Nelson

Kid · Nelson:Nelson, you're bleeding. / Nah, happens all the time. Somebody else's blood splatters on me

Nelson:Hey, wait a minute. You're right. You made me bleed my own blood!

Nelson · Bart:Lunchtime! Ha, ha, ha! - Lunchtime, Bart. It's lunchtime.

Nelson · Bart:Ha! Oh, yeah? You and what army? / This one.

Nelson · Jimbo:-That's my seat. -Correction, was your seat.

Nelson · Jimbo:But I only got up to go to the can. I don't see your name on this barstool.

Nelson:Tell my friends? All right. But I've got some funky friends.

Nelson · Bart:-Any chicks over 8? -Not yet, but the afternoon is young.

Bart · Nelson:Thanks for coming. Nice tie, Nelson. It's your dad's.

Nelson:It's your dad's.

Nelson:Whoa, talk about your pieces of crap.

Nelson:It took me months to steal that bumper.

Unknown victim · Nelson:Help! Help! What was that? You didn't hear nothing!

Nelson:The better man won, Simpson. You can really drive.

Nelson:Ha-ha, ha-ha-ha. Loser! Na-na, na-na-na

Nelson:You got to come out sometime, Simpson.

Nelson:Women can't be astronauts... They distract the men... so they wouldn't keep their minds on the road.

Spookhouse operator · Milhouse · Nelson:Hand over all your money. Was it scary? Uh-huh. Ooh, baby.

Coach · Nelson:Eye of the tiger, Bart. Eye of the-- [Grunts] - I stopped it. - And I hurt somebody. Ha-ha.

Nelson:Thanks, Dad!

Nelson:Wuss!

Bart · Nelson:Hey, what do you think he meant by that 'fools' remark? Aw, who cares? Time to get me a mountain bike.

Nelson · Bart · Jimbo:Come on, Bart. Ride me. I better not. [Imitating Chicken] He's insulting both of us.

Chalmers · Bart · Nelson:Why, that looks like a 50-cent piece. I'll just bend over and get it. [Yelling] Seems to be caught... between these two flowers. [More Yelling]

Nelson · Skinner:I guess I've always used violence as a way of getting attention. Yes. Yes. Me too.

Nelson · Martin:Hey, where's your diaper, baby? Thank goodness he's drawn attention away from my shirt.

Nelson:Your appearance is comical to me.

Nelson · Bart:Stamp collection? Ha-ha! / Ohh. Bart's pain is funny, but mine isn't.

Marge · Bart · Homer · Lisa · Ned · Nelson · Mr. Burns:You'll always have them to remind you of the time when you were the whole world's special little guy. Thanks, Mom. And now you can go back to just being you instead of a one-dimensional character with a silly catchphrase. D'oh! Ay, caramba! Hidilly-ho! Ha-ha! Excellent.

Nelson · Burns:Give me your fortune or I'll pound your withered old face in! Oh, I like his energy. Put him on the callback list.

Nelson:Ha! It thinks it's people.

Nelson:Hey, Bart! Your epidermis is showing!

Nelson:See, epidermis means your hair. So technically it's true. That's what makes it so funny.

Unknown child · Nelson:That's not fair, Nelson. They didn't have the Killmatic 3000 back then.

Nelson:Hey, records from that era are spotty at best.

Nelson:Hey! Keep it down, man.

Nelson:Well, as long as he's hurt.

Bart · Nelson:Good idea. Milhouse, you and me will be Omega Team. Todd, you and Data are Team Strike Force. Nelson, that leaves you and Martin. - Team Discovery Channel.

Nelson:Your wussiness better come in handy.

Nelson:Hey. And no one manhandles the bosom chum of Nelson Muntz.

Nelson:I never hang out with him, normally.

Nelson:Hey, nice, quote, uniforms, end quote.

Nelson:Hot damn! No more sittin' in the dirt at the drive-in.

Nelson:But on the plus side, I knocked over the sun sphere. - Ha-ha!

Nelson:Hey, fun boys! Get a room!

Nelson:It's a secret lab where they take the brains out of zombies and put 'em in the heads of other zombies to create a race of super-zombies.

Nelson:Aren't you gonna say 'Ha-ha'?

Nelson:Ha-ha!

Nelson:Damn! Dang! Darn!

