Milhouse

Bart · Milhouse:What'd you get for number one? Number two? Yeah, that sounds right.

Milhouse · Martin:-It smells like my grandpa. -Turn the page, Bart.

Bart · Milhouse:Can you keep a secret? No. Michael Jackson... is coming to my house!

Milhouse:Eww. Come on. Open it! Open it!

Milhouse:Aw! We could have seen a monkey.

Bart · Milhouse:Hey, Milhouse, cool jacket. It cost me 50,000 Bazooka Joe comics.

Milhouse:Burn.

Milhouse:Cool-- An oversize novelty billiard ball. You shake it up and it tells the future.

Milhouse:Will I pass my English test? ''Outlook not so good.'' Wow, it does work!

Milhouse:Well, you kind of sort of are.

Milhouse:Well, you kind of sort of are.

Milhouse:You know, like when you open an Eskimo Pie and you wait just a little for it to melt? But she doesn't melt. Oh, yes, she does.

Milhouse:We started out like Romeo and Juliet but it ended up in tragedy.

Milhouse:We started out like Romeo and Juliet but it ended up in tragedy.

Milhouse:Oh, Bart, why didn't you at least forge plausible grades?

Spookhouse operator · Milhouse · Nelson:Hand over all your money. Was it scary? Uh-huh. Ooh, baby.

Milhouse:Of course, they didn't use their real names, But you could tell it was them.

Milhouse:It's called Barton Fink.

Milhouse · Other kids:Barton Fink! Barton Fink! Barton Fink!

Milhouse:Uh, I have a horsie. [Imitates Neighing]

Milhouse:What? This is a travesty! Everyone knows I'm the best actor in this ridiculous school!

Bart · Milhouse:Religion? Learning? Let's get outta here!

Milhouse:The girls are calling you 'fatty-fat fat fat' and Nelson's planning to pull down your pants. But nobody's trying to kill ya.

Bart · Milhouse:Krusty poses for trading card photo. Hmm. He seems to be running a little low on ideas. Well, at least you got the gum. Oww! I cut my cheek!

Milhouse:If I lean over, I leave myself open to wedgies, wet willies... or even the dreaded rear admiral.

Milhouse:I want-a change-a my name-a.

Milhouse · Security:Don't say that out loud. Two Caucasian males out of money in Sector 4. Go to code red.

Bart · Milhouse:This is wearin' a bit thin. You think so?

Bart · Milhouse:Our prayers have been answered.

Bart · Milhouse:Okay. We're young, rich and full of sugar. What'll we do? Let's go crazy Broadway-style!

Bart · Milhouse:Springfield, Springfield It's a helluva town / The school yard's up and the shopping mall's down

Bart · Milhouse · New Yorker:New York is thataway, man. Thanks, kid.

Milhouse · Homer:Hey! Don't bogart that Squishy! I don't know where you magic pixies came from... but I like your pixie drink.

Bart · Milhouse:Oh, no! I must have joined the Junior Campers. The few, the proud, the geeky.

Milhouse · Marge:I got a dirty word shaved into the back of my head. What is it with you kids and that word?

Bart · Milhouse:[Gasps] I'm a nerd! [Gasps] So am I!

Milhouse:My parents use that old love excuse to screw me out of toys.

Milhouse:My water dish is empty!

Homer · Milhouse:Don't mind me, boys. Just scrubbin' my undies. - Sorry, Bart. Your dad kinda blew the fantasy.

Milhouse:Is your pool ready yet?

Milhouse · Bart:I think I lost my glasses in your pool. I better go in and find them. - But you're wearing your glasses. - No, I'm not.

Bart · Milhouse:But you're wearing your glasses. - No, I'm not.

Bart · FBI agents · Milhouse:Remember how I got Milhouse on America's Most Wanted? There he is on the monkey bars. Try to take him alive. Oh, no! Not again!

Bart · Milhouse · FBI agents:But I did tip off the feds as to the whereabouts of our good friend Milhouse. But I'm telling you, I didn't do anything. I don't care.

Milhouse:Hey, Bart. If Lisa's better than you at hockey... does that mean you're gonna become better than her at school?

Milhouse · Kirk:Oh, boy! Now I can sleep out in the yard! Yeah! Every single night.

Bart · Milhouse:What's going on? Where are all the grownups? Who cares? With no adults around, I run this city.

Bart · Milhouse:Jeez! If it's in a book, it's gotta be true. Scary, no? And this guy is head of the Spaceology Department at the Correspondence College of Tampa.

Milhouse:You fool. Can't you see it's a massive government conspiracy? Or have they gotten to you too?

Lisa · Milhouse:Haven't you ever heard of Ockham's razor? The simplest explanation is probably the correct one. So, what's the simplest explanation? I don't know. Maybe they're all reverse vampires and they have to get home before dark.

Milhouse:...are forcing our parents to go to bed early... in a fiendish plot to eliminate the meal of dinner. We're through the looking glass here, people.

Milhouse:I don't know, Bart. My dad's a pretty big wheel down at the cracker factory.

Milhouse:Hey, Bart, the bakery caught fire and all of downtown smells like cookies. Want to go smell?

Milhouse:Do you hear that, Bart? That was the tardy bell! 'Truant! Truant! Truant!' They'll all say!

Bart · Milhouse:So long, suckers. This is the last time I use an escape plan devised by Milhouse. Sorry, Bart.

Milhouse · Lisa:Lisa? My one true love. It's not you, Milhouse. I just don't plan to ever get married.

Arcade Patron · Milhouse:Hey, that little boy is playing three games at once. Checkmate. Checkmate. Checkmate. Dang.

Bart · Milhouse:I found a hive of killer bees. You want to go throw rocks at it? Sorry, Bart. I'm deeply immersed in the Teapot Dome scandal. However, it might be feasible in a fortnight.

Milhouse:I can play in two weeks.

Milhouse · Bart:They're like two positively charged ions. Wait, that's it. With your book smarts and my ability to exploit people with book smarts we can figure out a plan to get them back together.

Milhouse:Hey, cool, there's a rabbit in here.

Principal Skinner · Milhouse · Superintendent Chalmers:Oh, look, here comes Lumpy, the school snake. / Help! Help! / Oh, Lord.

Milhouse:It's clearly booming, Bart.

Milhouse:We've squozen our whole supply.

