Barts Inner Child

Homer:Why you little...

Homer:I'll teach you to make faces at me!

Homer:*makes childish faces*

Homer:You're all a bunch of stupid animals!

Homer:Oh boy, oh boy! Free stuff! Let me see what we got here... Used mattresses from a homeless shelter!

Homer:Free? That's the best price!

Marge:Homer, you can't just take everything that's free. You have to show some restraint.

Homer:But Marge, free is free!

Marge:That's exactly what I'm talking about.

Homer:Wait, is that a free sample table?

Marge:Homer, no!

Homer:Mmm... free.

Homer:Tramp-o-lean? What is a tramp-o-lean?

Homer:Oh, a trampoline! Why didn't they just say so?

Marge:Homer, what is that contraption you brought home?

Homer:It's a defibulator, Marge.

Marge:A what now?

Homer:A defibulator. For my heart.

Marge:Homer, do you mean a defibrillator?

Homer:That's what I said, defibulator.

Marge:Homer, where did you get this?

Homer:Found it behind the hospital. Besides, it's not like this is the first medical equipment I've brought home.

Marge:What do you mean?

Homer:Remember that dialysis machine? And that IV stand? And that thing that goes beep?

Marge:Homer!

Krusty:Hey! You're gonna have to pay for that seltzer!

Homer:But Krusty, I'm all wet!

Krusty:I don't care if you're all wet, that seltzer costs money!

Krusty:There once was a gal from Nantucket...

Homer:Nantucket? Is that near Springfield?

Krusty:No, kid, if you'd let me finish—

Homer:Because I've never heard of it!

Bart:Thanks for the trampoline, Dad. I guess this means you've finally stopped ignoring me.

Homer:What? I bought that?

Bart:Yeah, Dad. You did. Last week.

Homer:Oh. Well, don't expect it to happen again.

Lisa:I'm thinking the Springfield Botanical Gardens for the ceremony, with the reception at the town hall. Of course, I'll need to review their sustainability practices and carbon footprint first.

Homer:But Marge, think about it! A trampoline increases the property value of the house!

Marge:Homer, that doesn't make any sense.

Homer:Sure it does! We got it for free, so now the house is worth twice as much!

Child:What's that smell?

Homer:Smell? There's no smell. You're imagining things.

Otto:Dude, I think I broke my leg.

Homer:That's too bad. Hey, is it my turn on the trampoline?

Otto:Dude, I'm lying here in agony!

Homer:Yeah, yeah, but is it my turn?

Ned Flanders:Well, I see the Lord's hand in this springy apparatus. It's like a little taste of Heaven's bounciness!

Homer:Well, if people are getting hurt, we should just get a bigger trampoline!

Homer:Hey Krusty, I'd like to return this trampoline.

Krusty:No.

Homer:Problem solved! I'm just gonna bury Mr. Trampoline in the yard.

Homer:He'll be back though. Mr. Trampoline always comes back.

Homer:Well, if I time this right, I can bounce off that trampoline, defy gravity for a few seconds, and — oh wait, that only works in cartoons.

Homer:You think you're tough, trampoline? Well, I've got two things working against you: time... and physics.

Dolph:Hey, look what we got!

Kearney:A trampoline! We can use this for our evil lair.

Jimbo:Yeah, we'll bounce around while we plan our crimes.

Dolph:Dibs on the first jump!

Homer:You're no fun, Marge.

Marge:That's not true. I do plenty of fun things.

Homer:Oh yeah? Name one.

Marge:I... well... um...

Marge:Well, remember when I made that casserole?

Homer:That's not fun, Marge. That's just... cooking.

Marge:Homer, you can't keep doing that.

Marge:Bart, that's not appropriate.

Marge:Lisa, honey, inside voice please.

Marge:Maggie, spit that out this instant.

Marge:Homer, the couch is not a bed.

Marge:We've talked about this before.

Marge:I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed.

Marge:This is exactly what I was afraid of.

Brad Goodman:And now, here's Martha Quinn!

Martha Quinn:Hi Brad! I'm Martha Quinn, and I endorse this product because it's really great and I like it a lot.

Brad Goodman:Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, and... ASFMOCP.

Marge Simpson:What's ASFMOCP?

Brad Goodman:Acute Sudden Frustration Manifested Outwardly as Cranky Profanity. It's a very serious condition affecting senior citizens.

Troy McClure:You may remember me from such self-help videos as 'Smoke Yourself Thin' and 'Stay Sober, Enjoy Liquor.'

Troy McClure:But now I'm back with two new titles: 'Achieve Relaxation Through Stress' and 'Master the Blade: A Carving Knife Retrospective.'

Troy McClure:You may remember me from such films as... well, let's just say Goodman really helped my career get off the ground.

Troy McClure:And the payment? Cheap alcohol. Which really tells you everything you need to know about how low-budget the whole operation was.

Troy McClure:You know, I got this bottle of fortified wine from Brad Goodman, and let me tell you, it's the best thing that's ever happened to me!

Troy McClure:In fact, I'm so proud of it, I'm going to have a drink right now, on camera, during this self-help infomercial!

Troy McClure:*takes a long swig* Ahhhh! Now that's what I call personal growth!

Brad Goodman:Well, I may not have any credentials or training, but I do have a doctorate in suffering.

Brad Goodman:It's a circle.

Troy McClure:My God, it's beautiful!

Marge:Well, I've been thinking about our relationship, Homer, and I realize we need to work on our communication skills and establish better emotional boundaries.

Homer:Marge, you're not making any sense.

Marge:What I'm saying is, I feel like you don't validate my feelings or honor my needs as a partner.

Homer:D'oh!

Homer:Military surplus condiments from recent war

Homer:Well, as you know, we live in Springfield, the capital of our state.