Nelson:I don't know, but he's got lethal tuna breath.

Nelson:Bite me. Cram it. You're dead. Get bent, ma'am.

Nelson · Lisa:Don't you realize your butt sticks out? - It does not! - Hey! - Ha-ha!

Nelson · Willie:The moose? - The hoose! The hoose! - Is this right? - [Screams] Turn off the noozle! - The noodles? What noodles? - The noozle at the end of the hoose!

Nelson:You? Why would you like me? No girls like me!

Nelson:Okay. But if anybody sees us, I'm just there to steal your bike.

Lisa · Cat · Nelson:You don't understand. She loves to climb in here. - [Shrieks] - I believe you! I don't care!

Lisa · Nelson:'Nuke The Whales'? You don't really believe that, do you? - I don't know. Gotta nuke something.

Nelson:Guts. And black stuff. And about 50 Slim Jims.

Nelson:This ought to shut her up.

Nelson:'Cause your mom had a three-month waiting list.

Nelson:Thanks for helping me out. You're a stand-up babe.

Nelson:Mmm-mmm. Maybe 'cause you were the first person... that ever thought there was a nice guy inside me.

Nelson · Martin:Hey, Houdini! Why don't you saw Martin in half? Oh, I'm not the kind of magician who does tricks. I'm a mathemagician!

Skinner · Nelson:Nelson, Nelson, Nelson. How many kids have you beaten up this year? I don't know, 50? Ah, 50. Where does the time go?

Nelson:Ha-ha!

Nelson:Hey, tubby, want another Pop-Tart, tubby?

Nelson:Give me the ball and your lunch money.

Nelson:Give me a 'B'? I won't give you a 'B,' but I'll tear you a new 'A.'

Nelson:Ha-ha!

Nelson:[Nelson] Ha-

Nelson:Point of 'odor.' Lisa stinks.

Nelson · Students:Hey, Simpson. Race ya. First one to the front of the bus gets Martin's lunch money. What? Go apple! Go orange! Go banana!

Nelson · Bart:How many monkey butlers will there be? One at first, but he'll train others.

Nelson:Scaredy got scared!

Nelson · Lisa · Bart:You liar! You did it, you lying jerk! Take that! You did it! Objection! He's not asking any questions. Hmm. I'm gonna allow this.

Bart · Nelson:Here she is- the big house. The stony lonesome. The thug jug. The mobster trap. - Penn State. The old crook-

Nelson · Bullies:I know. Let's go pick some huckleberries! - Yeah! - Huckleberries! All right!

Nelson:That is so 1991.

Principal Skinner · Nelson:and Sherri, but not Terri. / Ha-ha!

Nelson:[Nelson imitating farts]

Milhouse · Bart · Nelson:Oh! Oh! Oh! Bart! Bart! Bart! Over here! Over here! Um, I'll take- Rick me! Rick me! Nelson. Saving the best for last, huh, Bart? Yeah. That must be it.

Nelson · Homer:Well, you'd be surprised. He gets pretty competitive when he's drinking. Come on, Dad. We're playing capture the flag. Sorry, Son. Daddy's down for the day. Why don't you go capture me some more potato salad.

Nelson:Ha-ha!

Nelson:Ha-ha!

Nelson · Ralph:Hey, blindy, have a nice trip.! [Ralph Screams] [Thud] Ha-ha.!

Nelson · Kid:Uh, are you all right, man? - Uh, I think so. - How about now? - [Screams] Ha-ha!

Nelson · Bart:Stand back and watch the pro. - Shouldn't you put on a batting helmet? - Nah. They mess up my hair.

Bart · Nelson:Whoa! Can I try that sometime? - Yeah, sure. Never hurts to have a second set of prints on a gun.

Nelson · Bart:My mom's got bigger problems. She doesn't give a crap what I do. - Wow, you are so lucky.

Nelson · Bart:You're not going out without a scarf, are ya? - Nah, I don't need one. - Hmm. It's your health.

Nelson:That's my dad's shootin' car. Just three more payments and it's ours.

Nelson · Bart:First, how about I try and peg you in the stomach? - Mmm, no, thanks.

Nelson:You're an octo-wussy. 'Whoa, look at me! I'm Bart Simpson! I'm scared to use a gun! I want to marry Milhouse. I walk around like this-' # La la la-la la #

Bart · Nelson:Oh, my God. - Whoa! Major shot! You even compensated for the crooked sight.