Milhouse:No. I said there's no time to explain, and I stick by that.

Bart · Milhouse:I thought you said you could read lips. - I assumed I could.

Milhouse:Correction: The only thing that's over is that transmission.

Student · Milhouse:Smells like one of van Houten's. - It does not.

Bart · Milhouse:We both have a special, limited-edition issue where he and Fallout Boy get killed on every page.

Bart · Milhouse:Which one were you? The ugly one? - Were you the ugly one?

Milhouse:It's all in the delivery. 'Now is the winter of our discontent'-

Milhouse:It sounds like more fun than it really is. Hey! I think I'm lying on a broken bottle!

Milhouse:I like the way the blush brings out my cheekbones, but it's not worth it.

Milhouse:I've said 'jiminy jillickers' so many times, the words have lost all meaning.

Milhouse · Rainier Wolfcastle:Jiminy jillickers! - There, now, there's no need for profanity, Fallout Boy.

Milhouse · Bart:The real heroes are out there, toiling day and night on more important things. - Television? - No! Curing heart disease and wiping out world hunger.

Milhouse:Wow! Spanning two decades.

Bart · Milhouse:Hey, how come I get lice and nothing happens to Milhouse? So cold. So very, very cold.

Milhouse · Bart:Bart did it! - That Bart right there! - Milhouse!

Milhouse:Why would they lie? What would they have to gain?

Milhouse:Oh, it can swim. It's even got wheels, in case you die in the desert and it has to drive to the cemetery.

Milhouse:Cover me, Sarge. I'm going after Bart's soul.

Milhouse:Alf pogs! Remember Alf? He's back, in pog form!

Bart · Milhouse:Dude, you're huge! Yeah! Let's party, baby! Hey-hey-hey!

Milhouse:This is great! And all I've done is enter my name-Thrillhouse!

Milhouse · Bart · Milhouse:Uh- Uh, it's only a one-player game. Then how come it says 'second player score'? Mom! Bart's swearing!

Milhouse:What? I'm more worried about piranhas. Did you see that movie where they sent a nuclear submarine to fight the piranhas and one of them swims right down the periscope and bites the guy in the eye?

Milhouse · Factory Worker:But where do they make those crackers with the peanut butter already inside? - Uh, put this on and come with me, son. - Whoo-hoo!

Milhouse:I try not to. It makes it harder to spit on 'em.

Milhouse:Milhouse zones out completely when he sees a convertible

Milhouse:Milhouse's desperate 'Hey, wait! I'm okay today! My mom bought me deodorant!'

Milhouse:And she looks like Blossom.

Homer · Milhouse:You got the dud! Hey, he looks just like you, Poindexter!

Milhouse:Oh. You haven't said that in four years. Let Lisa have it.

Milhouse:'Cause I've been looking for someone to boss me around.

Milhouse:Perfectly level flying is the supreme challenge of the scale-model pilot.

Milhouse:Hey, I know you from American Gladiators. You're Pyro!

Various Students · Milhouse:She was looking at Nelson! Lisa likes Nelson! - She does not! - Milhouse likes Lisa! - He does not! - Janie likes Milhouse! - She does not! - Uter likes Milhouse! - Nobody likes Milhouse!

Milhouse:But I'm all Milhouse!

Lisa · Milhouse:You're more like a big sister. - No, I'm not! Why does everybody keep saying that?

Milhouse:Yes!

Milhouse:And also you should win things by watching.

Milhouse:When are they gonna get to the fireworks factory? [Whining]

Milhouse:When are they gonna get to the fireworks factory? [Whining]

Milhouse:When are they gonna get to the fireworks factory? [Whining]

Bart · Milhouse:Hey! You said we were going to Dairy Queen. I lied. Now help me rummage through Bob's trash for clues. Then I promise we'll go to the waterslide. Okay.

Bart · Milhouse:We're what now? Three? Three-and-a-half. We get beat up, but we get an explanation

Martin · Milhouse:Now, prepare to marvel at the mysteries of the universe as I make this remainder disappear. But seven goes into 28 four times. Uh- This is a magic seven!

Bart · Milhouse:Wacky shack!

Milhouse:I was watching. I saw the whole thing. First it started falling over, and then it fell over.

Milhouse · Bart:You said there'd be Fudgeicles, Bart. Where's the Fudgeicles? First, it's Fudgsicle. And I know they're up here. I just need a better foothold.

Milhouse · Bart:You said there'd be 'Fudgeicles,' Bart. Where's the 'Fudgeicles'? - First, it's Fudgsicle. And I know they're up here.

Milhouse:Ah, can't I just have the surgery?

Bart · Milhouse:Okay, Milhouse, let's try out the new cup. [Grunts] [Chuckles] Again.

Milhouse:[Sucking] [Coughing] Your turn, Bart.

Milhouse · Bart:What's it like, Bart? Bart? Bart? [Babbling Gibberish] Give me that!

Bart · Milhouse:Okay. We're young, rich and full of sugar. What'll we do? Let's go crazy Broadway-style!

Milhouse:Make way for grapefruit. Go grapefruit!

Milhouse:I think I'm getting swimmer's ear!

Milhouse · Lisa:Well, I guess you could have. Milhouse, I am defending you. Oh. Sorry. I'm just saying, it was either you or the monster.

Bart · Milhouse:Here, Milhouse. You go first. Okay. Now throw the vine back. There's no time.

Lisa · Milhouse:Hey. If a boar can survive here, there must be a source of food. Hey. I only stole two sandwiches and a bag of Doritos.

Bart · Milhouse:Whoa-ho! Texas snowball fight!

Bart · Milhouse:Milhouse, my mom wears earrings. Do you think she's cool? / No! / I think she's hot! Sorry. It just slipped out.

Milhouse · Principal Skinner:Well, I'm a Gypsy. / Oh, really? Prove it. / [Imitating Dracula] 'I vant to suck your blood!' / Nuh-uh. That's a vampire. But, uh, they're also covered.

Bart · Milhouse:You owe me a quarter. I didn't crack my skull.

Milhouse · Bart · Nelson:Oh! Oh! Oh! Bart! Bart! Bart! Over here! Over here! Um, I'll take- Rick me! Rick me! Nelson. Saving the best for last, huh, Bart? Yeah. That must be it.

Milhouse · Bart:This isn't the flag. It looks more like- Ew! [Laughs] Suckers. Go, Dad!

