The Simpsons buy a satellite television, which Bart spends so much time watching that he does not study for an important achievement test. He scores so low that Principal Skinner demotes him to third grade, while Lisa does so well that she is moved up to third grade. The two are placed in the same class and become rivals. During a trip to Capital City, they get separated from their class and are forced to help each other in order to find their classmates.
WAR
58.3
Wins Above Replacement
“Bart Vs Lisa Vs The Third Grade” ranks #251 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 79.0 — Elite. The episode packs 72 scored jokes at 4.0 per minute, averaging 7.0 on craft and 6.7 on impact, with Bart landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Homer: Come on, kids. Daddy knows a way to get some money with no risk. / [Cut to] And the winner by a nose is No Risk. Woo-hoo!
Homer Misdirection Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Announcer · Bart: Coming up on The Clock Channel: 6:00. / Wait a minute, I saw this one.
Homer: An old Army buddy is visiting Mannix?
Homer Misdirection Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Third Grade Teacher: Lisa comes to us from Miss Hoover, while Bart was taught by Mrs. Krabappel. Slut.
Willie: Why is it always the kids with the long names?
Willie Observational Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 72 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Homer · Marge: Oh, I hate reality shows. / A year ago, you said they were the greatest thing that ever happened to us. / I've grown. You haven't.
TV Host · Kevin: So, Kevin, I hear you collect amusing postcards. / Uh, yeah, it all started when... / Touch the stove. - Aah!
Homer: I can't take any more of these shows. If I wanted reality, I'd finally have this lump looked at.
Homer Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Marge · Homer: Networks love reality shows because they don't have to pay writers or actors. / Stupid writers and actors, priced yourselves right out of the business. Nice going, geniuses.
Marge Homer Meta/Self-Referential Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Homer · Marge: Let's get one of those satellite dishes. Then we can stop suckling on the six-network teat. / Get back, honky cat. Those systems are too expensive.
Homer: Come on, kids. Daddy knows a way to get some money with no risk. / [Cut to] And the winner by a nose is No Risk. Woo-hoo!
Homer Misdirection Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Installer · Homer: Can you be home from 8 a.m. Monday morning through June? / No problem.
Ned · Homer: Boy, that's jim-dandy roof candy. / I'd love to come over and watch that Church Channel. / I bet you would. / Oh, you'd win that bet.
Ned: I'm spending all my money on religious pay-per-view. Or as I like to call it, 'pray-per-view.'
Ned Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Homer: Damn your sparkling wordplay. And bless your humble home.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Homer: Oh, it's red wire to red wire. What idiot dreamed that up? / And the Lord said, 'Let there be crap.'
Homer Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Bart · Homer: Cool. It's the NBC News feed. / Mm, feed.
News Anchor: We'll be right back with a special report on soccer moms who hate soccer.
News Anchor: Oh, Lord, I'm so fat, aah. [VOMITING]
Japanese Chandler: Do you like my new shirt? It says, 'Reggae Hairstyle Rock 'r Roll.' Could I be more Japanese?
Japanese Joey: You are the emperor of last year. Your comeback shames me.
Announcer · Bart: Coming up on The Clock Channel: 6:00. / Wait a minute, I saw this one.
Bart · Lisa · Homer: Hey, I don't have to study on the weekend. / It's Wednesday night. / Kids, kids, you're both right.
TV Host: We're back with Who Wants to Marry an Internet Billionaire? Uh, no, millionaire. Oh, well, now he's broke.
Marge · Homer: I made a pie. / Put pie here. / Would you like some ice cream with that? / Me not pig.
TV Announcer: We now return to Robo Trouble. Oh, I'm sorry. I mean, Robot Rumble.
Robot 1 · Robot 2: Why are we fighting each other? Together we can defeat the humans and rule the Earth. / I agree. / Sucker.
Homer: Homicidal robots. So like us.
Homer Dark/Subversive Observational ★ Rewatch Lisa · Bart: Bart, the test is in two hours and you haven't slept in a fortnight. / What's a fortnight? / You should know. It's on the test.
Mrs. Krabappel: No pressure, children. These test results will follow you for the rest of your life and beyond the grave.
Bart: This test is boring. What else is on?
Bart Character Comedy Visual Gag Lisa: It's finally happened, Bart. You've lost your mind.
Lisa Reaction Beat Deadpan/Understatement Skinner: Now, let's raise the roof for the bland informative rap of M.C. Safety and the Caution Crew.
M.C. Safety: I say a crosswalk, a cross-ity walk / And don't stop crossing / Till you're on the next block / First you look both ways / Then you walk not run / Obeying safety rules is acceptable fun
Bart Irony/Sarcasm Deadpan/Understatement Bart: She's not so great. She got diarrhea when we went to Carlsbad Caverns.