Nelson:Shall we bury it or chuck it into a car full of girls?

Nelson:Relax, Simpson. It was either him or you. No court would convict you.

Bart · Nelson:[Groans] Oww! What are you doing? - I got bored, so I started slapping you.

Nelson · Marge:All right! Finally, a real home! - Not you. Bart.

Nelson:Hey, hey. These are study aids. They're for novelty purposes only. If a few bad apples use 'em for cheating, I can't be held responsible

Nelson:I'll give you the numerators free... but the denominators are gonna cost ya

Nelson:Well, la-di-da, Lady 'Cheaterly.'

Nelson:Hey! My milk. I traded my math book for that

Bart · Milhouse · Nelson:Homer's done a ton of crap that never made the papers. My mom shoplifts all the time. Stuff she doesn't even need. My dad gets in car accidents on purpose.

Nelson:I'm solving world hunger.

Nelson:Very. But I can't help wondering where I go from here.

Nelson:Ha-ha!

Nelson:I take hormones to lower my voice. Now all I wanna do is fight. What are you lookin' at?

Bart · Nelson:I spy with my little eye... something beginning with 'D.' Dingus! God bless you, Nelson Muntz. I'm no hero. I just like to hit people in the head.

Nelson:But I can only pay you in popcorn shrimp. Smell ya later!

Bart · Nelson:Give it back! That's my novelty flying disk. / You're in Olde Springfield now!

Nelson:Ha-ha! Next time get a DVD!

Nelson:I can cut a trail through the snow. I'm part Eskimo.

Nelson:Screw this. The rest of you can stay here like dorks, but I'm going home.

Nelson:Quiet, Principal Spinner!

Nelson:Let's see. He's 40 years old, times 25 grand. Whoa! He's a millionaire!

Nelson · Homer:A moron says what? Not being a moron, I wouldn't know. However- [Mumbles] What? Ladies and gentlemen, I give you your moron.

Ralph · Nelson:I can't read. - I can't sing without dancing.

N'Sync member · Nelson · Ralph:Nobody pouts going into a jiggy. - Yeah. That's stupid. - I want to twirl!

Bart · Nelson:Aw, man. We could've been on the cover of Mad. - They called me 'Smelson!' Ha-ha!

Nelson:Not as long as I keep taking these.

Nelson · Jimbo · Dolph:Oh, this is so funny. We were just talking about moving into protection.

Nelson:Did you know it predates agriculture?

Professor Frink · Nelson:Nelson, what are you doing? I don't know. I can't help myself.

Sea Captain · Nelson · Homer:Yarr, ye scurvy dogs! Ow! Ow! Worst parents ever! Ha-ha! Hey! No extension cords!

Nelson:Ha-ha! Bart's family is poor!

Nelson · Lisa:Hey, Einstein. What's a million plus a million? Two million. So?

Teacher · Nelson:Young man, you're not in this class. What are you doing here? / Laughing at jerks.

Teacher · Nelson:You weren't on this field trip. How did you get here? / Biked.

Nelson · Lisa:Ha, ha, they left without you. / They left without you too, you idiot.

Detective · Nelson:You know, she's just an actress. Shut up! Some of us prefer illusion to despair.

Nelson · Detective:Lisa Simpson is a girl at my school. I once picked my nose till it bled. [Sighs] About Lisa! Lisa Simpson is a girl at my school.

Nelson:How about I launch my foot into your butt?

Nelson:Bart said I am pee. He's made of pee.

Nelson:I made Bart in my pants.

Nelson · Student:Hey, Lisa said she was-- Unh, shut up, Pee.

Nelson:Eh, I snapped it off some jerk's car. I could go to prison for life, but whatever.

Nelson:Oh, look. It's jill-of-all-trades. So, what's the ambition du jour?

Nelson:How'd you come up with that- tilt your head up?

Lisa · Nelson:Does it make you feel superior to tear down people's dreams? - Yes. Does it make you feel smart to question people's motives? - Yes. - Well, all right then.

Nelson:Even that kid that wears diapers is more popular. And he ain't popular

Nelson:That's not a hood ornament. It's a pacifier you spray-painted silver

Nelson:Ha, ha!