Bart · Milhouse:[Chuckles] Rookie mistake, Milhouse. [Groans]

Milhouse:Hey, these don't work. Uh- Oh, a lead shirt. I'll take three pairs. Here's my prescription.

Lisa · Milhouse:What am I doing? This isn't me. I'm sorry, Milhouse. I'm free next weekend! There's plenty of Milhouse to go around!

Homer · Milhouse:Milhouse! [Milhouse Shouting] What? Tell Bart to come home! I think he's at Nelson's!

Milhouse:She's got problems. Scary problems.

Bart · Milhouse:Milhouse, do you see what's on Channel 6? Uh, yeah. It's really something. [Screams]

Bart · Milhouse · Nelson:Homer's done a ton of crap that never made the papers. My mom shoplifts all the time. Stuff she doesn't even need. My dad gets in car accidents on purpose.

Milhouse:Hey, they're working! My feet are soaked, but my cuffs are bone-dry! Everything's comin' up Milhouse!

Milhouse · Skinner:Ow! I pricked myself. Well, just keep working. You'll prick yourself with the antidote sooner or later.

Milhouse · Bart:I'll trade you a Claritin for one. Claritin-D? Nah. Can't help you.

Students · Milhouse:Hey, look at those dogs going at it! I wanna see 'em! I wanna see 'em! Fightin' over a fan belt. Dogs are outstanding.

Milhouse · Homer:Will you be my dad? [Chuckling] You've got a father. He's just a dud.

Bart · Milhouse:You want to dress up like ladies? Uh, wouldn't that make us kind of fruity?

Milhouse:Oh, wow. This really hides my thighs. [Purrs]

Bart · Milhouse:Sisters are doing it for themselves

Milhouse:Hello. I'm Dr. Stupid. I'm going to take out your liver bones. Oops. You're dead.

Bart · Milhouse:You know what our homework is? Find a toy and bring it to class. Boy, that sounds fun. I know. But I'm still not gonna do it.

Milhouse · Jim Hope:My busy box. It's got everything. Vroom, vroom, vroom! I'm calling Daddy. Good for you, not being bound by the recommended age.

Milhouse:Bury me at Make Out Creek. [Groans]

Milhouse:And I tried to scratch and the fork got stuck in there. And I think there was some food on the fork.

Milhouse:And Midnight Basketball taught them to function without sleep.

Bart · Bully · Milhouse:This is gonna be the best week of our young lives. / I'm gonna pound you two all week. / Oh. What'd we do? / Nothin'. But I gotta pound somebody.

Milhouse:I don't wanna go home. My grandma's sleeping in my bed, and she has skin like a basketball.

Bart · Milhouse:Yeah. It's just like my dad always says: For an evening or a week, there's no place like the mall. Food, fun and fashion- the mall has it all. / What? What did he say?

Milhouse · Bart:Where are we goin'? / Quiet. Just keep scurrying. [Screaming, Grunting] / Worms! / Gold! / Wait, this is just chocolate. Chocolate! / And these are gummy worms. Gummy! / Warheads. Jelly Bellies. We're like two kids in a candy store. / [Together] Yes!

Milhouse:Bart, you're a genius. [Screams]

Milhouse:Oy! I'll never be a man.

Milhouse:Plus, in the summer, he paints houses! He's a billionaire!

Milhouse · Bart:My doctor says I'm not supposed to go on sprees. What about jags? Jags are fine. Wonderful.

Milhouse:My mom doesn't believe in fabric softener. But she's not around!

Bart · Milhouse · Woman:Don't do it, lady! That stuff's worth thousands! Yeah! He's ripping you off! Well, if this is valuable, then back to the leaky basement it goes!

Bart · Milhouse:A carton of malted milk balls, one box confectioner's sugar, a can of chocolate frosting- That's just his shopping list. No. It's his instructions.

Milhouse:How could you spend all our money on a comic book published by LensCrafters?

Milhouse:Birds won't even use them in their nests.

Bart · Milhouse:Oh, look. You're getting cranky. You haven't had your juice. Well, my straw broke off in the carton.

Milhouse · Bart:I have feelings! I'm a human boy, just like you! It's a vacuum cleaner, Milhouse. Whatever!

Bart · Milhouse:Alien Autopsy. Illegal Alien Autopsy. Godfather III: Good Version.

Milhouse · Bart · Ralph:What up, 'G' Money? - Who's next? Ralph Wiggum? - Whee! I'm a pop sensation.

Milhouse · N'Sync member:Crowd Taser? - Yeah. It's perfect for getting through the fans to your limousine.

Milhouse:Whoa! It's like Speed 2... only with a bus instead of a boat.

Milhouse · Lisa · Ralph:I like jazz. Milhouse? She got you too? Yeah, but it's not so bad. I'm standing on Ralph.

Milhouse:This is where I come to cry.

Milhouse:Bottle rockets, frog launchers, Weeping Mamas. Tijuana Toilet Crackers!

Milhouse:She's got more wicked witchery than Stevie Nicks.

Bart · Milhouse:If we're late for school, we'll miss our free federal breakfast! Big deal. It's just saltines and fig paste. Ew! Saltines!

Bart · Milhouse:With rain baggy! Oh, man. That would really keep your head dry.

Bart · Milhouse:Have you ever been in a police car? Not in the front.

Bart · Milhouse:You there! Put your hands up! Me? Okay. Now, drop your pants. Yeah, but... But my hands are up. Hula out of them.

Bart · Milhouse:Milhouse, you ready to imitate that Jackass show? All those disclaimers made me want to do it more!

Milhouse:I'm wearing my bathing suit under my pants.

Milhouse:My therapist said that's all I could ever hope for.

Milhouse:I told you! I don't know how that scrunchie got in my hair!

Milhouse:I can't believe I have to give her half my stuff!

Bart · Milhouse:I can't believe we're on the Canadian Olympic Basketball team. / Yep. It's just that easy.

Milhouse:You know that new baby brother Ralph's been bragging about? It's just a pinecone.

Milhouse · Ralph:Bart's a goner. Anyone want to be my new best friend? I will! Great! Finally, I'll be the dominant one.

Milhouse · Ralph:Be quiet. Yes, sir.

Milhouse · Kirk Van Houten:Do you know Mom's getting re-married? What? But she... I think we should probably talk about that later, Son. No. You might as well talk about it now.

