Terrorized by the school bully, Bart seeks counsel from Grandpa Simpson, who takes him to a warfare expert for basic training.
Early Simpsons balances dark war satire with character comedy at solid 76.8, anchored by 50 jokes spread thin.
Directed by David Silverman · Written by John Swartzwelder
WAR
36.7
Wins Above Replacement
“Bart The General” ranks #336 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 76.8 — Great. The episode packs 50 scored jokes at 2.5 per minute, averaging 6.8 on craft and 6.7 on impact, with Bart landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
Get weekly comedy rankings
Join comedy fans getting new analyses, score drops, and the funniest moments each week. Free, no spam.
Top Jokes
Nelson: Hey, wait a minute. You're right. You made me bleed my own blood!
Nelson Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Grandpa Simpson: We are not all vibrant, fun-loving sex maniacs. Many of us are bitter, resentful individuals who remember the good old days when entertainment was bland and inoffensive
Herman: You can push them out of a plane, you can march them off a cliff, you can send 'em off to die on some godforsaken rock, but for some reason, you can't slap 'em
Herman Dark/Subversive Absurdist ★ Rewatch Kid · Nelson: Nelson, you're bleeding. / Nah, happens all the time. Somebody else's blood splatters on me
Kid Nelson Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Herman: I thought I'd never hear the screams of pain or see the look of terror in a young man's eyes. Thank heaven for children
Herman Dark/Subversive Character Comedy All Jokes — 50 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Homer · Marge: Do I smell cupcakes? - Ooh! Do I ever! -Uh-uh, Homer.
Bart: Keep your greasy mitts outta there
Bart Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Bart: You're saying 'buttkisser' like it's a bad thing
Bart Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Homer: Well, you see, boy, it never hurts to grease the wheels a little
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Homer · Marge: It's the three roads to success, Bart: work, brains and hmm-- Oh, brother.
Homer Physical/Slapstick ★ Rewatch Bart: My sister here made a whole pile up cupcakes to butter up her teacher, and she won't give anybody else even one measly little crumb
Bart Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Lisa: Here, Otto. I made an extra one for you
Lisa Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Bart: You sniveling toad! You little egg sucker!
Bart Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Bart: Back-scratcher. Foot-licker. Honor student!
Bart Escalation Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bart: In the heat of the moment, I said some things I didn't mean
Bart Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Lisa · Bart: What do you like best about me? / Well, I'd have to say... your generous nature, your spirit of giving
Lisa: Open your mouth and close your eyes, and you will get a big surprise
Lisa Setup/Punchline Misdirection Bart: Thanks, Lis. You're the best
Bart Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Kid · Nelson: Nelson, you're bleeding. / Nah, happens all the time. Somebody else's blood splatters on me
Kid Nelson Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Nelson: Hey, wait a minute. You're right. You made me bleed my own blood!
Nelson Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Bart Character Comedy Observational Principal Skinner: No, no, no. He'll get you after school, son. Now hurry up. It's time for class
Nelson · Bart: Lunchtime! Ha, ha, ha! - Lunchtime, Bart. It's lunchtime.
Bart: I ain't gonna get out of the fourth grade alive
Bart Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Bart: It would violate the code of the schoolyard
Bart Character Comedy Observational Lisa: Here comes my brother, Bart the bully-killer!
Lisa Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Bart: I'm not sayin' I'm not a hero. I'm just saying that I fear for my safety
Bart Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Otto · Kid: Good-bye, little dude. He looks so lifelike, man
Otto Kid Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Homer: Who wants a day off from work when I'm never gonna see my beloved son again?
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Lisa: I know you can't eat it now, so I'll just place it lovingly on your forehead
Lisa Absurdist Character Comedy Homer: Hey, look. They got food at this thing
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Bart: Oh, man, that guy's tough to love
Bart Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Bart: Let's just say I paid the inevitable price for helping out my sister
Bart Character Comedy Observational Homer: I'm gonna miss you, big guy
Homer Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Homer: I'm gonna miss you, big guy.
Homer Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Homer: The code of the schoolyard, Marge. The rules that teach a boy to be a man. Let's see. Don't tattle. Always make fun of those different from you. Never say anything unless you're sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do
Homer Character Comedy Observational Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Marge · Bart: This bully friend of yours, is he a little on the chunky side? / Yeah, he's pretty chunkified, all right.
Homer: Well, thank you very much, Mrs. Maharishi Gandhi
Homer Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Homer: Unfortunately, son, we Simpsons sometimes have to bend the rules a little in order to hold our own
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Homer: That little doozy's been a Simpson trademark for generations
Homer Character Comedy Callback Callback Homer: Remember the family jewels, son.
Homer Callback Character Comedy Callback Marge: Remember the fight he put up when we put him in the home?
Marge Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Grandpa Simpson: We are not all vibrant, fun-loving sex maniacs. Many of us are bitter, resentful individuals who remember the good old days when entertainment was bland and inoffensive
Grandpa Simpson: We are not all vibrant, fun-loving sex maniacs. Many of us are bitter, resentful individuals who remember the good old days when entertainment was bland and inoffensive.
Grandpa Simpson: Number one: bra. Number two: horny. Number three: family jewels
Herman: My arm? Well, let me put it this way. Next time your teacher tells you to keep your arm inside the bus window, you do it!
Herman Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Herman: The key to Springfield has always been Elm Street. The Greeks knew it. The Carthaginians knew it. Now you know it
Herman Absurdist Character Comedy Bart: I can't promise you victory. I can't promise you good times. But the one thing I do know-- Whoa, whoa! All right! Okay! I promise you victory! I promise you good times!
Bart Misdirection Character Comedy Herman: You can push them out of a plane, you can march them off a cliff, you can send 'em off to die on some godforsaken rock, but for some reason, you can't slap 'em
Herman Dark/Subversive Absurdist ★ Rewatch Bart: Well, I'd rather they say 'Death From Above,' but I guess we're stuck
Bart Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Herman: It's a classic pincers movement. It can't fail against a ten-year-old
Herman Absurdist Character Comedy Herman: I thought I'd never hear the screams of pain or see the look of terror in a young man's eyes. Thank heaven for children
Herman Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Nelson · Bart: Ha! Oh, yeah? You and what army? / This one.
Bart: There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: The American Revolution, World War I, and the Star Wars trilogy
Bart Observational Character Comedy Misdirection ★ Rewatch Top Episodes — The Simpsons