Lisa · Nelson:Does it make you feel superior to tear down people's dreams? - Yes. Does it make you feel smart to question people's motives? - Yes. - Well, all right then

Bart · Martin · Nelson · Database · Milhouse:Teacher hit me with a ruler / I cracked her in the bean / With a frozen Jimmy Dean / And she ain't my teacher no more / Because she's dead

Nelson:Hail to our new chief, the surprisingly hot Mrs. Simpson.

Nelson · Bart:If my old man sees me in these, he'll kill me. You haven't seen your dad in years. Hey, today might be the day.

Nelson:Papa. Papa. Never leave me again.

Nelson:I'm not saying I have all the answers, but I do have all the answer keys to every test.

Nelson:Fractions, dinosaurs, foreign money, the first Thanksgiving.

Nelson:Real estate license exam. My ticket to freedom!

Nelson:Hey, I've got a song, too. I am Iron Man! Vote for me! Ah, screw it.

Nelson:They eliminated English for Fat Kids! Okay, you'll do!

Nelson:Hey, look. It's 'Hairy Ass' Tubman.

Nelson:Well, well, if it isn't Fatty and Smell-ma.

Nelson:The only thing my dad's afraid of is paying child support.

Nelson:Thanks for the tassels. My mom can wear these on her boobs at work.

Bart · Nelson:I'm riding a unicycle with my pants down. This should be every boy's dream. Ha-ha! Your dad's not handy.

Nelson:And I just came in here to trip nerds for nothin'. Ha-ha!

Nelson:My mom got too fat to work at Hooters! They won't even let her park cars.

Nelson:Eh, bro's before ho'S.

Nelson:Cram it, iraqi! Why'd you dis the flag? It partied on the moon!

Lisa · Nelson:I don't know. Making nerds cry? Perfect. You're our TV critic.

Nelson:Oh, yeah. Bart Simpson. Spiky hair, soft kidneys, always hitting himself?

Marge · Nelson:Those tadpoles are your lunch? Technically, brunch.

Nelson:I have a sister... I think she's dead now who had the same problem.

Nelson:Whatever. Take it sleazy.

Marge · Nelson:You've never had one before? No, but I saw some in a catalog once. People in sweaters were eating them at a picnic.

Nelson:So, my mom works at Hooters, but her dream is to go to Vegas and work in a real strip club.

Nelson:He went out for a pack of cigarettes and never came back. He said 'smell ya later,' but he never smelled me again.

Nelson · Marge:That's how we get our Kaypro. Sometimes I think he's more interested in his 'Itchy and Mitchy' cartoons than me.

Nelson:Cow milk?!

Nelson · Bart:I'm your new roommate. I call top bunk. But... it's a single bed. I said top bunk!

Nelson:My teeth hurt all the time. I just try to think about motorcycles.

Nelson:A doctor for your teeth? What's next, a lawyer for your hair?

Nelson:I have a sister... I think she's dead now who had the same problem. And I know just the solution.

Nelson:He who haw haws last, haw haws best.

Bart · Nelson:So, now that you're happy again, I guess you won't beat me up at school anymore. I wish it were that simple. I really do.

Nelson:I knew I was an adult the day the judge said, 'We're trying you as an adult.'

Unknown · Nelson:So, Nelson, who did you end up bringing tonight? Sherri or Terri? Uh, it didn't seem fair to choose.

Nelson · Sherri/Terri · Nelson:Listen, girls... I'm going out for a pack of cigarettes. Isn't that what your father said the day he left you? Yeah. I never understood why he did it... till now. I'm coming, Papa!

Nelson:Hey, Nostra-dumbass, did the Rapture come? I can't recall. In fact I can recall, and it didn't, and you suck.

Nelson · Teacher:Tralloo Trallay! Not so fast, Nelson. You're one of King Martin's guards.

Nelson:You'll pay for this...! ...my liege.

Nelson:You mean like you? Now, what's 'vert' mean? Say it means punching.

Character · Nelson:Look, Grand Father disguised as a gorilla. Bob Tahiti in Spiderman, and Nelson is a raccoon. / I'm not a raccoon, I am a lone Ranger. But I am too poor to pay me the hat. It is not even a mask. It's fat turnover.