Bart · Milhouse:I don't hear an alarm. Let's take stuff. Whoa! Isn't that stealing? No, it's just looting. Sweet. Let's go nuts.

Bart · Milhouse:Maybe if we cut his foot off, people will feel sorry for him. / It didn't help your dad get your mom back.

Student · Milhouse:Instead of writing a report, can I do a dance? [HUMMING] [MILHOUSE GRUNTS] - Sorry.

Milhouse:It's your last chance. He's probably gonna get court-martialed for this.

Bart · Milhouse:Attention, teenage boys. Take your hands off my daughter. Now, kiss each other.

Milhouse:When my mom wants to get back at my dad, she uses her lawyer. - Does it make him cry? - More than normal.

Milhouse:Boy, I wish I was a free man. Mom. Where's Puppy Goo Goo?

Milhouse:Oh, I know this one. It's so easy. F-- Oh, man!

Milhouse:I know this is a fantasy, but I'll take it. No! I'll never be this happy again!

Milhouse:What about us cool kids? Should we just chill out?

Milhouse:Even that kid that wears diapers is more popular. And he ain't popular.

Milhouse:Even I beat you up that day, after you passed out.

Milhouse:Even I beat you up that day. After you passed out

Milhouse:Try the cheese pizza. It's greasy like, uh, you

Milhouse:Hey, heh, we're all gonna be murdered someday

Milhouse:You know, Bart, I really like spending time with you

Bart · Martin · Nelson · Database · Milhouse:Teacher hit me with a ruler / I cracked her in the bean / With a frozen Jimmy Dean / And she ain't my teacher no more / Because she's dead

Bart · Milhouse:If I could be any type of shark, I'd be a tiger shark. - How about you, Milhouse? - I guess a nurse shark. I mean... Oh! Ow, ow!

Bart · Milhouse:We touched hands. Then we had to wash the cooties off.

Milhouse:Sometimes I wish a cat would eat me.

Milhouse:I feel like luge silver medalist Barbara Niedernuber.

Milhouse · Bart:What are the Beatles? They wrote all the songs on Maggie's baby records. 'John Lemon, Orange Harrison, Paul Mclced Tea, Mango Starr'?

Milhouse:Boy, I got up on the wrong side of the futon today.

Milhouse:Melts in your mouth, not in your pants.

Milhouse · Kid:You talk pretty tough for a man without health insurance. I'm on federal assistance.

Milhouse · Bart:I'm gonna play naked basketball. - No, you are not.

Milhouse:Yeah, I thought I'd be happier if my parents back together. But it kind of hollow.

Bart · Milhouse:We can do anything we want! - Lets get really far ahead on our homework!

Milhouse:Yeah, but you say it first.

Milhouse:Well, I couldn't be happier, I'm the second coolest kid on earth.

Bart · Milhouse:Boy, that took forever. - Yeah. Well, I work better in a structured environment.

Bart · Milhouse:Yeah. And I can't run too fast after 15 years of eating nothing but gummy worms. - I'm gonna quit tomorrow, I swear.

Milhouse:Look at me! I'm a big man! But I break just like a little girl.

Milhouse:Look at the cross-hatching on Grover Cleveland's tie. I completely buy the illusion of shadow.

Milhouse:My dad once beat up six employees at KFC. And he'd been up for three days.

Milhouse:That's me. (READING) Oh!

Milhouse:What do you care, Mrs. Krabappel... or should I say, Mrs. Crab apple?

Milhouse:Man, you've been huffing from the bart bag

Milhouse:No, Walter's been cool

Milhouse:What about all the times I didn't wear a tutu? Nobody ever brings those up.

Milhouse:It's the Paul Lynde Helen Reddy Hudson Brothers Easter Special! With guest stars Willie Tyler and Lester and Nadia Comaneci!

Milhouse:My mom's already transferred her 401k

Milhouse:Yeah. I gave my look some new flava. Suck it in!

Milhouse · Bart:Now, please let me give you a wedgie in front of these guys. No way! Please? I'll be gentle.

Milhouse:We were having a sleepover, and a robber came and wet my bed. Then he folded the bed back into the couch and disappeared into the night.

Milhouse:We'll go to the cemetery and summon the dark lord by kissing and junk.

Milhouse · Bart:a fake wedding? That's what I call chutzpah! Yeah. I'm gonna scam this town out of so many presents.

Bart · Milhouse:And what I don't use, I'm gonna return for store credit! Both: Store credit! Store credit! Store credit!

Bart · Milhouse:Remember, if anyone asks, you're my niece from out of town. I am your niece, uncle joe. Good lord, I'm an abomination!

Bart · Milhouse:What about fistface? ... I demand you reveal the identity of fistface! It's you!

Bart · Milhouse · Martin:Because I'm 'it.' Now whoever finishes first gets lemonade. BOTH: Yay! For me.

Girl · Milhouse · Martin:You guys need your cootie shots. (BOTH CRYING OUT IN PAIN) Well, I hate this job, but I love the health plan.

Milhouse:Some bullies threw my shoes over a telephone wire... with me in them!

Milhouse:Playdudes! Let the blossoming of Milhouse begin.

Milhouse:I gotta be honest, I don't see what all the hubbub is about.

Milhouse · Bart:She can Calamine my hives anytime. That's Congresswoman Bella Abzug.

Bart · Milhouse:Then we could have orgies, whatever they are. We'll be Playdude Playmates! We are Playdude Playmates!

Milhouse · Bart:this music will get a stewardess to give you a layover. I hope it's in Omaha. My grammy lives there.

Milhouse · Bart:but most bachelors we know would prefer to squeeze their own tomatoes. Bachelors are always squeezin' stuff.

Milhouse:Rock on. You know, the first time I met Bart was at recess in first grade... Oh, I told him to use a land line.

Milhouse:I had to leave 'cause my French bread pizza dinged.

Bart · Milhouse:Mom, when I want lame and needy, I'll call Milhouse. No offense.

Bart · Milhouse:Miss Lucy rhyme with deliberate near-profanity fake-outs ('behind' instead of 'butt', cutting off before curse words)

Bart · Milhouse:Bart claims he's bleeding but has no cut - turns out it's from a loose tooth

Bart · Milhouse:The tooth fairy pays triple for the last baby tooth / Then let's hurry up and rip it out of my head

Milhouse · Bart:Bart. Are the kidnappers after you? Well, some kidnappers might be after me. It's a big world. But in this case, I faked the whole thing.