Bart Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Bart · Lisa: What? I gotta be in the same class as her? / What? I gotta be in the same class as him?
Homer: Hmm? They're gonna be in the same class as each other?
Homer Character Comedy Reaction Beat Homer: An old Army buddy is visiting Mannix?
Homer Misdirection Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Third Grade Teacher: Lisa comes to us from Miss Hoover, while Bart was taught by Mrs. Krabappel. Slut.
Teacher · Bart · Lisa: A rooster sits on a roof facing north. It lays an egg. Which way does it roll? / Okay, the sun rises in the east, so the rooster would probably wanna lay it on the cool side... / Roosters don't lay eggs. They're boys.
Teacher · Nelson: Young man, you're not in this class. What are you doing here? / Laughing at jerks.
Bart: Quiet nerds burp only near school. / Dogs eat barf solely on Wednesday, Mabel.
Bart Absurdist Character Comedy Bart: Bart: 'Dogs eat barf solely on Wednesday, Mabel.'
Bart Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Bart: Bart: 'Canada's governors general: Clowns love haircuts, so should Lee Marvirs valet.'
Bart Wordplay/Pun Escalation Lisa · Bart: What's this weird mark next to my A? / That's an A-minus. / Mm, minus?
Lisa · Bart: You did better than me? / Eh, I took this test last year. The answer key never changes. B-C-B-C-A-A-B-B-C-C-D. False. False. True. William Jennings Bryan.
Teacher · Lisa: Young lady, in the third grade, we don't care for tattletales. / And we don't care for moaners either. / Sobbing only pushes Bart's grade higher.
Marge: Kids, look what I got you for your third-grade field trip. Matching fanny packs. Now your fannies match.
Marge Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Teacher: Saying your buddy's name out loud is a security risk.
Bart · Lisa · Various Kids: Punch buggy red, un. / Punch buggy white, un. / What's punch buggy? / When you see a Volkswagen Bug, you punch somebody and yell the color.
Boy · Another Boy: Punch buggy taupe. / Oh, that really hurt.
Tour Guide: Now, children, if you look up at the capitol dome, you'll see a mural of our state bird, the pot-bellied sparrow, eating our state pasta, bowtie.
Bart · Tour Guide: The Capital City Goofball? / That's right. To win, he spent 80 million from his own pocket.
Bart: Homework on a field trip? What have you been huffing?
Bart Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Lisa: He thinks he's really cool. But frankly, the other kids are starting to wake up and smell the cooties.
Lisa Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bart: When I get through with that flag, it's gonna be a Bart-mangled banner.
Bart Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Governor: That was my worst unfurling ever.
Governor Deadpan/Understatement Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Teacher · Nelson: You weren't on this field trip. How did you get here? / Biked.
Teacher · Otto: Ah, the buddy system, foolproof. / Floor it, Otto.
Nelson · Lisa: Ha, ha, they left without you. / They left without you too, you idiot.
Bart: We'll just circle around like those kids in The Blair Witch Project.
Bart Observational Meta/Self-Referential Bart · Lisa: It's called, Lisa is Stupid. / You die now.
Principal Skinner: Principal Skinner: 'There, there, Audrey. It's happened to all of us.' [about losing students]
Willie: Why is it always the kids with the long names?
Willie Observational Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Skinner · Homer: A parent who waives the right to sue says what? / What? / Got it.
Homer: We're from the Learn to Fart state.
Homer Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Skinner · Homer: Lisa's a very special little girl. And we'll spare no expense in finding her. / What about Bart? / We're looking.
Bart: Well, as far as nerdy little sisters go, you're the coolest.
Bart Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bart: One day, I was really bored and Dad had left a steamroller idling in the driveway...
Bart Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Marge · Homer: Aah! The plastic casing from the tip of Bart's shoelace. / A mother knows.
Mountain Man: That's how Grandpappy wound up in these parts. They was taking us to Capital City to see The Nutcracker. And I wandered away from the group, married a bear and I started up my family.
Mountain Woman · Mountain Man: I told you, I ain't a bear. / Roar, roar, roar. / No one understands you, She-Bear.
Mountain Man · Bart: We were going there anyway to pick up the new Spy magazine. / I'm sorry, they don't publish that anymore. / The world I grewed up in is gone.
Marge: And, Maggie, you no longer have to live with the burden of replacing Bart and Lisa.
Marge Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Skinner: If this episode has taught us anything, it's that nothing works better than the status quo.
Skinner Meta/Self-Referential Observational ★ Rewatch Bart Deadpan/Understatement Meta/Self-Referential Top Episodes — The Simpsons