Lisa:Dad, why are you telling us things we already know?

Brad Goodman:And that's why you should always think for yourself and do exactly what I tell you to do.

Ned Flanders:Well, I listened to my inner voice, and it said, 'You're doing a heckuva job, Neddy!' So I guess I'm all set!

Moe:What the--? Hey, who said that?

Moe's Inner Voice:It's-a me, your inner voice! Why you always talk like you got a potato in your mouth? You sound like you gargle with gravel!

Moe:That ain't my inner voice, that's just me thinkin' out loud!

Moe's Inner Voice:No, no, no! A real inner voice, he's-a sophisticated! He's-a cultured! Not like you with your "D'OH!" and your "Why I oughta!"

Principal Skinner:Take that, Mother! And that! You'll never control me again!

Principal Skinner:I'm my own man! I make my own decisions!

Principal Skinner:Oh my God, what have I done? Mother, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! Please forgive me!

Bart:Human doing, human going, human gone!

Marge:Shhhh!

Bart:Eat my shorts!

Brad Goodman:Homer, Marge, I want to congratulate you on your parenting. You have such a... robust physique, Homer. And Marge, your hair is so tall and blue — it really distracts from your face.

Bart:It's Bart, not Rudiger.

Brad Goodman:Yes, yes, Rudiger, very good.

Crowd:Be like boy! Be like boy!

Seniors:Roy? Who's Roy?

Seniors:Be like Roy! Be like Roy!

Bart:I am a god. I'm like, all-powerful and stuff.

Lisa:Bart, you're ten years old, you have a D-minus average, and Mom just made you clean the gutters.

Reverend Lovejoy:You know, I've decided to do something I've always wanted to do instead of giving a sermon today.

Reverend Lovejoy:*plays terrible ragtime piano, stops abruptly* No, no, that's not right. *restarts, plays badly, stops again* Let me try that again...

Teacher:What was Marconi's first wireless message?

Milhouse:It was, 'Mama mia, I just invented-a the wireless!' But then he changed his name to Marconi because Van Houten was too hard to pronounce.

Bart:Why is everyone acting like me all of a sudden?

Lisa:Well Bart, it's a well-documented phenomenon in sociology and behavioral psychology. When a charismatic individual exhibits certain mannerisms and speech patterns, those around them unconsciously adopt similar traits through a process called 'mirroring' or 'social mimicry.' It's essentially a subconscious attempt to build rapport and establish in-group cohesion.

Lisa:Society has become so impatient. Look at how people rush through life. Nobody waits for anything anymore. We've got instant messaging, fast food, quick-dry cement. We can't even wait for our coffee to cool down. We microwave our ice cream to soften it. We've started a petition to make the seasons shorter.

Sideshow Bob:My fellow citizens, as your candidate, I promise you this: I will commit genocide against all people who disagree with me!

Marge:Oh my, what is this frozen delicacy? It's so cold and creamy... like a cloud made of pure joy!

Ned Flanders:I have something I need to tell you. I... I love you.

Maude Flanders:Oh Neddy!

Ned Flanders:But actually, I was just thinking about that time at the boathouse.

Sea Captain:Well, I was plannin' to take some photographs of the young lasses in their summer frocks, if ye catch me drift. But then I realized that's probably illegal and stuff.

Skinner:Ay caramba!

Bart:Hey, that's my line!

Skinner:Not anymore, boy. Ay caramba!

Mayor Quimby:Welcome to Springfield's Festival of Personal Growth! I myself have grown tremendously this year. Why, I've admitted to my wife that I've been seeing other women. That's growth!

Worker:I can't believe I built an unsafe bandstand and didn't check it properly.

Homer:Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. These things happen.

Construction Worker:Yeah, look, I didn't feel like following the safety procedures, alright?

Construction Worker:Look, the bandstand collapse was a one-time thing, okay? We followed all the safety codes!

Construction Worker:Sure, maybe there was that incident with the bridge, but that was different...

Construction Worker:And yeah, the water tower thing happened, but—

Off-screen Voice:AHHHHHHHHHHH!

Construction Worker:Oh no, not the Ferris wheel too...

Bart:Eat my shorts!

Comic Book Guy:After him!

Crowd:Yeah, get him!

Bart:Whoa!

Comic Book Guy:He's getting away in some sort of... vehicle.

Crowd:We can catch him. We're all in reasonably good shape.

Angry mob member:Come on, let's go to the old mill!

Another mob member:Yeah!

Homer:We're not going to the old mill. We're going to Shelbyville.

Angry mob member:The old mill!

Homer:No, Shelbyville!

Another mob member:The old mill!

Homer:It's Shelbyville!

Angry mob member:Well, there's nothing to do in Shelbyville.

Another mob member:Let's go to the old mill!

Homer:There is no old mill in Shelbyville!

Angry mob member:Then what are we going to do?

Homer:We can get some cider.

Another mob member:Cider!

Angry mob member:All right, let's go get cider!

Lisa:Dad, don't you see? Geography isn't about stereotypes. Every place has unique qualities worth understanding.

Homer:Lisa, the only geography I need to know is that the refrigerator is between the couch and me.

Lisa:That's not geography, that's just your daily route.

Homer:Exactly! And I've mastered it.

TV Chief:McGonigle, you're a loose cannon. Turn in your badge and gun.

McGonigle:You can take my badge, Chief, but you'll never take my gun... which is also a badge.

Homer:Hey! I know a gun-badge when I see one, and that ain't it, buddy!

McGonigle:I'm gonna take you down to the station and book you for... being too cool for school.

Chief Wiggum:Wait, that's not even a crime.

McGonigle:Well, it should be!

Homer:Yeah! That guy's a genius!