Brake My Wife Please

Marge:Hmm, I thought I was being kicked exceptionally hard lately.

Bart · Milhouse:If I could be any type of shark, I'd be a tiger shark. - How about you, Milhouse? - I guess a nurse shark. I mean... Oh! Ow, ow!

Sea Captain:Shut up. What am I, some sort of joke to you people?

Sea Captain:Shut up. It's not that exciting.

Sea Captain:Hey, without oil, you wouldn't have your fancy four-wheel drives. You want to go back to two-wheel drive? Well, do you?

Sea Captain:I didn't mean to steal focus.

Documentary Narrator:These sea lions survive by eating the leftovers of the various film crews that plague the continent.

Lisa · Sea Captain:Where do you keep the fish till it's done? Oh, they're well taken care of in our storage facility.

Marge:Oh, I might have known. But I didn't.

Dr. Hibbert:Bart will be up and underachieving in no time.

Dr. Hibbert:Now, you stay shackled to that radiator until you come up with some insurance.

Marge:Well, it's 11 a.m. on a workday, so he must be at that stupid bar.

Moe:I don't think he's here. Uh, hang on. Let me check. [GRUNTS] Nope. What you wearing?

Marge:Okay, five more minutes and I'm chewing my hand off.

Homer:I went to the video store to rent a movie for the family.

Homer:That monkey's wearing a hat.

Homer:Look, he's misspelling words. [SOBBING] Oh, she's so...

Lindsay Naegle:You just can't get a cell phone. Lindsay Naegle, Veriqual Cellular.

Homer:Can I get a phone that plays the Mexican hat dance? I insist on it.

Homer:I dance, I dance, I dance Around the Mexican hat I dance, I dance, I dance And that's the end of that Or is it? I guess I'll keep singing My cell phone appears to be ringing

Homer · Barney:Barney, you ever notice how hard it is to drive with your knees? Why don't get one of those hands-free phones? It's the next best thing to paying attention to the road.

Homer:Then I could give the brothers the black-power salute. Black power, black power.

Carl:Was that Al Roker? His exuberance is perplexing.

Homer · Lindsay Naegle:Uh, a lighter. - I weep for you.

Lindsay Naegle:These days, everything from fax machines to coffeemakers can be plugged into your dash hole.

Lindsay Naegle:Even I think this is crazy.

Car Audio System:Chaka Khan, let me rock you Let me rock you Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan

Homer:Save me, Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan!

Homer:Oh, I'll never mock the Coast Guard again. You Navy rejects are all right.

Homer:And I certainly can't drive to the store at work.

Homer · Marge:That reminds me. We gotta pick up my slacks at that dry cleaner in Shelbyville. Why can't you use the local dry cleaner? Uh, I didn't want him to know my size.

Barney · Kids · Marge:Thanks for picking my friends up from the strip club, Marge. Can we stop for ice cream? Homer always stops for ice cream. We'll see. That always means no.

Homer:Public transportation is for jerks and lesbians.

Homer:Stupid walking. Thighs chafing horribly. No drink holder. I miss my car so much.

Homer:I can't drive 55 because it only goes 38.

Chief Wiggum · Ralph:I let go of the parking brake. Ralphie, if you stop... I'll let you play with my gun.

Homer · Moe:Maybe I should just keep walking instead of going into a dark, dreary bar. Get in here, boozy. You're late for your drunkening.

Homer:No. From now on, walking is my beer and feeling good is my hangover.

Moe:Maybe this is a sign. Maybe it's time to get out of the alcohol business... give barber college another try. And this time, I won't join a frat. Who the hell am I talking to?

Homer:You see? I'm finally thin enough to wrap this thing around my arm.

Homer:You see? Before I probably would've driven to the syrup.

Homer:Calm down, Stresserella.

Lisa · Marge · Homer:But real chauffeurs have uniforms and licenses. You could get in a lot of trouble with the Livery Commission. To hell with the Livery Commission. You don't know what you're saying.

Principal Skinner:Indeed. You take this teacher-evaluation test. I'll proctor. Read the directions silently as I read them aloud to you.