Milhouse:In my dad's apartment, the heat is always off. He made a coat out of all my stuffed animals.

Milhouse:Bart, two, three, four! You put my Dad in jail, flip, spin, twirl!

Milhouse:I wasn't scared, I was just peeing.

Milhouse:Sorry I'm late, Lisa. I was at the gym, totally gunning my lats. Just gunning them.

Milhouse:The deposit on this tux was 200 Reagans.

Bart · Milhouse · Bart:Travel. Do you need a traveling companion, perchance? Travel canceled.

Milhouse:What Lisa's problem? Milhouse mother say Milhouse handsome!

Milhouse:I'm not the first guy to get a nosebleed during a slow dance.

Milhouse:Is it because of my small calves? They're the hardest place to add mass!

Milhouse:Time to strike while the iron is sad!

Lisa · Milhouse:Have you eaten onions lately? No. And it's really hard 'cause I'm on an all-onion diet.

Kirk · Milhouse:Son, we want to talk to you about what you saw at the Simpsons'. / I didn't see anything that gives me hope, if that's what you mean.

Luann · Milhouse:Maybe you should raise your hopes a little. / They're already high! They've reached the clouds! Your father and I are going through a trial 'un-divorce.'

Milhouse:I can't believe it, my family might get back together.

Luann · Milhouse:Milly... / Botanical Garden? Bilderberg Club? Rugby field with the Springfield Stans?

Kirk · Milhouse:Son, here's $10. Why don't you go to the bowling alley and throw some lonely balls? But tonight there's Champions League!

Milhouse:This 'un-divorce' sucks. My parents used to compete for my love... and I always came out winning. And the plant got watered along with the royal treatment. Movies, double Christmas, soda with meals... We lived like kings.

Milhouse:Movies, double Christmas, soda with meals... We lived like kings.

Milhouse · Bart:Unforgettable New Year's. / I think we need to break up your parents again.

Milhouse:You know, Bart, my imaginary friend... never makes me do things I think are wrong. That's why he had to leave forever. But I thought you'd let him come back. I'm afraid he'll spend another year searching his mind.

Milhouse:But I thought you'd let him come back. I'm afraid he'll spend another year searching his mind.

Kirk · Milhouse:Your mom said I smell and that I'm crude. / Mom said that? / That's amazing. Usually she kept criticism inside until it destroyed our marriage.

Milhouse · Luann:I don't want to rat out Dad, but he just let me drink a beer! / Looks like we have a problem here. And the problem is you're addicted to lies.

Milhouse:But I'm drunk! I'll prove it to you. Watch me... kiss this photo of Nana. I can't do it. She's so mean to me. She won't let me eat jellybeans!

Milhouse · Bart:Maybe my parents are made for each other, Bart. / You better hope they're not, because you know what comes next? Your worst nightmare: A little sister.

Milhouse:If you don't mind, I want to watch... that 'cool' series about teenagers in California.

Milhouse · Bart · Dr. Wexler:We tried to break up your parents and broke up mine instead. / Want to talk to my psychiatrist about how you feel? / Yes, Dr. Wexler? Stop calling me, I'm on my honeymoon! / Yeah, it's that crazy kid again.

Milhouse:How does this look, Bart? A traditional dance could solve our problems. All I need is your pants size. It's two sizes bigger than your pants. How many times must I tell you? Forget Rodgers and Hammerstein! Rodgers and Hart? No!

Bart · Milhouse:Questions? / Yes, what will you dress as for Halloween? / Giant dog poop. Let's begin.

Milhouse · Bart:I can't tell who's who. / I already started running!

Milhouse · Martin:I do not want change either. I can get horses mud. Girls will love! And I'm Jared from the subway ads. I have just a little overweight, and ambiguous sexuality.

Lisa · Milhouse:You really speak Italian? Si My grandmother, Nana Sophie, lives in Tuscany.

Milhouse · Nana Sophie:Nana talks to me only in Italian. Every time I spoke English, she beat me. Fool! Every time I spoke English, she beat me. It hurts! Fool!

Milhouse:That's how I learned English and started to wet my bed.

Milhouse · Luigi:But Luigi, surely you speak Italian. No. I speak only how to say ... of fractured English. That is what my parents spoke at home.

Milhouse · Milhouse:I am the most lucky boy in the world! 'm Not in love, stupid!

Milhouse:Sono cosi matto a lei! Ho pensato abbiamo avuto qualcosa andando, th poi prendo the con questa sgualdrina! Lei malato me fa!

Milhouse:I don't mind! Trouble's a form of attention.

Milhouse:It's like we're in the school's lymphatic system and we're the lymph.

Milhouse:Look we're having pizza tomorrow! I'm gonna eat a lighter breakfast.

Milhouse:Sounds like my parents' custody hearing.

Coach Krupt · Milhouse:But my doctor says no more bombardment. Well, here's a second opinion.

Milhouse · Lisa · Milhouse:Lisa? Yeah, we totally had a thing, but I had to break it off. / What the hell are you talking about?! / She got too clingy. Milhouse doesn't do clingy.

Milhouse:Hey, guys, guess who just became lactose-tolerant?

Milhouse:Who's got amnesia now, Bart?

Milhouse · Bart:Do you want to play in the NBA or not? Bart, my arm's out of its thing. That means it's working.

Milhouse:Your new name: Senorita Ugly.

Milhouse · Fat Tony:'Garfield' or 'Love Is?' / Uh, I prefer the cat. He hates Mondays. We can all relate.

Milhouse:I'm only allergic to honey, wheat, dairy, non-dairy, and my own tears.

Bart · Milhouse:Finally, someone who does whatever I say. Hey, Bart, I shaved my head like you told me. Get lost. Yes, Master.

Milhouse:Bart, can we go to Banana Republic? There's a mannequin there I have a crush on.

Milhouse:Trust me, Bart. It's better to walk in on both your parents than on just one of 'em.

Milhouse:But what will I eat at midday?

Milhouse:I can handle the glove. I took juggling at camp.

Student · Milhouse:This is my first day at this school. I haven't done anything to you! You will. This is prevenge.

Milhouse:You will. This is prevenge.