Adult · Nelson:Nelson, it does not count as Easter eggs. Yeah, but it counts as breakfast

Nelson · Coach Krupt:Do your worst; I'm drunk. Well, welcome to A.A.: Always attacking.

Lisa · Nelson · Lisa:Nelson, you're not really angry at me. You're full of rage 'cause your father abandoned you. And because you're poor, so you don't feel like you're good enough. You just want somebody to say 'I love you.' / I love you. / I love you, too, Nelson.

Nelson:You can take off the wig, Mihouse. I'm Nelson!

Nelson:I'm Nelson!

Nelson:Whoa. 'Squirrels don't like rocks.'

Nelson:Oh, why should we have to give up our salty snacks just to keep one allergic kid from exploding?

Nelson:I'm leaving this job to work at Jolly Tamale because the hours are better and my mom's really sick.

Jimbo · Nelson:When you leave, what happens to your rule about not whaling on customers? That rule leaves with me.

Nelson:Loser!

Nelson · Kid:Ooh, thomeone wearth a brathelet. Who'th your boyfriend? Uh... Dr. Osterberg?

Nelson:I can't solve all your problems. Just hand over the money.

Nelson:Thanks, wads, and I hope to see you both Saturday. / Come to my party or die.

Nelson · Bart · Nelson:Is Highway 88 backed up? / Oh, yeah, it's a parking lot out there. / Of course, that explains everything. Stupid Highway 88!

Spider-Man performer · Nelson:Maybe I should come back a little later. / Don't go. My party peeps are en route, I swear!

Nelson:I ordered them to.

Homer · Nelson:How'd you afford this kickass party? / Carnival ride hit me on the head.

Nelson:Hey! It's my birthday bud!

Nelson:An entire case of pool cue chalk. We can make the tip of anything blue.

Nelson:You made me get water on my cheek.

Nelson:I like to come up here and make fun of the sunset. Hey, gas ball, you suck!

Nelson:I mean, a shark can't stop swimming or it'll blow up.

Nelson:The sleeves were torn off by wild dogs.

Nelson:I was waiting to smash this frog with you, and it peed in my hand.

Nelson:Look what you made me do!

Bart · Nelson:You mean...? / Exactly. You're barf to me now.

Nelson:Oh, mini quesadillas! Zesty!

Nelson:Behold my naked butt! Each cheek is a god to you!

Martin · Nelson:Skip, skip, skip to my Lou... Top of the morning, Nelson. And to you, Martin.

Nelson:Can't a guy enjoy a catchy tune?

Nelson:Can't talk. Lighting poo.

Bart · Nelson:Sin gets us something? Awesome! I was just in it for the sin.

Nelson:He died as he lived--like a dork.

Nelson:Please, Bart, you're embarrassing yourself.

Nelson · Adult:Your medium is dying! Nelson! But it is! There's being right, and there's being nice.

Nelson · Milhouse · Nelson:Oh, my Gosh. It's an outhouse sent from the future. / Hey, I'm in here. / Be quiet, Robo-potty.

Nelson · Jimbo:Martin was afraid of heights. What's he doing on a cliff? It don't add up. / Hey, look who's trying to add.

Nelson:You almost got away with it, but here's where you got sloppy: shouting out that you did it.

Nelson:I like to cry at the ocean, because only there do my tears seem small.

Nelson:Hey, Spaz! While you were here spazzing yourself, you totally missed out.

Nelson:Don't waste your shot, Bart. You've got just enough cat pee to soak two dorks.

Nelson:You are such a stupid moron! It makes people want to punch you! The Grand Pumpkin's superga-ay! Punch, punch, punch, punch, wedgie!

Nelson:Whoa! She gets to use the real scissors. Nice.

Nelson:Punch her in her arm. Or if you're really serious, stick gum in her hair. Here, I always come prepared. Take two. You might get lucky.

Nelson:Boy, you make it look effortless. And that kid's giving you zero pump.

Nelson:You can't stop an entire sport. You'd need several other mothers, some sympathetic school officials and clergymen... A place to meet, some snacks... What else? A phone tree is invaluable. How you fixed for staplers?

Nelson · Marge · Nelson:When I grow up, I hope to go into event planning. / Maybe someday you can do Lisa's wedding. / I'd like that.

Nelson:Hooray for Different-Face!

Lisa · Nelson:I'm Lisa Simpson. Really? Really? Uh-huh, all right.