Homer:Look at those suckers in their metal coffins.

Homer · Old Man:Bishop to queen four. We're playing dominoes. I said bishop to queen four.

George · Martha:Simpson, you're a menace. Oh, George, leave the boy be. Martha, I want a divorce. Oh, George, you've made me so happy.

Mr. Burns:You're the first one here. Please accept this free ticket to the 1939 World's Fair.

Mr. Burns:Walking, eh? Let me give it a try. Well, I'd better drag myself to the hospital.

Bart · Milhouse:We touched hands. Then we had to wash the cooties off.

Lisa · Bart:A Peruvian fighting frog. Hey, I brought a Peruvian fighting frog.

Marge · Homer:When will they stop? Come nightfall.

Bart · Lisa · Marge:Yay! I wanna amble. I wanna saunter. Amble. Saunter. Stop saying things.

Marge:He proposed to another hooker at the bus station.

Homer:It sure has. You see this bulge back here? Now it actually is a fanny pack. Unh, no, wait. It's still my ass. But your point is well taken.

Homer · Disco Stu:I like to walk down the avenue Bust a move with Disco Stu

Homer · Patty/Selma:Top of the morning, ladies. Bite us.

Steve Buscemi · Homer:Hi, Homer. I'm actor Steve Buscemi. The guy who got fed into the wood chipper in Fargo?

Homer · Steve Buscemi:Would we?

Homer:Oh, my feet are inside me.

Homer:It would've been worse if I hadn't been carrying this Bible in my crotch.

Homer · Marge:Aah! Too hot. Too hot. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Aah! Hot. Hot. Hot. Warm. Tepid. Cool. Cold. Cold. So cold.

Homer:The doctor says that soon my pelvis will actually be stronger and more beautiful than ever.

Bart:Gee, everything always works out for you.

Marge:That's ridiculous. I don't like you. I mean hate you, hate you, hate you. I hate you!

Homer:I've heard that from coworkers, strangers on the street, even my own children. But I never thought I'd hear it from you.

Homer:Who's we? Got a mouse in your purse?

Apu:She used to elbow me in the face.

Counselor · Marge:Perhaps you feel that your husband sees you as less of a partner and more of a doormat? Nothing could be further from the... You could be onto something there.

Homer:There's Homer, Homer J. Simpson, and Commander Cool, a.k.a. me. That's us in a nutshell.

Homer:If Marge isn't happy, I'm not happy. And if I'm not happy, Moe is very happy. But for once, this isn't about Moe.

Homer · Counselor:You mean, like give her full custody of the kids? Yeah, full custody. That's exactly what I... You're an idiot.

Homer · Dr. Zweig:You mean, like give her full custody of the kids? Yeah, full custody. That's exactly what I... You're an idiot.

Bart:You wanna know how to make a peach crumble? Kick it in the groin. Ha!

Homer · Carl:You can bring a bag of ice. Lousy Homer. I'll show him. Tonight, his beloved mock apple pie will have real apples.

Marge · Homer:You got everyone in Springfield here for me. Honey, I couldn't keep them away if I tried, except for Flanders. He was mysteriously called out of town.

Sea Captain:I brought you me finest catch of the day. We lost a dozen good men. But it's worth it just to see ye smile.

Sea Captain:That's it, eh? Twelve men. Well, I've got some families to inform. Unbelievable... Nothing. Just a curse on your very soul.

Jackson Browne · Crowd:Jackson Browne. Oh, the Pretender. From my latest album. Oh, no. Just kidding. Here's one of my many classics. That I fixed with new words.

Bart · Homer:Except a place to live and free food. Why, you little...

Marge:Unh, I'm so full, my control-top panel is in shards.

Homer:You're welcome. And now, Marge, we cooked, you clean. What? Ha, ha, only teasing. We've flown in the finest busboys from France... Uh, I mean, America.

Homer:And now to all my dear friends, I say, get the hell out of my yard.

Homer:And now to all my dear friends, I say, get the hell out of my yard.