Springfield Up

Declan Desmond:These children ran the gamut of society: rich and poor, black and white, 'he'll grow into his looks' and 'forever hideous.'

Child:My dad was a circus freak, but my mom don't remember which one. I like to think it was a little bit of all of them.

Declan Desmond:dreams dissolve like a muffin in the rain

Declan Desmond:Will he grow up to work in a robot factory? Will she be the receptionist for a robot businessman? And will he be a crusader for robo-sexual rights? I say, 'yes,' 'no,' and 'yes.'

Lenny:My cake will be a picture of a dinosaur and all the guests will say, 'Why, Lenny, that's a fine cake!' Then, 'Yes,' I'll say.

Declan Desmond:I decided not to waste any more film on him after that.

Child:I wish for world peace. I wish for world war. Oh, yeah, that would be cooler.

Child Homer:I'll own a football team and a basketball team and I'll make them play baseball!

Chief Wiggum · Child:It hurts! It hurts so bad! Please, just put one in my brain! Okay. Uh, bang. Thank you.

Chief Wiggum:Hey, detention bird! Thanks for not running in the hall. Go, Wildcats.

Police Commandant:What did I tell you about pointsy-towardsies?!

Chief Wiggum · Commandant:You seem a little cranky, Commandant. A back rub'll set you right. There we go. Don't be afraid to dig in there good!

Chief Wiggum:If I was Chief, I could give you 8:30 every day.

Declan Desmond:I'm not making fun of you. I'm making fun of your pants.

Chief Wiggum:Well, they're a little, uh... They-they, uh... Oh, they're perfect.

Declan Desmond · Homer:None. You never had any. I'm not a genie. D'oh!

Declan Desmond · Homer:Don't look at me. Look at the camera. Got it. I said, look at the camera. No problem. Now you're looking at a mud puddle. That's your hand. That's the production accountant. That's your other hand. Do you even know what a camera is? Well, of cour... No.

Declan Desmond · Homer:I'm gonna put this squeaky toy on top of the camera. Squeaky! Squeaky! Squeaky, squeaky! Squeaky, squeaky, squeaky!

Homer:Manure for sale! Get your manure! Loamiest in town!

Homer:Um, I know Super Clean cleans, but does it scrub?

Homer:The album cover's gonna be a naked girl with stars for boobs.

Homer:And I do open-casket caricatures. Did he have any hobbies? Get out of here!

Declan Desmond:But Homer had found a peanut of hope in his Cracker Jack box of despair.

Marge · Homer:He can chug a beer and pitch woo at the same time. The light from your eyes could guide a ship at sea.

Homer:Kids? No way! You'll never see a couple of rugrats tying me down!

Homer:You better not put this shot after the one where I said I won't have kids. That would be a devastating edit.

Declan Desmond:You're not English Breakfast, but you're not Lapsang Soochong either.

Homer:Check with me in eight years, Dr. Who. I'll be kickin' your ass with a solid gold boot!

Homer:Why do you sound so shocked? This is our fifth take.

Homer:That's why rich kids turn out so well.

Bart · Homer:Mine has a cup holder. Bart, that's a blowhole. You're a blowhole!

Marge:Can you edit that? I don't want to say 'chest' in a movie.

Burns · Smithers:We pay him in limes That's right, limes.

Homer:You see, Declan, I made my millions with a simple invention: the Condiment Pen!

Homer:I got the idea from the regular pen.

Homer:You can put horseradish on your dead mother for all I care.

Title card:Barely Literate, smells Like Feet

Professor Frink:Ah, bullies approaching. Activate cloaking device.

Professor Frink:I've spent my whole life in the lab and never talked to a girl. That's why I built this time machine.

Professor Frink:one where I'll meet a female woman of the girl-u-lar variety

Professor Frink:That was... Hey, I'm still going, but...

Eleanor:Your Honor, I'd like to request a continuance so I can go deliver a baby. I love babies.

Eleanor:So, sometimes-- don't shoot me-- I have a glass of wine with Buster here. He's a real comfort.

Marge:Aw, crap, my first kiss. You could do a lot worse, my friend

Homer:I got a picture of you tattooed on my chest. They had a sale on skulls.

Marge:so he has time to work on his rock music, his erotic etchings, his Play-Doh Theater...

Marge:As shocks go, this one's a real zaparoo.

Homer · Burns:This is Eduardo, my pool boy. He thinks he's an angry, rich man. I am an angry, rich man. That's the pool chemicals talking.

Homer:You can have the boy. Just don't beat him. You can beat him. Just don't leave marks.

Burns:Using the suspension spring above the pendulum leader, hang the pendulum on the pendulum guide...

Smithers:Please get me out of here. It's 11:59:59.

Smithers:Shadow and Winston have been fighting a lot. Put Winston in the front. Winston doesn't like the front.

Declan Desmond:'Why lie?' and 'Lies... why?'

Lenny · Declan Desmond:Did you ever try that new shampoo? Nope, never did. Want to watch me pay my cable bill? I got checks with butterflies on them. - I am interesting. - No, you're not.

Lenny · Declan Desmond:I am interesting. No, you're not.

Homer:Same job, same house, same dirty joke book.

Declan Desmond:Strong words from a dumpy man.

Marge:Wait just a cotton-swabbing minute!

Barney:What's the matter, Declan? Did a cop give you a ticket for talking like a fruit?

Declan Desmond:I actually feel affection for these knuckle-dragging sub-monkeys.

Barney:- That's an ad for shoe inserts. - What the....? I've been writing creepy letters to that?

Barney · Declan Desmond:An action movie where I play the Pope who kills the president? No, that's a terrible idea. Yeah, I know. It's stupid. I think it could work, though. I've even got a title: Pontiff No Return. I came up with it, but I don't really get it.

Homer:O, spirit! Are you gonna show me my future? My snow-flecked grave, mourned by no man?

Homer:O, spirit! Are you gonna show me my future? My snow-flecked grave, mourned by no man? Well, it's not too late for me to change! You there, boy! Buy me a Christmas goose! The biggest one in the shop! And then what?

Ned Flanders:He picked the perfect time to lock in his mortgage.

Moe:Homer gave me a kidney. It wasn't his, I didn't need it, and it came postage due, but still, a lovely gesture.

Lisa:At bedtime, he tucks me in tighter than anyone else could. And you know what? No monsters have gotten me yet.

Homer:hanging out with my family, drinking with my friends, making friends with my family and hanging with my drinking.