Ned Flanders

Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. Oh! Oh, neato! It's too bright. I oughta-- Flanders. What a big show-off.

Get a haircut, you hippie!

That's the most dishonest thing I've ever heard! I should box your ears!

Boy, what's this world coming to? -That's exactly-- -Gotta go.

Well, how-doodlie-do. Getting some exercise? Good for you.

Look at this rascal. He's a wet boy, isn't he? You're a water monster.

Well, well, 'Mr. Universe' takes a walk.

My heart rate's dropping. Better skedaddle-y-do.

Okely-dokely.

All of us pull a few boners now and then-- Go off half-cocked, make asses of ourselves.

No sooner had I shaved off the old cookie duster than a lady cast me in a commercial.

Oh, indeedily-doodily. Uh, I've even been in Streetcar once before. I played Blanche DuBois. Mm-hmm. Just part of the fun Of going to an all-male school.

I'm trying. I'm trying. [Straining]

Help! Help! [Laughing] That's right, old friend.

Ned Flanders! [Gasps] Ah! Go, Ned! Oh, it's no fair. We'll never have a buffer. We have one at home. You never use it. Well, I want that one.

Hey, hi, fellow Halloweenies. Did I scaredely-dareya?

Buenos días, neighboritos. The handle's Flanders, but my friends call me Ned.

It's been 4,000 days since my last drink. It was my first-- and last-- blackberry schnapps.

Ann Landers is a boring old biddy. / Ned! / I was more animal than man! [Sobbing]

I'm cured. I mean, ouch!

Dad, Todd's speaking in tongues! I wish he were, Rod. I pray for the day... but I'm afraid he's just delirious from fever.

Watch Fox and be damned for all eternity.

Are you Ed Flanders? No, Ned Flanders. My mistake.

Say your prayers, Simpson. Because the schools can't force you like they should.

Maude, these new finger razors make hedge trimming as much fun as sitting through church.

Hey, Flanders! You smell like manure! Uh-oh. Better cancel that dinner party tonight. Thanks for the nose news, neighbor!

Well, howdilly dodilly-do. [Line clicks, dial tone] Hello? Hello? Hellodilly-odilly?

Each leap brings us closer to God. Catch me, Lord. Catch me.

Stay the course, Big Ned. You're doing super.

You're just in time for Sponge-bath the Old Folks Day. Help yourself, but stay above the equator.

Howdilly-hey, Camper Bart! Ready for today's meeting? You know-dilly know it, Neddy. Okilly-dokilly.

Please not Flanders. Please not Flanders. Please not Flanders. Well, Homer, looks like we're boat buddies, huh?

I guess now we know why... they call 'em rapids and not 'slowpids,' huh?

We're saved! Seagulls always stay near land. They only go out to sea to die.

We're done-didilly-dodilly done-didilly-dodilly done-didilly-dodilly done--

We're done-didilly-dodilly done-didilly-dodilly done-didilly-dodilly done-- - Flanders! Snap out of it!

I fear to watch, yet I cannot turn away.

Kids, did anyone pray for giant shoes? I did! Okilly-dokilly.

Since the police can't seem to get off their duffaroonies... to do something about this burglareeno... I think it's time we start our own neighborhood watch... aroonie!

Oh, it's the four elephants of the Apocalypse. That's horsemen, Ned. Well, getting closer.

Well, tippity-top o' the a.m. to every-good-body here. As chairman of the P.T.A., I am de-didilly-lighted to take over... and I think I can put the 'pal' back in principal.

Well, let me just say I want to put the 'stu' back in students.

Oh, sorry. Were you drinking Slice or Yoo-hoo?

Oh, my God! What have I done? I've killed her!

I wish there was some other explanation for this, but there isn't! I'm a murderer! I'm a murderer!

I'm a mur-diddly-erdiler!

That's right. I was at Bible camp. I was learning how to be more judgmental.

I over-watered Maude's favorite ficus plant...I panicked, and then I buried the remains.

Hey! Why, that sounds like Gabriel's trumpet. You know what that means, kids. Judgment Day!

Thanks a lot, Simpson, now I'm grounded.

Hidy-ho-a-roonie, neighbor. What can I do you for? - Get out of there. My family needs your bomb shelter.

We haven't got shelterinies. We want in yours. - Well, sorry. Shelter's kind of full.

I might go mad with fear out there, so, Todd, I want you to shoot Daddy if he tries to get back in. - Okay, Dad.

Lights, camera...act-diddily-dotilly-doodilly action Jackson.

Flanders to God, Flanders to God, Get off your cloud and save my Todd

Zounds! I did thee mightily smitely.

Dear Lord. That's the loudest profanity I've ever heard.

Yea! Hey-diddly-ho! Welcome to your new home, neglect-a-rinos!

