How I Spent My Strummer Vacation

Moe:Wait a minute, I'm at work. You gotta pay for it.

Marge · Lisa · Bart:Series of notes from family members taking Homer's money

Homer:Fine. There are plenty other ways for me to alter my consciousness.

Store clerk · Homer:Are you gonna buy those toads or just lick them? Lick them. Go away.

Charity worker · Homer:Thanks for the donation, Mr. Simpson. Do you feel okay? Jewish? Oh, no, I'm not Jewish.

Homer:He's gonna plotz.

Moe:Oh, yeah. I guess I got caught up in all the glitz and glamour.

Homer:Uh, I don't care about the color of your skin, Lenny.

Barney · Homer:Can you say the alphabet backwards? Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

Homer:Hey, you want my keys? Get them now, jerks.

Homer · Marge:Good morning, everybody. / What's for breakfast, cutie? / Homie, it's 5 p.m. We're having dinner.

Homer:Wait. Was last night the night we set the clocks ahead eight hours?

Marge:I had to tell Mr. Burns you had violent diarrhea.

Homer · Marge:Oh, couldn't you come up with a less embarrassing lie? But you did have violent diarrhea.

Homer:Nobody open the hallway closet until I say it's okay.

Homer:It was, uh, some kind of a light rail.

Bart · Homer:I will, Dad. That's why you're my favorite.

Disco Stu:Hey, can you keep a secret? I hate disco.

Disco Stu:It's all I've talked about for so long, people think I'm a one-note guy.

Taxi driver:I had no idea Disco Stu was so complex.

Homer:Oh, you know, I'm a guy at a place.

Taxi driver · Homer:How'd you get such a crappy job? You a convict or a junkie? Little of both.

Homer:Wife and two or three kids.

Marge:Pretending not to remember so you could surprise us.

Homer:Then there's those other days where you just wish you never got married or had kids.

Homer:Dreams of being a rock star, or a photographer for Playboy

Homer:Then, bam, some babe gets her claws in you

Homer:Boom, you got a bunch of kids that always needs love.

Homer:Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.

Homer · Marge:But as coffins go... Please don't say anymore.

Marge:A place where you'll never be bothered by your family again.

Bart:Rock 'n' Roll Fantasy Camp

Homer:For once in my life, I'm confused.

Lisa · Homer:Even though you knew I ratted you out to the IRS... you never busted me. You what?

Homer:Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's Mick Jagger and Keith Richards.

Mick Jagger:Without the lawsuits and STDs.

Keith Richards · Homer:Rule number two, no outside food. Oh, what a gyp.

Mick Jagger:Not today, I got a ton of paperwork to catch up on.

Homer:I even took some pills I found on the floor.

Homer:But he's just like you or me or Jesus over there.

Unknown camper:Out of my way, nerdlinger.

Lenny Kravitz:Did you hear that, people? Apu asked about crotch stuffing.

Lenny Kravitz · Kenny Loggins:Now, I don't do it. Kenny Loggins does. I trusted you!

Homer:We've gotta start using a cheaper oatmeal.

Brian Setzer · Homer:Look, everyone, Homer's got it. I'm so hot for me

Homer · Keith Richards:When you said it in Springfield last year, you didn't mean it? Yeah, sure I did. But only because Springfield really is the wildest town in the whole damn world.

Homer:She's worried about the state of public schools... She prays that our schools don't run out of chalk

Keith Richards · Groupies:They're bloody cardboard. We know.

Homer:Really? You really think I'm better than you?

Homer:It came with a pick.

Homer:I was so close to being a rock star but now, there's a chance it might not happen.

Homer:But I like it.

Marge:It's like you're Kid Rock and I'm Pamela Anderson Lee Rock.

Homer:Wait. You misspelled 'guitar hero.'

Homer:You're testing my love for you, You're checking to see if I'm true

Homer:What am I, the lost and found?

Homer:You're supposed to be reckless and destructive and be celebrated for behavior that would land normal people in jail.

Homer:Rock 'n' roll! Woo-hoo.