Martin · Nelson:Mush, nerds, mush! I'm part of a team!

Nelson:Hey, this is the DVD my parents used to make me.

Nelson:Mine do it once a year on the magical day when the prison and the insane asylum have their annual mixer.

Nelson:Nelson loved a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb, Nelson loved a little lamb, He kept me nice and sane.

Nelson · Blind Student:If anyone messes with this kid, I will destroy them. It's okay. No one's messing with me. You're not a freak, And I won't let you think that about yourself. I don't think I'm a freak. So brave.

Nelson · Bart:Say, 'haw-haw.' Haw-haw. That was great! Really great!

Blind Student · Nelson:Nelson, now that the ban's been lifted, Let me touch your face. That way, I can see you with my fingers. Ew! I said your face, not your butt!

Blind Student · Nelson:Oh, you feel comfortable enough to mock me. That's for mocking me. Nelson, your punch restored my vision! I can see again!

Nelson · Kevin:Really? Kevin, that's wonder... The student has become the master!

Lisa · Nelson:First of all, Milhouse fell because you tripped him. Secondly, spaz is short for spastic diplegic, someone who suffers from a serious medical condition. Thirdly, your 'haw haw,' through overuse, has lost its power.

Nelson:Wow. I bow before your logic. (grunts)

Nelson:My name is Nelson Mandela Muntz.

Nelson:My dream is to make enough money so's I can get the rest of this tattoo removed.

Nelson:Some anonymous dude sent me 50 bucks. Probably someone cool like Famous Amos or Ba Ba Booey.

Nelson:Good day, Mr. Barf-Breath. Good day to you. Let me be frank: Everyone thinks you're a wuss.

Nelson:Tonight I'm having peanut butter and jelly. No more PB or J for me.

Nelson:I'm making money fist over face! Dingus! Great timing! Awesome! No way I can look nerdy on this bike.

Nelson · Lisa:I owe you everything. Well, I didn't do this for thanks, but if you want to thank me, I can stand here and listen for as long as it takes.

Nelson · Lisa:I never would have achieved the kind of success that has allowed me to quit school. You're quitting school?! Dropping it like a melon off an overpass.

Nelson:Spelling, meet F-Y-R-E.

Nelson · Mark Zuckerberg:S'up, Zuck? 'Mark Zuckerberg is... happy to meet new friends.'

Mark Zuckerberg · Nelson:Well, the truth is... I dropped out of Harvard. You did? Better earnin' than learnin'!

Customer · Nelson:My Wizard of Oz bike fell apart in the middle of the Pride parade! What kind of pride? Never you mind what kind!

Martin · Nelson:Uh, this epoxy you've been using is water soluble, which means it's not weather-resistant. Dumb it down for me. Um... bike... sticky... water go bye-bye?

Nelson:Haw-haw! Sorry. Haw-haw! Sorry.

Nelson:Haw-haw! Sorry.

Nelson · Kids:We had a tall, freckled-faced kid on the team that we picked on till he quit. Hey, Splatter-face! How's the weather up there?

Nelson · Lisa:We're both in the same reading group. / I think you know how smart I am. / That's an insult to me and the rest of the inchworms.

Nelson · Lisa:And you'll crack like one of those chicken turds rich people eat. / You mean an egg? / I mean you're dead!

Nelson:They're dentures! / That's social worker talk for 'I'm poor'!

Nelson:Hey, those memories are forever. You really care, man.

Nelson:Must've put away two eight-packs by now.

Nelson:Haw-haw. Man, you were not into that. What's wrong?

Nelson:My mom ran off with my birthday clown.

Nelson · Other Kid:You call that a scar?! This is a scar! That's your belly button. Everybody's got one. I thought I was special.

Nelson:January 9, whaled on Jimbo with this book. Awaiting results. Unqualified success.

Bart · Nelson:I tried to do bad and I did good. Haw-haw.

Principal Skinner · Nelson:Nelson, either tell them what they're having for lunch or get off the P.A. / Sloppy Joes! ...and the day before that... / Tater tots! ...and the day before that...

Nelson:Yeah, I've been held back more times than I can count. Which I guess is why I keep getting held back.

Nelson:There's only one bed that's just right for me, the bed with the truth in it. Which is probably the third one.

Nelson:It was a cold winter-- two-vest cold.

