce suspenders, hot sauce pajamas. Bolo tie with a little chili pepper on it.

Lenny:I guess I'm only bringing one guitar on this revenge trip.

Lenny:It says here Iceland is green, and Greenland is icy. The Vikings switched the names to trick everybody.

Lenny:and that's why his sweatpants say 'Hjorleifsstrati' across the butt

Lenny:All drivers must be over the age of 25... and check. Love you, Mom.

Lenny:that blue tape, you know, that makes you really look like you know what you're doing. You peel it off, and you got that super straight line there.

Lenny:There's that woman I always have a 'same time next year' affair with.

Lenny:Homer, Homer-- when did I see him last? Geez, I don't know. Yeah, Homer's a great guy, but that doesn't mean I constantly think about whether he's still alive or not.

Barney · Lenny:No more jerks talking on their cell phones! / No more jerks telling me not to talk on my cell phone!

Lenny:Lenny claiming he has an 'in' because 'The VP of Personnel is doing my girlfriend'

Lenny · Homer:Lenny saying 'I always thought it was Simp-sen' about the Simpson name in the opening credits

Homer · Lenny:Lenny pointing to the sky and Homer asking what that is, revealing he's never noticed the show's opening credits

Homer · Lenny:Hey, Lenny, remember those two surfers we were gonna fight? Well, you're on your own. But you're the one who sat on their fish tacos.