Milhouse · Bart:I'm not a lady, it's a spell, a spell you said you'd reverse. / Yeah, yeah, it's on my list

Marge · Milhouse:Why Milhouse, don't you look pretty! / It's a spell! / And thank you

Milhouse:It was a fake just now.

Milhouse:We helped.

Milhouse · Lisa:Permission to buy a Hostess fruit pie to keep my strength up? Denied.

Homer · Milhouse:Say, is your butt numb from all this vibrating? Oh, mine is. Still, I wouldn't describe it as unpleasant.

Milhouse:Oh, sweet mother of Mary!

Ned · Devil · Milhouse:May I have a clean American newspaper, please, no 'Doonesbury'? Wouldn't you rather have a bikini magazine? I guess a little peek won't hurt me. No! He died as he lived--like a dork.

Milhouse:Finally you guys will stop using me as a pawn in your fights. ... I made it up. Like kids do.

Milhouse:Great story, Mr. Simpson. But why do all your bedroom stories have commercials in them for The Container Store?

Milhouse:Ah... now that my mom and dad are back together, I'm happy every day. I can't wait to wake up so tomorrow can start.

Milhouse:This week is the best. I don't care if my parent sever come back.

Coast Guard · Milhouse:Milhouse Van Houten? Yes? Son, your parents have been lost at sea.

Milhouse:Oh my God! I said I didn't care if they ever came back! This is my fault!

Milhouse:Drown, monster, drown!

Bart · Milhouse:Hey, who died? My parents, probably. So you guys aren't ice cream men?

Milhouse · Homer:Stop naming things! I want to, but I can't!

Milhouse · Marge:Like I'm going to a funeral? No! Don't talk like that! There's always hope.

Milhouse:Isn't there already enough pain in this world?

Milhouse:Oh, my God. I've become the world's oldest baby. Men don't get their moo-moo from a ba-ba.

Milhouse:They get their moo-moo from a big-boy cup!

Milhouse:I can't be a baby anymore. I'm alone now. I have to be a man!

Milhouse:One day, you'll be more haunted by those words than I am.

Jimbo · Milhouse:Why aren't you crying? I wish I could cry. Tears would cleanse my soul.

Milhouse:Go ahead, beat me up. Maybe then I'll feel something.

Milhouse:I always wanted you to hold my hand, Lisa. And now that you are, I'm too numb to feel anything.

Milhouse:It's like you're wearing oven mitts and I'm in my winter parka.

Milhouse:There's a time for krumping, and this isn't it.

Milhouse:Well, I don't need you. I've learned to take care of myself.

Zack · Milhouse:Oh, did you remember to cut off the gas flow? The what?

Milhouse · Bart · Zack:Milhouse! Mom and Dad! Mr. and Mrs. Van Houten! Damned Dutchmen!

Milhouse · Comic Book Guy:But that's the money Yaya Sofia gave me for Greek Orthodox Easter. I hate when they tell me things about themselves.

Marge · Milhouse · Bart:Ooh, I'd better join a gym before I go from hippy to hippo. I wish my Mom said cute things like that. She can't 'cause she's depressed. Shut up.

Milhouse:Ball one, ball two, strike one...

Bart · Milhouse:We can rig a cootie catcher so you can marry anybody you want. / Whoa! Sherri! I'm in.

Bart · Milhouse:You grew tired of always being in my shadow. / No, I like your shadow. It's nice and cool.

Nelson · Milhouse · Nelson:Oh, my Gosh. It's an outhouse sent from the future. / Hey, I'm in here. / Be quiet, Robo-potty.

Milhouse · Bart:Whoa, to think this came out of some animal's butt. / Beautiful, in its way.

Milhouse · Bart:Hey, you little murderer. / What?! / Those shades are killing me, they're so cute.

Milhouse:I couldn't get a hold of him. No cell phone. But if I know Bart, he's busy doing something awesome.

Milhouse:I'm not supposed to look out the window when I'm alone.

Milhouse:I'm desperate for any signs of adult approval.

Milhouse:My mom's gonna wake up soon. She gets upset if someone's not there to tell her where she is.

Milhouse:Listen Bart, if I don't get home soon, there won't be time for my mom to give me a hug, my dad to read me a story, and both of them to sing me a song until I gently fall asleep.

Milhouse:'Blocked Number'? That service is $3.65 a month.

Milhouse:I believe in the Grand Pumpkin, almighty gourd, who was crustified over Pontius Pie-plate, and ascended into oven. He will come again to judge the filling and the bread ...

Milhouse:You owe me restitution!

Grand Pumpkin · Milhouse:Oh, how delightful-- bread made especially for pumpkins. Actually, it's made from pumpkins.

Milhouse:No. Who is he and what's his origin story?

Milhouse · Store employee:I can't afford any of your products but can I buy some fake white earbuds, so people will think I have a MyPod? - Sure, those are called 'MyPhonies.' - Oh, and they cost $40.

Bart · Milhouse:Did you unscrew all the Phillips heads? Check. Did you unscrew all the flat-heads? Yep. And now we wait.

Milhouse:I'm grounded and spend all day listening to my dad yell at Mad Money w/ Jim Cramer. You said tech stocks were bulletproof!

Milhouse:Bart, I learned some great new swear words from my uncle. He has got a broken back, so he's in constant pain. Bart, would you be interested in swears?

Bart · Milhouse:Milhouse, real best friends often don't speak for years at a time, like John Adams and Thomas Jefferson. Just because you saw one episode of one miniseries doesn't mean you get to use it as a whip!

Milhouse:Oh, I get it. It's love. I guess you've found your Abigail Adams. My who? So I'll be on my way. I can see I'm the fifth wheel on this bicycle with training wheels.

Milhouse:Well, you can't bleed out your nose when your heart's broken.

Milhouse · Willie:Smooth and slippery. Thank you, Zamboni King.

Milhouse:Three weeks?! This has got to be some kind of record.

Milhouse · Bart:Put blood in it? No, booze.

Unknown · Milhouse:Is there someone in there? / It's my own fault. I looked them in the eye when I gave them my lunch money.

Milhouse:It's my own fault. I looked them in the eye when I gave them my lunch money.

Milhouse:Wow! Imagine his sidekick.

Milhouse:Man, if he lost that giant inhaler he'd really be in trouble with his parents.

Milhouse:You can have mine, but he's kind of an idiot.