Nelson:The dude really knew how to rock some jodhpurs.

Nelson:This is all well and good, but I must know: what are spectacles?

Nelson:This place is as beautiful as the side of a Coors beer can. The kind my Dad used to leave in the bathtub.

Nelson:Could this be the moment my life starts to turn around? The moment I...

Nelson:Gravity blows!

Nelson:You're reading a chapter book. For fun! Bullies, to me.

Nelson:'Cause we're going to keep making you read us a lame ol' girl's book.

Nelson · Lisa:Is your marriage still dead and unfulfilled? Not a good time.

Nelson · Bart:Yo, Bart dude. Can I get a ride to the food court? Hop on.

Nelson:The only way I would be your friend is if I could click a box under your picture saying 'Accept friendship request from.'

Nelson · Lisa · Other kids:Want to play Marco Polo with us? We just realized you don't have to play in a pool. You really want me? No. We want your Dad.

Nelson:Haw-haw!

Nelson:Haw-haw!

Nelson:Hey Simpson. Let me save you the trouble of putting that money back in your pocket. Haw-haw!

Bart · Nelson:My mom says bullies only bully 'cause they're scared. / Your mom's next!

Nelson:You make dumb kids, lady.

Skinner · Nelson:I didn't get much sleep last night, because I was up late again, lamenting the choices I've made. / Haw-haw! You can't change the past.

Lisa · Nelson:Nelson, don't you want my lunch money? / Nah. Chicks wind up getting all your money anyway.

Lisa · Nelson:See if you can find out where my dolls are. / You might not like the answer. / I just want closure.

Nelson:Look at all them burgers and fries. I didn't know they served these things warm!

Nelson:Aw... they feel like a baby's head.

Bart · Nelson:No, you give them the coupon, and they give you the hamburger. / I knew that.

Nelson · Bart:Free hamburger?! No, you give them the coupon, and they give you the hamburger. I knew that.

Nelson · Krusty:Hugh Jackman Wolverine? / I'm not made of money. / Alicia Silverstone Batgirl? / He's that now.

Other nerds · Nelson:Here, here! Idyll! Ha-ha!

Nelson:I could do my cyber-bullying on the bus!

Nelson:Get him! I mean, woo-hoo!

Principal Skinner · Nelson:Why did I sell one to Nelson? Hmm. Sounds better than half the kids in the band.

Nelson:Now do me wearing a sombrero. Now have me sleeping under a cactus.

Milhouse · Nelson:Yeah, but I'd pee my pants. Nelson. Dry as a bone.

Device · Nelson:Urgent message from Nelson Muntz. Go on. Haw. Haw.

Nelson:His first word.

Nelson:Hey, babies-- where you going in your baby train? Babytown?

Milhouse · Nelson · Nelson:I'm dating a cheerleader. / No, you're not. / Burned again, Milhouse.

Nelson:And the best part is I'm bombarding her with her own homework.

Milhouse · Nelson:But what if I want some cooled water? / You should have thought of that when you were not seeing the movie.

Nelson · Bart:Nelson threatening 'there's gonna be a heart in my hand, either paper or yours'

Nelson · Bart:Nelson saying 'You can really smell the fear on this. I rubbed it on Milhouse'

Nelson · Bart:Nelson asking 'Why are you hugging yourself?' twice, confusing Bart

Bart · Nelson:Bart threatening to wedgie Nelson, then learning 'Nelson doesn't wear underwear. Always one step ahead'

Jimbo · Nelson:Is that women's underwear? My mom can't afford to buy me clothes, so I wear her hand-me-downs.

Nelson:From now on, you and I are as tight as whiteys.

Radio Voice · Nelson:And his friend, the kid with the lady's underpants! How does everyone know?

Bart · Nelson:I feel naked without it. Yeah, I get that. That's how I feel about my eyebrow ring.

Nelson:That's how I feel about my eyebrow ring.

Bart · Nelson:You're gay for the ground. Well, you're gay for homophobia. Wow. You just made me gay for tolerance.

Nelson · Chalmers:What about po' boys? / Sorry, Nelson. Poor boys such as yourself will go hungry.

Nelson · Skinner:Haw-haw! Thank you, Nelson.

Nelson:This is an angry sleepover. I'm only doing it 'cause it was on the books.