Don't you worry, little girl. We'll get you some nice county dentures.

Hey, kids! Nachos, Flanders-style! That's cucumbers with cottage cheese!

I used to let the boys watch My Three Sons, but it got 'em all worked up before bedtime.

Daddy, what's the red stuff coming out of kitty's ears? Uh, uh, that's, uh, just raspberry jam.

Come on, you gloomy Gusses. Who's up for a big bowl on nonfat ice milk?

Artaxerxes! Righty-o!

The serpent of Reheboam? The well of Zohassadar? The bridal feast of Bethchedruharazzeb?

Oh, why do you hate my trains?

A crazy guy shot a bunch of people, and a subway ran over my hat.

I'm sorry. I-I'm just nervous. I didn't mean any disrespect.

He's alive in all our hearts.

May I spray you with the hose in a playful fashion?

Howdilly-doodilly there, President Bush- Or should I say President Neighbor?

Tiptop-notch! - Okilly-dokilly. Thankilly-dankilly. - Greatalicious. - Scrumpdiddlerific. Fine and dandy like sour candy!

All I brought is a dime. I didn't know there'd be pornography.

Well, thankily-dank, Mayor. I shan't disappoint

'Har' ye. 'Har' ye. I declare myself pickled tink... about Springfield's bicen-citally... ti-tin-toodily, rin-tin-tennial day!

Better get the old snow shovel back from Homer, huh?

Homer, I'm in a rhubarb of a pickle of a jam here.

Oh, it's a corker of a case. Seems a man drove up onto a traffic island and hit a decorative rowboat full of geraniums. Now they're trying it as a maritime offense.

Well, if it'll seal the deal... I'll take a look at your septic tank, see if I can get her humming again.

Wel-diddly-elcome, Simpsons. Oh, geez! He actually wrote 'diddly.' That was thoughtful.

Okilly-dokilly! Bye-didilly-eye!

All things are about Jesus, Homer, except this.

I'd tell the warden, 'Bring on the lethal injection!'

What can I do-diddly, do-diddly, doodily, diddly, doodily... hoppity, hippity, hoppity, hippity, gooble, gobble, gooble, gooble, gabba, gabba, hey?

Well, if you're talking about root beer I plead guilt-diddily-ilty as char-diddily-arged.

Well, I was talked into doing a dance called the bump, but my hip slipped, and my- my buttocks came into contact with the buttocks of another young man!

Well, l- I think I may be coveting my own wife.

Uh, excuse me, fellas. l-l-I couldn't help thinking it might be nice if you could, uh, vamoose, you know- [Chuckles] if possible.

but the gas costs 1.49 and eight-tenths.

Well, I can't see the name of the station... but the gas costs 1.49 and eight-tenths.

Tell Maude I want a fancy funeral! Big coffin, lots of jewels!

Well, sir, I hate to be a suspicious Aloysius on you... but did you steal my air conditioner?

Ex-Ex-Excuse me, sir. I think you've got my TV. Sir?

Team sports will keep you away from temptations like rock music and girls. [Both] Yea!

Uh, Ralph, that's a basketball.

Ralph, you'll be on special teams. I'm special.

Well, actually, Lisa, these balls are synthetic. And for every ball we buy, a dollar goes to Amnesty International.

Who are we? [All] The Wildcats! Who are we gonna beat? The Wildcats!

Okilly-dokilly! Let's put on our game faces.

What? Flanders! What? What is it? Game's out there! [Laughing] Made you look.

They're just words, Neddie. Words can't hurt you. Ow! That's it!

it seems like anyone with half a brain could coach better than you. Uh-huh? Half a brain, huh? Well, you know what? It sounds like you just volunteered.

This doomsday warning has me just a smidge twitterpated

Consider your debt repaid, neighbor. And then some.

Wait a minute. This sounds like rock and/or roll.

Or not enough.

Flancrest Enterprises is my home business. You liar. You don't have a home business. Why would you make up a lie like that? No. It's true. Maude and I sell religious hook rugs over the Internet.

January 1st. Better get going on those taxes, Neddie.

Cash register ink. Well, that's a business expense, isn't it? Oh, but, then, I do enjoy the smell of the stuff, don't I? Better not risk it.

Policemen, trees, sunshine- and let's not forget the folks who just don't feel like working, God bless 'em.

8:45? Here I am, yapping away like it's 8:35!

Rod, you've got small, girlish hands. Reach in and fish it out.

Not so deep the Lord can't find him... and judge him.

Once again, my underwear has become tangled in a cowcatcher. Ooh!

Everything but the opinion page. I don't need to be told what to think... by anyone living

[Chuckling] We picked those up cheap. They were evidence at a murder trial.

He taught us how to live... a Burt Reynolds lifestyle on a Mac Davis income.