Milhouse:Maybe you could trick your parents into making a baby the way my Mom nearly tricked Charles Barkley.

Bart · Milhouse:'Put the rope in your teeth.' / 'What will that do?' / 'It'll shut you up.'

Bart · Milhouse:Milhouse Van Houten, will you do me the honor of ruining Krusty's wedding with me? / Oh, Bart, this is all happening so fast. Let's call my mom together.

Milhouse:Okay, but just 'cause I'm your best friend, don't be afraid to use that whip.

Milhouse:I hold in my hand another diary. That of my great-great-great... (takes hit from inhaler) ...great-great grandfafa, Milford van Houten.

Milhouse:It didn't help that the next day, he drank bad well water and went blind.

Milhouse · Bart:Whatever happened to 'Hi'? Hi. Now what are you up to?

Milhouse:With no Sir Topham Hatt to tell us what we can and can't do.

Milhouse:Bart, at the end of the day, if your parents aren't p.o.'d, you haven't really pranked.

Comic Book Guy · Milhouse:Why should we? / Yeah, where was that whale when my mom moved out?

Milhouse:Never tell a bully you're afraid.

Otto · Milhouse:Even I've hooked up with your old lady. / Sorry, kid. You were my favorite Uncle, Uncle Otto.

Milhouse:Maybe she's one of those sexy school supply company reps. If that's true, where's her suitcase with wheels, Bart? Where's her suitcase with wheels?

Milhouse:Do alligators alligate? I don't know... yes! I'm scared.

Bart · Milhouse:Milhouse, do we have enough points for a weapons upgrade? Yeah! We really racked them up eating all those elf babies.

Milhouse:Oh, I'm always the thimble.

Game voice · Milhouse:B-7. They dunked our Battleboat!

Milhouse:I wish I could see my mom one last time, so I can say, 'This is all your fault!'

Milhouse:I thought your race car was a Transformer! Nothing's one thing anymore!

Milhouse:Now? Do you forgive me now?

Milhouse:The fifth graders played a great game. They got a great program up there. Great fans! But this was just our day.

Milhouse · Bart:Normally, I think your mom is hot... Take that back! I'm sorry. What I mean is, she's not hot anymore. Take that back!

Milhouse:Just like my mom on her 'can't dance' days.

Milhouse:Never get off the bus!

Bart · Milhouse:I forget what phase two is, but I'll assume we just dump the peaches like we discussed. / I'll assume that means 'yes.' / The name's Bart.

Milhouse:I don't know what to think about milk cans anymore.

Milhouse:There are no more great days, Bart. Just days.

Milhouse:Did you know it has a chapter before chapter two? A chapter where we meet Nemo's mother.

Milhouse:Not after Chapter One, he doesn't.

Milhouse:If death can happen to a fish, it can happen to anyone.

Milhouse:You see, in the past, I've been too subtle. It's my curse-- subtlety!

Milhouse:Lisa Simpson is the smartest, sweetest, most perfectest girl in the whole world

Milhouse:Oh yeah, it's a theremin.

Milhouse:♪ Teacher said, don't eat the paste / 'Tis apt to make you spew / I ate the paste, and liked the taste / Passed out and dreamed of you. ♪

Milhouse:Well, I used a rhyming dictionary, but it only gives you options. The job of the poet is to say, 'This one, I guess.'

Milhouse:Well, I've worn a lot of different braces in my time.

Milhouse:This morning I got to second base... on our walk around the softball diamond.

Milhouse:I dunno. It's one of those mysteries, like how do my clothes get clean and put back in my drawers?

Milhouse:How miserable do I have to be before you're happy?

Milhouse:Everything's comin' up Milhouse!

Milhouse:I love Teddy Roosevelt because he had asthma as a boy.

Milhouse:But I loved reading It's Cool to Cry!

Milhouse:Does it look like I took my nap?

Milhouse:My dog and I accidentally touched tongues.

Krusty · Milhouse:Children of troubled marriages not eligible. Oh!

Milhouse:I can't believe we put a man on the Sun, but we can't stop my sneezing!

Milhouse · Lisa:When we had her, they used only the best genetic material, which meant none of mine. You parked the car. That helped. I guess.

Lisa · Milhouse:You could go back to Michigan. It's still under Sharia law. Yeah, but they always make me wear a veil.

Milhouse · Lisa:69% of the original Cher is playing. Sure, I'd love to... only not with you and not that.

Lisa · Milhouse:Sometimes I wish strangling your kid was still legal. Not since they passed Homer's Law.

Lisa · Milhouse:Should I have married Nelson? 'Cause we still talk on the phone. Nelson calls you? Well... someone calls someone.

Milhouse · Bart:You know something, Bart? I'm getting tired of things like that. Tired of what? I dump on you, and you take it. That's how friendship works. Not anymore. Friendship over.

Milhouse:Well, I was doing fine. Warm glass of milk, some choice cuts from The Wriggles and I was out.

Milhouse · Bart:Bart, I'm not your puppet. I know, I made you into a real boy last week. And I'll always be grateful.

Bart · Milhouse:I know, I made you into a real boy last week. And I'll always be grateful.

Milhouse · Bart:Gee, Bart, you seem, uh-- how can I put it?-- Milhousy. Really? It's not that bad, is it?

Milhouse · Bart · Lisa:Not bad. Did Lisa write that? Yes, I did. Now I'm going to bed.

Milhouse:The glasses are off!

Milhouse · Bart:Can I punch you? Sure. Can I have someone else punch you? Sure. What've you got?

Milhouse · Bart:Can I punch you? Sure. Can I have someone else punch you? Sure. What've you got? Puppy Goo-Goo coming my way?

Milhouse:I wasn't comfortable having the upper hand. From now on I'll dominate you in ways you don't realize.

Milhouse · Bart:Did you invent a robot hand to touch the buttons? / Something like that.

Bart · Milhouse:They were discontinued because they were thought to encourage impressionable children to smoke. / How dumb do they think we are?

Milhouse:I can quit any time I want!

Milhouse:Cool! Now my beauty will be on the outside!

Milhouse:American Girl doll day?! / You might be surprised at the number of boys who have American Girl dolls. It's not weird 'cause they're historic figures.

Milhouse:Awesome revenge, cutting your dad's face out of a piece of cardboard

Milhouse:Every vandalism spree needs an obnoxious laugher

Milhouse:At the opening, I could wear a sports jacket with a t-shirt and jeans!

