Homer becomes obsessed with using new gadgets in his car. One day, he becomes distracted and drives off a pier, losing his driver's license. Unable to use a car, Homer starts to learn the joys of walking. Meanwhile, Marge shoulders the burden of Homer's driving duties and becomes stressed out. One day, as Homer sings about the virtues of walking, Marge accidentally runs him over with her car. Later, as Homer recuperates from the accident, he begins to suspect that Marge is trying to hurt him. They fight and go to see a marriage counselor. The counselor advises Homer to perform one completely unselfish gesture to win Marge back. Homer holds a party with all of her friends and a surprised Marge tells Homer that she loves him.
WAR
50.8
Wins Above Replacement
“Brake My Wife Please” ranks #366 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 76.0 — Great. The episode packs 84 scored jokes at 4.1 per minute, averaging 6.7 on craft and 6.5 on impact, with Homer landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Homer: There's Homer, Homer J. Simpson, and Commander Cool, a.k.a. me. That's us in a nutshell.
Homer Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Homer: No. From now on, walking is my beer and feeling good is my hangover.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer · Moe: Maybe I should just keep walking instead of going into a dark, dreary bar. Get in here, boozy. You're late for your drunkening.
Homer Moe Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Sea Captain: I brought you me finest catch of the day. We lost a dozen good men. But it's worth it just to see ye smile.
Homer: I've heard that from coworkers, strangers on the street, even my own children. But I never thought I'd hear it from you.
Homer Escalation Character Comedy All Jokes — 84 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Marge: Hmm, I thought I was being kicked exceptionally hard lately.
Marge Observational Character Comedy Bart · Milhouse: If I could be any type of shark, I'd be a tiger shark. - How about you, Milhouse? - I guess a nurse shark. I mean... Oh! Ow, ow!
Sea Captain: Shut up. What am I, some sort of joke to you people?
Sea Captain: Shut up. It's not that exciting.
Sea Captain: Hey, without oil, you wouldn't have your fancy four-wheel drives. You want to go back to two-wheel drive? Well, do you?
Sea Captain: I didn't mean to steal focus.
Sea Captain Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Documentary Narrator: These sea lions survive by eating the leftovers of the various film crews that plague the continent.
Lisa · Sea Captain: Where do you keep the fish till it's done? Oh, they're well taken care of in our storage facility.
Marge: Oh, I might have known. But I didn't.
Marge Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Dr. Hibbert: Bart will be up and underachieving in no time.
Dr. Hibbert: Now, you stay shackled to that radiator until you come up with some insurance.
Marge: Well, it's 11 a.m. on a workday, so he must be at that stupid bar.
Marge Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Moe: I don't think he's here. Uh, hang on. Let me check. [GRUNTS] Nope. What you wearing?
Moe Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Marge: Okay, five more minutes and I'm chewing my hand off.
Marge Escalation Character Comedy Homer: I went to the video store to rent a movie for the family.
Homer Setup/Punchline Visual Gag Homer: That monkey's wearing a hat.
Homer Observational Character Comedy Homer: Look, he's misspelling words. [SOBBING] Oh, she's so...
Lindsay Naegle: You just can't get a cell phone. Lindsay Naegle, Veriqual Cellular.
Homer: Can I get a phone that plays the Mexican hat dance? I insist on it.
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist Homer: I dance, I dance, I dance Around the Mexican hat I dance, I dance, I dance And that's the end of that Or is it? I guess I'll keep singing My cell phone appears to be ringing
Homer Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Homer · Barney: Barney, you ever notice how hard it is to drive with your knees? Why don't get one of those hands-free phones? It's the next best thing to paying attention to the road.
Homer: Then I could give the brothers the black-power salute. Black power, black power.
Homer Character Comedy Awkward Silence Carl: Was that Al Roker? His exuberance is perplexing.
Carl Observational Character Comedy Homer · Lindsay Naegle: Uh, a lighter. - I weep for you.
Lindsay Naegle: These days, everything from fax machines to coffeemakers can be plugged into your dash hole.
Lindsay Naegle: Even I think this is crazy.
Car Audio System: Chaka Khan, let me rock you Let me rock you Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan
Homer: Save me, Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan!
Homer Callback Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Homer: Oh, I'll never mock the Coast Guard again. You Navy rejects are all right.
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Homer: And I certainly can't drive to the store at work.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Homer · Marge: That reminds me. We gotta pick up my slacks at that dry cleaner in Shelbyville. Why can't you use the local dry cleaner? Uh, I didn't want him to know my size.
Barney · Kids · Marge: Thanks for picking my friends up from the strip club, Marge. Can we stop for ice cream? Homer always stops for ice cream. We'll see. That always means no.
Homer: Public transportation is for jerks and lesbians.
Homer Character Comedy Observational Homer: Stupid walking. Thighs chafing horribly. No drink holder. I miss my car so much.
Homer Character Comedy Escalation Homer: I can't drive 55 because it only goes 38.
Homer Observational Character Comedy Chief Wiggum · Ralph: I let go of the parking brake. Ralphie, if you stop... I'll let you play with my gun.
Homer · Moe: Maybe I should just keep walking instead of going into a dark, dreary bar. Get in here, boozy. You're late for your drunkening.
