The Monkey Suit

Bart:Hi, I'm your hostess Boobarella, I hope you'll enjoy our labour day marathon of murder because soon you'll have to go back to school. School!!! School? My god I wasted the whole summer.

Homer:Now Simpsons be careful, their kid pitcher's mount is really 22.

Character unclear:Sit on it, Springfield!

Bart:Get outta my face, you raggedy maggots! So that's why everyone's been saying that all summer.

Bart · Homer:I just had my first kiss. When you get to third base, I'll buy you a beer.

Bart · Homer:Weaving? Homer, you're my father. You're supposed to protect me from things like this. All right. Just this once, you can take a drink out of my special water bottle.

Bart · Homer:Die, weapons, die! Don't start the exhibit without me!

Homer:Time to do what I do best, ruin it for everybody.

Homer:You calling me a liar in front of my kids? 'Cause I'd take a bullet for you, man, right in the mouth!

Comic Book Guy:Ned Flanders is doling out cuts. I, for one, wish to partake of said!

Barney:Hey, if boner here is gettin' cuts, I want 'em, too.

Disco Stu:Disco Stu slides in front of you! That rhymes.

Homer:If we turn around, it will feel like we're at the front of the line!

Narrator:Artifacts of the time indicate that this incident was hilarious.

Maggie · Marge:It's a mugger! I'll hand over all my hugs and kisses.

Milhouse · Bart:Do you want to play in the NBA or not? Bart, my arm's out of its thing. That means it's working.

Homer · Melanie Griffith impression:It's narrated by Melanie Griffith. This room's nice. Let's go in to the next one. This room's nice, too. This room's nice. This room's nice, too. This room's nice. This room's nice, too.

Ned · Rod/Todd:My most cherished beliefs, a myth? Daddy, was mommy a monkey? I can't remember.

Ned · Rod/Todd:No one was ever a monkey! Everything is what it was and always will be! God put us here and that's that. But you said a stork brought me. That was god disguised as a stork. Who brings baby storks? There's no such thing as storks! It's all god.

Reverend Lovejoy:Well... our membership has been dwindling since those episcopalians put in those vibrating pews.

Ned:I'll be a white Al Sharpton.

Skinner:No! That was a once-in-a-lifetime APR!

Skinner · Student · Lisa:Are oceans god's tears? They sure are. A-plus. Now Lisa's the Ralph.

Skinner:Then why is he making out with satan?

Skinner:The George will?

Skinner:Children, drown her out with whistling and arm flatulence.

Lisa:Today we had a test, and every answer was 'god did it.'

Marge:My son's a brat, but he's a special little guy.

Marge:You father says he's at work, but there he is jumping on a trampoline.

Bart:Good riddance. Their drawings suck and they look like hippies.

Homer:Onions?! In the peas?! What the hell!

Mayor Quimby:regular people can park in handicapped spaces if they're just running in to buy smokes or maybe some pop tarts for tomorrow. The system works.

Lisa:Now, honestly, the bible's about the same age as, the rest of our textbooks.

Moe:Homer's son's sister's right.

Skinner:while I beat this ominous drum.

Moe:Little Moe Szyslak? Why does everybody call me that? Bunch of snot-faced pukebags.

Jimbo · Other bullies:I thought we're gonna light spiders on fire. We're over here.

Chief Wiggum:We only have the manpower to enforce the last law passed. You know, it's not the best system, but... well, in fact, it's... it's pretty much the worst.

Lou · Eddie:You live! You die! You live! You die! In the old days, we would've been all over that.

Wallace Brady:As the little chicken said to his mama, 'I just hope I don't 'cluck up.''

Kent Brockman:This is Kent Brockman, juror number seven, saying, 'I'll have the roast beef for lunch.'

ACLU Lawyer:It just says that god is an impotent nothing from nowhere with less power than the undersecretary of agriculture, who has very little power in our system.

Clarisse Drummond:It just says that god is an impotent nothing from nowhere with less power than the undersecretary of agriculture, who has very little power in our system.

Expert witness:I have a phd in truthology from christian tech.

Country Lawyer · ACLU Lawyer:Why, I believe, right now, this gentleman's having dinner with the tooth fairy and the easter bunny. This is the break in the case we've been waiting for! I mean, he doesn't exist.

Country Lawyer:Now. Bambi, who started that forest fire that killed your mama? Evolution?! My, my, my. Poor bambi. Poor thumper...

Homer:Wow, Darwin's argument is incredibly persuasive, and his ship was the beagle, which reminds me of snoopy, my favorite peanut!

Milhouse:Your new name: Senorita Ugly.

Nelson:You can take off the wig, Mihouse. I'm Nelson!

Nelson:I'm Nelson!

Homer:It's not a twist-off! Come on!

Homer · Marge:It's not a twist-off! Come on! I want what's in you! stupid... Homer, I'm trying to... will you shut your yap, you big monkey-faced gorilla!

Marge:will you shut your yap, you big monkey-faced gorilla!

Homer:Wait, it was a twist-off.

Marge:Maybe a bird with a people face or a bear with pants on!

Bart:Cram it, ya god wad.