Milhouse:Bart! There's a really mean squirrel in the backyard. I need you to dare me to fight him!

Milhouse:Bart's been raptured! And his crap's been craptured!

Milhouse:Hi. My name is Milhouse Van Houten, and I am auditioning for the role of Child Who Points.

Milhouse:I prepared right!

Milhouse:If gasoline is their food, then why do they have teeth?!

Milhouse:Meaningless friend thing. True love super date!

Milhouse:Don't listen to Uncle Bart. Lisa and I will raise you in a house of love.

Milhouse:Please let there be a 'but' coming, please! But... Landed it!

Homer · Bart · Milhouse:Boy, get in the car, and say good-bye to your best friend forever. Bye forever, Milhouse. See you, Bart.

Milhouse:I always wanted to wear a necktie. Mom says they make you more... ...of a man.

Milhouse:Like we go to a movie theater and pay full price?

Milhouse:I can reach the poisons now, each with an inviting skull and crossbones.

Milhouse:I wish my dad could have been here to see my parents kiss.

Milhouse:I wish my dad could have been here to see my parents kiss.

Milhouse:I rented a truck. I'm driving a truck. I crashed a truck. I rented another truck.

Milhouse · Apu:Hello, Mr. Kirk. I want to buy this beer, uh, cigarettes, magazines with boobs and three pairs of sunglasses. Polarized.

Milhouse:Hmm, more money for schools. That could translate into more homework.

Milhouse:Hello, Lisa. Milhouse? Who's Milhouse? I mean, he-he's my son.

Lisa · Milhouse:Well, if I look at your face, I get sick. Young man, apologize to your sister.

Milhouse:My adulthood!

Milhouse:My adulthood!

Milhouse:But what if we can't afford not to buy it?

Milhouse · Saleswoman:Just looking for a casual hookup? Yeah, for my Thomas the Tank Engines.

Milhouse · Nelson:Yeah, but I'd pee my pants. Nelson. Dry as a bone.

Milhouse:Sure. I've got goulash, schnitzel, salmagundi...

Milhouse · Lisa:Lisa, you can't have my cupcake. Wha...? You heard me, Duchess. It's mine, and I'm saving it.

Milhouse · Lisa:Tell you what, babe. Why don't you get me a milk? Milhouse, where are you going with this? Playing the biggest hunch of my life.

Milhouse:What are you doing, going to Wisconsin for the milk? I've seen cafeteria ketchup move faster!

Milhouse:Who knew having a backbone was attractive? Certainly not I. It would change the way my suits fit.

Milhouse:Just start nature-walking. See if I show up.

Milhouse:It came with fries or salad. Whichever you picked, you picked wrong.

School Psychologist · Milhouse:I'm fired? You're on your own. I'll clean out my office immediately. I'll show you how to clean out an office!

Milhouse · Lisa:Did you see Marlon Brando in 'Mutiny on the Bounty'? No, nobody did.

Milhouse:Who are you, the Queen of Siam? Just take the cupcake.

Bart · Milhouse:Gentlemen, the fort is complete and will stand forever. No way the Nazis will get in here. / Oh, I thought we were the Nazis.

Agent Crawford · Milhouse:Go back to sleep, Milhouse. How do you know my name? I didn't. But I do now.

Bart · Milhouse:Why are we best friends? Because your seat was behind mine!

Milhouse:Did you eat a peanut? No, I just sniffed a nectarine. It's okay. I can breathe through my tear ducts.

Milhouse:Tell me if this gets annoying. I think I'm gonna throw up the mac and cheese you fed me. I'm not supposed to have it. That's why I had so much.

Milhouse · Kirk:Dad! You got me a skateboard? It's for me. Now get in the back. And while you're there, use this cream to massage the leather.

Unknown · Milhouse:You can hear the players swear from up here. / I'll kick your ass, Milhouse.

Milhouse · Nelson · Nelson:I'm dating a cheerleader. / No, you're not. / Burned again, Milhouse.

Milhouse:I finally got that M&M out of my inner ear. I remembered correctly; it was a green one!

Other kids · Milhouse:Fire that torpedo, Milhouse. Aye, aye. Where'd it go? It was just imaginary.

Milhouse · Nelson:But what if I want some cooled water? / You should have thought of that when you were not seeing the movie.

Milhouse · Bart:Milhouse saying 'Well, if you keep throwing the word around, it means nothing' about being called a genius

Milhouse:I'm already the boy who shared a comb with a boy who threw up on the boy who wet his pants at the winter carnival.

Milhouse:Can the Esperanto Society be far behind? I mean... Cu la Esperanto-Societo esti multe malantau?

Milhouse:Bart agrees to promote and encourage use of my new cool nickname, 'C.J.'

Milhouse:I'm sorry, Mr. S. I cracked! We had a deal. And now we've got nothing!

Milhouse:This was stolen from Milhouse! From my backpack. Where Puppy Goo-Goo sleeps.

Bart · Milhouse:I didn't say there'd be a sleepover. / Too bad, 'cause I'm wearing my pajamas under my clothes. And my swimsuit under those. One day it'll all pay off.

Milhouse:If it wasn't for that squirrel that eats our bird food, we'd have nothing to talk about.

Milhouse · Bart:You're working with dinosaurs. / I miss my kids.

Milhouse:With social security a thing of the past, she can't afford to retire. I don't know how that happened in a senate with 99 Democrats. That one Republican is great at getting his way.

Milhouse:No breathing, no asthma.

Milhouse:Brevity soul wit.

Bart · Milhouse:It can't spray-- it's been de-sacked. Ew! The gypsy skunk-seller lied!

Milhouse:I wonder what the one swear word will be. What if it's... Oh, I've never heard that one. My grampa said it at Thanksgiving.

Milhouse:Milhouse revealing his 'dummy tummy' training secret

Milhouse:Breaking that tape cured your asthma. (deep voice): Marvelous! Ha-ha-ha!

Milhouse:Did you come to give me a cup of water?

Milhouse:The best day of my life just turned into every other day of my life.

Milhouse · Bart:Will you marry me? Meow, meow, maybe. Why would a kitten marry a crocodile? Wouldn't it eat her? Suspension of disbelief.

Milhouse · Bart:Milhouse only being able to handle baby show 'Cassidy the Crocodile' after his beating