When Bart gets his wish for a family vacation, he becomes determined to make it last forever.
WAR
33.4
Wins Above Replacement
“A Totally Fun Thing That Bart Will Never” ranks #451 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 74.0 — Great. The episode packs 53 scored jokes at 2.9 per minute, averaging 6.8 on craft and 6.5 on impact, with Bart landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Marge: actually, my mom stole it from a woman she cleaned for. Took her years to get the whole set.
Marge Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bart: But the slide's just like our cruise: a short awesome thing that just shows you how boring the rest of your life is.
Bart Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Rowan Priddis: Your enjoyment pays my salary, so in a sense, each of you is my boss... and as my boss... I'd like to ask you for a week of vacation.
Joey Scazzazone: Hey, so what's the deal with how many Starbucks there used to be, huh? I don't know why that bothered me so much. Hug your kids.
Dave the Lifeguard: Mankind was warned not to run near the pool! Mankind did not listen! The virus is his reward!
All Jokes — 53 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Arcade Worker: Sorry, kid, but there comes a day when that just doesn't do anything anymore.
Cruise Commercial: We built heaven and made it float.
Bart: Want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want, want! Want!!
Bart Escalation Character Comedy Bart: do you know there's a boat out there where nothing sucks?
Bart Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Marge: Maybe we could afford a vacation if some big shot didn't pick up the tab for his buddies at Mr. Steak.
Marge Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Homer: Because at Mr. Steak, they don't get mad at me for ending a lot of money at Mr. Steak!
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist Marge: There is no Mrs. Steak! Who could stay married to such a man?
Marge Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bart: Face it, we're just kids. We can't afford stuff with zeroes in the prices.
Bart Observational Character Comedy Milhouse: Bart! There's a really mean squirrel in the backyard. I need you to dare me to fight him!
Milhouse: Bart's been raptured! And his crap's been craptured!
Old Gil: Doctor says I need more calcium, and I ain't 'Tums Rich.'
Old Gil Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Bart: I can't, I sold my 'dinner futures.'
Bart Absurdist Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Homer: I'm going to floor.
Homer Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Bart: I woke up and the money jar was full! That means the devil accepted my bargain.
Bart Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Bart: Now, to uphold my end of the deal! Snowball II! No!
Bart Escalation Dark/Subversive Lisa: After a while they all start to sound the same. Still love the genre, of course. Not even close to getting sick of it.
Lisa Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Marge: actually, my mom stole it from a woman she cleaned for. Took her years to get the whole set.
Marge Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bart: I never even got to realize this jacket was too small.
Bart Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Homer: For dads, a family vacation is a 24-hour-a-day babysitting job.
Homer Observational Character Comedy Homer: Then a kid disappears, and it's total panic until you find him at the swim-up bar... eating a 30-dollar cheeseburger, which he drops in the water!
Homer Escalation Observational Cruise Employee: Welcome to eight days and seven nights of pushups and kale!
Homer: Well, well, Mr. Never-Wrong was right again: Family vacations always suck. I called it! Called... it.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Homer: ♪ Worth it to be ri-ght! ♪
Homer Character Comedy Escalation Homer: Double upgrade! All right!
Homer Escalation Character Comedy Bart: I knew it. It was all a dream.
Bart Misdirection Character Comedy Marge: No, honey. You just passed out when you saw the private bedroom in our triple upgrade!
Marge Misdirection Escalation Rowan Priddis: Your enjoyment pays my salary, so in a sense, each of you is my boss... and as my boss... I'd like to ask you for a week of vacation.
Homer: Ocean sex rules! Go to hell, land sex!
Lisa: Let me guess: a broken foosball table and a game of Clue missing its candlestick.
Lisa Setup/Punchline Observational Lisa: I've died and gone to a PBS Kids show!
Lisa Character Comedy Meta/Self-Referential Lisa: Two diplomats' sons are in love with me.
Lisa Character Comedy Absurdist Homer: I don't know, a lot of barefoot kids kicking soccer balls, shell necklaces; they really hid the poverty nicely.
Homer Dark/Subversive Observational ★ Rewatch Marge Reaction Beat Cringe/Discomfort Gary Ocean: Here at sea, we drink and frolic / Back home, that's called alcoholic
Bart: After this cruise, for the rest of my life, it's all downhill.
Bart Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Nelson Character Comedy Running Gag Bart: 'Chillingly plausible' indeed, Joe Morgenstern of The Wall Street Journal.
Bart Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Rowan Priddis: While the world deals with their pandemic, we're having a 'fundemic,'
Captain Svalbard: I always knew mankind's hubris would doom us all.
Joey Scazzazone: Hey, so what's the deal with how many Starbucks there used to be, huh? I don't know why that bothered me so much. Hug your kids.
Dave the Lifeguard: Mankind was warned not to run near the pool! Mankind did not listen! The virus is his reward!
Cruise Passenger: Drop dead, fat-ass! Last week, that steward brought me extra shampoo. He called me 'lovely lady.'
KidZone Elite: Erik, we must work with the humans. You are so naive, Charles. We should rule them as conquerors.
Movie Soldier: General, it's worse than we thought. The virus is getting bigger.
Bart: A direct-to-video DVD.
Bart Escalation Meta/Self-Referential Rowan Priddis: Your fun-ishment: eight hours in the penal conga line.
Treat Williams: You know, I thought that general looked familiar. What? I'm in a lot of movies.
Passenger: I think I ate people meat!
Rowan Priddis: After this, I'll be lucky to get work on a clothing-optional Jimmy Buffett cruise!
Antarctica Passenger: Choke on my numb blue hands!
Bart: They spend all their time trying to raise a baby, and why? So it can grow up and do the same dumb thing, on and on forever.
Bart Observational Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Bart: But the slide's just like our cruise: a short awesome thing that just shows you how boring the rest of your life is.
Bart Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Lisa: Yeah, stupid. Stop thinking about fun and have it!
Lisa Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Top Episodes — The Simpsons