Homer Moe Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: No. From now on, walking is my beer and feeling good is my hangover.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Moe: Maybe this is a sign. Maybe it's time to get out of the alcohol business... give barber college another try. And this time, I won't join a frat. Who the hell am I talking to?
Moe Character Comedy Escalation Homer: You see? I'm finally thin enough to wrap this thing around my arm.
Homer Visual Gag Character Comedy Homer: You see? Before I probably would've driven to the syrup.
Homer Escalation Character Comedy Homer: Calm down, Stresserella.
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Lisa · Marge · Homer: But real chauffeurs have uniforms and licenses. You could get in a lot of trouble with the Livery Commission. To hell with the Livery Commission. You don't know what you're saying.
Principal Skinner: Indeed. You take this teacher-evaluation test. I'll proctor. Read the directions silently as I read them aloud to you.
Homer: Look at those suckers in their metal coffins.
Homer Observational Character Comedy Homer · Old Man: Bishop to queen four. We're playing dominoes. I said bishop to queen four.
George · Martha: Simpson, you're a menace. Oh, George, leave the boy be. Martha, I want a divorce. Oh, George, you've made me so happy.
Mr. Burns: You're the first one here. Please accept this free ticket to the 1939 World's Fair.
Mr. Burns: Walking, eh? Let me give it a try. Well, I'd better drag myself to the hospital.
Bart · Milhouse: We touched hands. Then we had to wash the cooties off.
Lisa · Bart: A Peruvian fighting frog. Hey, I brought a Peruvian fighting frog.
Marge · Homer: When will they stop? Come nightfall.
Bart · Lisa · Marge: Yay! I wanna amble. I wanna saunter. Amble. Saunter. Stop saying things.
Marge: He proposed to another hooker at the bus station.
Marge Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Homer: It sure has. You see this bulge back here? Now it actually is a fanny pack. Unh, no, wait. It's still my ass. But your point is well taken.
Homer Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Homer · Disco Stu: I like to walk down the avenue Bust a move with Disco Stu
Homer · Patty/Selma: Top of the morning, ladies. Bite us.
Steve Buscemi · Homer: Hi, Homer. I'm actor Steve Buscemi. The guy who got fed into the wood chipper in Fargo?
Homer · Steve Buscemi: Would we?
Homer: Oh, my feet are inside me.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: It would've been worse if I hadn't been carrying this Bible in my crotch.
Homer Absurdist Dark/Subversive Homer · Marge: Aah! Too hot. Too hot. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Aah! Hot. Hot. Hot. Warm. Tepid. Cool. Cold. Cold. So cold.
Homer: The doctor says that soon my pelvis will actually be stronger and more beautiful than ever.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy Bart: Gee, everything always works out for you.
Bart Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Marge: That's ridiculous. I don't like you. I mean hate you, hate you, hate you. I hate you!
Marge Escalation Character Comedy Homer: I've heard that from coworkers, strangers on the street, even my own children. But I never thought I'd hear it from you.
Homer Escalation Character Comedy Homer: Who's we? Got a mouse in your purse?
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Apu: She used to elbow me in the face.
Apu Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Counselor · Marge: Perhaps you feel that your husband sees you as less of a partner and more of a doormat? Nothing could be further from the... You could be onto something there.
Homer: There's Homer, Homer J. Simpson, and Commander Cool, a.k.a. me. That's us in a nutshell.
Homer Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Homer: If Marge isn't happy, I'm not happy. And if I'm not happy, Moe is very happy. But for once, this isn't about Moe.
Homer Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Homer · Counselor: You mean, like give her full custody of the kids? Yeah, full custody. That's exactly what I... You're an idiot.
Homer · Dr. Zweig: You mean, like give her full custody of the kids? Yeah, full custody. That's exactly what I... You're an idiot.
Bart: You wanna know how to make a peach crumble? Kick it in the groin. Ha!
Bart Wordplay/Pun Setup/Punchline Homer · Carl: You can bring a bag of ice. Lousy Homer. I'll show him. Tonight, his beloved mock apple pie will have real apples.
Marge · Homer: You got everyone in Springfield here for me. Honey, I couldn't keep them away if I tried, except for Flanders. He was mysteriously called out of town.
Sea Captain: I brought you me finest catch of the day. We lost a dozen good men. But it's worth it just to see ye smile.
Sea Captain: That's it, eh? Twelve men. Well, I've got some families to inform. Unbelievable... Nothing. Just a curse on your very soul.
Jackson Browne · Crowd: Jackson Browne. Oh, the Pretender. From my latest album. Oh, no. Just kidding. Here's one of my many classics. That I fixed with new words.
Bart · Homer: Except a place to live and free food. Why, you little...
Marge: Unh, I'm so full, my control-top panel is in shards.
Marge Observational Character Comedy Homer: You're welcome. And now, Marge, we cooked, you clean. What? Ha, ha, only teasing. We've flown in the finest busboys from France... Uh, I mean, America.
Homer Setup/Punchline Escalation Homer: And now to all my dear friends, I say, get the hell out of my yard.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Homer: And now to all my dear friends, I say, get the hell out of my yard.
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Top Episodes — The Simpsons
